The Good End

Abe gave his first sacrament meeting talk yesterday. The preparation was a little overwhelming and stressful for him even after I directed him to the lds.org page on preparing Sacrament meeting talks, which is such a fabulous training. He finally embraced the process after Fred sat down to give him moral support and keep him focused. We encouraged him to use gospel references but to speak from his own experience and he prepared and shared a brief and beautiful 3+ minute talk. It just doesn't take long to invite the Spirit! Abrahm is such an odd, on purpose, duck oftentimes, but he sure has a pure and deep heart. I love the age of 12!

Sunday was also another grand day for being a Sunbeam teacher! Right off the bat, before Sacrament meeting even started, Eden nudged me and pointed sideways, where one of my tiny girls was making a beeline in my direction. I held out my arms and she climbed right into my lap and smiled like she was the Queen of Sheba--I probably did too. =) It is amazing what one bag of fruit snacks, two personal visits and a Valentine can do for a 4 year old!  I talked to her for a few minutes during which time she just beamed and fluttered her eyelashes, wanting to know if I saw that she was "blinking [her] eyes fast". I assured her that I did and finally had to let her go back to her mother because the meeting was about to start. In Sharing Time I had this little girl sitting next to me, kissing my elbow every so often, literally, and twice one of my little boys came out of his seat and took hold of my face more boldly than I have every experienced, to loudly whisper something untranslatable into my ear. His aggression was not at all unkind, but exceptionally fervent and was a force to be reckoned with. I felt badly that I hadn't the foggiest notion what he was so desperately trying to relate to me, but it was very apparent that he wanted my undivided attention and so I smiled like anything and gave it. The abruptness gave me (and the song leader directly in front of me) the giggles, but so much does in primary--there is never a dull moment. Yesterday we learned about the sun, moon and stars in class and in two weeks I get to take my little ducklings on a field trip around the church yard looking for examples of trees and flowers. Isn't primary FANTASTIC! I feel full to brimming for those two hours and it lasts me all week long. I suppose if I could transfer those same feelings and efforts to adults I would be a better missionary because this is so easy.

March is fast approaching which means birthdays in our family and dreaming and Spring! Even though it was snowing yesterday, I heard geese flying overhead and so I know that renewed life is trying to come back to Middleton. We are all desperately craving the sun. The symbolisms around me every minute of the day are such great object lessons. I am grateful for the master teacher, whose lessons are continuous and pertinent always.

I talked to Mom and Dad yesterday for their anniversary and Dad expressed concern about my blog posts, which make him sometimes wonder, as a parent, if life is hard for me. He doesn't want it to be so hard. He is a gentle man with a lion's heart and I love him dearly, so this paragraph is for him. My life, for the most part, and up until a few years ago, has been a dream. What has remained with me from my childhood and teen years are happy and simple memories, without much trial or discomfort. There was a jolt here and there in college, but even my young married and mother life was quite Utopic. I count those years as tremendous blessings--as rich soil to plant deep roots, but somehow along the way, I'm afraid that I grew into a 6 foot current shade tree, as Elder Cristofferson recounts in the powerful Mormon Message: "The Will of God". A decade ago (which sounds like eternity, but doesn't feel that long ago) "The Gardener" cut me back to "small stumps" and the pruning has been painful. However, I do see the process for what it is and I feel that the slow growth is filling me out and I have hope will eventually produce fruit. So, in answer to the question. Is life hard for me? The answer is yes--right now it is often hard for me, but that doesn't mean I am sad or hopeless or deserving of pity. It just means that every day I have to work at finding the joy--and it is ALWAYS there! I enjoy hard, constructive work, so it's a good thing really. Dad, you taught me that! Mikayla and I sometimes have these long talks where she acts as counselor and I talk through my thoughts. When she's not around, I work through my thoughts by writing--it's like therapy--except it's free and the "counselor" is always truth. Mikayla has a myriad of little journals in which she writes her thoughts and keeps them personal. I have wondered if maybe I shouldn't do the same, you know--protect friends and family from the "messy bits", but somehow, for me, the sharing is part of the therapy. It's the circle of strength and support that makes it all work for me and it never matters who is reading. However, the most important thing that I have discovered during this process is this. Life does not have to be simple or easy (though sometimes it is and we should be so grateful for those times) to be joyful or meaningful or full of promise. And the harder I strive, with those goals in mind, my head toward the sun, the closer I come to experiencing pure joy and the more frequent the opportunities for growth. Because of that, I wake up every morning with the knowledge that at some point the Gardener may open up His tool shed and I need to be ready to bend to his training. That's the deal, and I still feel like I have the good end.

Jordan saying goodbye to his girlfriend Jami (Mikayla likes her!) who just went home to prepare for her mission to Jamaica in April. So... we'll just wait and see what happens in the next 19+ months.

Happy 47th Anniversary to my Parents Today!

"ONLY YOU" Video Tribute

"Why Do All These Stupid Things Keep Happening To Me?"

My cousin Kevin once told me that he thought he could make a living at following us around with a camera for a reality show. I used to just think that was just circumstantial because of our ranch adventure, but lately I'm starting to think that maybe it's just us. "Adventure" seems to find us wherever we go. This weekend was no exception...and I don't even like adventures!

This is the only school holiday remaining for BYU-I before the semester ends, so Mikayla planned to go through the temple and receive her endowments. She prepared and went through the process of getting her recommends early and secured a ride. I got all of her temple clothing ready here. Everything seemed under control until we received a stressful phone call from Jordan, a few days prior to the weekend, with the realization his temple recommend was expired. The Bishop was booked and the stake president lives in Idaho Falls and only comes down once a week. Jordan ended up having to skip classes, go plead his cause to the Bishop between interviews instead of going through the executive secretary and then make it to the stake president in time, but he got it taken care of so I could relax until Jordan showed up here late Friday night and realized that he had forgotten his temple clothes in Rexburg. I thought of throttling him, but as that wouldn't have really added to the temple experience I panicked instead. =)

The temple no longer rents clothing, of course the distribution center was closed, it was too late to call friends and neighbors and we were supposed to be at the temple at 8:00 AM. By a miraculous "coincidence" Fred had purchased new temple pants just the day before, so between Fred's closet and driving to Jordan's roommate's house, he finally rummaged up the necessary clothing and I relaxed again...kinda...until Mikayla called (riding in a different car) for me to come pick her up at her ride's house. I relayed the previous story to her and ended with the comment, Well at least he didn't forget his temple recommend" and Mikayla gasped. It took her 2 or 3 minutes to convince me that she was not just pulling my leg. Of course both of our hearts sank. I couldn't see any way out of that scenario. I forgot my recommend at the temple once and Bro. Watson took me into a room and talked to me and then let me in. Fred forgot his recommend once and the temple called his Bishop for verification, but because her session was so early and because this was a living ordinance which requires an additional recommend, I was almost positive that this was a problem that I couldn't fix.

Our family has had what seems to be the flu for over a week. All the younger kids had gone to bed before Jordan and Mikayla even arrived and for anyone who knows how celebratory it feels in our home to be anticipating siblings coming home, that act alone speaks volumes about how sick they really were. Fred had finally caught it as well and stayed up just to greet them and then went to bed himself. The rest of us were so heartsick that we did the only thing that came naturally--we stayed up until 2:00 AM visiting and trying to make the best of a bad situation. Before I went to bed, I set my alarm for 7:30 so I could call the temple when it opened and cancel our appointment. In the morning I called but the temple staff was heartsick too, and instead of canceling they put me on hold and went to the temple presidency to see if anything could be done.  They eventually came back with special permission to have the documents faxed to the temple. Now it was getting really tricky. We had thought it was a lost cause and so no one but me was even up and on the other end, only one of Mikayla's roommates had stayed in Rexburg. I woke Mikayla up and explained the situation so she tried to get a hold of her roommate but she didn't answer her phone and even if she had we were still in our pajama's, so we went through let down all over again thing. Then the temple called back and said that they would accommodate us later in the day if we could get the documentation that we needed. Just so you can understand just how gracious that offer was, you need to know that 22 living ordinances were scheduled for Saturday. Eventually, Mikayla's roommate woke up and returned her text. She didn't have access to a fax, so we called the temple back and got permission to have her take a picture with her phone and e-mail it, but by then Mom and Dad, whom Mikayla had invited, were already headed back home. I definitely had flashbacks of Mikayla's mission call opening and all of the inconvenience we put extended family through and felt guilt and sad and grateful that we hadn't put everyone else through that ordeal again!--definitely a, "why do all these stupid things keep happening to me!" moment.

At 5:00, that evening, Mikayla and I finally walked through the temple doors with grateful hearts. I have never seen the temple that busy. The front desk didn't know anything about our situation so I left Mikayla there and went up to the office to find someone who did. A man in charge came down with us and gave the front desk permission to let Mikayla into the temple, just as Brother and Sister Miller were leaving. They went straight to Mikayla making the very first step inside very personal. At the top of the stairs, a sister was waiting to greet us by name who happened to be a mother of an old friend. She was kind and protective and took such good care of us. It was a sweet wait sitting in initiatory waiting for Mikayla, and when she came out the sisters were wiping their eyes. It was a picture seeing Mikayla standing there all in white with her beautiful dark hair and chocolate eyes sparkling. Because of the volume of people in the dressing room, they took Mikayla and I into the Bride's room to let her get dressed for her endowment session. It was gorgeous. She was gorgeous! Because of her tag--and because of her glow--many patrons approached her to ask about her mission call and to congratulate her on her special day. As a mother it was so fulfilling--I felt such gratitude for who this little girl has become--for her worthiness to be there receiving those saving ordinances. The Celestial room was such a peaceful culmination and the four of us squeezed together onto one of the couches to take it all in. We aren't all petite people, so it was very cozy. It was perfect. I will write the temple and thank them for a beautiful experience.

Tomorrow, Jordan and Mikayla will go back to Rexburg. Jordan's girlfriend will leave for home on Friday to prepare for leaving on her mission in April. I think he'll cry. We probably won't see Jordan and Mikayla again until April and then Mikayla will be home for three weeks before she leaves on her mission. I am sure that I will cry. Jordan is talking about working on the East coast this summer. I cried just hearing him talk about it. I hope he won't go, but those days of child permanency are gone. Oh, but the visits are cherished! 

Occasional, Beautiful Vistas

There is a sister in our ward, whom I visit teach, that had a rare and complicated childbirth in mid December. It ended up being life threatening and she initially went through 80 units of blood. She has been in and out of the hospital ever since for complications from surgery and is in again this week because of a blood clot in her lung. Including the newborn, two of the eleven children, are still pre-school age and have been passed around between ward members and family for weeks. The 4 year old happens to also be one of my Sunbeams. His personality is usually assertive to the extreme--I've never seen any stranger shyness or separation anxiety, but for the last 3 weeks (all the weeks that I have held this calling) he has come to primary crying (no wise cracks here) and it takes quite an effort to convince him to let go of a sibling or  his father and happily stay in the primary room. This week, he was especially beside himself and though he was on the opposite side of the row from me and sitting next to a teacher already, I looked over at that little carrot top--pudgy fists rubbing those big red rimmed blue eyes and I felt a rush of the love of the Savior for that little boy... and something soft happened inside of me and this morning, on that front row in primary, I was compelled to my knees, literally, with the true desire to comfort up close and personal, to sincerely love him (because loving from afar isn't really love). I know he felt that connection--I saw something pass over his face as he looked into mine--only inches away--and he was content for the next two hours... I am grateful for little moments of divine intuition that crack through the mortar of my soul and let in glimpses of the pure love of a perfect brother.

Today in class we were learning about Heavenly Father and Jesus's love for us. I brought in the short video clip from the church about Christ's visit in 3rd Nephi. I had it downloaded on my computer and had all of the children gather around it to watch. I explained what they would see and things I wanted them to look for. I told them to look at the faces of the people and of Christ to see if they could see expressions of love. I told them to watch for angels. As they watched the video, I watched their faces. For 4 minutes they were breathlessly quiet and the Spirit was so strong in that room, I was struggling to control my emotions (crying in front of Sunbeams is confusing and disconcerting to them). These little children are precious--I feel precious when I am with them.

The YSA branch was reorganized last week. Pres. Walker--"the whirlwind of love"--is going on another mission with his wife and they've barely been back for two years. Bishop Lewis, who was a previous counselor and a man I admire with the young people, was called to be the President and Shelly's (my previous Y.W. pres.) husband and the father of one of my trek son's were called to be counselor's. Such a special group of people who love the youth! But, how Pres. Walker will be missed! What a Christlike man he is. I sure would love it if he was called to serve in Denver, Colorado! =)

I am so looking forward to a memorable week. It's Valentines Day, which I love, and my Jordan and Mikayla are coming down for the long weekend, during which time Mikayla will be going through the temple. What a special experience that will be. I vividly remember the sweet, sweet Spirit we felt standing in the celestial room with Jordan and I can't wait to share that feeling again with Freddy and Georgie and now my Angel Maid. I love Pres. Hinckley's famous quote about life's old rail journey and the example of our family is certainly a testament to the truth of undropped puts, tough meat, dull jobs and all the rest, but it is also a testament to the occasional beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed that help us be grateful for it all. I think this weekend will be one of those.

Paul Harvey's "So God Made a Farmer"

I'm not usually a big fan of conjured "scripture" or mind of God presumptions, but I loved that Taylor shared this commercial--quite a diversion from the contemporary media norm. The message was sweet and it's Paul Harvey.........=) Besides, I had to agree with Taylor's brief dedication--I watched it and thought, "That's my Dad!"

Taylor Larsen shared a link.

14 hours ago

I love this commercial, reminds me of my grandpa

Official Ram Trucks Super Bowl Commercial "Farmer"

www.youtube.com

And on the eighth day, God looked down on his planned paradise and said, "I need a caretaker." So God made a farmer. God said, "I need somebody willing to ge...

1Unlike ·  · Share

• You and 3 others like this.
• 

  Rachel Jones Bloomquist Me too Taylor! Me too.

  49 minutes ago · Like

"Free Agency and Freedom"

I just re-read this today. One of my all time favorite talks by Elder Oaks. Just thought I'd share.http://speeches.byu.edu/?act=viewitem&id=573

After All, I Am In Heaven

Mikayla and Jordan are taking a World Religions class together this semester. Mikayla is always sending me little excerpts of information that she has gleaned or links to articles that she finds interesting. I have been intrigued with the pieces of truth and goodness that are embedded in the beliefs throughout all of the nations of the earth. Even among those religions that aren't classified as Christian, there is that recognizable tie that binds us and lets me see that Heavenly Father loves ALL of His children and has guided and inspired and even revealed things to individuals long before the Church was originally organized and in the interim before the re-organization. I find that the more I learn about other religions, the more it helps me feel a kinship with those of other faiths and at the same time solidifies and illuminates my testimony that the fullness is on the earth. It is fulfilling to have children share their education with me. What a blessing to be able to continually learn. Fred is always reminding our children to beware of "ignorance and want". I find that I am continually learning things that I already thought I knew and often come to find that what I "knew" was actually false. I think that is the worst kind of ignorance of all and a kind that is more difficult to beware of. It is a good thing that I have so many people around me who are trying to learn such different things and scattering intelligence about like fairy dust. Maybe some of it will stick.

I'm always trying to coerce Fred into, not just taking me on dates, but "asking me out".=) I'm an hopeless romantic! Friday he did, (he often does) but he hadn't made a plan so when I chatted with Mikayla Friday afternoon I asked if she had any good ideas. She had A LOT of ideas, but most of them were only "good" if you were a college student  or into random spontaneity--of which I am neither. Her last suggestion was another little encouragement to go see "Les Miserables". (I expect all of her varied and "interesting" ideas were just a ploy to make seeing a movie seem appealing.=) I told her I was still pondering. She encouraged me to "ponder away". But her comment made me realize that if I really wanted to feel safe than I should actually stop my endless pondering and just follow her example in the first place and get an answer. I admit I felt a little...what's the word... sheepish? liable? self conscious? hypocritical? I've never prayed about seeing a movie before. I guess relying on the available worldly resources that are now so accessible and detailed and helpful have been a reliable safety net and so I haven't felt compelled to dig deeper. And now I felt like a little child going to ask a parent for permission to do something that I'd initially decided not to do, but had let myself get talked into maybe wanting to do, yet not really convinced I should do. It was an uncomfortable conversation and I found myself clarifying that I would walk out where my children did, but I didn't want to be a part of anything that would drive away the Spirit. I felt the irony in the fact that I was even asking for approval and determined afterward that without a clear-cut answer I would just be done with the internal conflict tonight and put it behind me with my previous decision. I thought I had that clear-cut answer when Fred called me on his way home and asked if I wanted to go to the temple for our date. I could go to the temple or suggest that I'd rather go to a movie which wasn't pure--it doesn't get more clear than that! So I started preparing for the temple. And then somehow between that phone call and our departure to the temple, Fred had changed his mind and suggested that we should go to see Les Mis that night instead and attend the temple the next morning--and I felt oddly at peace with the change of plans. It was a strange way for me to get an answer to an awkward question. Just to clarify--I felt in no way that the answer was that I should go see Les Mis. instead of going to the temple. I just felt that if I wanted to go see the movie that was alright and I wouldn't be putting myself in harm's way and that it didn't have to be an either/or choice.

So, my take on the movie? I closed my eyes once, where Jordan had warned me I might be sensitive, but I probably should have plugged my ears as well, but that was a momentary discomfort--I'm not damaged. We walked out twice, where my children had told me to and where I had promised in my prayers that I would. Two teen girls walked out with us both times, which I enjoyed. For me, I think that was the right choice and I was able to experience the movie with no excessive baggage. I have heard from others that none of the scenes were as bad as the play that we saw, but I still feel like it was best for me not to have to visualize them. I've read the book--I understand the full scope of the story, but for me some things are best left in un-detailed ink on pages. I thought there were some moments that were emotionally profound. I thought the story emphasized the nobility of good choices and the wretchedness of bad ones. I thought there was some incredibly vulnerable and powerful acting that allowed deep and immediate intimacy with the characters that I have not experienced on stage.Seen in that way, I felt like the moral good overshadowed the depravities that I did still have to witness and there was no scarring (except from the horrendous "noise" of the previews--after the first few frames I spent  the entire time staring at Fred instead of the screen--why I didn't just walk out during that time I have no idea--sometimes I'm just plain stupid--there is no other rational explanation). So, I'm glad I went. But--and this is purely my movie critic speaking, not my moral critic--I did feel emotionally and physically claustrophobic for much of the movie as it is shot almost completely in facial close-ups. I desperately wanted the camera to pull back so I could see the whole group, people's body language and interactions with each other. I wanted to get a feel for the setting, but you rarely get that and because of that I could never transport myself. There were times when the emotionalism itself could touch me but not because I was there. And, although there were some talented musicians, the musicality wasn't the main focus here and I missed that too. Mikayla, Jordan and Eden said that the theater burst into applause on the final scene on opening night. I have felt that enthusiasm and appreciation during the stage production, even during the taped concert in my house, but I didn't have that feeling or that reaction in the theater and no-one else in our audience did either, so I missed that finale feel. I walked out of the theater feeling contemplative but not captivated. As a side note, I will say that after all of Eden's gushing over Marius for the past few months, I agreed that he was a cute, sweet boy and if she is going to have a crush on a fictitious character she has my mother blessing. He has so many more redeeming traits than any character James Dean ever portrayed.=/

I met one of my young friends in the temple on Saturday, just getting ready to receive her endowment in preparation for her sealing next week. That is always such a sweet experience to cross paths with someone on the way to a significant, life changing event. She was glowing and her mom was glowing and I felt all glowing after I hugged them. Just minutes later, I was in the temple office making an appointment for Mikayla to receive her endowment and ran into Sis. Miller who taught her in Kindergarten and the sweet feelings just kept coming. These are good times!

Sunbeams was super duper today. Before I even stood up from the bench after Sacrament mtg. I had a mother pointing at me and a little girl beaming my way. There's just not much that beats that kind of high. I had seven out of my nine children, but I have the feeling I may have to go "find" the other two. If they were adults that would terrify me, but somehow even when adults are involved, I feel no barrier about seeking out the children. Why is that? I didn't teach today and so it was a little trickier to control the environment from the sidelines and I'm not sure everyone appreciated all of the wiggles (I tried really hard to hold still=). I actually have personal troubles with that at the age of 43, so I think wiggling at the age of 4 is just par for the course but we'll all just do our best and try to stay positive and cheerful--won't we!=) One little boy kept playing with my hair during Sharing Time--winding it round and round his finger. I didn't mind--but I guess at the age of 4 we aren't supposed to touch things that don't belong to us....I guess I missed that memo. I guess he did too because he just kept winding and said, "but it's so pretty." At that point, what choice did I have except of course to whisper, "thank you" and just keep letting him wind. I know, I know, I'm going to get myself in trouble. I'll try to be good little girl--after all, I am in heaven.