Initiating Metamorphosis

I got on the computer to post a blog entry with a heavy heart this morning, but while I was on G-mail Dad logged on and between chatting with him and writing to Mys,  my heart no longer feels so heavy and I can write my feelings without weeping.

It has been a long, emotionally draining week.  After the accident on Sunday and the blessings of Monday morning, I re bandaged Lily's wound, and though I tried to do what Fred instructed, I just don't have his skill and it was in such an awkward place, that by the time he got home and checked it, Lily's wound had opened up more than it should have and healed enough where he couldn't get it completely closed again.  She's fine, my family is fine, but it has been excruciating for me on so many different levels and has "compelled [me] to be humble" and vulnerable enough to learn (or at least begin to see the need for and have the desire to want to learn) some hard lessons about pride.  (I keep thinking I have learned those particular lessons on a profound level and then a deeper level gets unearthed, and I am starting to fear the vastness of an abysmal weakness)  Mys answered some important questions I didn't even know how to ask, in a way that only she can and Fred and my children have spent some good hours helping me to "see" more clearly, and "answers" seem to be springing from everywhere, but honestly I feel like a selfish little child, that barely comprehends, but doesn't quite know how to internalize all the wisdom around me.  I have some Personal Progress goals, in this focus, that are supposed to take two weeks, and which I have been working on since last March without satisfactory progression, but which I finally feel like I am moving on.  It feels welcome, in a painful, ripping, wrenching sort of way.  I am so grateful that I am surrounded by patient, loving, compassionate people who know how "succor the weak", and who are being guided by a Savior who feels it all and perfectly guides, when we are willing to listen and try to obey.  Enough about me.

(Lily healing)

Jordan has come pleading (not so much in words, but in his eyes) for permission to go to BYU-I for Valentines weekend.  He has set some financial and personal missionary prep. goals to accomplish, as a preliminary investment, to offset the "expense", and has good motivation to propel him forward, so we are trying to encourage his success in fulfilling them.  He's committed to doing some hard things and it's exciting to watch him push himself into more of a missionary lifestyle.  These months of separation have been good for him, hard on us, but so important and beneficial and inspired in thier emotional preparation for our family.  Just the thought of Jordan leaving on his mission used to bring me to tears.  I know those few minutes where he walks out one door and we walk out the other in the MTC will still be fraught with emotion, but the thoughts now bring so much excitement and anticipation as well, and I can hardly wait for the time to come, because I know this experience is so vital for his spiritual growth right now, and what he can experience at home, with us is no longer enough.  I guess that means he's ready to fly and we're ready to push him and I never could imagine that I would ever be ready to push.  It is a happy change.

In the middle of January, we are being teased with tastes of Spring.  There have been a few days where the sun was shining in such a bright and happy way, that my children succumbed to the temptation to run around outside barefoot (though they came in with very cold feet) and I was even convinced to go out, on my way to the car, without my wool coat on.  I know winter will come back upon us with a vengeance, before it gives up, and I am preparing my stacks of seed catalogs and garden books for those blustery days, but my heart has no more allegiance to Mr. Winter.  I sense that Mikayla's loyalty is waning and Fred is starting to talk of vacations, so I think we are all fleeing to the meadows in our minds.

Lily and Sophie are learning to read and it is an exciting new world to them.  What an amazing gift of exploration we can attain at such an early age.

Abe's hours seem to be spent divided between reading, Lego's, happily beating on (which actually ends up being happily beaten by)  Jordan, and Star Wars imagination and "research" which we never encouraged and which we have curtailed for the time being with library book restrictions and encouragements in other areas :) Getting inside his mind continues to be an enlightening, adventurous challenge for me

Mikayla and Eden continue to be as different as two sisters ever were, complimently each other and our family perfectly and both infusing the house with trails of beautiful smells of residual Bath and Body sprays wherever they go, reminding us of the blessings of "Sugar and spice and everything nice".

Fred continues to amaze me with his strengths, which are my greatest weaknesses and his arms that continue to spread wider as the years go by to encompass me and all of my extensive baggage.  I am, and will always be, forever his girl.

"Nothin' In My Noggin"

It's been hard for me to get in the habit of writing before church on Sunday, but, now that we are on the late schedule it doesn't seem to happen if I wait until after because everyone wants there turn on the computer and the day is waning so quickly by then.  Luckily :( I had a 7:30 meeting this morning, so I am ready early and have a few minutes to myself.  The most exciting thing about our week is that Robbie has some temporary work for Jordan, scrapping at the Retirement Home construction site.  He's very grateful for the work and drives in with Fred in the mornings, so that solves the car issues.  He's still searching for other work, but so far has not been successful.  He'll just keep trying.  This little interlude at least helps him feel like there is a purpose to him being here and not in school.

Lily and Sophie have been spending hours with the cupcake book Ben and Renee gave us for Christmas, planning and dreaming about which birthday "cake" creations they want me to make.  Some of them are pretty intense and very darling, but I had to inform them that I would make whatever they wanted for our family party, but I was not going to that kind of work for their kindergarten class.  They have dejectedly accepted the fact that they will take suckers or something easy there.  I know, I'm a mean mom, but you should see this book!

All of my children seem, suddenly (well not so suddenly for Abe) to be experiencing Piano stress-itis.   Fred is always in favor of pulling everyone out because it is such an expense and he sees no sense in it, if the kids aren't enjoying it, but he supports me because I think it's important.  I do feel bad that it seems to be a burden, but I have never heard anyone (after they are older) regret those years of training, but many who wished that they had stuck it out.  I think maybe I need to research some really fun arrangements of great music to help bring back the "outlet" a little.

Abe's class starting cursive handwriting last week and will transition completely by next and he is STRUGGLING.  I have never seen another child hold a pencil like he does (with all of his fingers).  He has hardly any range of motion with that technique, but when I try to help him learn to hold it differently he ends up in tears.  I need to read this "Mind at a Time" book faster for him; it really is so interesting.

It was so much fun to get the "Nielson" pictures from Dad this week (I especially loved the umbrella one on the beach;).  I need to do something with all of these ancestor pictures that I am accumulating for one of my Personal Progress 10 hours projects.

I'm looking forward to spending another day with my children at home, since tomorrow is a holiday.  Fred still has to go in to work because he is so swamped right now and Jordan will go in but the rest of us will have a day together and everyone is finally feeling better so that will be nice.

I loved Becky's workchart last week.  I had to admit her phrase about her children being self sufficient in their responsibilities was so enticing. I'm tying to figure out how to incorporate that into my family's routine and make up my own chart.  I really loved the stars incentive.  We've kind of gotten away from our job charts over the holidays and need to get back on track and I'm always looking for new ideas to keep things fresh.  I have a wall in my dining room that I am wanting to make into a kind of Central Intelligence and this would be a good addition to that designing process (then Fred gets to build it for me :)

I'm sorry, I read through this and it feels like it should just read, "blah, blah, blah, blah blah"--it would be shorter-- but there is just "nothin' in my noggin".

A Mother's Worst Nightmare

I can only write this because it is a new day and because I need to acknowledge, in writing, the constant hand of our Father in Heaven and our Savior in our lives.

Yesterday, upon arriving home from church, our family congregated in the kitchen where we always have a very casual, potluck type of dinner.  Everyone just finds what they want to eat and some of us sit at the table, some at the bar, some eat standing.  The twins had asked for some cheese and I had to open up a new package and couldn't find my kitchen shears, so grabbed a large chopping knife ( a very foolish choice) to cut through the stiff plastic.  Lily was sitting at the bar right beside me and without even thinking I was trying to cut through the plastic, with the blade pointed towards her.  The knife was dull and when it finally broke through the plastic, (oh I can barely stand to think about it) the force that I was putting into it released and I hit Lily right between her eyes, on the bridge of her nose with the blade.  (I'm getting shaky, I'll have to come back to this in a minute... okay did a load of laundry; I'll try again.)  You can't even imagine my feelings as I grabbed her and yelled to Fred, who had his back turned. (Oh, my word this is hard)  I pulled Lily's hands away from her face to expose a deep, badly bleeding gash and panicked.  Fred scooped her out of my arms and all of the medical side knowledge that he has acquired through experience over the years kicked in and he calmly went to work.  I am so grateful for a husband who has the wisdom that he does and the clear head to use it under fire.  The entire family gathered around him in our tiny downstairs bathroom and the confidence that came to my heart as I watched him work on my precious daughter was a boon I can barely describe.  Only after he finished with the extremely difficult bandaging (because of where the wound was), did it occur to me that there might be a possibility that we take her into the emergency room, but by then Fred seemed confident that the bandage would be alright.  He then gave her back to me and not until then did the tears come pouring, as I knelt on the floor and held her in my arms. (I'm still having trouble controlling them now.)  By this time, Lily was fine and active enough, when I finally let her go, that Fred promised her all kinds of treats if she would just take a nap, during the first crucial hours of the skin trying to seal back together.  He had to reinforce the bandaging once and then he convinced her to lay down and with me rubbing her back, she finally fell asleep.  Then I started panicking again that she would have a huge scar and that people would tell her apart from Sophie for the rest of her life because of something that I did (sometimes being a mother is so painful!), but Fred kept reassuring me that it was looking good and she would be alright.  When she woke up an hour later, Fred and Jordan gave her a priesthood blessing, at my pleading, and then Fred re-bandaged her nose in a way that would be more protected while she slept through the night.  I went to bed feeling as peaceful as  you can, after an experience like that, but this morning I woke up feeling nauseous and worried sick about the possibilities of infection and scarring.  When I checked on Lily the bandaging had come loose and I pulled it up to expose a thin, red line where the gaping wound had been the night before.  You can imagine the flood of relief and the easing of guilt that I felt this morning as I looked into the face of a beautiful miracle.  I called Fred and he asked me to rebandage the cut and explained how, so she has a big 'x' in the middle of her face, as insurance that it won't reopen.  I am making her play very "peacefully" today, but I feel such gratitude for answers to prayers, for the power of the priesthood and for the wisdom that we can be blessed with if we invest our minds and hearts.  I am so grateful that the blade didn't hit her eye, which it could have done so easily if she had been sitting one inch differently or my arm would have been at a slightly different angle.  I am so grateful for the comfort of the Holy Ghost, which is the only thing sometimes which can keep us sane, when we are immersed in such traumatic experiences.

So many things in our lives these, past few months, could have turned out differently.  I'm so grateful that I haven't been asked to go through those kinds of trials, up to this point.  I am grateful that I can feel, so strongly, an unseen influence in my life.  It gives me strength and direction and confidence to keep pressing forward.

I didn't feel emotionally stable to ask for your prayers, when they seemed so vital, but I would love them still as we are not completely out of the woods, and after hearing Lily's explanation to Sophie, of what she was going to tell the kids at school when they saw her bandage, I may need your prayers to stave off social services.

After writing (and reading) such a horrific experience, I thought it was important to see this sweet, smiling face.  (My temporary bandaging--not Fred's)

"Charge It Like A Bull"

I sat down on Sunday and realized that I had nothing to write.  That may seem surprising since I have never really needed an excuse in order to start rambling.  Things just fall out of my mouth when I "feel" things and that's how I process my thoughts, but my daily life routine, right now, just seems poised, waiting for some kind of decision to action.  Maybe that is because Jordan is in that mindset and somehow as a mother I feel like I have to join him, which is ridiculous and non-productive.  He is getting stir crazy.  He spends his days asking companies if they are hiring, picking up applications if they are or if they don't know, filling out applications, looking online and feeling rejected.  He went to apply at a gym the other day and the people working there had degrees.  It's hard when you have to compete with the 40 year old  engineer for a minimum wage, entry level position.  And the fact that he won't work on Sundays doesn't make him a shoe in. He will start attending our stake networking meetings tomorrow.  I'm sure he could find something if he was willing to drive in to Boise, but he and I have to share the car and so he has to work fairly close, which is another mark against success.  After the mental stimulation of college and being on your own, this seemingly purposeless daily monotony is getting to him.  He's very helpful here, begging for any errand and cleaning around the house and doing odd jobs, but it's not fulfilling when you know you are supposed to be doing something else and making money is such a huge priority.  Before now, our family hasn't been personally hit by the economy very much, but this experience with Jordan is helping me to have compassion for those fathers trying to find jobs to support their families and the depressing strain that must put on them.  I'm glad Jordan's just a boy, but he's still feeling the anxiety of knowing that every day that passes is money out of his mission fund and that's a stress for all of us.  He knows he needs to start getting into missionary sleep habits, but he has trouble getting to sleep at night (he's been staying up reading "Song of Years" :) and then subsequently has trouble getting up early.

He is still waiting for some insurance paperwork, but he got all of his medical work out of the way last week.  My ob/gyn told me last year that he would do Jordan's physical for free when he got ready to go on his mission.  I didn't think that would fly, but I told Jordan, jokingly and he didn't seem to mind, even after I told him that it might be awkward sitting in that waiting room.  He said, "hey, free is free!" so I scheduled an appointment and could tell by the receptionists reaction that this was a common practice of Dr. Lowder's so Jordan went in on his own without any concerns.  The waiting room did prove to be an awkward experience for him, but he's a big boy and resilient and it has made for a good story among his friends :)  That day was followed by shots and that was followed by a dental appointment.   So far, so good!

We have been trying to think of something fun to do with our four day weekend, but the twins are both sick, (I finally got Lily to sleep, after a long night), so if this persists, maybe we will just hunker down and have some family bonding time and finish our "picture wall".  Fred gave me a huge box of picture frames for Christmas.  He spent a month gathering wood frames, with personality, at various thrift stores and then painted them all cream and we spent all day Saturday putting them together like a puzzle on our living room wall.  There are some that we found after Christmas that still need painted and 7 that still need pictures, but it's coming together nicely and forcing us to redecorate the other walls, so they don't compete.  We have to repaint the wall and then put tape tabs on all of the frames so they will stay straight on the wall (something which they certainly aren't now) and we're trying to find a temple print that agree on for the main wall, that matches the mood of the room.  Jordan is anxious for any occupations and has promised to do any painting that I want done, so I need to figure that out all quick while I still have a willing hand.

Mikayla is studying non-stop for finals and is wearing herself quite out.  She is a good student, but really has to work for it, which seems the be a Bloomquist family brain trait.  Her brain and curiosity are much more peaked in areas that are Fred friendly, but her heart is a kindred spirit. She continues to be a compassionate peacemaker around our home and a humbling example to me.
Eden is in a constant state of 14 year old drama, of which I can completely empathise.  All the anxieties are in instant recall, but over the years have become fondly comedic and I have to catch myself from dismissing it all in light of experience.  She seems to feel and react much as I did at her age and is just as vocal about it all (something that I haven't grown out of:)  The world is reeling and everything feels traumatic.  Mikayla experienced this discovery period with very different reactions, but is still close enough to the emotions to be a calming comfort, something that Eden and I are both grateful for.  Eden is full of fire and passion  and I see quite a beautiful masterpeice coming out of this kiln in the near future, if she can endure the heat.

I started reading a book that Mys suggested called "A Mind at a Time" to see if I could better understand my Abe, who has "a different kind of mind", but it's helping me to better understand each of us.  I'm not very far into it, but I'm hoping I'll uncover many personal applications to go along with the valuable insight.

This has gotten overly long, after having nothing to say, and I'm falling sadly behind in my responsibilities so, I need to get off, focus and "charge it like a bull".

Happy New Year

As with the beginning of each brand new year, January 2010 has given us cause to reflect on the past 12 months, which have been overflowing with unsolicited "adventure" for us.  We have seen Heaven's hand engaged in so many ways in our lives and many times those blessings have come through the prayers and kindness and service of others.......through you.  Thank you for your support and thoughtfulness and for your examples to our family.  We put off writing a letter in our Christmas cards, to ease the stress, but we wanted to send best wishes from our home to yours for a uplifting and happy New Year! 

What fun aticipations this year holds for everyone in our family.  Jordan's mission papers are filled out and he is just waiting for some outside sources to finish paperwork.  He should receive his mission call this month or early next if everything runs smoothly.  In the Fall, Mikayla will start her Senior year and Eden will enter High School.  Abe will start his last year in grade school and Lily and Sophie will start 1st grade.  Fred will finally have all of his base curriculum (if he can just hang in there until August) written, and I will start looking into returning to school.  We hope this year is not quite as "exciting" as last, for I don't know if my poor nerves could stand it, but we are so grateful that things have turned out as they have and are so grateful for the lessons that we have learned.  Because most of you have been, and continue to be, an influential part of our lives, we wanted to walk down memory lane together.  We hope you will continue to involve us in your lives as well.

Love from our family.

A PICTORIAL MEMORY LANE 2009

"The Year of Jordan"

JANUARY:
Jordan (and Mom--I can still weild a good shovel :) broke ground on his Eagle project to replace this sad city sign.  Jordan (and Dad) start the building process.

Jordan crashes while snowboarding, and lands on his face (and amazingly doesn't break anything except his good looks for a few weeks ;)

FEBRUARY:
Special Olympics comes to Middleton-our children get to be involved in their schools and our family gets to experience a fun community celebration because of the great Eagle Scout project efforts of others.

MARCH:
Lily and Sophie turn 5--still "double the pleasure, double the fun"... "double trouble" :)

Jordan gets accepted to BYU-I

Jordan turns 18.

Jordan (and Dad and a few friends) finish building the new city sign for his Eagle project.

April:
Jordan finishes the recquirements for his Duty To God award.
Jordan is ordained to the office of an Elder in our church.

Fred builds yet another fence that finally (after 3 years) makes our beloved dog, Olive a captive (mostly).

May:
Fred and I celebrate our 19th anniversary.

Jordan has the time of his life performing in FX Show Choir.

Jordan graduates

June:
"Freedom!"  Jordan leaves home for Spokane with his 'roomies'. 

Part of 'us' goes with him.

Fred and I take a belated Anniversary Get Away (the longest in 18 years -- 3 perfect days).

Mikayla, Eden and I spend a crazy week at Girls Camp.

The LDS temple opens "walk in" sessions for member youth to do baptisms.

Jordan and roomies start a band in Spokane "Almost Friday"

July:

Fred travels to Florida on business.

Children spend lots of time swimming/ playing in the sandbox/ and reading. Mikayla and I spend lots of time gardening and reading.

Mikayla turns sweet 16!

Abe turns 9.

August:
Jordan blacks out and drives over the side of a 700' hillside.......And miraculously walks away with cuts and bruises.

Mikayla gets her drivers license (after her parents, understandibly) hold it off as long as possible.

My last two children start school (only a few days a week).

Abe Harvests his cabbage that kept growing...and growing...and...

Jordan finally comes home...safe and sound....... and brings a chinchilla named Maunzy, but which we affectionately (when he's in trouble--which is often) call "the rat"..

September:
Mikayla's first Formal

Jordan Starts his first semester at BYU-I.

September:
My 40th birthday--Empowering--Bring it on!

October:
Jordan is involved in another car accident as a back seat passenger.  We ban him from any transporation other than his bike :)

Our Annual Harvest Celebration

November:
Sophie loses her first tooth (a very traumatic experience)!

Eden turns 14

Fred's 1 year anniversary at Stevens-Henager (He survived!)
He can look out the north windows and see the LDS Temple and the south windows and see "The Great and Spacious Building" (Edwards Cinema's ;)  He's not sure what that makes him.

Our family attends a fireside that changes my Christmas outlook.  We call it our "On the Tree" challenge:

December:
Fred travels to San Antonio on business.
Lily loses her first tooth (after Sophie broke the trail--a highly anticipated event)!

Our "On the Tree" challenge working miracles (Mom is still not stressed!)
Our 1977 Solid Steel Pickup's transmission slips while warming up and "drives" itself through the neighbors living room wall.  We finally meet our neighbors! (They are very kind.)

Jordan moves back home/ starts on missionary papers
We spend a fantastic New Year's Eve with extended family up at my parents mountain ranch.  We get snowed in with two other families and get to stay an extra day!