In the World

Fred comes home today from his training convention and I think will be very glad of it. He has been eating at the best restaurants with someone else picking up the bill, has wandered through Disneyland for the first time in his life, and has generally been "schmoozed" for the last 5 days, by every vendor who finds out that he is a R.T. director with a budget to spend. He walked to church Sunday on a beautiful sunny day, and was picked up by a kind Polynesian family. He said it was such a relief to walk through those doors and leave the "worldliness" of flowing money and "dressing for success" behind. We have not been accustomed to the corporate world and he will be happy to return to his small, shared office in a sane city. Of course we will all be happy to have his peaceful, calm influence back home and the twins can't wait for the Micky Mouse suckers they've been promised.

We attended our ward Christmas party on Saturday. We enjoyed dinner and a nice program and then "Santa" came to visit with each individual child. Because of the way that we were raised I have always loved the symbol of Santa and we enjoy "playing at the game", but when my children ask questions I have always been honest with them about his reality. I think at a young age this causes some confusion because they see his influence everywhere and most adults want to allude to the magic in their presence. Lily and Sophie are experiencing this confusion. They have asked many questions and I have answered by explaining the reality of St. Nicholas and the tradition that has been carried on since his death to symbolize a good spirit of Christmas. As our ward program finished, and it was announced over the microphone, that Santa was here, Lily gasped and turning to Mikayla said, "See, Santa's not dead!" I escorted her quickly to the bathroom to try and re-explain things. When I could see that she wasn't buying into my explanation, because she had gotten a visual of him walking across the gym, I decided not to push the issue, but told her we would talk about it more at home. She stubbornly said, "No, I want to talk about it here!" I did my best not to destroy the symbol, but be truthful and we went back out to sit on his lap. She and Sophie stood in line for quite some time and finally had their turn (of course together). A very kind, well dressed, convincing Santa talked to each of them and then asked them what they wanted. Lily looked toward me, standing back from the line and said, "I want a Barbie." Unnerved, Sophie meekly said that she wanted a "heart doll", upon which Lily announced that Sophie already had one of those. I have never had my children make wish lists for Christmas, have never asked them what they wanted Santa to bring and have tried very hard to help them not focus on "getting", but of course at 4 that is still a lesson that is being learned. As Lily climbed down from Santa's lap she triumphantly announced to me what she had asked Santa to bring her. Because I do not like Barbies or what they represent and because Lily is VERY aware of this, I expressed my disappointment with her request and explained that she would not receive that gift. She was sure that I was wrong because she had asked it of Santa, not me. Not wanting to get back into a confusing subject in the middle of the gym I told her that she had to ask Santa for appropriate gifts. She wanted to know if Santa knew that and if Sophie had "told him about Barbies". The conversation finally ended in a positive light, with her perfectly contented with the candy cane that she had been given. She is a driven child and I always have my hands full trying to calm her unruly spirit, but I know she will go far, if I can last, with that kind of confidence and self determination. Sophie has her fathers talents of peaceful serenity, meek obedience and the desire to please, and they make for a perfect, though emotionally draining duo.

I was talking with my visiting teacher this week about Christmas traditions and, of all things that I am not competent to talk about, simplifying. She was telling me how she had heard a women's conference talk one year on the subject that had "changed her life". She had been in a frenzied habit of buying tons of gifts and trying to make everything balance out (if her daughter had ten things, the rest of the children must have 10 things, etc.) That year she decided each child would get one gift from "Santa" and one gift from she and her husband. I sat there thinking that we had been getting our children only one gift for many of the past years and I was still stressed out, and I realized that it is because I have still put too much emphasis on the gift. Since I'm only buying one, it must be perfectly suited-- it must be magic! I wonder if I will ever have the courage to truly simplify and gain that peace that comes from putting into practice the "true meaning of Christmas". I have been a coward for so many years.

Yesterday, Jordan had to "break up" with a girl, that he was not aware he was "dating", after a Christmas gift was prematurely and symbolically thrown at his head. After I found him in the playroom, hurt by the vehemence and struggling to understand the female mind, we had to have a talk about kindness sometimes not being kind. He has grown into such a nice young man and this adult world he is entering, can be a bit rough and tumble sometimes, and hard to come to grips with. It's hard to watch him grow up and become independent.

I have great expectations and high hopes for this week to be "a new day". Wish me luck!