Faith, Not Fear

It's not official yet, but summer is definitely here. How do I know?

--I can't keep up with my yard work, which is a good thing really because it means less time for me to do my housework. =)

--My girls have already survived, barely and happily, their first cousin sleepover at Nash's (minimal sleep, lots of "good" food, midnight swimming and BONDING).

--Abe went on a 3 day Camporee in the mountains and still got kissed (Hollywood style) by the sun.

--Eden is packing today for 5 days of memorable Girls Camp.

--My windows are open all night, without me whining about the cold.

--And last, but not least, I'm bringing home more books from the library than I can read in the check-out period because IT'S HAMMOCK TIME!=)

The weather isn't the only thing that is beautiful. Jordan's friend (who is now our friend) Katie came to visit us this weekend. I've never been a very good hostess, and planning "fun" is way out of my league--just sitting around visiting is more my style, so though we did try, we didn't "do" a lot, but we enjoyed her company. Having her here made me miss Jordan more acutely, but it was sweet of her to come and "it pleasured us".

Sis. Walker came over and talked to us a little bit about buying and selling last week. She gave us some helpful, friendly advice, guided us in some progressive directions and then left us to pursue our options. I talked to Desi for quite awhile the next day and she shared much of what she has learned in the process of getting to the point that she and Hyrum are at with their land acquisition and home building process. Honestly, it all sounds terrifying and overwhelming but she said some wise things to me. One of which was that they have moved forward in every decision only when being prompted to do so and though it all has been scary and overwhelming, things just keep falling into place (often after enormous stress). They are doing everything they can on their side (a year of research) and lots of prayers and fasting and the Lord keeps blessing things to turn out. The last thing she said to me (tongue in cheek) was, "What's the worst that could happen? We could lose everything, but we'd still have each other." Not the most comforting counsel, and yet, after the excruciating divorce mess, which just keeps getting messier, of our friends, in truth it is. It made me realize a couple of very obvious things...first, that Fred and I need to move ahead in this land/ house dream with opportunity investigating and knowledge arming, but ultimately we need to seek an answer about whether moving forward is the "right" decision or just the path we desire. And secondly, that I can save and budget and plan until the Type A personalities among us are rocking in their fetal positions, but the only external investment that has any true value is family and if we have the proper perspective we can find joy in that even if we have to stack 6 people deep. That's a proven fact--especially in other cultures. So, the plan right now is just to actively look, learn and listen and see where that all takes us and to do it with faith, not fear.

I so want to be in control of everything my life touches, but it's just not possible. Last night, weeping on the couch after learning yet another disappointing thing about pedestal people (and I've tried so hard not to elevate others unfairly--sometimes it just happens, unknowingly), Fred assured me that not being in control is a blessing because it also relieves us of the responsibility of other people's choices. I know he's right, only one person was strong enough to carry all of that, even just watching a handful of others poor choices is too difficult for me. I can barely handle working on fixing my own. The atonement continues to baffle and temper, confound and strengthen this weak tenement of my unruly spirit. I am grateful for Fred's strong arms that continue to encircle me while I grapple with  life lessons and the "mountains" that Dad says I continually build for myself. Maybe I do, maybe I have been too literal with President Kimball's invocation, "Give Me This Mountain" I am just hoping that in climbing I will eventually build spiritual muscle and not just pass out from the thin air. =)

We got a thick envelope with individual letters from our darling missionary on Friday. Sometimes, most of the time, I think my children are raising me. Mikayla sounds fantastic and exhausted! I miss her enormously, but her service is a blessing to me personally and to our family. I love her. I love what she is teaching this self-centered mother about reaching outside of ourselves.

Quote of the Week:

"...we must never let fear and the father of fear (Satan himself) divert us from our faith and faithful living. Every person in every era has had to walk by faith into what has always been some uncertainty. This is the plan. Just be faithful. God is in charge. He knows your name and He knows your need.

Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ—that is the first principle of the gospel. We must go forward. God expects you to have enough faith, determination, and trust in Him to keep moving, keep living, keep rejoicing. He expects you not simply to face the future; He expects you to embrace and shape the future—to love it, rejoice in it, and delight in your opportunities.

God is eagerly waiting for the chance to answer your prayers and fulfill your dreams, just as He always has. But He can't if you don't pray, and He can't if you don't dream. In short, He can't if you don't believe." (Jeffrey R. Holland)

Our weekend with Katie

Playing at Ann Morrison Park

I tried to warn them--the monkey bars are painful when you're no longer 9!

Still my cute boy!

Bosom Friends

Eden playing dress-ups with the twins at the Thrift Store

The first raspberry of the season!

Katie's usual spot in our home--washing dishes. Yes, we are great hosts!=S

Lily and Sophia's favorite past time--makeovers with Katie

Katie/ Eden ingenuity--mop handle for a badminton post

Opposition in all things--even energy levels! =)

Dog Pile!