Becky called me Tuesday, wondering if I was alright because my blog still wasn't posted. She said that when she's not happy, she doesn't write or at least her words are few. She's very sweet and thoughtful, but I assured her that I was just very busy and have never been prone to keeping ANYTHING inside, much to the chagrin of those around me ;)
Today is Eden's birthday. She is 14 and will be going to her first, very much anticipated, Saturday night dance...so will I! :) It's my month to chaperone, but unfortunately I no longer have a babysitter, so I will be chaperoning without a husband, which "doesn't thrill me at all". Fred, I think, will be happy to stay home and avoid being pulled continuously onto the dance floor--which he is a fairly good sport about, but which he loathes. I think it will be fun for the girls to be there together. I am looking forward to meeting all of Eden's friend boys and showing them my "big boots"! I think a little dose of "mother fear" is always healthy for young men. :)
I am taking a break from the rush, rush of life because I promised Mom and Dad that I would write and because it's the way I clear my head........and because I know that as soon as I finish this "responsibility" I have to start baking a cheescake, making pizza dough and pretzels, clean Eden's room for her and walk my dog (and I hear the wind howling, ominously in the trees).
The stresses of my life are often ironic. For the past month I have been working on a message for our stake auxiliary training. For the past two weeks I have been studying and praying and writing. For the past 2 days I have been so immersed that Fred has done the cleaning and Mikayla has made dinner. I've gone to the temple and diligently prepared the message that I know was needed, but because of poor planning on my part (I asked for some class input that was meant to be brief but wasn't), my allotted time was gone before I could share anything but the briefest overview and my testimony. It was a nice night. I finished when I was supposed to, so the other speakers were able to share their full messages and the leaders were "fed", but all these thoughts and words of the prophets were left bottled up inside me. They were needful things, that necessitated being shared and I let less vital things impeach upon them. It wasn't the participants faults; I wasn't specific when I said I wanted the comments to be brief, and they just added up. The sisters were fulfilling an assignment, that I had given and they had good things to say. It's just that 20 minutes is such a limited amount of time. I came home last night and cried, just a little. There will be chances to teach what needed taught in other ways, at other times, but it's hard to finally breathe free and easy and feel that sweet peace that comes after you have prepared so hard and then shared what you knew you should. It feels like holding your breath and then, instead of inhaling that one refreshing gasp of air, you are constrained to take slight sips. Of course I'll be fine, just a little anoxic for awhile. :)
Fred, on the other hand, may be anoxic for such an extended period of time that brain damage may be imminent. With his administrative hand he is supposed to be preparing an impressive presentation about the Stevens-Henager program and then find, invite (and ensure the attendance of) prestigious members of the community who have no affiliation to the school and will not be monetarily compensated for their attendance. He is also required to attend a conference in Texas during the first week of December, during which time his Teacher hand must turn in grades which include finals and student term papers which are due the day before he leaves. He drinks maalox like water, but the outer vessel is "steady as the beating drum". He shrugs it off when I tell him it's a talent. Maybe it's a gift. Whatever it is, it blesses our lives-- I think he's still waiting for it to feel like its blessing his! :)
Sunday Jordan comes home for a week and we will have 5 days just for family, where not a single other thing is on my calendar. Those days make all of the craziness of daily life worth it. I love my husband and my children. They are kind and good and patient and forgiving. They make this neurotic, judgmental, over emotional, inconsistent, hard headed, temperamental, unruly spirit of mine feel like I have purpose and potential and maybe even hope. C.S. Lewis once said, "I'm not sure that God particularly wants us to be happy. I think He wants us to be able to love and be loved. He wants us to grow up." I disagree. I think God absolutely wants us to be happy, but He knows it's only possible, bit by bit, as we "grow up". Pain, in all it's many faces, is just an uncomfortable accelerator.
Playing "Doggie Doggie, Whose Got Your Bones" for F.H.E.
--
Today is Eden's birthday. She is 14 and will be going to her first, very much anticipated, Saturday night dance...so will I! :) It's my month to chaperone, but unfortunately I no longer have a babysitter, so I will be chaperoning without a husband, which "doesn't thrill me at all". Fred, I think, will be happy to stay home and avoid being pulled continuously onto the dance floor--which he is a fairly good sport about, but which he loathes. I think it will be fun for the girls to be there together. I am looking forward to meeting all of Eden's friend boys and showing them my "big boots"! I think a little dose of "mother fear" is always healthy for young men. :)
I am taking a break from the rush, rush of life because I promised Mom and Dad that I would write and because it's the way I clear my head........and because I know that as soon as I finish this "responsibility" I have to start baking a cheescake, making pizza dough and pretzels, clean Eden's room for her and walk my dog (and I hear the wind howling, ominously in the trees).
The stresses of my life are often ironic. For the past month I have been working on a message for our stake auxiliary training. For the past two weeks I have been studying and praying and writing. For the past 2 days I have been so immersed that Fred has done the cleaning and Mikayla has made dinner. I've gone to the temple and diligently prepared the message that I know was needed, but because of poor planning on my part (I asked for some class input that was meant to be brief but wasn't), my allotted time was gone before I could share anything but the briefest overview and my testimony. It was a nice night. I finished when I was supposed to, so the other speakers were able to share their full messages and the leaders were "fed", but all these thoughts and words of the prophets were left bottled up inside me. They were needful things, that necessitated being shared and I let less vital things impeach upon them. It wasn't the participants faults; I wasn't specific when I said I wanted the comments to be brief, and they just added up. The sisters were fulfilling an assignment, that I had given and they had good things to say. It's just that 20 minutes is such a limited amount of time. I came home last night and cried, just a little. There will be chances to teach what needed taught in other ways, at other times, but it's hard to finally breathe free and easy and feel that sweet peace that comes after you have prepared so hard and then shared what you knew you should. It feels like holding your breath and then, instead of inhaling that one refreshing gasp of air, you are constrained to take slight sips. Of course I'll be fine, just a little anoxic for awhile. :)
Fred, on the other hand, may be anoxic for such an extended period of time that brain damage may be imminent. With his administrative hand he is supposed to be preparing an impressive presentation about the Stevens-Henager program and then find, invite (and ensure the attendance of) prestigious members of the community who have no affiliation to the school and will not be monetarily compensated for their attendance. He is also required to attend a conference in Texas during the first week of December, during which time his Teacher hand must turn in grades which include finals and student term papers which are due the day before he leaves. He drinks maalox like water, but the outer vessel is "steady as the beating drum". He shrugs it off when I tell him it's a talent. Maybe it's a gift. Whatever it is, it blesses our lives-- I think he's still waiting for it to feel like its blessing his! :)
Sunday Jordan comes home for a week and we will have 5 days just for family, where not a single other thing is on my calendar. Those days make all of the craziness of daily life worth it. I love my husband and my children. They are kind and good and patient and forgiving. They make this neurotic, judgmental, over emotional, inconsistent, hard headed, temperamental, unruly spirit of mine feel like I have purpose and potential and maybe even hope. C.S. Lewis once said, "I'm not sure that God particularly wants us to be happy. I think He wants us to be able to love and be loved. He wants us to grow up." I disagree. I think God absolutely wants us to be happy, but He knows it's only possible, bit by bit, as we "grow up". Pain, in all it's many faces, is just an uncomfortable accelerator.
Playing "Doggie Doggie, Whose Got Your Bones" for F.H.E.
--
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