Breath In... Breath Out

Jordan received his school track in the mail yesterday (Fall/ Winter--the one we wanted!) and passed his local Board of Review last night with a few suggested revisions and additions, but because he had it before his birthday, he can still make the alterations before he sends in his papers for his "National Board of Review". We're still not out of the woods, but I told him he got one day off for his birthday and then there would be "no rest for the wicked!". Our stress levels were pretty high last night, but I am so proud of how hard he has worked these last three months and all that he has learned. This process has been invaluable for prepping him for the reality of adult life. He is 18 today and has chosen to spend the first 8 hours of his birthday building fence with a friend to earn money for all of the "realities" that are coming up quickly in his life. Not the choice I would have made on my birthday, but responsible and appropriate for the first day of "adulthood". We'll make sure we party BIG this evening. We're fudging on "unplugged" during Spring Break and are going to watch a few movies together. We've missed that.

Olive Update ("Because this drama is an impactful part of life in the Bloomquist Family)--
The more permanent fence piece that Fred built a few weeks ago, has not stopped Olive; she learned to climb the chain link, so during my morning scripture reading of the "war chapters" I got the brilliant idea to raise "works of timber" against the trouble spot of fence. After I went on my morning ritual of looking for my escaped dog and bringing her back to the yard, I leaned every post and 2x4 that Fred had left over from projects against the low fence wall. It looked pretty deterring to me, though I'm sure the neighbors were just shaking their heads at the "mess". The next morning, Olive got behind them and knocked them forward, which is impressive since some of them were 12 ' long and leaning on the fence at quite an angle, and escaped before I could get out to walk her in the morning (I have to get kids ready for school until 8:00). A couple weeks ago, Fred picked up some garden trellis netting to string between posts at the top of the 42" gap, in hopes that Olive would be deterred for a week before he could get to building an actual fence. The following Sunday, we came home and Olive was still in the yard, but there was a large hole in one spot of the rope trellis. She must have either jumped and got caught in it and struggled free, making a huge hole, and didn't try again because she got hurt. Fred went out and fixed the hole, by tying together string pieces, but the next day she tried again and was successful. Every day I fix the new hole, and every day she makes a new one. My mom said, "always look for solutions", so even though I feel foolish and incompetent, every day I try something new, and every day it fails. Since the beginning of spring break, Mikayla and Eden and I get up at 8:00 and do our 15 minute workout and then run the 2-1/2 mile neighborhood "scouting route" looking for our dog. Yesterday morning, before we even started our workout, I got a phone call from the little barbershop downtown, telling me that they were holding Olive inside, if I wanted to come get her. Luckily it was early enough that they didn't have customers yet, but as usual they were just concerned about her welfare and pleased to be the protectors of "this sweet dog".

Fred has taken the day off for Jordan's birthday, but now Jordan is gone all morning, so maybe he will be building fence today. I still love my dog; she is very sweet, she just has this minor little thing that continually forces me out of my comfort zone and forces me to interact with "strangers".....Maybe it's all a blessing in disguise. Olive certainly seems to have guardian angels watching over her.

This Week With The Bloomers

I left the house at 7:10 this morning and have been in 3 different buildings, for 5 different meetings, visiting 3 different wards and I don't have anything left to say, but the heat from the laptop is soothing and the foot massager is relaxing, so I will sit here until something comes or I'm forced to get back up. I'm not whining--this isn't a typical Sunday and I'm sure that there are many people with busier callings than mine who aren't even home yet, but it feels good to put on slippers.

The twins birthday lived up to their expectations which made it fun for me. Lily and Sophie each ordered the color of cake and frosting they wanted and we made them together and then I cut primroses in 3 different colors and let them each decorate their own cakes however they wanted. I thought they turned out lovely and reminded me of the cakes my mom used to decorate when we werer all still living on the farm, though at a 5 year old stage.

I can't wait for Spring Break coming up. We have a lot of fun, simple things planned around town with friends and family, (we're also in major crunch mode for Jordan to finish up his Eagle scout requirements and I had nightmares about it all night, so I hope he gets that squared away ASAP so I can stop worrying.)

Lily and Sophie's birthday party:




Sophie's cake:


Lily's Cake:


Planet Kid for their birthday date:

Treats at my sisters store-- "Cookie's and Cream"

Double Pleasure/ Double Trouble:

Jordan's finished sign:

Where, Oh Where, Has My LIttle Dog Gone?

Some of you know the story by heart. The naive young couple move, first from a farm, then from a ranch with their 6 farm kids to a small plot subdivision. The children, including the known wanderer, miraculously seem to be contained even without a fence, but just to be on the safe side the farm dog stays at the ranch while the intelligent couple surround the yard with a four foot fence, then reclaim the dog. It is only a matter of weeks before the farm dog learns to jump the four foot fence and regain her farm freedom. We chase her down almost every day and meet many neighbors, police officers, animal control officers, school principles, and even country landowners miles away, all who love the dog and are very protective, helpful and friendly, but we are constantly worried and annoyed by the "Olive antics", so we finally resort to putting her on tie out cables that allow her access to the entire yard, but she is depressed and frequently winds herself around trees and trampoline legs to the point that she is completely restricted. We finally give in and pull down the entire 4 foot fence that we originally put up and replace it and the back chain link with a 6 foot wooden fence; It takes the entire summer and by Fall it is finished except for a small 42" gap. Fred has run out of materials and steam and good weather, so we block the opening with the leftover chain link roll. We keep Olive contained for a happy two weeks and then she figures how to shimmy under the chain link. We block the bottom with stacks of cinder block, but she moves the cinder block. We barricade it with garbage cans and long cedar planks and a wheelbarrow, but she maneuvers through, knocks over the chain link roll and continues to escape like Houdini. She has now learned that their is wisdom in escaping while we are not watching. She always checks the house windows carefully before heading out, so we sometimes catch her going back toward the "junk pile", but never actually see the flight. It gets to a ridiculous level, where it becomes almost routine for the Elementary school office to call and tell me that Olive is locked in the Kindergarten playground AGAIN, so we revert back to the tie out cables, only this time it has been shortened to 30" so that she can't wind herself around objects. We try to take her out on walks twice a day to get "it" out of her system, but "it" is inborn and so we continue to have guilt and prisoner continues to "sulk". Finally, though Jordan's Eagle project is needing every spare minute of Fred's time, I finally beg and plead for him to spend a half hour and secure the opening. Fred builds a more permanent fence piece all the while muttering about us being smarter than a dog and something about him having a degree. I watch Olive stalk the opening all day and give up 3 different times while I am secretly watching her behind the curtain, making sure that she can't see me (she keeps checking). She is contained all day and I am so happy with my brilliant husband. When Fred and the kids get home from church on Sunday there is a note in our door saying that a lady has picked our dog up at the Ridley's grocery store parking lot and is kindly holding her at her house until we get back home(our address is on her tags). Luckily she doesn't want a ransom, but like every other person in our 4 years of Olive experiences, she loves this dog and is so kind to us! When I get home from meetings today, my darling dog is back on her 30 foot ball and chain. Fred scouts out the fence and surmises that our dog has actually climbed the chain link fence. She's smart and highly motivated; we have to admire her persistence.

As soon as Jordan has finished his Middleton sign, Fred will devote his Saturdays to building a 6 foot high fence to replace the chain link and then we will wait to see how many minutes it takes this big, hairy chunk of our heart, to devise a plan to outsmart us once again. I am pondering writing a column in the Middleton Gazette to thank our community for looking out for our dog. If our town ever needs a mascot, I know a black lab that would love the job.

Middleton March Unplugged is going fabulously! I thought we were already pretty "unplugged" as a family, but with all personal radios off, and entertainment computer time gone and weekends void of movies, we have put together a 500 piece puzzle, played Stratego, Bingo, Ruckus, and Storytime. Jordan has taken Abe, Lily and Sophie to the city library and instead of me chasing fussy 4 year old's out of the kitchen during dinner prep, Jordan and Mikayla are wearing them out on the trampoline. Eden has turned into a bit of a book fanatic and since that is not electronic, we have had to spend a bit more time convincing her to "plug in" to us, but "we have ways of making [her] talk", so the first week has been fun, enlightening and so positive. I'm hoping that with three more weeks to go that some of these family times will become habitual and when we plug back in, some things will just fall by the wayside naturally.

Tonight while we were reading scriptures, Jordan was helping Lily with her turn and he said a sentence for her to mimic with the word "heard" in it. Often the little girls don't actually understand what they are repeating but just try to imitate the phonetics of what they hear. Lily replaced the word heard with nerd, and Sophie, under her breath and to herself said, "Nerd? That's weird!" Lily hadn't been phased but Sophie knew that wasn't a common term used in the scriptures and she was a little perplexed.

The twins birthday is tomorrow. They have the whole day planned out. They will have breakfast served in their bedroom on their little table. They each have different menu orders. Then we are off to pick up Fred on his lunch hour for their birthday date at Planet Kid, where Fred and I will remember how old we are getting as we crawl through small plastic tubes and play in the balls. Then they want to do some window shopping in Target, where the shoe aisle holds more appeal than the idea of going to Disneyland. After that, we are home bound to make cakes together which we will decorate with real primroses (we hope they are not poisonous, but we couldn't find any pansies that matched their colors--and we won't eat them). Then family party and F.H.E. Sounds like a lovely, hectic day. They are having trouble sleeping because of the anticipation and Lily is sure that in the middle of the night her five year old body is going to burst out of her four year old pajamas.

Payoffs

Jordan received his admissions letter to BYU-I on Thursday and was accepted! We've all been so anxious for this news. Eighteen years ago, this was the farthest thing from my mind, but it has flown and now the parent payoffs are flowing! Jordan still hasn't received his track assignment, which is a little nerve wracking, because it determines the entirety of your school schedule and can not be decided or changed by you for the duration. They do take into consideration, the dates in which boys will be entering the MTC, but we still aren't sure where that puts Jordan. I guess we'll find out soon.

"March Unplugged" started yesterday. Everyone in the community was encouraged to hold a family planning meeting and commit to the challenge of unplugging all entertainment electronics (t.v.'s, cell phones, computers, radio's etc.) and determine how to apply it to our individual families. I am REALLY looking forward to this month. Our family doesn't watch t.v., but we have decided not to watch any movies, or listen to the radio, or use the computer for any entertainment purposes. We have a selection of music CD's that we can play on the family stereo, but it is limited. The city has put together a calendar of events for every day, some that are family suggestions and some that are community events. Our stake has been heavily encouraged to participate.

On Monday, March 23rd (which is during Spring Break) we are encouraged to hold a family talent show. We thought it would be fun to have an extended family talent show. I think it would be so much fun, especially for the children to perform.

Extracurricular sports are gearing up for the kids. Eden is going out for track this year, which will be her first experience with organized sports, and Jordan is trying to decide whether he wants to fit it in his schedule this season. Mikayla is opting out of the "school organized" route but she and her best friend are organizing their own schedules and will start running together after school the same time as track starts. Neither of them like the pressure to perform and Mikayla doesn't care for some of the athletic ego's at school, but I think they will enjoy what they have decided to do and gain a lot of benefit as well.

Abe has decided to give soccer one more chance. He has played for two previous seasons and didn't have very motivating coaches, and wanted to try baseball this season, but since we had already paid dues for Fall/Spring, I asked if he'd be willing to give it one more go if I got him a great coach. He agreed, and I was able to request he be moved onto a team where I have been impressed with the coach's "team spirit" and positive enthusiasm, so we'll see how that all plays out. I've never pushed my children toward sports, but when Abe was interested last year, we thought it might help him get out of his isolative view of the world and help him see the group picture, but we'll see. Lily and Sophie are just excited that they will be able to play on the school playground during the games.

Fred and I have been successful at almost a month of free (except gas) dates and it has been so much fun. Now that we have decided to achieve this goal together with a reason and goal in mind, my attitude has changed and not using money has become a positive challenge instead of a forced drudgery. With spring weather just around the corner, our options are opening wider and wider; we've even been invited on a group "double" date by Jordan. They want the parents to dress up out of character and browse in Karcher mall while the teenagers have a race to find us. It's a popular youth activity called "Where's Waldo". It's in planning stage and the guys haven't asked dates yet, so we have a little bit of time to come up with believable costumes. We have to "blend" in, but be as unrecognizable as possible.

Jordan opening his admissions letter from BYU-I

Reading it out loud.

Accepted!

Jordan setting the capstones on his Middleton sign.

Getting close to finished on the backside.

Celebrations

By far, the most important event being anticipated at the Bloomquist household is the upcoming 5th birthday of Lily and Sophie. They have been anxious for months and now that it is close enough to be visual, they are counting down days on the calendar. I get frequent drawings and explanations of what their cakes are to look like and be made of (not my idea of gourmet or even appealing) and they have daily conversations and compromises with each other about where they will go on there birthday date and what sacrifices they will make for each other on that day (trading beds for example) and verbally worry about what they will wear because all they have is "four year old clothes." I love celebrations; I go out of my way to create traditions that require partying, but this is the second year that I have been intimidated by expectations that aren't really voiced but are ethereally wished and I find it hard to fulfill phantom desires. I have tried to get them to be descriptive with their visions, but I'm not sure it's solidified enough in their minds, they just know it is supposed to be magic. Fairy Godmother I am not, but wish me luck.

Jordan also has a birthday coming soon. How is it possible that he is turning 18!? Fred and I went on a date Friday and ended by purchasing some birthday pants for the twins. The checker, who was probably in her late 50's commented on our buying two pair of the same pants, so I explained that we had twins and every time I tried to get them different things they always ended up wanting what the other one had. She mentioned how it must be nice to get a sitter and have a night out together. I explained that we had older children so the sitter part was easy. She seemed surprised that we had older children, but when I told her we had 6 and the oldest was almost 18, she was speechless. She finished up our purchase and finally said, "Well.....congratulations, you two look great!" I'm not sure what she expected a couple with 6 children to look like, (she mentioned that she only had one grown daughter) but it made me feel young and happy. I turn 40 this year, and unlike 30(which is the only birthday that made me want to cry), I feel empowered! I have some life experience under my belt, and no longer mourn the passing of youth or feel the need to prove anything to anybody but myself, and the next half of life appears brimming with unexplored opportunity and endless learning and .....to be honest, lots of mother tears. But, even that feels heart-wrenchingly fulfilling.

Fred and I are planning a trek family reunion sometime around Spring Break and I am excited to have our "family" back together for a fun evening. I'm trying to write up a small memoir from our experience to give as a gift to my trek children, and will post it here when I finish so that I can have a written history of that life changing week. I wish that I had recorded my feelings at the time, when they were so powerfully tangible, but I have enough pictures and journaling that it comes back vividly when I start pondering those days.

JORDAN'S EAGLE PROJECT IN PROGRESS

Whistle while you work

Building the structure

Almost finished covering the backside.

Gazelle Intense

It's tangible; I can almost breath it in. Spring! It's only mid-February, but I find myself watching for faint signs of emerging crocus under the Aspen trees, and I have that pent up feeling that anytime soon something inside is going to burst wide open. I've been drinking down books all winter; my eyes glued to the pages, and now my eyes are wandering over the paper to windows everywhere. Yesterday teased us with barefoot temptations that my children succumbed to immediately.

Change feels right and natural with the seasons and for the first time in 19 years, Fred and I are on exactly the same financial page. When we married, I would have been "happy" to save every penny (spare or not) and never do anything "fun"--I guess to me, "security and sacrifice at all costs" was my motto. Fred wanted to enjoy life, with money as the gateway. His young mantra was, "It'll be gone soon anyway, and in a year we won't know where it went so we might as well enjoy it while we have it." We have both moved a little closer to the middle, though, as seems constant in our relationship, he seems to do more growing and moving than do I, and just as we were poised to make some dramatic (for us) changes to feel prepared and in control, in these unstable times, Liz loaned me a book called, "The Total Money Makeover" and I have not stopped salivating since (I know... it's disgusting). It has given a detailed face to what the prophets have been telling us our whole lives about getting out of debt and being prepared and in control and you know how I love detailed checklists. And finally, Fred and I have the same vision (though I have always been more prone to fanaticism) because there is a face for security instead of an endless black hole and there is a goal for fun. I just keep pulling hook line and sinker and Fred keeps reeling me in and it is creating it's own momentum, with both of us very much connected. It is invigorating! We are cutting every single expense, which means no more date money, so date planning is unraveling back to "single" mindedness and we find ourselves back in Jordan's shoes, with no money and the pressure to be creative staring us in the face. I watch Fred researching the Internet at night for ideas and see how much it matters to him and I feel courted again; sometimes sacrifice brings its own reward! Most years we would have gone out to dinner on Valentines, but this year we did sealings in the temple, which was much more memorable, and last week we got together with a big group of friends and just talked and laughed. I remember how much fun it was to do dry pack canning with my sister and brother-in-law last year, so that might go on the date calendar. The momentum and blessings, direct and indirect, have started pouring in, just like the author (who is not LDS) said they would, and the future is starting to look very disciplined and rigorous, but oh so bright. We are determined to leap out from under these car payments and student loans which have been monkeys on our back way too long, but our vision seems clear and the efforts seem worth it now. I have never understood the marathon trainer mentality, I have different friends every year who try to convince me to train with them for a 5K or a half marathon, but I can't ever validate the pain. One friend told me this year, that it's not so much about the race as that there has to be a motivator to force the daily workouts, and when the daily workouts prove that you are fit enough to run the race, it just feels so good. I still don't want to run a marathon, maybe I haven't felt the need to be that fit yet, but financially I'm ready to hit that brick wall, "gazelle intense", and push on through. I am convinced that if I want to be completely fulfilled in life, that I have to learn to master every aspect of ME, physically, spiritually, and mentally, but I can handle only one INTENSE focus at a time. C'mon, I am still struggling with 30 sit-ups!

Speaking of physical motivators, Olive has found an escape route, AGAIN! Only, this time she has been smart enough not to ever escape while we are watching and we are completely stumped. We have built barricades where we feel like there is any possibility that she might be getting out, but she continues to bolt, sometimes 3 times a day, and we are meeting new neighbors all over again. This morning, my neighbor across the street called and said Olive had just walked past the front of my house. I grabbed my shoes, which I had just taken off and bolted out the door, but by the time I found her she was clear down at the school yard. I love that dog and I can't help but admire her ingenuity, and I can't blame her for wanting her freedom, but in this one instance, she gives me a pain!

Middleton is sponsoring a community initiative called "March Unplugged". A calendar came out in the city newspaper with encouragement to unplug all electronic media at home for the entire month and "plug" back into our families. Many different organizations and churches have taken a different evening to plan community events on the weekends and suggested ideas are given for individual families all through the week. Our stake is really pushing us to be involved and I'm excited. We will all use the things we need at school and work, but when we come together at home, the movies, computer, cell phones, and personal music devices go off. It will be interesting to see how much of the community becomes involved. Only good can come of it. I'll let you know how it turns out. Life is great!

SUNDAY PICTURES:

JORDAN STARTING HIS EAGLE PROJECT;

A Fun Weekend

What a fun weekend! On Friday we had neices come to stay with us while their parents were in Salt Lake for a relatives funeral. We all went to a Middleton community Special Olympics Welcome Gala that was put together for an Eagle project by a young man in our stake that is deaf and mildly autistic. The first 30 minutes a mother/daughter/ daughter in-law group sang, fiddled and played the guitar, while the athletes and any children who wanted roped hay bale steers and played sponge toss. It was fun to people watch and be entertained. An hour long program followed with various talents performed by groups in Middleton. Jordan sang the national anthem with an a capella quintet that he is in and danced and sang two numbers with his FX show choir. It's so much fun to watch him be involved. He is making the most of this year. The mayor recognized the athletes and then awarded them flags that had been designed in a grade school contest by a 4th grader who was honored. The evening ended with the choreographer of the show choir inviting the athletes and coaches to learn some line dances and then invited the community to participate. Most of the kids were brave enough to go and dance. I have humiliated myself plenty of times at the Saturday night dances when the youth pull me into those line dances and try to teach me the complicated steps, so the rest of us just enjoyed watching the participants have fun. The athletes LOVED it! They were pretty fired up and one of them gave an extended, highly animated tribute and thank-you to the audience in Italian afterwards. Avery was hot and hungry when it finally got over, but the rest of us enjoyed it. Our community was feeling the Olympic spirit last week.

Saturday Fred, Jordan and a few friends spent some good hours attaching rock to the outside of the Middleton sign. It is actually starting to feel hopeful that he will finish this project before his birthday. This has been such an incredibly fantastic thing for him to be involved in. It has certainly made him stretch and it will be something to be proud of.

Mikayla is starting to work on her value experiences in Personal Progress. I have been impressed at how she chooses things that are demanding and which recquire real personal investment. Currently she is taking a Book of Mormon Independent Study course from B.Y.U. and spends hours after school and on Sundays with her nose in the Book of Mormon and a computer on her lap. Today she approved another project for a different value and will start working on her personal history, which will be insightful because she is wired "deep"................ and loud...and quirky....and fairly violent;-)

Saturday evening Fred and I went to a stake adult Sadie Hawkins dance. Because Pres. Walkers (the 2nd couselor in our stake presidency) wife set a precedent of asking her husband out in a creative way and because he gloated about it in our ward's priesthood opening exercises, I had to give into peer pressure and I made an artificial GPS, and put it in Fred's car. The girls helped me with ideas and when I got home that night my bed was covered with heart candies and chocolates and standing atop the pile was Buz Lightyear with an acceptance card in his hands. In your "old age" you get kind of lazy about dating, but it was fun to put forth that extra effort. Some of our friends taught us how to swing dance and we exhausted ourselves twirling around the room and occasionally crashing into things. The music was poorly chosen and much too loud, which was disappointing, but the food and friends and dancing was so much fun. Fred and I are going to get a group of fun couples together and have a date night at the church and re-learn how to dance. It really was a blast!

My concerns at the middle school are being addressed in small, but positive steps and I am encouraged by the cooperation of the principle. There is still more that needs to be done, but at least things are heading in the right direction. Parents will now have to be contacted before two of the 6th grade documentaries are shown. At registration parents will now have all documentaries or unrated films on the parent permission slips that already contains choices for rated films, and all students who are uncomfortable with the curriculum now must be provided with an alternate activity, but each family will have to initiate that at a parental level. It is not the huge change I had hoped for but we are still in a very embryonic stage of diplomacy and things take time. I do feel that I have regained control of at least my own children's education and have been pleased with the responses as I try to get other parents in the community involved. Be aware that this broad curriculum is state driven, so make sure if you have 6th graders that you know what is being taught in your schools. I would specifically ask about the documentaries that they are showing. I think Charter schools will be less likely to have problems of this magnitude, because parents are generally more involved and proactive but better safe than sorry.

I AM READY FOR SPRING! I was ready a month ago. I'm feel like a prisoner to this inversion and cold. Mikayla wants to plant something so bad that she is itchy. Maybe we'll have to grow alfalfa sprouts in the windowsill.

Fred, Mikayla and I are now exercising on weekday mornings at 6:00AM. We are using Fred's old missionary routine, which is just a short 20 minutes, and isn't too much of a strain on my heart, but my muscles are OUT OF SHAPE and the sit-ups are just plain embarrassing. I am not too proud to tell you that I can not do even one traditional sit-up. I can drag myself across the 30 count finish line by using my arms as hoists, but with them clasped under my head--zippo. Since we literally roll out of bed and put on our sweats and start exercising within 5 minutes, Fred does half of the routine with his eyes shut, and without proper equilibrium. For the first week, I whined the entire 20 minutes and was no kind of farm girl. For three days my calves were so sore that just walking up and down the stairs was a calculated effort. Sad, but true, and last year I was running two miles every day without batting an eye. Those who currently workout regularly will not be able to commiserate, but can share an incredulous laugh at my pitiful condition. The rest of you can probably put your hands behind your head in the morning and sit up out of bed and feel very good about yourselves and maybe in 3 months, when I say, in the middle of leg lifts, "I love this!", I won't be lying anymore.

Common Perches

Nothing Like A Boy and His Dog

Ski Crash Profile From the Good Side

Aaaaauuuuuuggggggghhhhhhh!!!!! VENTING...Sorry!

Do you ever have one of those days where the weight of trying to keep your head above water against the beating of the worldly waves collides with the brutal forces of nature and outright warfare against your children? I know, they don't all usually happen at the same time and I can usually keep my wits about me, but yesterday........!

In the afternoon, I answered the phone and was greeted by the voice of a frantic mother who said, "I've felt impressed that I should call you." The last time that happened I had just been called to be in the stake YW and had not yet been sustained and was heartbroken and overwhelmed and couldn't talk about it with anyone outside my family. A friends inspired visit gave me the assurance that Heavenly Father is mindful of our hearts and cares about us through others, even when they don't know the reasons. So, I selfishly racked my brain for what could possibly be wrong with me that I needed that help. Aren't our minds funny; well, mine is (or maybe "warped, frustrated" would be more accurate). This lady was in my ward previously, before we split, but we were only casual acquaintances. She proceeded to tell me about some overtly disturbing curriculum that was being taught to her 6th grade son in middle school and she wanted to know what she should do. Unfortunately, my first thought was, "I barely even know you, how should I know what you should do", but the second that unkind thought, which I am afraid tells volumes about my true character, entered my mind, another thought, not my own, came into my mind; "you know exactly what to do, you've been down this road before". I got all the information that I could from her, gave her my opinion about what I would do for the remainder of the week, gave her some guidance where to take her concerns and reassured her that I would also go to administration and support her efforts all the way, and then immediately had this wave of intense self guilt come over me as I realized that Eden had been subjected to this curriculum the year before, and had given me all of the warning signs of needing to be rescued, and I had somehow overlooked her pleadings. For someone who fights more than my children are sometimes comfortable with, over things far less offensive, I felt so negligent and remorseful. Such a heavy burden! I kept thinking, "it was so obvious, how could I have let that slide?" and I realized that I had refused to listen and believe because I was trying to protect my personal,safe, sheltered shell.

I immediately called Fred to steady me, and though he tried to sauve my conscience, he was incensed and added fuel to the already stoked fire. When Eden came home I apologized profusely for my mother inattentiveness and found that she had definitely sustained some wounds and was pleased to see the warriors gearing up, though very tardy, and armed me with information and suggestions. I felt shaky all day-- Surely I am not the only one familiar with the physical consequences of unchecked mother furry, but I hope the "kindred spirits" are few and far between.

At 7:30 Jordan, up snowboarding at Bogus, called me from ski patrol to tell me that he had landed a jump with his face and was obligated by their legal guidelines to call because he was a minor. He assured me that he was fine and then ski patrol got on the line and said that his face was so swollen that they couldn't tell if his nose was broken, but "hey, it's better than him sitting home playing video games." He was up there with a large group of friends, and since he had fallen after only his 3rd run, there was a long interim, waiting for the rest of the guys to finish skiing, before he could come home. He showed up around 10PM and I don't know if it was just the shock of seeing his face, or the fact that it was Jordan and the emotions that are so on the surface about him lately, or the emotionally draining day previous, but I became so lightheaded and physically nauseous that I had to sit down with my head between my legs and then all of the emotions erupted like a damned waterfall prying loose and my son, who should have been the one being nurtured, sat beside me and rubbed my back while I sobbed my heart out. I just couldn't compose my emotions and it turned to hyperventilation and Fred had to step in so that I could breathe. It was humiliating. I'm glad that all of my younger children were in bed, and I wish that I could say that the rest of my family were in shock from my behavior, but they took it, much to my chagrin, quite in stride.

I'm better now. It's a new day, and rest, though fitful, has helped me focus and I am trading in the emotional oppression of yesterday for the weapons of Narnia today. Today I feel like Peter; "For Aslaaaan!"

So now, because someone, who doesn't know the ropes needs my help, and because I have younger children coming up through the system and because I feel duty bound to stand up where I was remiss before, I will add another "fight" to my war board. And with Fred screening out the emotional fanaticism and installing diplomacy, like he has in all of my battles, we will make a difference. I won't try--"I will go and do"!

Oh, and if anyone is still reading after all of that ranting, which I highly doubt since my writing isn't often reader worthy -- it's more organize-my-thoughts-therapy oriented, the curriculum is concerning very detailed study of the Mayan and pirate cultures, and you don't really want to know more than that. I certainly didn't! The objective? I have no idea, but I can assure you I will find out and there will be change. Does that sound haughty and conceited? I'm sure it does but these wars are never meant to be prideful, I just have to psyche myself up to be courageous enough to remember that one person can always make positive change with the right help and that people are just people, no matter what title we hold. And, most people want to do what is right, but get off course and need redirecting. Don't we all! Wish me luck!

Merry-Go-Round

I worry about Abrahm a lot. He's always been such an independent child; happy to be on his own and always quietly wandering off. Because of that and because he's in the middle of two very boisterous, high maintenance groups of children he is often unintentionally neglected. I'm sure that often he thinks that is to his benefit as he is often playing outside with friends for awhile before I realize that he hasn't yet done his responsibilities. I most often worry about him in the evenings. I'm always so busy trying to get the twins down and then bouncing from teen to teen with concerns or plans or questions or their need to chat that by the time I make it up to Abe he has read himself a story and fallen asleep. He doesn't act like a neglected child but he is so lovingly expressive that I have that mother guilt about not being more attentive to the wheel that never squeaks. Thursday night my concerns came to a head. As is very common, I found a "love" note from Abe in my bedroom, when I finally made it there. The note was written at the bottom of a drawing of the fantasy blueprints for his future home. It was more like an enormous, modern castle with pool, game, and t.v. rooms, servants, 20 extra bedrooms etc., but what caught my eye most was the bedroom labeling. One for him, one for his friend next door, and at the opposite side of the house, two separate bedrooms which were labeled "wife #1", "wife #2". I questioned Abe about it in the morning, and he didn't see any reason for concern, so I said, "Abe, you know that having more than one wife is illegal, right?!" He was completely enlightened by that knowledge, so I went on, "Abe, you know that for now and unless specifically commanded, it is also against Heavenly Fathers law too, right?!" That also seemed to be a revelation to him, so I went ahead and explained, that it was also definitely against our family rules. Unfazed, as if he had just learned a fact out of an encyclopedia, he took the paper and erased the labels, leaving only wife #1. For an eight year old boy, who has more factual information in his head than all of the rest of us, excluding Fred, put together, he has missed picking up on a few important facts. Now I am worried about what else he has missed, and our born again Christian neighbors apprehensive behaviors toward us are all becoming clearer to me;-)

I am yearning for the sun! All these gray, cloudy skies, and this cold that burrows in, are draining my motivation for being "up and doing". It's only January and I want to be digging in the dirt, with the sun pelting my back, but I have to work up the courage just to open the sliding glass door to give Olive her breakfast in the morning;-) I think we're all feeling a little couped up, except Abe, of course. We're not much of a cold weather kind of family I guess, unless there is snow. That must be why we're going though books like water. Even Jordan, who has 102 other things to be doing is reading of his own accord, and Fred is reading "Song of Years"(my all time favorite book since I was 14). It's not a "Fred" kind of book, so I was surprised when he asked me where it was. He said he just wanted to see what it was that I've loved so much all these years. Is that sweet or what. We've seen "Fireproof" twice on the big screen now and I think he's putting thoughts into action. I need to follow his selfless example and do something just because Fred loves it, and not because I have something else personal to gain. He's a good husband.

Mikayla and Eden have spent the last month trying to slowly "grow up" their bedroom. Most of their "sweet, and innocent" decorations have been passed down to Lily and Sophie's bedroom, and their room has become a work in progress of bright colors and chrome accents. Because decorations are so expensive and their room was so suddenly too juvenile, it is going through one of those teen awkward stages. It's a rude awakening to me that Jordan isn't the only one who is getting older much too quickly. It is a rare Saturday that goes by that simultaneous giggling, shrieking and all manner of "bed crack stuffing" isn't heard through those teenage walls. I don't know where they learned to be so loud and unrefined!;-)

A sign for Kindergarten registration dates on the school board caught my eye yesterday. It made me sigh. Can't someone stop this merry-go-round from spinning so quickly; at least let me get a firmer hold, so I don't go flinging off and land on my face. It's a strange feeling to picture Lily and Sophie with back packs on that don't really fit. They are nervous...so am I.

Fred, my peacemaker, goes to work everyday trying to weigh out the scales between corporate politics, and ethics and the temptation to have a nervous breakdown and is still glad that he took this job!;-) I send him out the door everyday, with a "go get 'em champ!" and then tackle the laundry in my pajama's and feel like I am battling the same things in a different light and on a different scale. The funny thing is, we can't complain (I mean we do, but we have no cause to). We are blessed, and not deserving.

Puny Little Thought Processes

My dog has been contained in my yard for three glorious (for me, not her) months. Three days ago, she started escaping again. I have tried putting up a "white trash" barricade where I think she is getting out, but she is smart and secretive and she won't escape if she thinks I am watching. Various people have started bringing her back again, and I can only thank them and apologize for their troubles. People are always so kind. Olive has been an incredible instrument for me to meet my "neighbors". Come to think of it, she's been an incredible "tool" for a lot of positive things in my life. I am grateful for the "trials" that she has brought into our family's life.

Friday, Jordan and I broke ground on the Middleton Sign plot, for his Eagle project. It took us an hour, and this old farm girl held my own with my darling, strapping, seventeen year old son. Had it been a contest of strength, I would have been panting and begging for mercy, but because it was just good old fashioned work, and I've been taught by the best, I kept up the pace. It's kind of a fun thought to think that in 20 years, I'll be able to drive past the finished product and remember that that is where I spent a good hour, digging a hole with my son. I'm proud of him for all that he has taken on this year and the young man that is developing from the refining fire. Today Fred and I were invited in while he was being set apart to be the 1st Assistant in the Priest quorum, and like only a mother will, I started to worry about the intense load on his shoulders. He is actively involved in student council, has both a ward and stake calling, is trying to finish up his Eagle Scout Advancement and his Duty to God program, is applying to college, preparing for this summer job away from home and trying to prepare for his mission. As our church meetings let out and we met in the foyer, I asked him if he was going to be okay with all of this responsibility or if he felt like he was going to explode. He just smiled and said, "I'll be okay". I told him that I knew that he needed to grow up sometime and this was good training for adulthood, but it felt like it was a crash course in just one year. His reply, "That's what I get for laying around for 16 years!" In truth, he's an amazing young man and I think he's ready to fly; I'm just not ready to watch him.

I just finished reading "The Problem With Pain" and "A Grief Observed" by C.S. Lewis. I didn't mean to read them together, or in the order that I did, it was just a serendipitous chain of events that caused that, but the combination was so insightful and provocative. It is no secret that I am intrigued by the man; an intellect among men in the passionate pursuit of truth. Most of the previous works that I have read by him are analogous. These were more personal--more fraught with doctrines that he was "testing" and that I know he misunderstood, but so full of pieces of truth that he had uncovered, even in his wanderings. As with all of his writings, that are not for children, I am often "falling a little behind", but captivated enough to keep swimming in the deep waters. I am fascinated with what goes on in his head, maybe because intellectualism is such a foreign concept to my puny little thought processes. I found myself reading, and saying to Mr. Lewis in my mind, "Stop thinking so hard; you are making it so complex", and then in the same breath finding that his complexities had found a home. I think in my naivete, I am surprised by the idea of "finding" truth. My heart validates truth that has been found by others, and I know it more surely than if I had searched it out with my head; I don't wonder, I don't waver, but I am awed by someone who comes to those conclusions on their own, and then I remember about the light of Christ and how much Heavenly Father loves all of his children and I am awed again by how we each come to truth individually, through unique ways that are tapered to our personalities and characteristics. I feel so blessed to have the knowledge of the fullness of the gospel, and after reading "A Grief Observed" feel compelled and duty bound to share it, so others need not suffer so desperately. Eleanor Roosevelt said, "You must do the thing which you think you cannot do." ...And so I must.

A Thought

One of the very silliest and most unproductive things we do as women is determine our worth by comparing our faults with everyone else's talents. But, in some way we all seem to be sucked into it. Guys get overly competitive in sports and we think they are being juvenile; "we would never act like that", we say; we just compete in life-- much more mature ;-)

I'm sure if if we showed up at any of our "hero's" homes some morning during the "get ready" hour or any evening, during the bedtime routine, without prior notice we would, at some point, walk into the chaos of normal, everyday life of very human people, and be enlightened, I'm sure.

Movies Worth Seeing

As I grow older I am learning that when art and virtue are at their pinnacles, magic happens. Magic can be profoundly dramatic and moving. However, I am also learning that as long as virtue is always at it's pinnacle, art can meet at a lower point and the merging can still be profound. The opposite is never true. Because of that, I am finding that I enjoy movies that may not be in the running for academy awards, in fact, that may not be in the "running" for anything, but that portray a good message delivered by mediocre performances. I have not yet learned to appreciate virtuous messages delivered by painful performances (and of course those classifications are the product of opinion).

There is a trend recently, of good people trying to have a positive effect in the media. I have felt that in Douglas Gresham's work, and with Walden Media's mission. I have seen it in lesser art forms in the productions of Michael Landon Jr. and the baptist pastor brothers, Stephen and Alex Kendrick. With my sister and brother-in-laws recommendation, Fred and I went to see this congregations latest film "Fireproof". The main actor is great, most are mediocre, a few bit parts are hard to swallow, but the message was positive and moving and virtuous and when the lights came up, Fred and I worth both crying and were surprised to find a whole slew of extended relatives behind us, doing the same.

If you are looking for a few uplifting movies, not incredible art, I recommend "Fireproof" for a date movie and "Saving Sarah Cain" for a family movie. If lesser art inhibits your enjoyment of a movie, don't bother with either. Hope you enjoy!

P.S. Just a neat side note that my cousin told us (and that I verified) is that in the scene in "Fireproof" where the husband and wife in the movie kiss, the main actor, who refuses to kiss anyone on stage or off besides his real wife, had the film crew shoot the scene in silhouette so his own wife could come into the shot and he could kiss her instead. That's virtue!

Snow Days

Lily, Olive, Sophie


Sophie




Lily

Looking Back-- Looking Forward

Fred and I were at a family party, visiting in segregated groups for a few minutes (the guys in the kitchen; the girls in the living room) before we started playing games, and as women do, we were sharing our frustrations with trying to meet the demands of motherhood. Marg was wondering how anyone had time to "blog" and Liz suggested it was all just a matter of priority. I related with both of their remarks. It is such a challenge to find time to sit still and write about something that has already happened and is not on the "pending" to do list, but I feel compelled to keep a journal entry and by doing it blogging style, I feel like I accomplish two things in one by trying to keep up communications with friends family.

I love being able to get up in the morning and check my e-mail and then go to my "Freinds and Family Blogs" bookmark see what everyone else is doing. It is so quick and I can keep in touch by just responding to something that they wrote. Of course I can't do it every morning and I don't record as often as I should, but I try to get updated at least once a week. I had friends who sent a family blog this year instead of Christmas cards and it was fun to be able to see all of the pictures and keep updated in a way that would just be too time consuming through the phone or with individualized letters. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing like getting a personal phone call and handwritten, personalized snail mail, but this adds to what I can accomplish with those things that are still special to me. It is so interesting how much more I have gotten to know those family and friends this past year who are actively communicating through the computer.

I am preparing for a landslide year. January through March are going to be so busy with Jordan trying to finish his Eagle project and His Duty to God requirements and apply to college. Then comes graduation and putting everything in order for this summer job in Washington. By this summer Mikayla will be turning 16 and getting her drivers license and by Fall the twins will head off to kindergarten and Eden will finally be released into the world of makeup (which she thinks is just as big of a landmark. Abe is the only one who does not have pre-determined milestones this year. I am trying not to acclimate in panic mode.

We went out to dinner with three other couples last night and spent a couple of hours in the restaurant just talking about our lives. We are the only ones with older children and it feels so surreal. These are some great times in our lives that we will always cherish and it makes me appreciate those who surround me who are paving the path. Others positive experience is so often a boon, when the path ahead looks so daunting and unfamiliar.

I am so grateful for the constancy of the gospel and the security that comes from knowing that one path will always seem familiar and unaltered, even as life presents its challenges and turbulence and unstoppable change. Lessons learned are so easy to see when you look back over 17 years of marriage. I was talking to my brother Thursday night and just feeling intense empathy for the challenges of supporting and raising a young family. We have experienced many years of circumstances that did not seem ideal at the time, but we have grown in so many ways from those struggles and we are now reaping some of the benefits of "enduring" and preparing to start a whole new set of challenges as our children start leaving home.

I know our future is bright. I feel hopeful as I look forward into this new year, and I am comforted with the thought that I am surrounded by family and friends who will help me to remember that, when the trials come, as they always do.

I love you all. May hope and light permeate each of our lives this year.

A SUCCESS

It is a new day, a new week, soon to be a new year. We have emerged from our family hiatus reinvigorated and ready to resume our responsibilities, challenges and general mayhem that seems to take up such a large portion of our lives. I was so grateful for my children's friends respecting what I was trying to achieve this past week. None of them called with invitations that would distract them from this past week, but they all have plans waiting for this upcoming one, which is good and fun and how it should be. An entire week of shutting out the world is so therapeutic. We hardly even ventured out of our family with the computer or the telephone. That means we have some catching up to do with everyone else we love, but that seems to be "relatively" easy. ;-) Fred had to work Monday and Tuesday, so during the days, the children and I finished preparing for Christmas and in the evenings we celebrated together. I had enough food bought and prepared for buffet style eating for the most of the week, so I only cooked dinner Tuesday night and breakfast Saturday morning and we grazed the rest of the week. It was fantastic!

We spent the days sledding, playing board games for hours, reading, watching movies, visiting, making treats etc. We even tried roasting chestnuts, though we didn't have an "open fire", and found them to be quite disgusting. I'm not sure why they would be romanticized in a song, but that is knowledge that can be chalked up to experience. We learned that the Farming Game is so much more fun when played "speed style"; it is also much more violent. We learned that when you play board games for too many hours, and too late at night, that you get very loud and silly and people not playing with you keep casting sidelong glances of concern. It was reminiscent of very long monopoly games with Mys and Lulu. Because we never went anywhere outside of our neighborhood, Lily and Sophie spent three full days in "princess" clothes and we didn't have one dramatic outburst about someone choosing the cute flower pants that Annalie gave them first or having to change into clothes that "match". We did have other dramatic outbursts but that is just par for the course with twins.

I did wake up this morning to a very full Inbox on my e-mail, which will take some time to sort, but that is okay as well, because I'm up before any of my children who will probably all get up late because we partied them too hard last week, so I have a few minutes before I have to head off to a planning mtg. for this big New Years Celebration that has come down from Salt Lake. More partying.........! I think Pres. Monson likes parties ;-) Our stake has chosen to hold it on New Years Eve, so half of our family will be at the stake center from 8:00 PM until 1:00 AM and Fred and the youngest three will be at home. Not an ideal celebration-- I am trying to talk Fred into coming up for the countdown and "breakfast", but I think he is thinking he may actually sneak into bed before midnight for once on a New Years Eve, so I don't know how sucessful that will be. It would be so much more fun as an entire family!

If the weather and every one's health holds out, we will probably end these two weeks of vacation by staying with Joseph and Camille on Friday and Saturday. We haven't been up to the ranch in a very long time and Fred has a sleep study to do in McCall so we thought it would be a good opportunity to all go up together and visit.

MAKING OUR GINGERBREAD HOUSE FOR F.H.E.

CHRISTMAS MORNING

PERFECT PRINCESSES

CASUALTIES OF TOO MUCH SUGAR AND TOO LITTLE SLEEP

(He ran straight into the door jam!)

GAME CRAZY

GONE CRAZY

(This is what happens when your mother forces you to spend an entire week together as a family! Mikayla was having too much fun. I was hoping some of Jordan's friend girls would show up for just a minute ;-)

SATURDAY MORNING BREAKFAST (Fred gave me a tablecloth and napkins and rings for Christmas-- I was feeling very refined)