I had my two week Post-Op checkup last Monday. I have now graduated to a 20 pound limit for four weeks--still no sweeping. =( My doctor was pleased with my "progress" and I guess I was supposed to be excited as well, but I was hoping for more immediate physical reinstatements and was whining. I'm not a very good soldier--obedient but not uncomplaining. I was protesting the continued restrictions with my doctor when he quickly informed me that I should be grateful just to be here. He and I are usually amiable sparring partners so I was doubting the drama of that statement and bombarding him with questions of what I could and could not do for the next month. A little exasperated, he finally said, "I can't tell you everything that you can't do, just use common sense". So, true to the rule abiding girl that I am, I immediately came home and started having Mikayla weigh everything on my bathroom scale, so I could get an idea of the boundaries of my limits. We spend an awful lot of time lately, Mikayla and I, balancing out each others weaknesses and as I was seeing how far I could push my limits, within the letter of the law, she suggested that I should probably take this all more seriously. She was with Fred and I at my appointment, and she informed me that at one point, when I was out of the room, Fred asked the doctor how severe my condition really had been and his reply was, "Well, she almost died!" For days, those have only been words to me. I did feel a certain amount of amazement and weighty concern from all of the medical staff during my hospital stay, but I chalked that all up to job description because I never felt what I imagined the brink of death should feel like. After Mikayla's enlightenment, some of the reality of my experience has started to
slowly sink in. It has caused me to sift through my feelings and previous beliefs about death and from that process has emerged some symbolism between physicality and spirituality that I never related to, quite the same, before now.
I have not been exposed to much intimate death. Some of my loved ones have passed away, either tragically quick or after long, suffering battles, but I have only been close by twice. I was in the room when one of my grandfather's died. It was a sweet, spiritual, but expected experience. More recently, my Father-in-law passed away in our home. We had been warned that his death was coming--had been made aware of some signs, and even though his passing felt a little more sudden, because we were not with him, it was not a shock. But, all those transitions seemed to be preceded by dramatic trauma, suffering or extended bodily endurance.
I have watched a few close friends and loved ones experience spiritual sicknesses that seemed severe. Most of those I have observed from distances, but I have never been consciously aware of being exposed to any intimate, spiritual deaths. However, this experience has made me more keenly aware of the fragility of life--both kinds. If near physical death can happen, without even realizing that we are close, then probably so can near spiritual death. And once we get "near", it's usually too late to make it back on our own, because we lack the tools and sometimes even the awareness. I am learning to be so profoundly grateful for the kinds of necessary help that others can and must provide when we have gotten too close to the line. I am realizing that the line is often closer than we realize, that it isn't always approached dramatically--we can just quietly fade away. What we think is toughness can quickly, yet imperceptibly, erode into the most dangerous kind of weakness. The journey back takes tedious patience and abundant trust in those who have training and skills in understanding the healing process--it can't be rushed, no matter how strong we think we are. It feels frustrating and burdensome, but the comparisons with spiritual weakness have made me try harder to be more submissive.
Last month my body was behaving abnormally, but in the past year my normal has become much more abnormal and I have gotten grudgingly accepting of those abberances, chalking them up to obnoxious, geriatric causes. My rationalization was that everyone experiences sickness--we get over it. I wonder now if sometimes I delude myself spiritually as well--acclimating to perceived "normal" abnormalities? Fred usually seems more concerned about physical ailments than I am, probably because he has seen the worst, because he understands anatomy better than I do, and because he's not as stubbornly independent. Sometimes I take his recommendations to heart--occasionally I find them overly cautionary. =) This round, I was just biding my time--I see now, not the wisest choice. For some reason, I feel more vulnerable, spiritually, more accepting of dependency, but I wonder how often I see spiritual promptings as overly cautionary instead of as the life saving warnings that they are?
And even yet, I still kick against the pricks. On Saturday we were doing our normal deep cleaning--I was working on the kitchen. Everyone had their own jobs and I had to ask Abrahm to come and put up all of the chairs and stools for me, but I didn't want to ask him to sweep and mop for me as well, so I had him wheel in the vacuum cleaner and I used the hose extensions to clean the floor and then I carefully tried mopping (not specifically against doctors orders). =S I was cautious and careful, but I could tell immediately when I started why I wasn't allowed to sweep--understanding makes obedience easier--so I slowed down the process until it was tedious but I could no longer feel the strain. I have taken this body and good health for granted, but I am beginning to understand some important things. Days prior to Thanksgiving I anticipate getting the "all clear" from my Doctor, but I will long after be working towards that same goal from my spiritual physician. This is all good training.
On lighter topics, I finished my upper kitchen cabinets last week--not strenuous physical work. I'll work on my lower ones next and then move onto my coffee table, my dinner table, my bar chairs, my piano, my armoire, my hope chest, my dresser, my walls, my trim.........................................What doesn't need painted around here!? Wow! Of course, I won't move any of them myself--I will just do the painting. =)
Our family Jeopardy Harvest party was such fun--another raucous game hosted by Fred--Plantains, and eggplant prepared by Mikayla, and all assortments of fruits and vegetables to celebrate the season. We missed Jordan and Katie, but they had their own fun in Rexburg--face painting.
Fred said ice crystals were floating through the air today. It has already snowed in Rexburg. I am feeling blessed to have a home and a heater and a husband to shelter me from all kinds of cold.
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| Clowning Around |
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| The Common Area When It Rains |
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| Old cabinet finish |
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| Update cabinet finish |
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| Close up finish |
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| Bloomers Harvest Party 2013--The Legendary Family Jeopardy Game |
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| Get Ready to Rumble |
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Our Harvest Basket Choices this year: Pineapple, Coconut, Red Anjou Pears,
Altaulfos Mangos, Peppers, Peas, Radishes, Eggplant, Plantain, Tamarind Pods. |
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| Fried Eggplant dipped in Marinara Sauce--Better than Candy! |
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| Homemade Wassail |
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| The Infamous Looks of Mikayla Dawn |
