I'm not usually a big fan of conjured "scripture" or mind of God presumptions, but I loved that Taylor shared this commercial--quite a diversion from the contemporary media norm. The message was sweet and it's Paul Harvey.........=) Besides, I had to agree with Taylor's brief dedication--I watched it and thought, "That's my Dad!"
Monday, February 11, 2013
Sunday, February 3, 2013
"Free Agency and Freedom"
I just re-read this today. One of my all time favorite talks by Elder Oaks. Just thought I'd share.http://speeches.byu.edu/?act=viewitem&id=573
After All, I Am In Heaven
Mikayla and Jordan are taking a World Religions class together this semester. Mikayla is always sending me little excerpts of information that she has gleaned or links to articles that she finds interesting. I have been intrigued with the pieces of truth and goodness that are embedded in the beliefs throughout all of the nations of the earth. Even among those religions that aren't classified as Christian, there is that recognizable tie that binds us and lets me see that Heavenly Father loves ALL of His children and has guided and inspired and even revealed things to individuals long before the Church was originally organized and in the interim before the re-organization. I find that the more I learn about other religions, the more it helps me feel a kinship with those of other faiths and at the same time solidifies and illuminates my testimony that the fullness is on the earth. It is fulfilling to have children share their education with me. What a blessing to be able to continually learn. Fred is always reminding our children to beware of "ignorance and want". I find that I am continually learning things that I already thought I knew and often come to find that what I "knew" was actually false. I think that is the worst kind of ignorance of all and a kind that is more difficult to beware of. It is a good thing that I have so many people around me who are trying to learn such different things and scattering intelligence about like fairy dust. Maybe some of it will stick.
I'm always trying to coerce Fred into, not just taking me on dates, but "asking me out".=) I'm an hopeless romantic! Friday he did, (he often does) but he hadn't made a plan so when I chatted with Mikayla Friday afternoon I asked if she had any good ideas. She had A LOT of ideas, but most of them were only "good" if you were a college student or into random spontaneity--of which I am neither. Her last suggestion was another little encouragement to go see "Les Miserables". (I expect all of her varied and "interesting" ideas were just a ploy to make seeing a movie seem appealing.=) I told her I was still pondering. She encouraged me to "ponder away". But her comment made me realize that if I really wanted to feel safe than I should actually stop my endless pondering and just follow her example in the first place and get an answer. I admit I felt a little...what's the word... sheepish? liable? self conscious? hypocritical? I've never prayed about seeing a movie before. I guess relying on the available worldly resources that are now so accessible and detailed and helpful have been a reliable safety net and so I haven't felt compelled to dig deeper. And now I felt like a little child going to ask a parent for permission to do something that I'd initially decided not to do, but had let myself get talked into maybe wanting to do, yet not really convinced I should do. It was an uncomfortable conversation and I found myself clarifying that I would walk out where my children did, but I didn't want to be a part of anything that would drive away the Spirit. I felt the irony in the fact that I was even asking for approval and determined afterward that without a clear-cut answer I would just be done with the internal conflict tonight and put it behind me with my previous decision. I thought I had that clear-cut answer when Fred called me on his way home and asked if I wanted to go to the temple for our date. I could go to the temple or suggest that I'd rather go to a movie which wasn't pure--it doesn't get more clear than that! So I started preparing for the temple. And then somehow between that phone call and our departure to the temple, Fred had changed his mind and suggested that we should go to see Les Mis that night instead and attend the temple the next morning--and I felt oddly at peace with the change of plans. It was a strange way for me to get an answer to an awkward question. Just to clarify--I felt in no way that the answer was that I should go see Les Mis. instead of going to the temple. I just felt that if I wanted to go see the movie that was alright and I wouldn't be putting myself in harm's way and that it didn't have to be an either/or choice.
So, my take on the movie? I closed my eyes once, where Jordan had warned me I might be sensitive, but I probably should have plugged my ears as well, but that was a momentary discomfort--I'm not damaged. We walked out twice, where my children had told me to and where I had promised in my prayers that I would. Two teen girls walked out with us both times, which I enjoyed. For me, I think that was the right choice and I was able to experience the movie with no excessive baggage. I have heard from others that none of the scenes were as bad as the play that we saw, but I still feel like it was best for me not to have to visualize them. I've read the book--I understand the full scope of the story, but for me some things are best left in un-detailed ink on pages. I thought there were some moments that were emotionally profound. I thought the story emphasized the nobility of good choices and the wretchedness of bad ones. I thought there was some incredibly vulnerable and powerful acting that allowed deep and immediate intimacy with the characters that I have not experienced on stage.Seen in that way, I felt like the moral good overshadowed the depravities that I did still have to witness and there was no scarring (except from the horrendous "noise" of the previews--after the first few frames I spent the entire time staring at Fred instead of the screen--why I didn't just walk out during that time I have no idea--sometimes I'm just plain stupid--there is no other rational explanation). So, I'm glad I went. But--and this is purely my movie critic speaking, not my moral critic--I did feel emotionally and physically claustrophobic for much of the movie as it is shot almost completely in facial close-ups. I desperately wanted the camera to pull back so I could see the whole group, people's body language and interactions with each other. I wanted to get a feel for the setting, but you rarely get that and because of that I could never transport myself. There were times when the emotionalism itself could touch me but not because I was there. And, although there were some talented musicians, the musicality wasn't the main focus here and I missed that too. Mikayla, Jordan and Eden said that the theater burst into applause on the final scene on opening night. I have felt that enthusiasm and appreciation during the stage production, even during the taped concert in my house, but I didn't have that feeling or that reaction in the theater and no-one else in our audience did either, so I missed that finale feel. I walked out of the theater feeling contemplative but not captivated. As a side note, I will say that after all of Eden's gushing over Marius for the past few months, I agreed that he was a cute, sweet boy and if she is going to have a crush on a fictitious character she has my mother blessing. He has so many more redeeming traits than any character James Dean ever portrayed.=/
I met one of my young friends in the temple on Saturday, just getting ready to receive her endowment in preparation for her sealing next week. That is always such a sweet experience to cross paths with someone on the way to a significant, life changing event. She was glowing and her mom was glowing and I felt all glowing after I hugged them. Just minutes later, I was in the temple office making an appointment for Mikayla to receive her endowment and ran into Sis. Miller who taught her in Kindergarten and the sweet feelings just kept coming. These are good times!
Sunbeams was super duper today. Before I even stood up from the bench after Sacrament mtg. I had a mother pointing at me and a little girl beaming my way. There's just not much that beats that kind of high. I had seven out of my nine children, but I have the feeling I may have to go "find" the other two. If they were adults that would terrify me, but somehow even when adults are involved, I feel no barrier about seeking out the children. Why is that? I didn't teach today and so it was a little trickier to control the environment from the sidelines and I'm not sure everyone appreciated all of the wiggles (I tried really hard to hold still=). I actually have personal troubles with that at the age of 43, so I think wiggling at the age of 4 is just par for the course but we'll all just do our best and try to stay positive and cheerful--won't we!=) One little boy kept playing with my hair during Sharing Time--winding it round and round his finger. I didn't mind--but I guess at the age of 4 we aren't supposed to touch things that don't belong to us....I guess I missed that memo. I guess he did too because he just kept winding and said, "but it's so pretty." At that point, what choice did I have except of course to whisper, "thank you" and just keep letting him wind. I know, I know, I'm going to get myself in trouble. I'll try to be good little girl--after all, I am in heaven.
I'm always trying to coerce Fred into, not just taking me on dates, but "asking me out".=) I'm an hopeless romantic! Friday he did, (he often does) but he hadn't made a plan so when I chatted with Mikayla Friday afternoon I asked if she had any good ideas. She had A LOT of ideas, but most of them were only "good" if you were a college student or into random spontaneity--of which I am neither. Her last suggestion was another little encouragement to go see "Les Miserables". (I expect all of her varied and "interesting" ideas were just a ploy to make seeing a movie seem appealing.=) I told her I was still pondering. She encouraged me to "ponder away". But her comment made me realize that if I really wanted to feel safe than I should actually stop my endless pondering and just follow her example in the first place and get an answer. I admit I felt a little...what's the word... sheepish? liable? self conscious? hypocritical? I've never prayed about seeing a movie before. I guess relying on the available worldly resources that are now so accessible and detailed and helpful have been a reliable safety net and so I haven't felt compelled to dig deeper. And now I felt like a little child going to ask a parent for permission to do something that I'd initially decided not to do, but had let myself get talked into maybe wanting to do, yet not really convinced I should do. It was an uncomfortable conversation and I found myself clarifying that I would walk out where my children did, but I didn't want to be a part of anything that would drive away the Spirit. I felt the irony in the fact that I was even asking for approval and determined afterward that without a clear-cut answer I would just be done with the internal conflict tonight and put it behind me with my previous decision. I thought I had that clear-cut answer when Fred called me on his way home and asked if I wanted to go to the temple for our date. I could go to the temple or suggest that I'd rather go to a movie which wasn't pure--it doesn't get more clear than that! So I started preparing for the temple. And then somehow between that phone call and our departure to the temple, Fred had changed his mind and suggested that we should go to see Les Mis that night instead and attend the temple the next morning--and I felt oddly at peace with the change of plans. It was a strange way for me to get an answer to an awkward question. Just to clarify--I felt in no way that the answer was that I should go see Les Mis. instead of going to the temple. I just felt that if I wanted to go see the movie that was alright and I wouldn't be putting myself in harm's way and that it didn't have to be an either/or choice.
So, my take on the movie? I closed my eyes once, where Jordan had warned me I might be sensitive, but I probably should have plugged my ears as well, but that was a momentary discomfort--I'm not damaged. We walked out twice, where my children had told me to and where I had promised in my prayers that I would. Two teen girls walked out with us both times, which I enjoyed. For me, I think that was the right choice and I was able to experience the movie with no excessive baggage. I have heard from others that none of the scenes were as bad as the play that we saw, but I still feel like it was best for me not to have to visualize them. I've read the book--I understand the full scope of the story, but for me some things are best left in un-detailed ink on pages. I thought there were some moments that were emotionally profound. I thought the story emphasized the nobility of good choices and the wretchedness of bad ones. I thought there was some incredibly vulnerable and powerful acting that allowed deep and immediate intimacy with the characters that I have not experienced on stage.Seen in that way, I felt like the moral good overshadowed the depravities that I did still have to witness and there was no scarring (except from the horrendous "noise" of the previews--after the first few frames I spent the entire time staring at Fred instead of the screen--why I didn't just walk out during that time I have no idea--sometimes I'm just plain stupid--there is no other rational explanation). So, I'm glad I went. But--and this is purely my movie critic speaking, not my moral critic--I did feel emotionally and physically claustrophobic for much of the movie as it is shot almost completely in facial close-ups. I desperately wanted the camera to pull back so I could see the whole group, people's body language and interactions with each other. I wanted to get a feel for the setting, but you rarely get that and because of that I could never transport myself. There were times when the emotionalism itself could touch me but not because I was there. And, although there were some talented musicians, the musicality wasn't the main focus here and I missed that too. Mikayla, Jordan and Eden said that the theater burst into applause on the final scene on opening night. I have felt that enthusiasm and appreciation during the stage production, even during the taped concert in my house, but I didn't have that feeling or that reaction in the theater and no-one else in our audience did either, so I missed that finale feel. I walked out of the theater feeling contemplative but not captivated. As a side note, I will say that after all of Eden's gushing over Marius for the past few months, I agreed that he was a cute, sweet boy and if she is going to have a crush on a fictitious character she has my mother blessing. He has so many more redeeming traits than any character James Dean ever portrayed.=/
I met one of my young friends in the temple on Saturday, just getting ready to receive her endowment in preparation for her sealing next week. That is always such a sweet experience to cross paths with someone on the way to a significant, life changing event. She was glowing and her mom was glowing and I felt all glowing after I hugged them. Just minutes later, I was in the temple office making an appointment for Mikayla to receive her endowment and ran into Sis. Miller who taught her in Kindergarten and the sweet feelings just kept coming. These are good times!
Sunbeams was super duper today. Before I even stood up from the bench after Sacrament mtg. I had a mother pointing at me and a little girl beaming my way. There's just not much that beats that kind of high. I had seven out of my nine children, but I have the feeling I may have to go "find" the other two. If they were adults that would terrify me, but somehow even when adults are involved, I feel no barrier about seeking out the children. Why is that? I didn't teach today and so it was a little trickier to control the environment from the sidelines and I'm not sure everyone appreciated all of the wiggles (I tried really hard to hold still=). I actually have personal troubles with that at the age of 43, so I think wiggling at the age of 4 is just par for the course but we'll all just do our best and try to stay positive and cheerful--won't we!=) One little boy kept playing with my hair during Sharing Time--winding it round and round his finger. I didn't mind--but I guess at the age of 4 we aren't supposed to touch things that don't belong to us....I guess I missed that memo. I guess he did too because he just kept winding and said, "but it's so pretty." At that point, what choice did I have except of course to whisper, "thank you" and just keep letting him wind. I know, I know, I'm going to get myself in trouble. I'll try to be good little girl--after all, I am in heaven.
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
"Earthly Father, Heavenly Father"
A beautiful video shared by my nephew, Taylor.
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Sunday, January 27, 2013
Yield: To Produce Profit in Return for Cultivation
36 hours with Mikayla--20 hours with Jordan and they are off again. What an impossibly amazing weekend! It's hard for me to always keep everything in perspective, but I think Pres. Walker said it best after his third of at least 5 calls here, worried about the icy roads--wondering if Mikayla's mission call had come--wanting to know if she had made it home. Each time I shared the hurdles that seemed to be endlessly popping up and his reply was, "Oh, aren't these such exciting times! Isn't the Lord so incredibly mindful of each of us individually? I didn't see my way as clearly the past few days--but they are--and He is! Looking back--fresh memories lingering--we have experienced safety and charity and some precious moments of piercing peace, the most powerfully profound of which was Mikayla's reading of her mission call. Twice we have experienced the utter chaos and confusion of trying to coordinate and connect extended family prior to these important events, and twice I have been awed by the immediacy of peace and the intensity of the spiritual confirmations, as my children have started reading their prophetic calls, both that our Heavenly Father loves His child--and mine--and that these assignments come directly from Him. Last night, in a some brief minutes of quiet I asked Mikayla how she felt about receiving a call to serve next door to home. She told me, "It's none of the things I was expecting. It's really close. It's not a foreign language. But, something happens when you read your call and you just feel that it is yours." She is ready and asked, in all seriousness, if we could come, if we picked up the car in Burley on Monday, and go through the temple with her. Our Stake President asked her to start going to the temple twice a week after she got her call and she is anxious. I had to inform her, smiling, that we would need to have just a bit more preparatory time than that, but soon. She said that she would go with her limited use recommend until we could make plans. These are the extraordinary profits that make all of the struggles and heartaches and stresses worth the effort.
Some interesting things we learned, or remembered, over the course of the few hours we had together after the call came, were that we have numerous friends, friends of friends and family of friends who are either serving in Mikayla's mission right now, have served there, are living in her mission boundaries, moving into her boundaries or are originally from her mission area. And most ironic of all--Jet, the friend who helped Mikayla realize the spiritual power of living her testimony and opening her mouth in defense of the gospel, is stationed one hour away from the heart of Denver, at the military base in Colorado Springs, preparing for the time when he will serve a mission of his own. I know Mikayla would have enjoyed a taste of other cultures and languages integrated into her missionary experience--she has an abiding love and interest in diversity, but she decided to become a full time missionary because she wanted to share and serve. She knows this is her calling--we know it is--and because we do--Fred and I can be openly relived that she is close. We understand this isn't about us, but it is a comfort just the same. This weekend has been brief and harried, but a warm sweet glow is what is left lingering.
Part of that sweetness was added by nine 4 year olds. I visited all of my Sunbeams on Friday to break down the stranger barrier (the fruit snacks I took along aided me abundantly=). My only goal this week: Help every child want to be in class. I am pleased to report that we got there and more! I had 6 children come to church and because I was squeezing out the last hour of our visit and Mikayla was with me, there were 3 "teachers" during Sharing Time. It was perfect. One tiny waif of a girl spent the entire hour rolling her hand round and round mine, smiling brightly up into my face and whispering every few minutes, "You're my teacher...I'm happy...I'm a sunbeam? You're my teacher...I'm happy...I'm a child of God?" The random comments, backfiring of object lessons and the goldfish attention spans had Mikayla and I in stitches. Mikayla had to leave before class, but there we colored pictures, played bean bag toss, drew on the chalkboard, dressed up like Daniel and lions and angels and learned how to reverent and how to pray. In the end happy parents picked up their sweet children and I came home in love. Primary can be such a happy, healing place. It seems that after every difficult calling or hard life experience where I start becoming weighed down with self guilt I am called to work in the primary and I am reminded how much Heavenly Father loves His children and wants their happiness and growth. And then I remember, truly, that I am one of those children and that once again I have been listening to the wrong "voices". Primary makes it so easy to see the simple truths and appreciate the abundant goodness of life.
Some interesting things we learned, or remembered, over the course of the few hours we had together after the call came, were that we have numerous friends, friends of friends and family of friends who are either serving in Mikayla's mission right now, have served there, are living in her mission boundaries, moving into her boundaries or are originally from her mission area. And most ironic of all--Jet, the friend who helped Mikayla realize the spiritual power of living her testimony and opening her mouth in defense of the gospel, is stationed one hour away from the heart of Denver, at the military base in Colorado Springs, preparing for the time when he will serve a mission of his own. I know Mikayla would have enjoyed a taste of other cultures and languages integrated into her missionary experience--she has an abiding love and interest in diversity, but she decided to become a full time missionary because she wanted to share and serve. She knows this is her calling--we know it is--and because we do--Fred and I can be openly relived that she is close. We understand this isn't about us, but it is a comfort just the same. This weekend has been brief and harried, but a warm sweet glow is what is left lingering.
Part of that sweetness was added by nine 4 year olds. I visited all of my Sunbeams on Friday to break down the stranger barrier (the fruit snacks I took along aided me abundantly=). My only goal this week: Help every child want to be in class. I am pleased to report that we got there and more! I had 6 children come to church and because I was squeezing out the last hour of our visit and Mikayla was with me, there were 3 "teachers" during Sharing Time. It was perfect. One tiny waif of a girl spent the entire hour rolling her hand round and round mine, smiling brightly up into my face and whispering every few minutes, "You're my teacher...I'm happy...I'm a sunbeam? You're my teacher...I'm happy...I'm a child of God?" The random comments, backfiring of object lessons and the goldfish attention spans had Mikayla and I in stitches. Mikayla had to leave before class, but there we colored pictures, played bean bag toss, drew on the chalkboard, dressed up like Daniel and lions and angels and learned how to reverent and how to pray. In the end happy parents picked up their sweet children and I came home in love. Primary can be such a happy, healing place. It seems that after every difficult calling or hard life experience where I start becoming weighed down with self guilt I am called to work in the primary and I am reminded how much Heavenly Father loves His children and wants their happiness and growth. And then I remember, truly, that I am one of those children and that once again I have been listening to the wrong "voices". Primary makes it so easy to see the simple truths and appreciate the abundant goodness of life.
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
"Assignment by the Prophets"
President Walker called today to let me know that "the records show Mikayla was assigned by the prophets last Thursday." What an incredible statement--hit me with full force. Mikayla is starting a legacy as the first woman in our family line to ever serve a full time mission, stepping right into the big shoes of Taylor, Jordan and Scott. I am so grateful for righteous youth! Tonight I feel ready..............=)
Sunday, January 20, 2013
There is Sunshine in my Soul Today
Best. Day. Ever! I was called to be the Sunbeam teacher in our ward! I will miss our Gospel Principles class, which has been an amazing, spiritual perk of being a ward missionary, but I am so excited to be serving somewhere that I can actually see and feel that I am making an immediate difference (and which isn't so scary and guilt ridden.) I wasn't supposed to start teaching until next week, but I was so excited that I went into the primary room to peak at "my kids", a few of who were crying, and I felt instant love and concern. I am excited to go visit each of them this week (and of course take a treat :) so that they will feel a comfortable connection and positive anticipation to attend class on Sunday. I know the start of the new year is a difficult time of transition, especially at this age where they are just coming from the looser structure of nursery and strangers can be so terrifying, but I am so confident that I can make it a haven. I know it will be one for me.
Ironically, right after church I ran into my dear friend, and previous Stake YW Pres, who was making a quick bee-line for the nursery room because she has just been called to serve as the Nursery Leader in her ward. We were both basking in that glow that serving little children brings. This church abounds in such diversity of opportunity for growth, both for us and from us.
I have been thinking quite a bit about Elder Uchtdorf's talk on truth from the YSA fireside last week. It was given on the heels of Fred taking me on a date to see the movie, "The Life of Pi", which was hard, but contemplative. Of course a prophet of God has a firm grasp on the meaning and source of all truth and Hollywood rarely does, but what the movie did importantly remind me was that truth can be found in so many places, and we should diligently search for it everywhere, but (and this was not its intended lesson) the source of truth can be found in only one place and that place is authentic, not just "the better story". I am so grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ which proffers me the measuring rod by which to extract truth in pieces from so many places, sometimes where the whole isn't understood, and add them to the holes of my own understanding. So much of the world is seeking truth--we are seeking it individually--together. I am so grateful for the gift of the Spirit which confirms to me truth when I find it and encourages me to continuously reach for it. I loved Renee's wise comments on my post last week and referring to that topic, Mikayla reminded me today of a quote by Sis. Dalton, who said, "Talking about standards is not about rules; standards are about qualifying for the companionship of the Holy Ghost. Standards are about standing in holy places so you're worthy to have the companionship of the third member of the Godhead."
That is a hefty responsibility, but it is refreshing to anticipate, that at the age of 4 not a single little sunbeam will be openly opposing that companionship...or truth, creating such a conduit for learning and oh so rewarding an experience. And in case any of you are smirking, thinking that in my idealistic sentimentality, that I have forgotten the reality of teaching sunbeams, I am also looking forward to adding an exercise regime into my Sunday block schedule, learning about all the latest news in the ward, feeling so grateful if I can be helpful in even one principle sinking deeply and looking enormously forward to being loved without reservation. I can hardly wait! =)
Ironically, right after church I ran into my dear friend, and previous Stake YW Pres, who was making a quick bee-line for the nursery room because she has just been called to serve as the Nursery Leader in her ward. We were both basking in that glow that serving little children brings. This church abounds in such diversity of opportunity for growth, both for us and from us.
I have been thinking quite a bit about Elder Uchtdorf's talk on truth from the YSA fireside last week. It was given on the heels of Fred taking me on a date to see the movie, "The Life of Pi", which was hard, but contemplative. Of course a prophet of God has a firm grasp on the meaning and source of all truth and Hollywood rarely does, but what the movie did importantly remind me was that truth can be found in so many places, and we should diligently search for it everywhere, but (and this was not its intended lesson) the source of truth can be found in only one place and that place is authentic, not just "the better story". I am so grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ which proffers me the measuring rod by which to extract truth in pieces from so many places, sometimes where the whole isn't understood, and add them to the holes of my own understanding. So much of the world is seeking truth--we are seeking it individually--together. I am so grateful for the gift of the Spirit which confirms to me truth when I find it and encourages me to continuously reach for it. I loved Renee's wise comments on my post last week and referring to that topic, Mikayla reminded me today of a quote by Sis. Dalton, who said, "Talking about standards is not about rules; standards are about qualifying for the companionship of the Holy Ghost. Standards are about standing in holy places so you're worthy to have the companionship of the third member of the Godhead."
That is a hefty responsibility, but it is refreshing to anticipate, that at the age of 4 not a single little sunbeam will be openly opposing that companionship...or truth, creating such a conduit for learning and oh so rewarding an experience. And in case any of you are smirking, thinking that in my idealistic sentimentality, that I have forgotten the reality of teaching sunbeams, I am also looking forward to adding an exercise regime into my Sunday block schedule, learning about all the latest news in the ward, feeling so grateful if I can be helpful in even one principle sinking deeply and looking enormously forward to being loved without reservation. I can hardly wait! =)
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Winter Wonderland
We woke up to a white world this morning--with bushy frost draping everything in site. My camera battery was dead at 7:45 AM when we discovered it's magic, so these pictures weren't taken until around 10 AM after the light wind had already starting blowing it away, but it was still gorgeous. Of course my photos don't do it justice as it looked like a world of diamonds and the pictures aren't sparkly. If it's going to be cold (6 degrees this morning) it should always be this pretty.
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Yield: To Grant or Allow
I can be an inconsistent hunkerer. I'd rather think of myself as steadfast and immovable, and I often am, just not always in the best ways, but in contemplating my resolution to "yield" this year and the self evaluation that goes along with wanting to change, I am having to take responsibilities for some of my inconsistencies. I have discovered one of these to be my attempts at spiritual protection,especially with media--as one example--movies. Ratings used to be a HUGE deal to me--some still are--but they have become less valuable to me over the years as more reliable tools, such as reviews, have become available and almost all ratings have become personally untrustworthy. A prophet of God gave counsel in my youth not to see R-rated movies, so to me, that is the end of any personal discussion--an easy choice. I like those! Of course that was when ratings were a little more reliable and significantly defined and before the inception of the PG-13 rating, which has always felt like a personal no man's land--a danger zone of uncertainty and fear of the enemy trenches on the other side. I have ventured out of my own, hand dug trench occasionally. Growing up, we watched a few of these movies in our home. In college, they played the edited airline version of some of these at the on-campus cinema and I watched many of them. As young parents Fred and I subscribed to a membership at a Clean Flicks video store and saw a few more. Through all of those experiences I have learned that "editing" can't catch all darkness. There are a few times where these ventured experiences have been more positively profound than painful, but, for me they have been scarce and more often there are scars because my mental pain threshold is low. Not everyone feels things or sees them the same way and I am learning that there is more than one way to be "good"--always my "blue" personality is rearing its head. I have sat in groups of righteous women who talked about movies that they wouldn't let into their homes, which I watch, and movies that they watch, which I wouldn't let into my home. A conundrum! It lends depth to Mikayla's question to me a few years ago, "Can some things be wrong for one person and right for another?" The answer...I honestly don't know. I used to just teach my children that we didn't need to be concerned about everyone else--we just needed to do what we felt was right for our family. but what about when we all "grow up" and have individual feelings?
Case in point: After our family's unfortunate experience with the last traveling Broadway performance of Les Miserables, I was highly skeptical and wary that the movie, then in the making, wouldn't be worse. Knowing the potential of the story, my older children were hopeful and enamored by the possibility for light. They followed the endless teaser trailers that were frequently released with excitement. I watched them with suspicion. Month's before it's release, the rating came out, but with no reviews. As I am prone to pessimism, I washed my hands of it--my older children, more prone to optimism, held out for Plugged-In's review, which has become my invaluable trusted "spy" into this section of enemy territory. ("Spies" are an entirely other moral dilemma, but that's another discussion.) The day the detailed review was posted I was in town and Mikayla called, utterly dejected. The review warned of all of the play's inappropriateness and more. I was not surprised and so not too disappointed. It's just a movie, after all--entertainment. But Mikayla was genuinely frustrated and torn. She has grown up with the edited soundtrack and concert video as entertainment that we have believed to be inspiring staples in our home and had just read the unabridged, 1500 page novel--full of life lessons and light.
A few years back I could and did forbid quite a few choices, deeming it my protective mother duty. Partly, because my older childrens ages have demanded it, partly because I am, very slowly, learning that sometimes forbidding falls into the "other plan", and partly, because I am realizing that I do not have control, I have begrudgingly slackened the reigns a bit (physically, but still not mentally). So, I gave Mikayla my best council, encouraged her not to move forward until she had an answer with which she felt peace...and waited. It may seem like a lot of fuss over 3 hours of entertainment, but she prayed and pondered and found the movie script online, enough to feel that the smut was housed, where it's always been housed, almost entirely in the two songs that we have edited in our home for years. She finally made a decision to go to the movie and walk out during the two offensive songs--she felt it would be the same as what we had always done with the concert in our home. I'll admit it wasn't the choice I wanted her to make, because it wasn't the choice that I had made, but she has proven to have deep, spiritual wells, righteous desires, and the capacity to receive personal revelation, so I had to get out of the way and let her make her own choices. I don't know the extent to which Jordan and Eden went to the same lengths to get personal answers, but the day after Christmas, Mikayla, Jordan, Eden and a group of friends went to the movie--all with the same commitment The entire group walked out twice and waited in the hall. Mikayla said it was awkward, but she left the movie feeling inspired and at peace with her choice. Jordan and Eden also felt uplifted. Before the event, Mikayla mentioned to another friend, who was going to a different showing, that there was "some sketchy stuff" during which she was going to walk out--the friend said she'd keep that in mind, but chose not to walk out and later told her that the movie left her with a bitter taste in her mouth that she couldn't get rid of. Mikayla has encouraged me to go see the movie and walk out--she wants to share something good, but though I am painfully learning to "grant and allow" others to be different, to feel differently I still feel fear of stepping into uncomfortable territory, without knowing exactly where the land mines are and with the promise that I won't be injured.
I love and admire my children, I laud their efforts for standing up, and standing out. I am so pleased that Mikayla would make a night of entertainment a matter of prayer--I don't think I've ever done that. Those are parental perks, when "a child leads[s] you by the hand", but I'm still not sure of my maternal or matriarchal place in the big--or even little--scheme of things. I was talking to a friend a few weeks ago about an adult wayward child of hers. She told me the scizm between agreeable choices had started young in their teens. All along, extended family had told her she should be more strict as a mother and not allow certain kinds of dress or behaviors in her home or at family gatherings, but my friend felt like she could encourage and teach and suggest, but she couldn't forbid or she would drive a wedge between the child and home and family. The outcome has been heartbreaking, but who's to say what part of that can be attributed to neglectful parenting and what part is just agency. I wonder where the parental line is in the sand. Can we forbid within the walls of our own home? Where do we cross over the lines of agency and freedom. Elder Oaks has said that agency is inherent t--we can't take it away even if we want to for we don't have that power. If that's true, we will never usurp a child's agency, only their freedom. So, what are the prices for freedom and how much do we allow? I've had this discussion with my husband and my older children, but we are all individuals and our views are not always completely compatible. I would love to know if anyone has personal insight into this as it seems to be at the very core of learning to yield or not to yield. Let the discussion begin!
Case in point: After our family's unfortunate experience with the last traveling Broadway performance of Les Miserables, I was highly skeptical and wary that the movie, then in the making, wouldn't be worse. Knowing the potential of the story, my older children were hopeful and enamored by the possibility for light. They followed the endless teaser trailers that were frequently released with excitement. I watched them with suspicion. Month's before it's release, the rating came out, but with no reviews. As I am prone to pessimism, I washed my hands of it--my older children, more prone to optimism, held out for Plugged-In's review, which has become my invaluable trusted "spy" into this section of enemy territory. ("Spies" are an entirely other moral dilemma, but that's another discussion.) The day the detailed review was posted I was in town and Mikayla called, utterly dejected. The review warned of all of the play's inappropriateness and more. I was not surprised and so not too disappointed. It's just a movie, after all--entertainment. But Mikayla was genuinely frustrated and torn. She has grown up with the edited soundtrack and concert video as entertainment that we have believed to be inspiring staples in our home and had just read the unabridged, 1500 page novel--full of life lessons and light.
A few years back I could and did forbid quite a few choices, deeming it my protective mother duty. Partly, because my older childrens ages have demanded it, partly because I am, very slowly, learning that sometimes forbidding falls into the "other plan", and partly, because I am realizing that I do not have control, I have begrudgingly slackened the reigns a bit (physically, but still not mentally). So, I gave Mikayla my best council, encouraged her not to move forward until she had an answer with which she felt peace...and waited. It may seem like a lot of fuss over 3 hours of entertainment, but she prayed and pondered and found the movie script online, enough to feel that the smut was housed, where it's always been housed, almost entirely in the two songs that we have edited in our home for years. She finally made a decision to go to the movie and walk out during the two offensive songs--she felt it would be the same as what we had always done with the concert in our home. I'll admit it wasn't the choice I wanted her to make, because it wasn't the choice that I had made, but she has proven to have deep, spiritual wells, righteous desires, and the capacity to receive personal revelation, so I had to get out of the way and let her make her own choices. I don't know the extent to which Jordan and Eden went to the same lengths to get personal answers, but the day after Christmas, Mikayla, Jordan, Eden and a group of friends went to the movie--all with the same commitment The entire group walked out twice and waited in the hall. Mikayla said it was awkward, but she left the movie feeling inspired and at peace with her choice. Jordan and Eden also felt uplifted. Before the event, Mikayla mentioned to another friend, who was going to a different showing, that there was "some sketchy stuff" during which she was going to walk out--the friend said she'd keep that in mind, but chose not to walk out and later told her that the movie left her with a bitter taste in her mouth that she couldn't get rid of. Mikayla has encouraged me to go see the movie and walk out--she wants to share something good, but though I am painfully learning to "grant and allow" others to be different, to feel differently I still feel fear of stepping into uncomfortable territory, without knowing exactly where the land mines are and with the promise that I won't be injured.
I love and admire my children, I laud their efforts for standing up, and standing out. I am so pleased that Mikayla would make a night of entertainment a matter of prayer--I don't think I've ever done that. Those are parental perks, when "a child leads[s] you by the hand", but I'm still not sure of my maternal or matriarchal place in the big--or even little--scheme of things. I was talking to a friend a few weeks ago about an adult wayward child of hers. She told me the scizm between agreeable choices had started young in their teens. All along, extended family had told her she should be more strict as a mother and not allow certain kinds of dress or behaviors in her home or at family gatherings, but my friend felt like she could encourage and teach and suggest, but she couldn't forbid or she would drive a wedge between the child and home and family. The outcome has been heartbreaking, but who's to say what part of that can be attributed to neglectful parenting and what part is just agency. I wonder where the parental line is in the sand. Can we forbid within the walls of our own home? Where do we cross over the lines of agency and freedom. Elder Oaks has said that agency is inherent t--we can't take it away even if we want to for we don't have that power. If that's true, we will never usurp a child's agency, only their freedom. So, what are the prices for freedom and how much do we allow? I've had this discussion with my husband and my older children, but we are all individuals and our views are not always completely compatible. I would love to know if anyone has personal insight into this as it seems to be at the very core of learning to yield or not to yield. Let the discussion begin!
Sunday, January 6, 2013
Fwd: [KEEPING UP WITH THE JONESES] Yield
I take longer than most to learn simple lessons and then to move forward into action, which is why I am just now getting around to solidifying, or at least beginning the process of solidifying, my goals for this new year. A few things have finally propelled me out of pondering and into the beginnings of pursuing. One is that after the holidays a relatively temporal calm settles in for me during January. Another motivator is that Jordan and Mikayla are off to college again and that always seems to include a natural stretching of my wings in order to encompass that distance and in the process, other things seem to be enfolded, inadvertently, but for my good. Lastly, we had a Relief Society lesson today on priorities which really penetrated deep and personally. So....I am recording some thoughts and feelings so that I will both remember and also be held accountable (which is an immensely productive motivator for me!)
I have been thinking quite a bit about words, this past week, after Camille and Mom both posted literarily definitive goals. I have had such trouble pinpointing one word that encompasses all of the most important things that will help me progress, but I have finally discovered one that resonates. I am sure the following will seem boring and disconnected to most people, but it's for me that I record it. More broadly interesting posts to follow shortly. =)
I have been thinking quite a bit about words, this past week, after Camille and Mom both posted literarily definitive goals. I have had such trouble pinpointing one word that encompasses all of the most important things that will help me progress, but I have finally discovered one that resonates. I am sure the following will seem boring and disconnected to most people, but it's for me that I record it. More broadly interesting posts to follow shortly. =)
My word for 2013 is YIELD.
Definitions: Websters melded with Personal Clarification and important *rephrasing
--to produce payment, profit or interest--financial independence/opportunity--in return for cultivation or labor expended--responsibility/sacrifice/generosity
*harvest *return *earnings
--to give in, or surrender oneself to superior power or authority--the words of the prophets and ultimately the will of God
*abdicate *bend *defer *submit *succumb
--to give as due--personal obedience
--to cause or give rise to--personal progress
--to give up, relinquish or resign--pride, possessions, past pain, snap judgments
*let go *relax *relent
--to grant or allow--"foreign" points of view, open discussion
*accept *acknowledge *acquiesce *admit *agree *assent *concede *concur *defer *permit
--to give way to influence, entreaty; to move or bend--open minded gleaning of truth in "unlikely" places--a willingness to alter or change--a sincere effort to see other peoples perspectives and motives--determination to follow the promptings of the Spirit in uncomfortable avenues--daily repentance.
Sunday, December 23, 2012
Monday, December 3, 2012
Trailings...
Jordan came home and I stopped keeping a regular journal. That's not good! So, I hunker down in front of this white screen and..........nothing. E.B. White once said, “Even now, this late in the day, a blank sheet of paper holds the greatest excitement there is for me — more promising than a silver cloud, and prettier than a red wagon.” Of course those are the words of a gifted writer and I am more readily employed as a grateful reader, so those profound words become magic for me only after the writer has done his job and I open up the once blank sheets of paper and magically find eloquently printed words--those are papers silver linings to me. I suppose that is because the authors side of the art requires skill and hard work and the readers side only requires appreciation for those toils and gifts.
Still, council from prophets is serious motivation for me. And, when I put my back into it, journaling is deeply therapeutic and emotionally clarifying. Memory assurance is also a vital bonus, so I will force myself to sit here until the cobwebs clear and either blue skies or sunlight breaks through......................................................................................................................... Maybe I should start writing short, daily entries. Small mind--small contribution. Maybe tomorrow.
Lists and Calendaring are always a good place to start.
Since Nov. 12th (last posting):
--Fred went to a business convention in New Orleans: He said it made Las Vegas look like a family affair. He was scared for his life a few times, had to keep his eyes down most of the time and was glad to finally get home. While he was their one of the vendors was holding a drawing to give away the 50" flat panel television they were using for their demonstrations, both so they didn't have to pack it around and to drum up interest at their booth. Fred "never wins anything" so he wasn't even going to put his name in the bowl, but of course the vendor kept encouraging him (if your name is on paper they can contact you at work and try to sell you their equipment . Lo, and behold, the man called his hotel later that evening and he won it! The irony, when he called all excited, was that we didn't have a working car, but now owned a big screen t.v. that we couldn't even fit in our house! Can anyone say white trash? Needless to say I wasn't as excited as he was. But, the more I thought about it I decided to be happy for him and let him figure out all of the logistics. It didn't cost us anything and it was cheaper for the vendor to give it away then to travel with it so who am I to be stomping on dreams. Fred got home and started measuring walls and realized this house was not made for such "luxuries" and the balloon started deflating on it own. It popped the day the t.v. package arrived, with the screen shattered. UPS had Fred document all of the packaging material to evaluate if the damage was their fault or the vendors shipping negligence and they took responsibility and will replace it with an equivalent. Fred is planning on replacing it with a smaller version (one that will actually fit in our house). So he's happy and I'm glad it all seems to be working out for him. It's no red barn, but we all have different dreams.=)
--Fixed our Suburban--AGAIN: after looking at the comparable market and pondering our financial situation, we realized it was still worth more to us alive than dead, so we bit the financial bullet and brought it back home. It feels good.
--Youth Cultural Temple Celebration: Such a boon for Eden and Abrahm--not so much for the rest of us, since we weren't able to be involved. I was asked to drive, but when the suburban died they had to find a replacement--we finally got it fixed and back the evening before the celebration, but I couldn't very well grab the driving honor back from someone else so I watched from afar (well, we tried to watch, but our broadcast transmission was pretty poor and it went completely on the blink right as our stake's youth entered until right after they left the floor--so disappointing!) Mikayla signed up to set up and clean with a friend, but there was some major miscommunication and she and her friend spent most of the morning and afternoon sitting in the Taco Bell Arena security office waiting for someone to let them in--never happened and they finally gave up and came back home.
--Boise, ID Temple dedication: Sweet and uplifting...and actually a little interesting as we watched the last session and the prophet went off script and showed his age a bit. It was a little uncomfortable, but I noticed that the Spirit never left, and in fact was stronger than ever during his divergence, letting us know that no matter how human and mortal, Thomas S. Monson is still a prophet of God, and such a blessing to the youth at this time. A sweet lesson.
--Eden's 17th Birthday: It fell on a "Terrific Tuesday", but she's deeply committed to choir so we celebrated in the breaks between it and school. Fred, Eden and I had fun shopping in Bath and Body Works (her Nirvana) for her birthday date and had a very late family party. Luckily the next day was the first day of Thanksgiving break so it all worked out.
--Thanksgiving at the Ranch: Lovely--relaxing--rejuvenating (and of course chaotic, but it's easy to get away from that with good boots, a warm coat and a 1-1/2 hour walk with your hubby. It's especially nice, when Rob drives by and delivers chocolate. It was like dinner and a show--only better!=)
--Our Geo's Heater went out: In this weather that means it's not driveable before the frost clears because you can't keep the windshield un-iced, which means Fred is taking the suburban to work, which means skyrocketing gas bills and a cold car for my errands. The only explanation is that Heavenly Father must have a wry sense of humor or else our guardian angels just can't keep up with our eclectic car collection. I am trying to remain grateful, but it is starting to annoy. I am thinking of putting out a banner in front of our local bank with our account number printed in bold digits--just in case anyone else needs a little extra cash this holiday season. =)
--I had 3 Wisdom Teeth Extracted: I'm not very brave and have been trying, ever so slowly to have my problem wisdom teeth removed only when it becomes absolutely necessary. The first was taken out a few years back because it refused to fully erupt and was causing me frequent irritation. The second finally needed to come out , but when I went into the specialist for the surgery, he explained that all four teeth would eventually need to come out because with the removal of my bottom teeth the two top teeth now had no opposing surface and would eventually keep growing (not a lovely visual image). I had gone in intending to have Fred in the room with me and only have a local and nitrous (which I hate, because it makes me feel out of control). Suddenly, there was need for all three teeth to come out and now it was strongly suggested that I have intravenous anesthesia and then I was informed that Fred wasn't allowed in the room during the operation. Spontaneity is extremely stressful for me (causes all kinds of nasty, physical symptoms and emotional overload)and I burst into tears right in the waiting room--very humiliating for me and quite concerning for the staff. Fred just took it all in stride. I never did pull it all the way together. They let Fred stay until they had me all prepped and then escorted him out of the room (which I still think was unnecessary -I have no idea what hospitals were thinking years ago when you had to deliver a baby without your husband. INSANITY!) The next things I knew, I was waking up in a chair in another room and my emotions didn't feel back to "normal" until Friday night, when all of the medication apparently worked it's way out of my system. And it was no fun either! Mikayla shot a short video during the hour after I got home (promising never to post it anywhere--and I trust her!!!) It's pretty scary. I feel for poor little "David at the Dentist".
--Dec. 1 is here: The first day of all of our Christmas advents. We're opening picture books, pulling things out of pockets, lighting candles, moving stars, singing carols and all sorts of fun stuff. LOVE IT! LOVE IT! LOVE IT!!!
--Rod's Racing Concert: Lori invited us to a benefit concert for a cause being promoted by a young Father in Renee's ward who runs Iron Man races to earn money for international adoptions of Down Syndrome children in foreign orphanages. GREAT CAUSE! Fun concert. Perfect way to start the holiday season.
--Put up Christmas Lights: Jordan is working for a man who let Jordan buy custom lights for our house at cost. Jordan put us all to work and guided the project with his expertise and free labor and we finally lit up the front of our house around midnight on Saturday. That's been a fun dream of my kids for years, so it was nice to be able to afford that because of the generosity of someone else. That seems to keep happening for us. People are kind.
--Mikayla's 1st Stake Pres. interview: Mission papers are in to the stake and Mikayla had her first of 2 stake president interview yesterday morning. She's kind of gotten used to the standard interview questions and she said Pres. Evans through some big, open, ethereal kinds of questions out there that she wasn't expecting--made her really think. He's very good at that and never predictable. Keeps us on our toes and that's good for us. Her second interview is on the 23rd and than when he gives the go ahead he'll send her papers to Salt Lake. Wow! Incredible times.
--1st Pres. Christmas Devotional: For me the official opening of the Christmas Season--always helps to re-focus my goals and priorities and I need that every single year!
We are thinking about coming to the ranch to celebrate Christmas either that following weekend or on New Years Eve/day. We'd love to know what everyone else's plans are. We have to take Mikayla and Jordan to school on the 4th so things are going to get crazy and then they are going to get much, much too quiet.=(
I just tried to attach photos at the end of this post and was informed that I am now out of photo storage space on all sites connected to my Gmail account. Just what I needed to hear. Of course I can pay more of the almighty dollar if I want more room--or I can have Mikayla figure out some alternate method (which will inevitable add more time and steps to the importing process). We'll put our heads together (mine next to hers to see if any of her excess knowledge will seep over) and put our shoulders to the will and get back to you on a solution. Until then, anyone who posts will have to send text only. Bummer!
Loves to all!
Quote of the week: "Whatever may be the tensions and the stresses of a particular day, there is always lurking close at hand the trailing beauty of forgotten joy or unremembered peace." (Howard Thurman)
I just tried to attach photos at the end of this post and was informed that I am now out of photo storage space on all sites connected to my Gmail account. Just what I needed to hear. Of course I can pay more of the almighty dollar if I want more room--or I can have Mikayla figure out some alternate method (which will inevitable add more time and steps to the importing process). We'll put our heads together (mine next to hers to see if any of her excess knowledge will seep over) and put our shoulders to the will and get back to you on a solution. Until then, anyone who posts will have to send text only. Bummer!
Loves to all!
Quote of the week: "Whatever may be the tensions and the stresses of a particular day, there is always lurking close at hand the trailing beauty of forgotten joy or unremembered peace." (Howard Thurman)
Monday, November 12, 2012
Men Are That They Might Have Joy
There were a few, brief years of my life, where the necessity of apartment life seemed new, exciting and independently liberating, but for the last two decades, I have felt driven, usually passionately and occasionally obsessively to return to the tangible, childhood roots of land and space. Twice, through Mom and Dad's gracious invitations and charity, that fervor has been momentarily appeased--once in the utopic bliss of The Farm and once in the emotional rigor of The Wilderness. Those experiences were a personal lull and storm, but a pattern? I am loathe to admit it, but I am starting to wonder if my state of mind may be cyclical. I wouldn't be the first, would I?
The independent high of college life gradually turned to claustrophobia after 9 years and was followed by a reprieve (a happy blessing) of 7 years on the farm in which I reached a happiness pinnacle. That apex was replaced with an outlier year at the Ranch (a hard blessing), which plummeted me quickly to the bottom of the happiness wheel, but was meant for teaching and preparing. That experience fitted me for citified contentment, for another 7 years. At a point I reached satisfaction, but never Nirvana, and here I am, once again clawing at my perceived cage and wondering how many refiners fires are necessary to purge the same, nagging impurities and question if anything will be left after the reduction process. I keep wondering if the heat isn't intending for me directly this time, but meant to burn down the bars and somehow leave me joyful, sitting in the same place, with an unobstructed view. There is this constant battle inside me over hopes and dreams, present and future and the all encompassing allegiance to the journey.
I have been reading a book called, "The Happiness Project" and the other night I stumbled onto a small, but profound insight. "You can do anything you want to do, but you can't do everything you want to do." It sounds so obvious, I know, but I have spent the nearest half of my life absolutely believing that if I worked hard enough, saved long enough, sacrificed deeply enough that "everything" I wanted could be achieved. And it is true, but not here. At low ebbs, I sometimes float into this victim mentality, but I reminded myself that everything keeping me from my short-long range goals (which are supposed to be closer than my eternal goals, but which never seem to change proximity) are choices made in order to achieve other goals. I have the capacity to make money, but I want to be home instead. Fred has the capacity to make more money, but I want him here with me instead. My oldest children have the capacity to earn their own way, but I want them to get good grades, enjoy their youth, be available for opportunity instead. United, we have the capacity to save more money, but we want our children to go on missions and attend college, and have straight teeth instead. We have the capacity to spend less money, but we want to drive cars, perpetuate our traditions and have access to a seemingly endless flow of sugar, so we've chosen our standard of living instead. I just honestly thought that I could have all of those things AND a lovely Victorian house on 20 acres, surrounding by adjoining plots for each child. I understand that a bank may be willing to loan us maybe half the initial land (unimproved and without the house or adjoining properties)but it comes with added debt and the relinquishing of some of the previous goals, so I have chosen security instead. The lesson of it all being a choice...my choice, is one that I have to keep relearning over and over and over again, but the "Any, but not Every" lesson is new to me...and hard for me...and I can imagine will eventually be good for me. I am still trying to digest and come to terms with it all. When the spinning stops maybe more of the important things will fall into place.
Mikayla's mission papers are almost finished, the clock is ticking for college to start again and Fred has been in New Orleans for 5 days, so I have felt more emotionally vulnerable this weekend, which is always a boon to learning, but not a boon for immediate peace. I opened up my calendar this morning where all of the color coding is spilling onto this weeks page, overlapping and mixing and melding into a challenging kaleidoscopic that seems an impossible schedule with one 4 seater car that will make it into Boise, but will rarely be at my disposal, and a 3 seater that will barely make it through downtown Middleton. But, as I looked closer it hit me that the apparent tumult is actually leading to and culminating at the temple. Life is busy and can be full of distractions, but there is purpose. Jordan has observed that no matter what the weather is like when you enter the temple, the sun always seems to be shining when you walk out--even when its not. I know exactly what he means. Lehi taught that, "Men are, that they might have joy." The promise is available anywhere. I'm trying to find it in my head and in my heart.
Lest any of you worry, (because I know that my need to dissect and ponder out loud can cause that sort of concern) I am well and happy. Just trying to flourish and find joy--it's part of the pilgrimage.
The independent high of college life gradually turned to claustrophobia after 9 years and was followed by a reprieve (a happy blessing) of 7 years on the farm in which I reached a happiness pinnacle. That apex was replaced with an outlier year at the Ranch (a hard blessing), which plummeted me quickly to the bottom of the happiness wheel, but was meant for teaching and preparing. That experience fitted me for citified contentment, for another 7 years. At a point I reached satisfaction, but never Nirvana, and here I am, once again clawing at my perceived cage and wondering how many refiners fires are necessary to purge the same, nagging impurities and question if anything will be left after the reduction process. I keep wondering if the heat isn't intending for me directly this time, but meant to burn down the bars and somehow leave me joyful, sitting in the same place, with an unobstructed view. There is this constant battle inside me over hopes and dreams, present and future and the all encompassing allegiance to the journey.
I have been reading a book called, "The Happiness Project" and the other night I stumbled onto a small, but profound insight. "You can do anything you want to do, but you can't do everything you want to do." It sounds so obvious, I know, but I have spent the nearest half of my life absolutely believing that if I worked hard enough, saved long enough, sacrificed deeply enough that "everything" I wanted could be achieved. And it is true, but not here. At low ebbs, I sometimes float into this victim mentality, but I reminded myself that everything keeping me from my short-long range goals (which are supposed to be closer than my eternal goals, but which never seem to change proximity) are choices made in order to achieve other goals. I have the capacity to make money, but I want to be home instead. Fred has the capacity to make more money, but I want him here with me instead. My oldest children have the capacity to earn their own way, but I want them to get good grades, enjoy their youth, be available for opportunity instead. United, we have the capacity to save more money, but we want our children to go on missions and attend college, and have straight teeth instead. We have the capacity to spend less money, but we want to drive cars, perpetuate our traditions and have access to a seemingly endless flow of sugar, so we've chosen our standard of living instead. I just honestly thought that I could have all of those things AND a lovely Victorian house on 20 acres, surrounding by adjoining plots for each child. I understand that a bank may be willing to loan us maybe half the initial land (unimproved and without the house or adjoining properties)but it comes with added debt and the relinquishing of some of the previous goals, so I have chosen security instead. The lesson of it all being a choice...my choice, is one that I have to keep relearning over and over and over again, but the "Any, but not Every" lesson is new to me...and hard for me...and I can imagine will eventually be good for me. I am still trying to digest and come to terms with it all. When the spinning stops maybe more of the important things will fall into place.
Mikayla's mission papers are almost finished, the clock is ticking for college to start again and Fred has been in New Orleans for 5 days, so I have felt more emotionally vulnerable this weekend, which is always a boon to learning, but not a boon for immediate peace. I opened up my calendar this morning where all of the color coding is spilling onto this weeks page, overlapping and mixing and melding into a challenging kaleidoscopic that seems an impossible schedule with one 4 seater car that will make it into Boise, but will rarely be at my disposal, and a 3 seater that will barely make it through downtown Middleton. But, as I looked closer it hit me that the apparent tumult is actually leading to and culminating at the temple. Life is busy and can be full of distractions, but there is purpose. Jordan has observed that no matter what the weather is like when you enter the temple, the sun always seems to be shining when you walk out--even when its not. I know exactly what he means. Lehi taught that, "Men are, that they might have joy." The promise is available anywhere. I'm trying to find it in my head and in my heart.
Lest any of you worry, (because I know that my need to dissect and ponder out loud can cause that sort of concern) I am well and happy. Just trying to flourish and find joy--it's part of the pilgrimage.
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
It's All Worth It
Sunday, October 14
A son returning from an honorable mission, a family vacation, General Conference and the Temple Open House all packed into less than two weeks time makes for some incredible experiences. My mind has been racing, my heart pounding each day with the need to digest everything that I am feeling, to get it down on paper so I can spread it all around me in neat, organized piles and keep it safe and close and permanent, but I haven't made room for that daily opportunity and now I am afraid that with it all jumbled up in my head, and with all of the emotions mixed together, that I may have lost that tidy, literal record and most of the important things will remain in a tight knot in my heart, but I will try to make some sense here of the tumbling.
For those who were able to make it to the airport and our home, on the 2nd to welcome Jordan back--thank you! I was so wrapped up in being with all of you and savoring the anticipation of the big event that, ironically, I wasn't ready when Jordan came walking off the plane a few minutes early. The well laid plans of holding up our signs and greeting him with a wall of loved ones ended up more like frantic chaos when the shout went out that he was coming. I don't even know who made it to him first, as I didn't have on my glasses and it took me a few searching minutes for me to find that familiar face in the masses, but I know it wasn't me! What I do know it that when I finally found him, I was glad that no one was in my running path because I may have, inadvertently, knocked them over.=) It's an overwhelmingly joyful thing to have your children come back home--from anywhere, but coming back from a mission is special. We were literally gathered around him for hours, which included following him from room to room because he was having a hard time staying put.=) Every half hour he'd check his watch, wondering how close it was to his scheduled release with the stake president, not wanting to be late. It was really difficult for him not to have any place where he needed to go and we arrived at the stake center early because he just couldn't sit still.
Every time I am with our stake president I am impressed with his spiritual demeanor, his personal sensitivity to the individual and with his capacity to imbue meaning into the briefest of encounters. Fred's missionary release 23 years ago was not a good experience. His stake president had asked for his badge and his missionary handbook and then told him he was no longer a missionary--short and not so sweet--more like the firing scene in Mary Poppins--so he had tried to prepare Jordan mentally for hard things. He needn't have worried. Pres. Evans called Jordan into his office alone and talked with him for over 20 minutes, then he called us in. I could tell by Jordan's face that the personal exchange had been precious. With us now in the room, he was given a formal and powerful release and then told that it was up to him when and how he would like to take off his missionary badge, but until that time he expected Jordan to act like a full-time missionary in every way. That passing of responsibility was not expected and was profoundly inspired, but emotionally agonizing. I looked back at Jordan as we were driving home and he had tears literally streaming down his face. Such hard things! When we got home Jordan called everyone together and asked if we could have a family prayer, after which he took off that precious nameplate. We are so proud of him for the way he has served. Jordan has always taken to change like breathing, so, not surprisingly, his readjustment has been graceful, except for one cute transitional story. The day after he returned I took him out to buy him some new "civilian" clothes. He was taking awhile in the dressing room, so I walked around to some of the areas close by, browsing. Eventually he came out and when he found me an aisle away he said,a little panicked, "Where were you? I was lonely!" Just a tiny bit of companion withdrawal there, but it was cute. He is stir crazy and motivated to fill his days with meaningful things so he spends much of his time looking for jobs and researching career fields. I spend much of his time sharing the character traits of the perfect girl that I have found for him.=) Now just to convince him............and the girl.=) It is so good to have him home! There is a joy and energy back in our home that has been missing--a hole that only he can fill. It seems to be that way when any of our children leave for an extended period. They each are so unique in what they add to our family. I have had some happy days watching my children buzzing around each other like a happy hive. I know these together days are short and I am just soaking them in.
Monday, October 22
Conference weekend in Salt Lake was such a sweet experience. The timing was impeccable. Packed into a car for hours of driving, into a little hotel room, sleeping on each other and literally connected in long chains all over temple square so we didn't get separated, forced us to be welded together and since we wanted nothing more, and the circumstances demanded it, I couldn't have planned family time with Jordan in a more appropriate environment. They were happy, cozy days! We tried to get into the conference center by the "approved", traditional method of standing in line for tabernacle buttons and then sitting in stand-by seating, but that never worked, even though we noticed quite a few empty seats during the broadcasted shots. The method is not very efficient and our family came up with a much better plan while we were there that we should submit to Salt Lake.=) However, Jordan and Abe were able to get into the conference center for the Priesthood session and the rest of us got to go in on Sunday morning. Jordan and Abrahm stood in line with those of us who had Sunday tickets, until we got to the doors, and then we had to separate, which almost broke my heart, and which I immediately saw an object lesson in, but I knew I had to make the most of it so I deliberately focused on explaining every little thing to Sophie and Lily to get my mind off of who was missing. They were all ears and so interested, but as I finally sat back in my seat, waiting for the prophet to walk in, the majesty of what was happening in that very room overwhelmed me emotionally. The Spirit was so strong. I had talked to Becky the day before and she had shared that she felt like she could feel the Spirit just as strongly in her home during conference, which I absolutely agree with, but there is something special that happens to me when I am in actual places. I felt it powerfully on trek because we were actually at Martin's Cove and that same feeling encompassed me as I looked down and could see the twelve apostles in person. I am a tangible, tactile person and history plays such a big part of the present for me. I felt so blessed to be there in person when Elder Holland and the prophet both spoke. My emotions raged during Elder Hollands talk and I was going through Kleenex at alarming rates and then Pres. Monson spoke and calmed the waters, literally. =) I talked to Mikayla about the dramatically different ways in which the Spirit can speak to us. Elder Holland has the capacity to direct the Spirit to compel me to action and because my body has to sit still while he speaks my insides are whirling. The prophet has honed the gift of charity and so the Spirit always speaks to me, through him, in soft and charitable ways and makes me feel, "peace, be still". If tickets weren't so incredibly hard to come by I would love to make conference in SLC a family tradition, but I think it will have to be a beautiful memory for awhile. The protesters were horrendously disturbing, but ironically their presence makes your awareness of the Spirit so much more profound as you have to walk through the shouting to get through any gate on temple square and then, within steps, become aware of the drastic difference. I am sad for those who are so disillusioned, but without their knowing it they are actually making a difference...for good. There were people begging everywhere. I never carry cash, but I wouldn't have given it out if I did because I have become calloused and cynical from bad experiences and specifically when Fred and I both recognized some of them as people who were there begging from our trip four years ago. My sweet, older children didn't let that stop them and gave their own cash anyway. They will be blessed for their good hearts and sweet intentions, no matter how deserved or undeserved that money is--I can back that up with scripture.
A HUGE change that came from that weekend, but which has been kept small because that's who Mikayla is, has been her decision to serve a full time mission. Her answer came in a sweet and quiet moment, which I will let her share on her own, but she is poised to start filling out her paperwork. We are leaving all of the timing completely in her hands as this is an opportunity and a choice, but not a commandment. She has been such an inspired and sincere missionary among her peers here that I wasn't sure if she would feel the desire to go "out" into the field. She has always had a strong desire for adventure and a need to make a difference, but that first desire is not the right reason to serve a mission. She knows that and she has been cautious in making this decision. She knows that she is much more likely to be called to Podunk, Nevada (a real place=) than to some exotic place like Machu Pichu, but she has other plans for that goal and wants to go for the right reasons so we are excited for her and for our family and honestly a little parentaly terrified, but we'll get over that..........eventually........mostly.
I have loved hearing about Mom and Dad's temple open house experiences. I would have loved to have the opportunity to serve in that way, but our family was able to go to the first day of the Open House and it is beautiful. Preston Pruett and his wife were our guides, so that was incredibly special. He said his father went through the temple during the VIP tours. I think of his family often--especially his mother, who is an inspiration to me. I would love to go through again during a talking tour with just Fred. We were each quietly explaining things to our children during our initial tour so we didn't get to "be" together, but I would like to linger just a little more.
Yesterday, after Jordan finished his homecoming talk, a ward member offered him and the return missionary who spoke with him, both jobs. He is now working approx. 60 hour weeks, which is such a blessing for him. He is putting up Christmas lights and the job should be steady until about 2 weeks before Christmas, which is perfect timing for his circumstances. Mikayla is still working at Syngenta but those hours will start fading soon as the seasonal work gets finished, but blessings never cease and Renee has offered her some research work for her charter school grant project so her time is filled in productive ways as well. She says she feels like Mrs. Packman--she's just keeps going through the endless maze, trying to get enough power points to win the prizes. She is so much cuter than Mrs. Packman, however, and the prizes are accordingly more rewarding, so it's all good!
Tuesday, October 30
The Harvest party was an incredible occasion! Thank you Ben and Renee for hosting such crazy, bonding, organized chaos. It is a highlight of my children's year, and mine. I love being all together in that bubbling environment. I am looking forward to our, now comparatively little, immediate family Harvest party on Wednesday. Fred is working on his jeopardy game and it is another rare night to have all of my children together just for fun. My home feels full to bursting with happiness. Now, if I could just get Jordan married to the right girl (who happens to be at college right now and doesn't even know that she's been mother earmarked=) then I will be ecstatic. Being around sweet, little Katelyn and crazy, little Braden on Saturday made my "Grandma" wishes stronger than ever!=)
I am looking so forward to Thanksgiving in the mountains and more extended family time. These bonds are so precious and encompass all the reason for becoming.
I haven't wanted to miss out on a second of life and have neglected taking pictures of all of this amazing last month and now I am sorry. I'm hoping there are a few photos that others have taken that I can eventually acquire, but for now I only have one, solitary offering and it's not even digitally sound. It does, however speak for the overall, cumulative feeling of the last four weeks.
Every time I get almost done, something comes us and I have to quit before I publish. Then more of life happens which necessitates addendum's Subsequently, this submission is becoming archaic, which is alright for journaling, but not much fun for reading...sorry Mom and Dad.=)
For those who were able to make it to the airport and our home, on the 2nd to welcome Jordan back--thank you! I was so wrapped up in being with all of you and savoring the anticipation of the big event that, ironically, I wasn't ready when Jordan came walking off the plane a few minutes early. The well laid plans of holding up our signs and greeting him with a wall of loved ones ended up more like frantic chaos when the shout went out that he was coming. I don't even know who made it to him first, as I didn't have on my glasses and it took me a few searching minutes for me to find that familiar face in the masses, but I know it wasn't me! What I do know it that when I finally found him, I was glad that no one was in my running path because I may have, inadvertently, knocked them over.=) It's an overwhelmingly joyful thing to have your children come back home--from anywhere, but coming back from a mission is special. We were literally gathered around him for hours, which included following him from room to room because he was having a hard time staying put.=) Every half hour he'd check his watch, wondering how close it was to his scheduled release with the stake president, not wanting to be late. It was really difficult for him not to have any place where he needed to go and we arrived at the stake center early because he just couldn't sit still.
Every time I am with our stake president I am impressed with his spiritual demeanor, his personal sensitivity to the individual and with his capacity to imbue meaning into the briefest of encounters. Fred's missionary release 23 years ago was not a good experience. His stake president had asked for his badge and his missionary handbook and then told him he was no longer a missionary--short and not so sweet--more like the firing scene in Mary Poppins--so he had tried to prepare Jordan mentally for hard things. He needn't have worried. Pres. Evans called Jordan into his office alone and talked with him for over 20 minutes, then he called us in. I could tell by Jordan's face that the personal exchange had been precious. With us now in the room, he was given a formal and powerful release and then told that it was up to him when and how he would like to take off his missionary badge, but until that time he expected Jordan to act like a full-time missionary in every way. That passing of responsibility was not expected and was profoundly inspired, but emotionally agonizing. I looked back at Jordan as we were driving home and he had tears literally streaming down his face. Such hard things! When we got home Jordan called everyone together and asked if we could have a family prayer, after which he took off that precious nameplate. We are so proud of him for the way he has served. Jordan has always taken to change like breathing, so, not surprisingly, his readjustment has been graceful, except for one cute transitional story. The day after he returned I took him out to buy him some new "civilian" clothes. He was taking awhile in the dressing room, so I walked around to some of the areas close by, browsing. Eventually he came out and when he found me an aisle away he said,a little panicked, "Where were you? I was lonely!" Just a tiny bit of companion withdrawal there, but it was cute. He is stir crazy and motivated to fill his days with meaningful things so he spends much of his time looking for jobs and researching career fields. I spend much of his time sharing the character traits of the perfect girl that I have found for him.=) Now just to convince him............and the girl.=) It is so good to have him home! There is a joy and energy back in our home that has been missing--a hole that only he can fill. It seems to be that way when any of our children leave for an extended period. They each are so unique in what they add to our family. I have had some happy days watching my children buzzing around each other like a happy hive. I know these together days are short and I am just soaking them in.
Monday, October 22
Conference weekend in Salt Lake was such a sweet experience. The timing was impeccable. Packed into a car for hours of driving, into a little hotel room, sleeping on each other and literally connected in long chains all over temple square so we didn't get separated, forced us to be welded together and since we wanted nothing more, and the circumstances demanded it, I couldn't have planned family time with Jordan in a more appropriate environment. They were happy, cozy days! We tried to get into the conference center by the "approved", traditional method of standing in line for tabernacle buttons and then sitting in stand-by seating, but that never worked, even though we noticed quite a few empty seats during the broadcasted shots. The method is not very efficient and our family came up with a much better plan while we were there that we should submit to Salt Lake.=) However, Jordan and Abe were able to get into the conference center for the Priesthood session and the rest of us got to go in on Sunday morning. Jordan and Abrahm stood in line with those of us who had Sunday tickets, until we got to the doors, and then we had to separate, which almost broke my heart, and which I immediately saw an object lesson in, but I knew I had to make the most of it so I deliberately focused on explaining every little thing to Sophie and Lily to get my mind off of who was missing. They were all ears and so interested, but as I finally sat back in my seat, waiting for the prophet to walk in, the majesty of what was happening in that very room overwhelmed me emotionally. The Spirit was so strong. I had talked to Becky the day before and she had shared that she felt like she could feel the Spirit just as strongly in her home during conference, which I absolutely agree with, but there is something special that happens to me when I am in actual places. I felt it powerfully on trek because we were actually at Martin's Cove and that same feeling encompassed me as I looked down and could see the twelve apostles in person. I am a tangible, tactile person and history plays such a big part of the present for me. I felt so blessed to be there in person when Elder Holland and the prophet both spoke. My emotions raged during Elder Hollands talk and I was going through Kleenex at alarming rates and then Pres. Monson spoke and calmed the waters, literally. =) I talked to Mikayla about the dramatically different ways in which the Spirit can speak to us. Elder Holland has the capacity to direct the Spirit to compel me to action and because my body has to sit still while he speaks my insides are whirling. The prophet has honed the gift of charity and so the Spirit always speaks to me, through him, in soft and charitable ways and makes me feel, "peace, be still". If tickets weren't so incredibly hard to come by I would love to make conference in SLC a family tradition, but I think it will have to be a beautiful memory for awhile. The protesters were horrendously disturbing, but ironically their presence makes your awareness of the Spirit so much more profound as you have to walk through the shouting to get through any gate on temple square and then, within steps, become aware of the drastic difference. I am sad for those who are so disillusioned, but without their knowing it they are actually making a difference...for good. There were people begging everywhere. I never carry cash, but I wouldn't have given it out if I did because I have become calloused and cynical from bad experiences and specifically when Fred and I both recognized some of them as people who were there begging from our trip four years ago. My sweet, older children didn't let that stop them and gave their own cash anyway. They will be blessed for their good hearts and sweet intentions, no matter how deserved or undeserved that money is--I can back that up with scripture.
A HUGE change that came from that weekend, but which has been kept small because that's who Mikayla is, has been her decision to serve a full time mission. Her answer came in a sweet and quiet moment, which I will let her share on her own, but she is poised to start filling out her paperwork. We are leaving all of the timing completely in her hands as this is an opportunity and a choice, but not a commandment. She has been such an inspired and sincere missionary among her peers here that I wasn't sure if she would feel the desire to go "out" into the field. She has always had a strong desire for adventure and a need to make a difference, but that first desire is not the right reason to serve a mission. She knows that and she has been cautious in making this decision. She knows that she is much more likely to be called to Podunk, Nevada (a real place=) than to some exotic place like Machu Pichu, but she has other plans for that goal and wants to go for the right reasons so we are excited for her and for our family and honestly a little parentaly terrified, but we'll get over that..........eventually........mostly.
I have loved hearing about Mom and Dad's temple open house experiences. I would have loved to have the opportunity to serve in that way, but our family was able to go to the first day of the Open House and it is beautiful. Preston Pruett and his wife were our guides, so that was incredibly special. He said his father went through the temple during the VIP tours. I think of his family often--especially his mother, who is an inspiration to me. I would love to go through again during a talking tour with just Fred. We were each quietly explaining things to our children during our initial tour so we didn't get to "be" together, but I would like to linger just a little more.
Yesterday, after Jordan finished his homecoming talk, a ward member offered him and the return missionary who spoke with him, both jobs. He is now working approx. 60 hour weeks, which is such a blessing for him. He is putting up Christmas lights and the job should be steady until about 2 weeks before Christmas, which is perfect timing for his circumstances. Mikayla is still working at Syngenta but those hours will start fading soon as the seasonal work gets finished, but blessings never cease and Renee has offered her some research work for her charter school grant project so her time is filled in productive ways as well. She says she feels like Mrs. Packman--she's just keeps going through the endless maze, trying to get enough power points to win the prizes. She is so much cuter than Mrs. Packman, however, and the prizes are accordingly more rewarding, so it's all good!
Tuesday, October 30
The Harvest party was an incredible occasion! Thank you Ben and Renee for hosting such crazy, bonding, organized chaos. It is a highlight of my children's year, and mine. I love being all together in that bubbling environment. I am looking forward to our, now comparatively little, immediate family Harvest party on Wednesday. Fred is working on his jeopardy game and it is another rare night to have all of my children together just for fun. My home feels full to bursting with happiness. Now, if I could just get Jordan married to the right girl (who happens to be at college right now and doesn't even know that she's been mother earmarked=) then I will be ecstatic. Being around sweet, little Katelyn and crazy, little Braden on Saturday made my "Grandma" wishes stronger than ever!=)
I am looking so forward to Thanksgiving in the mountains and more extended family time. These bonds are so precious and encompass all the reason for becoming.
I haven't wanted to miss out on a second of life and have neglected taking pictures of all of this amazing last month and now I am sorry. I'm hoping there are a few photos that others have taken that I can eventually acquire, but for now I only have one, solitary offering and it's not even digitally sound. It does, however speak for the overall, cumulative feeling of the last four weeks.
Every time I get almost done, something comes us and I have to quit before I publish. Then more of life happens which necessitates addendum's Subsequently, this submission is becoming archaic, which is alright for journaling, but not much fun for reading...sorry Mom and Dad.=)
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| It's all worth it! |
Monday, October 1, 2012
Jordan Eve
One of Jordan's favorite companions and first trainee called me from the mission home in Chile tonight to confirm, for the second time, that we had the correct flight information and would be at the airport on Tuesday to pick Jordan up. I assured him that we would most definitely be there!=) He let me know that he had just left Jordan an hour previously, after attending his farewell party, and had a sweet message from him to us. What a joyful and reassuring phone call to receive. This is truly a church of order. In what other circumstance could a mother let a child go halfway around the world with absolute confidence that they are, at every moment, in the Lord's hands. I have missed my boy, but these two years have been a beautiful and rewarding experience for all of us!
Quote of the Week:
Speaking of being in the Lord's hands, I received a phone call, out of the blue, from my cousin Kathryn, a few days ago. Apparently, she had been reading my blog, something which I doubt is a frequent activity of hers, but which I can only imagine was prompted by a link on Facebook to my Morrison Center letter, and she happened to notice that Abe was having trouble finding insects for his Science project and also noticed that we were coming to Utah for conference. All of those things were in different posts, so she must have either been reading for some time or been guided to which ones to read. In a gesture of pure concern and goodwill, she phoned to tell me that she is an entomologist and has a collection of 100 insects that she was willing to let Abe use for his class. She lives 45 minutes away from the conference center but offered to drive it in to us in Salt Lake. I certainly won't make her do that, but I was stunned. I have not seen or communicated with her in years, and so subsequently, we don't know each other very well, but she was reaching out to help and offering something to a 13 year old, whom she has never met, which is valuable to her, because she had compassion for his situation and because she was in a position to help. I talked to Abe's teacher, fully expecting the offer to be denied since it would relieve Abe from collecting or mounting any more insects, and was baffled when he not only approved the donation, but eagerly endorsed it, with the only stipulation being that Abe label them (with my cousins help) and give her credit on his display for the donation. My cousin already has them all labeled but she offered to dismantle that part of the display so that Abe could accomplish the assignment. I wonder if I will ever cease to be amazed by the kind, selflessness of others. Probably not until I learn to be unselfish.
Such fun happenings this week. Lori organized a sisters birthday luncheon for Renee and I so the three of us and Liz and Marg, all met at a cute restaurant in Meridian where the girls paid for our birthday lunches and we all chatted and laughed for an hour and a half. It is good to have those bonding times, though it can sometimes be crazy for us to coordinate so many schedules and juggle children. I love the tradition. A couple of days later our entire, now fully released YW presidencies (there were different counselor changes over the years serving with the same president) had a luncheon and shared a similar experience of just sitting and visiting and laughing as "sisters". I'm not much of a good girly friend, but these rare moments spent visiting with women I love are treasures. Friday, Lily and Sophie got to go to a b-day sleepover at Annalie's, which I think was the highlight of their month, and on Saturday we got Eden ready for Homecoming, then watched the General R.S. Broadcast on our computer, then attended a 50th Anniversary celebration for a couple, whose family we love. It was such a sweet and celebratory atmosphere all week. We are so blessed to be a part of so many good people's lives.
We looked all over town for a modest dress for Eden's Homecoming dance, but (shocker) couldn't find one, so I ended up buying a strapless dress, again, that had a shawl I could use for extra cloth. Eden wanted sleeves, not a shrug this time. I have all kinds of shrug patterns, but of course no sleeve patterns for a strapless dress because the bodice isn't designed for sleeves. I don't do spontaneity, but Eden really wanted something different so I jumped (actually gingerly stepped with my pinky toe) into the dark abyss of original creativity and finally, after much trial and error, stumbled upon an idea that was both modest and Eden approved--it was a week long struggle and I was concerned with the comfort and mobility of the design, but Eden gave the thumbs up so I took the risk and sewed it all together. She looked darling on Saturday night, but came home with some sore looking rub marks from the lack of professional design and seamstressing. I'll have to figure out a modified design if the dress if to be worn again comfortably, but next dance I am hoping she will let me off easy and be persuaded to "want" the jacket look again. Imagination and construction are not two ideas that mesh very well for me--give me one or the other, please.
My white board says "2 more days until Jordan comes home!", but it is after midnight so technically he comes home tomorrow! It is 3:30am in Chile and I wonder if he can sleep, knowing he is leaving a country and people that he loves and flying to another country and people that he loves, to start a different chapter of his life. He will be getting on an airplane there Monday evening. We have, just this weekend, started receiving "warnings" from recently experienced return missionary moms that "being home" can be hard and disconcerting. We've heard some heart-wrenching transition experiences. We have tried to prepare ourselves--we've tried to prepare Jordan. I am hoping he can hit the ground running, but we know this is something that we can't do for him. Next steps can be so difficult--I KNOW--but we just have to push through and keep moving forward.
Quote of the Week:
"Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer."--Rainer Maria Rilke
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| Eden's Afternoon Homecoming Date |
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| Eden's darling friend came in from Eagle to do her hair |
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| Pretty girl |
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| Lucky boy |
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Ready for the dance      |
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