After All, I Am In Heaven

Mikayla and Jordan are taking a World Religions class together this semester. Mikayla is always sending me little excerpts of information that she has gleaned or links to articles that she finds interesting. I have been intrigued with the pieces of truth and goodness that are embedded in the beliefs throughout all of the nations of the earth. Even among those religions that aren't classified as Christian, there is that recognizable tie that binds us and lets me see that Heavenly Father loves ALL of His children and has guided and inspired and even revealed things to individuals long before the Church was originally organized and in the interim before the re-organization. I find that the more I learn about other religions, the more it helps me feel a kinship with those of other faiths and at the same time solidifies and illuminates my testimony that the fullness is on the earth. It is fulfilling to have children share their education with me. What a blessing to be able to continually learn. Fred is always reminding our children to beware of "ignorance and want". I find that I am continually learning things that I already thought I knew and often come to find that what I "knew" was actually false. I think that is the worst kind of ignorance of all and a kind that is more difficult to beware of. It is a good thing that I have so many people around me who are trying to learn such different things and scattering intelligence about like fairy dust. Maybe some of it will stick.

I'm always trying to coerce Fred into, not just taking me on dates, but "asking me out".=) I'm an hopeless romantic! Friday he did, (he often does) but he hadn't made a plan so when I chatted with Mikayla Friday afternoon I asked if she had any good ideas. She had A LOT of ideas, but most of them were only "good" if you were a college student  or into random spontaneity--of which I am neither. Her last suggestion was another little encouragement to go see "Les Miserables". (I expect all of her varied and "interesting" ideas were just a ploy to make seeing a movie seem appealing.=) I told her I was still pondering. She encouraged me to "ponder away". But her comment made me realize that if I really wanted to feel safe than I should actually stop my endless pondering and just follow her example in the first place and get an answer. I admit I felt a little...what's the word... sheepish? liable? self conscious? hypocritical? I've never prayed about seeing a movie before. I guess relying on the available worldly resources that are now so accessible and detailed and helpful have been a reliable safety net and so I haven't felt compelled to dig deeper. And now I felt like a little child going to ask a parent for permission to do something that I'd initially decided not to do, but had let myself get talked into maybe wanting to do, yet not really convinced I should do. It was an uncomfortable conversation and I found myself clarifying that I would walk out where my children did, but I didn't want to be a part of anything that would drive away the Spirit. I felt the irony in the fact that I was even asking for approval and determined afterward that without a clear-cut answer I would just be done with the internal conflict tonight and put it behind me with my previous decision. I thought I had that clear-cut answer when Fred called me on his way home and asked if I wanted to go to the temple for our date. I could go to the temple or suggest that I'd rather go to a movie which wasn't pure--it doesn't get more clear than that! So I started preparing for the temple. And then somehow between that phone call and our departure to the temple, Fred had changed his mind and suggested that we should go to see Les Mis that night instead and attend the temple the next morning--and I felt oddly at peace with the change of plans. It was a strange way for me to get an answer to an awkward question. Just to clarify--I felt in no way that the answer was that I should go see Les Mis. instead of going to the temple. I just felt that if I wanted to go see the movie that was alright and I wouldn't be putting myself in harm's way and that it didn't have to be an either/or choice.

So, my take on the movie? I closed my eyes once, where Jordan had warned me I might be sensitive, but I probably should have plugged my ears as well, but that was a momentary discomfort--I'm not damaged. We walked out twice, where my children had told me to and where I had promised in my prayers that I would. Two teen girls walked out with us both times, which I enjoyed. For me, I think that was the right choice and I was able to experience the movie with no excessive baggage. I have heard from others that none of the scenes were as bad as the play that we saw, but I still feel like it was best for me not to have to visualize them. I've read the book--I understand the full scope of the story, but for me some things are best left in un-detailed ink on pages. I thought there were some moments that were emotionally profound. I thought the story emphasized the nobility of good choices and the wretchedness of bad ones. I thought there was some incredibly vulnerable and powerful acting that allowed deep and immediate intimacy with the characters that I have not experienced on stage.Seen in that way, I felt like the moral good overshadowed the depravities that I did still have to witness and there was no scarring (except from the horrendous "noise" of the previews--after the first few frames I spent  the entire time staring at Fred instead of the screen--why I didn't just walk out during that time I have no idea--sometimes I'm just plain stupid--there is no other rational explanation). So, I'm glad I went. But--and this is purely my movie critic speaking, not my moral critic--I did feel emotionally and physically claustrophobic for much of the movie as it is shot almost completely in facial close-ups. I desperately wanted the camera to pull back so I could see the whole group, people's body language and interactions with each other. I wanted to get a feel for the setting, but you rarely get that and because of that I could never transport myself. There were times when the emotionalism itself could touch me but not because I was there. And, although there were some talented musicians, the musicality wasn't the main focus here and I missed that too. Mikayla, Jordan and Eden said that the theater burst into applause on the final scene on opening night. I have felt that enthusiasm and appreciation during the stage production, even during the taped concert in my house, but I didn't have that feeling or that reaction in the theater and no-one else in our audience did either, so I missed that finale feel. I walked out of the theater feeling contemplative but not captivated. As a side note, I will say that after all of Eden's gushing over Marius for the past few months, I agreed that he was a cute, sweet boy and if she is going to have a crush on a fictitious character she has my mother blessing. He has so many more redeeming traits than any character James Dean ever portrayed.=/

I met one of my young friends in the temple on Saturday, just getting ready to receive her endowment in preparation for her sealing next week. That is always such a sweet experience to cross paths with someone on the way to a significant, life changing event. She was glowing and her mom was glowing and I felt all glowing after I hugged them. Just minutes later, I was in the temple office making an appointment for Mikayla to receive her endowment and ran into Sis. Miller who taught her in Kindergarten and the sweet feelings just kept coming. These are good times!

Sunbeams was super duper today. Before I even stood up from the bench after Sacrament mtg. I had a mother pointing at me and a little girl beaming my way. There's just not much that beats that kind of high. I had seven out of my nine children, but I have the feeling I may have to go "find" the other two. If they were adults that would terrify me, but somehow even when adults are involved, I feel no barrier about seeking out the children. Why is that? I didn't teach today and so it was a little trickier to control the environment from the sidelines and I'm not sure everyone appreciated all of the wiggles (I tried really hard to hold still=). I actually have personal troubles with that at the age of 43, so I think wiggling at the age of 4 is just par for the course but we'll all just do our best and try to stay positive and cheerful--won't we!=) One little boy kept playing with my hair during Sharing Time--winding it round and round his finger. I didn't mind--but I guess at the age of 4 we aren't supposed to touch things that don't belong to us....I guess I missed that memo. I guess he did too because he just kept winding and said, "but it's so pretty." At that point, what choice did I have except of course to whisper, "thank you" and just keep letting him wind. I know, I know, I'm going to get myself in trouble. I'll try to be good little girl--after all, I am in heaven.