A Mother's Worst Nightmare

I can only write this because it is a new day and because I need to acknowledge, in writing, the constant hand of our Father in Heaven and our Savior in our lives.

Yesterday, upon arriving home from church, our family congregated in the kitchen where we always have a very casual, potluck type of dinner.  Everyone just finds what they want to eat and some of us sit at the table, some at the bar, some eat standing.  The twins had asked for some cheese and I had to open up a new package and couldn't find my kitchen shears, so grabbed a large chopping knife ( a very foolish choice) to cut through the stiff plastic.  Lily was sitting at the bar right beside me and without even thinking I was trying to cut through the plastic, with the blade pointed towards her.  The knife was dull and when it finally broke through the plastic, (oh I can barely stand to think about it) the force that I was putting into it released and I hit Lily right between her eyes, on the bridge of her nose with the blade.  (I'm getting shaky, I'll have to come back to this in a minute... okay did a load of laundry; I'll try again.)  You can't even imagine my feelings as I grabbed her and yelled to Fred, who had his back turned. (Oh, my word this is hard)  I pulled Lily's hands away from her face to expose a deep, badly bleeding gash and panicked.  Fred scooped her out of my arms and all of the medical side knowledge that he has acquired through experience over the years kicked in and he calmly went to work.  I am so grateful for a husband who has the wisdom that he does and the clear head to use it under fire.  The entire family gathered around him in our tiny downstairs bathroom and the confidence that came to my heart as I watched him work on my precious daughter was a boon I can barely describe.  Only after he finished with the extremely difficult bandaging (because of where the wound was), did it occur to me that there might be a possibility that we take her into the emergency room, but by then Fred seemed confident that the bandage would be alright.  He then gave her back to me and not until then did the tears come pouring, as I knelt on the floor and held her in my arms. (I'm still having trouble controlling them now.)  By this time, Lily was fine and active enough, when I finally let her go, that Fred promised her all kinds of treats if she would just take a nap, during the first crucial hours of the skin trying to seal back together.  He had to reinforce the bandaging once and then he convinced her to lay down and with me rubbing her back, she finally fell asleep.  Then I started panicking again that she would have a huge scar and that people would tell her apart from Sophie for the rest of her life because of something that I did (sometimes being a mother is so painful!), but Fred kept reassuring me that it was looking good and she would be alright.  When she woke up an hour later, Fred and Jordan gave her a priesthood blessing, at my pleading, and then Fred re-bandaged her nose in a way that would be more protected while she slept through the night.  I went to bed feeling as peaceful as  you can, after an experience like that, but this morning I woke up feeling nauseous and worried sick about the possibilities of infection and scarring.  When I checked on Lily the bandaging had come loose and I pulled it up to expose a thin, red line where the gaping wound had been the night before.  You can imagine the flood of relief and the easing of guilt that I felt this morning as I looked into the face of a beautiful miracle.  I called Fred and he asked me to rebandage the cut and explained how, so she has a big 'x' in the middle of her face, as insurance that it won't reopen.  I am making her play very "peacefully" today, but I feel such gratitude for answers to prayers, for the power of the priesthood and for the wisdom that we can be blessed with if we invest our minds and hearts.  I am so grateful that the blade didn't hit her eye, which it could have done so easily if she had been sitting one inch differently or my arm would have been at a slightly different angle.  I am so grateful for the comfort of the Holy Ghost, which is the only thing sometimes which can keep us sane, when we are immersed in such traumatic experiences.

So many things in our lives these, past few months, could have turned out differently.  I'm so grateful that I haven't been asked to go through those kinds of trials, up to this point.  I am grateful that I can feel, so strongly, an unseen influence in my life.  It gives me strength and direction and confidence to keep pressing forward.

I didn't feel emotionally stable to ask for your prayers, when they seemed so vital, but I would love them still as we are not completely out of the woods, and after hearing Lily's explanation to Sophie, of what she was going to tell the kids at school when they saw her bandage, I may need your prayers to stave off social services.

After writing (and reading) such a horrific experience, I thought it was important to see this sweet, smiling face.  (My temporary bandaging--not Fred's)