The Good End

Abe gave his first sacrament meeting talk yesterday. The preparation was a little overwhelming and stressful for him even after I directed him to the lds.org page on preparing Sacrament meeting talks, which is such a fabulous training. He finally embraced the process after Fred sat down to give him moral support and keep him focused. We encouraged him to use gospel references but to speak from his own experience and he prepared and shared a brief and beautiful 3+ minute talk. It just doesn't take long to invite the Spirit! Abrahm is such an odd, on purpose, duck oftentimes, but he sure has a pure and deep heart. I love the age of 12!

Sunday was also another grand day for being a Sunbeam teacher! Right off the bat, before Sacrament meeting even started, Eden nudged me and pointed sideways, where one of my tiny girls was making a beeline in my direction. I held out my arms and she climbed right into my lap and smiled like she was the Queen of Sheba--I probably did too. =) It is amazing what one bag of fruit snacks, two personal visits and a Valentine can do for a 4 year old!  I talked to her for a few minutes during which time she just beamed and fluttered her eyelashes, wanting to know if I saw that she was "blinking [her] eyes fast". I assured her that I did and finally had to let her go back to her mother because the meeting was about to start. In Sharing Time I had this little girl sitting next to me, kissing my elbow every so often, literally, and twice one of my little boys came out of his seat and took hold of my face more boldly than I have every experienced, to loudly whisper something untranslatable into my ear. His aggression was not at all unkind, but exceptionally fervent and was a force to be reckoned with. I felt badly that I hadn't the foggiest notion what he was so desperately trying to relate to me, but it was very apparent that he wanted my undivided attention and so I smiled like anything and gave it. The abruptness gave me (and the song leader directly in front of me) the giggles, but so much does in primary--there is never a dull moment. Yesterday we learned about the sun, moon and stars in class and in two weeks I get to take my little ducklings on a field trip around the church yard looking for examples of trees and flowers. Isn't primary FANTASTIC! I feel full to brimming for those two hours and it lasts me all week long. I suppose if I could transfer those same feelings and efforts to adults I would be a better missionary because this is so easy.

March is fast approaching which means birthdays in our family and dreaming and Spring! Even though it was snowing yesterday, I heard geese flying overhead and so I know that renewed life is trying to come back to Middleton. We are all desperately craving the sun. The symbolisms around me every minute of the day are such great object lessons. I am grateful for the master teacher, whose lessons are continuous and pertinent always.

I talked to Mom and Dad yesterday for their anniversary and Dad expressed concern about my blog posts, which make him sometimes wonder, as a parent, if life is hard for me. He doesn't want it to be so hard. He is a gentle man with a lion's heart and I love him dearly, so this paragraph is for him. My life, for the most part, and up until a few years ago, has been a dream. What has remained with me from my childhood and teen years are happy and simple memories, without much trial or discomfort. There was a jolt here and there in college, but even my young married and mother life was quite Utopic. I count those years as tremendous blessings--as rich soil to plant deep roots, but somehow along the way, I'm afraid that I grew into a 6 foot current shade tree, as Elder Cristofferson recounts in the powerful Mormon Message: "The Will of God". A decade ago (which sounds like eternity, but doesn't feel that long ago) "The Gardener" cut me back to "small stumps" and the pruning has been painful. However, I do see the process for what it is and I feel that the slow growth is filling me out and I have hope will eventually produce fruit. So, in answer to the question. Is life hard for me? The answer is yes--right now it is often hard for me, but that doesn't mean I am sad or hopeless or deserving of pity. It just means that every day I have to work at finding the joy--and it is ALWAYS there! I enjoy hard, constructive work, so it's a good thing really. Dad, you taught me that! Mikayla and I sometimes have these long talks where she acts as counselor and I talk through my thoughts. When she's not around, I work through my thoughts by writing--it's like therapy--except it's free and the "counselor" is always truth. Mikayla has a myriad of little journals in which she writes her thoughts and keeps them personal. I have wondered if maybe I shouldn't do the same, you know--protect friends and family from the "messy bits", but somehow, for me, the sharing is part of the therapy. It's the circle of strength and support that makes it all work for me and it never matters who is reading. However, the most important thing that I have discovered during this process is this. Life does not have to be simple or easy (though sometimes it is and we should be so grateful for those times) to be joyful or meaningful or full of promise. And the harder I strive, with those goals in mind, my head toward the sun, the closer I come to experiencing pure joy and the more frequent the opportunities for growth. Because of that, I wake up every morning with the knowledge that at some point the Gardener may open up His tool shed and I need to be ready to bend to his training. That's the deal, and I still feel like I have the good end.

Jordan saying goodbye to his girlfriend Jami (Mikayla likes her!) who just went home to prepare for her mission to Jamaica in April. So... we'll just wait and see what happens in the next 19+ months.