"Onward, Ever Onward"

Jordan went through the temple to receive his endowments yesterday.  It was such a sweet, peaceful experience to sit in the celestial room with our son.  The temple was so busy yesterday, partly because it was a Saturday, and partly because it was the last day before a 2 week closure.  There were wedding dresses being carried in continuously and quite a few personal endowments scheduled.  The weighty feeling of "important things" taking place was tangible, but I experienced something yesterday that I haven't before.  As the three of us walked out of the temple, after almost four hours inside, there were wedding parties all over the temple grounds and right outside the door stood three young men, two in black tuxes and purple vests and one (I presume the "best man") wearing black tux pants, a white dinner jacket, lime green vest and sunglasses.  They were very nice looking young men and the colors were beautiful, but I had the immediate feeling that we had walked out "into the world", not in a bad sense, but just into the realm of fluff.  Of course I didn't say anything, but as the three of us got into the car and drove away, Jordan seemed contemplative and so I asked him how he was feeling and he said he was just thinking about his memories of standing outside the temple in wedding parties, with all of the excitement of the bride and groom coming out, never realizing what they were experiencing on the inside and then he shared similar feelings to what I had felt walking out of the temple, as did Fred.  It was an insightful moment, not that we suddenly had aspirations to eliminate all fluff in our lives, but the poignant recognition of it and the desire to put more focus on things of eternity was motivating and testimony strengthening.

It's been a roller-coaster week of emotions.  I have had friends, who are missionary moms warn me of this, but it's hard to know how to  prepare for experiencing it.  We have been trying to plan a special family vacation this summer, since there is the possibility that this could be the last Bloomquist vacation with this family dynamic.  I have been agonizing over how to make the vacation money we've saved up stretch, and still be able to experience something magical.  We toyed around with the idea of a "staycation", but every time we tried to have a family council and headed towards the heavy planning stages,  I ended up anxious and emotional and my family ended up frustrated.  I LOVE staying home; most years I have to be slowly "lulled" into vacation planning, but somehow this year I feel this overwhelming need to spend time somewhere, away from distractions and interference from family time.  We have had to rule out hotels as fire codes make it mandatory to have at least two rooms and we couldn't agree on camping, so I have spent hours searching the Internet looking for solutions, and finally found a rental home a few blocks away from the beach in Oregon that will accomodate us, so we are slipping away, one week before school,  to savor this last milestone memory.  A melancholy thought, but we are all looking forward to it.

This summer has felt different somehow-- fleeting, and as August rears its head, I feel myself grasping in vain as time slip through my fingers and I hear the rhythm of "onward, ever onward" beating inside my head.  Some days, good days, I feel empowered to embrace it and march upward, and other days, more seemingly frequent days, I feel unequal to the challenge of who I am supposed to be and what I have to do to achieve that potential.  I am grateful that every day is a new chance to try, try again.

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Posted By Bloomers to KEEPING UP WITH THE JONESES at 8/02/2010 07:33:00 AM