TREK

Time for solitude (reading personal letter delivered by "Pony Express" and journaling)

My Trek Sons - Silently...and emotionally watching the Women's Pull

Eden - Age 12

Square Dancing

Mikayla - Resting on the trail

"Breathe Pops, Breathe"

Becky called me Tuesday, wondering if I was alright because my blog still wasn't posted.  She said that when she's not happy, she doesn't write or at least her words are few.  She's very sweet and thoughtful, but I assured her that I was just very busy and have never been prone to keeping ANYTHING inside, much to the chagrin of those around me ;)

Today is Eden's birthday.  She is 14 and will be going to her first, very much anticipated, Saturday night dance...so will I! :)  It's my month to chaperone, but unfortunately I no longer have a babysitter, so I will be chaperoning without a husband, which "doesn't thrill me at all".  Fred, I think, will be happy to stay home and avoid being pulled continuously onto the dance floor--which he is a fairly good sport about, but which he loathes.  I think it will be fun for the girls to be there together.  I am looking forward to meeting all of Eden's friend boys and showing them my "big boots"!  I think a little dose of "mother fear" is always healthy for young men. :)

I am taking a break from the rush, rush of life because I promised Mom and Dad that I would write and because it's the way I clear my head........and because I know that as soon as I finish this "responsibility" I have to start baking a cheescake, making pizza dough and pretzels, clean Eden's room for her and walk my dog (and I hear the wind howling, ominously in the trees).

The stresses of my life are often ironic.  For the past month I have been working on a message for our stake auxiliary training.  For the past two weeks I have been studying and praying and writing.  For the past 2 days I have been so immersed that Fred has done the cleaning and Mikayla has made dinner.  I've gone to the temple and diligently prepared the message that I know was needed, but because of poor planning on my part (I asked for some class input that was meant to be brief but wasn't), my allotted time was gone before I could share anything but the briefest overview and my testimony.  It was a nice night.  I finished when I was supposed to, so the other speakers were able to share their full messages and the leaders were "fed", but all these thoughts and words of the prophets were left bottled up inside me.  They were needful things, that necessitated being shared and I let less vital things impeach upon them.  It wasn't the participants faults; I wasn't specific when I said I wanted the comments to be brief, and they just added up.  The sisters were fulfilling an assignment, that I had given and they had good things to say.  It's just that 20 minutes is such a limited amount of time.  I came home last night and cried, just a little.  There will be chances to teach what needed taught in other ways, at other times, but it's hard to finally breathe free and easy and feel that sweet peace that comes after you have prepared so hard and then shared what you knew you should.  It feels like holding your breath and then, instead of inhaling that one refreshing gasp of air, you are constrained to take slight sips.  Of course I'll be fine, just a little anoxic for awhile. :)

Fred, on the other hand, may be anoxic for such an extended period of time that brain damage may be imminent.  With his administrative hand he is supposed to be preparing an impressive presentation about the Stevens-Henager program and then find, invite (and ensure the attendance of) prestigious members of the community who have no affiliation to the school and will not be monetarily compensated for their attendance.  He is also required to attend a conference in Texas during the first week of December, during which time his Teacher hand must turn in grades which include finals and student term papers which are due the day before he leaves.  He drinks maalox like water, but the outer vessel is  "steady as the beating drum".  He shrugs it off when I tell him it's a talent.  Maybe it's a gift.  Whatever it is, it blesses our lives-- I think he's still waiting for it to feel like its blessing his! :)

Sunday Jordan comes home for a week and we will have 5 days just for family, where not a single other thing is on my calendar.  Those days make all of the craziness of daily life worth it.  I love my husband and my children.  They are kind and good and patient and forgiving.  They make this neurotic, judgmental, over emotional, inconsistent, hard headed, temperamental, unruly spirit of mine  feel like I have purpose and potential and maybe even hope.  C.S. Lewis once said, "I'm not sure that God particularly wants us to be happy.  I think He wants us to be able to love and be loved.  He wants us to grow up."  I disagree.  I think God absolutely wants us to be happy, but He knows it's only possible, bit by bit, as we "grow up".  Pain, in all it's many faces, is just an uncomfortable accelerator.


Playing "Doggie Doggie, Whose Got Your Bones" for F.H.E.

--

Heading into Harvest

We thought Jordan might get to come home this weekend, but we never heard back from him (his phone ran out of minutes and he is e-mail reply challenged ;) so by Saturday we had given up hope.  And then, right as we were heading out to do some Harvest shopping, he called from Zoey's house asking us to come get him.  It has been the most fun, contented 27 hours; life feels so whole when he is home.  The twins were permanent appendages to him most of the time.  Saturday night we played "Tigers in the Dark" (at Jordan's request) for an hour and a half and then we finally gave in to the friend phone calls at 10:00 PM and he left for a big "back in town" bash for two hours.  Sunday was the "farewell" for one of Jordan's spokane roomates (Austin) and most of the youth that have gone off to college came home to support him.  The church was filled.  It was so fun to see them all; we squeeeezed at many of them as we could on our row.  I miss having them in our home.  Of course goodbye's are inevitable and difficult and as I sat crying on a stool in the middle of our kitchen with Abe's arms around me, I couldn't help but feel grateful for having children who leave such enormous holes in the wake of their absense and fill them, overflowing, when they return.  Truthfully, the rest of Sunday evening felt melancholy.  We don't have high hopes that Jordan will be able to come home for Harvest because most students don't come home for that holiday, but we are looking forward to Thanksgiving and Christmas. 

We are gearing up for a week of Harvest festvities.  Including Family Home Evening (which is always a celebration) there is a party every day except Sunday. Lily and Sophie can hardly contain their anticipation.  Our children have a four day weekend, so I am excited as well!  Fred gets no time "off",  but he is a festive, sturdy Maypole and we will party all around him.  :)

Our computer has become almost disfunctional and our software won't seem to find the probable viruses, so  the IT guy at Stevens-Henager suggested that we do a clean sweep and reload the operating system.  We've had to do that twice before with other computers and though Fred thought he had everything saved to disks, I have lost valuable files each time around.  Fred spent the weekend on that time consuming project, while I have held my breath.  He has the computer back up and running and it seems to be working properly.  I am grateful that between he and Mikayla they have the intelligence to "fix" these technilogical problems so we don't have to pay someone to do it, but I am aprehensive about looking for my documents.  Luckily the blog is stored on the Internet, so that can't be touched by our personal computer failure.  Monday is not a good computer day because there are so many other things to be accomplished, but maybe I will be brave enough tomorrow to go "hacking" through the bush.

Mom says she's trunky.  Next March feels like a lifetime away to me, as Jordan will be turning 19 then.  His Bishop has started the verbal ball rolling and wants Jordan's papers ready to go by December.  We are all still uncertain what next semester has in store.  Jordan would love to keep learning, we would love to have him keep learning, but he also needs money for his mission, and whether he could get a good job here is a big question mark.  In truth, I selfishly don't feel ready for March.  I LOVE having Mom and Dad on a mission and learning and being blessed from their experiences and their growth.  I KNOW we will have similiar experiences as Jordan leaves and such grand extended family reunions as Mom and Dad return and bring back with them the familial nucleus, but pondering the tradeoff induces heart tremors.

Eden turns 14 in a month and a day.  I don't know how this is all happening so quickly, but I am grateful for stake callings and dance chaperone assignments :)

Anticipations

It's that festive time of year again where the holidays start to feel tangible, my mind gets caught up in the fun whirlwind of traditions and the cold actually starts to feel purposeful.  It is also the season where my boxing gloves seem to get pulled out of the closet and shined up for the fight between Halloween and Harvest.  It's a sad, ironic statement, but most years it's not the community or schools that I have to fight (they have all crossed over to the strictly Harvest side) it's always mutual or a ward activity or an LDS friends party that makes me uncomfortable.  Why is that!?  I'm so grateful that Ben and Renee have carried on the tradition of the extended family Harvest party and made it into such a wonderful, anticipated celebration of the beginning of uplifting holidays and I'm so looking forward to our own family party where we will sample from our "rare" fruits Basket, play jeopordy, deliver Harvest treats and of course overestimate the amount of fun fall refreshments than we can eat on a fast Sunday Saturday.  I guess we'll have to have to start the edible part of our celebration a little earlier in the day this year, so we can still fit in all the sugar ;[.  I'm hoping Jordans schedule can accomadate a weekend at home and that he can find a ride, but he may end up coming home this week for one of his old roomates farewell talks and I doubt he'll be able to make it both weekends, but we do look forward to his visits.

Mikayla went to visit Jordan at Rexburg this past Thursday through Sunday.  She was able to surprise him, which was fun for her and was able to spend some good hours with him on Friday, getting a tour of the campus.  So far I've asked Liz and Mikayla to scope out the dating situation while they were down there and in both cases the assignment has been disappoiningly unfulfilled.  I am starting to lose my faith in spies. :)  I did talk to Arianna yesterday on the web cam and she seemed like a sweet girl, but I told Mikayla that I don't care if she is the queen of Sheba, I still think he should be dating other girls!

On Wednesday, as Fred was driving home from work, a car in front of him drove off the road at 50 miles an hour, hit a ditch and flipped.  He and another man were able to get the young man, who seemed to be in shock, but fine, out of the car and waited with him until the ambulence got there.  Fred found out his first name and could tell he was a member of the church because of the primary manuals in the back of the car.  We later found out that it was a young man in our stake.  Accidents are hitting much too close to home lately and it's making me nervous.  Mikayla is still driving to school every day, but I am grateful that it is only a couple miles away, that the speed limit is 25 and that she is in a solid steel pickup... and that I can pray!

I noticed that there were test cables across the road at our main intersection in town last week.  I've always been so proud that our town has no stoplights--like a symbolic sign of our small and intimate community.  I have to admit that by Middleton standards that interesection gets quite busy sometimes, but I would be sad to see a light go in.

We had the missionary sisters over for dinner last week.  I love having missionaries in our home--they bring with them such a pure, humble manifestation of the Spirit.  One of them is actually from Boise and was reassigned here from Canada because of health issues and the other one is from Tonga.  They were both  sweet and when they left, the Tongan sister gave Abe a big hug and a kiss on the cheek that he wasn't quite prepared for :)

Tomorrow is the twins first field trip.  In our small town we will be walking to the fire department and then to the grocery store.  Lily and Sophie were both disappointed that they would still not get the experience of riding a bus.  It's a dream that they will have to continue anticipating.

My grand anticipations for this bright new Monday include bread making, laundry folding, job chart revising, house cleaning, personal progress setting, dog walking, letter typing, budget updating, homework helping, twin corraling and I'm sure many other grand illusions that I can't even imagine.  "Rise and Shout!"

Week At A Glance... or a Gaze... or a Grueling Going-Over

When I started this blog, I set a goal to write every week, no matter what, because this is my journal and my letter to Mom and Dad, and usually pictures for Jordan, but some weeks there is just seems to be nothing there, so I'm going with the unsubstantial list today:

Last Monday
--Finally finished curtains for the playroom.  Since our couch in that room is atrocious (Fred's dad's 1970's gold and brown floral), I didn't even try to match it, but am using the curtains as my starting palette and will eventually work everything around them.  Right now the paint shade in the room is too cool to compliment their shade of green and red and the lavendar based decorations are clashing for sure, so it really looks quite pathetic, BUT I found a steal on fabric that I could make floor to ceiling curtains for $30, so that was the "change" I could afford and I can see the potential of the gradual progression of new paint, then new decorations, then new furniture so I am content for the time being.  Not sure how content Fred is :)

Tuesday

--Sent all of my children (minus Jordan of course) off to choir on their own so I could work on the homefront, which was in dire need of attention, and worried the entire time.  I don't like children in cars, or in town without parents!

Wednesday
---Took Olive in for her annual shots, which she didn't seem to mind, but she was very mad at me for the medicine I syringed into her mouth when we got home. 
--Visited one of the wards in our stake for mutual where we learned some hair tricks and then styled the girls hair.  The new Bishop from that ward and one of his counselors came in near the end and I watched one of the girls, who is very awkward come up and show them her new hairdo.  They talked with her for a few minutes and I heard her tell them that she had really wanted it braided and the next time I looked over the counselor what braiding pigtails.  I thought it was a very sweet gesture and re-inpired me to look for the little acts of service that make such a big difference.

Thursday
--Had a brain lapse and forgot to go to Eden's Parent/Teacher openhouse.

Friday
--Unwilling to miss out on my weekly date, I skipped my wards R.S. Retreat (party) that night and Fred and I had fun pre-Christmas idea shopping.  At home we watched "Breakfast at Tiffany's" with Eden, and were sad to find that it is really just a commentary on disfunctional relationships and exactly what not to do if you want to find any semblence of happiness.  I'll take the substancial, morally grounded, romance of Jane Austin  anyday :) 
--Mikayla went to a "study" party (which is an oxymoron anyway) and amazingly never got around the studying at all but she had fun and returned home safe and before curfew, so we were happy.

Saturday
--Early morning Fred headed to the farm to replace the water heater and I headed to the morning "session" of the R.S. retreat which was a great, spiritual way to start a Saturday. 
--Of course we spent the rest of the day cleaning and then thouroughly enjoyed listening to the children laugh while Mikayla, Abe, Lily, Sophie and I watched Ice Age.
--Eden spent the evening upstairs, giggling, playing with Maunzy and peforming "makeovers" with freinds.

--And Fred locked himself in Abe's room to finish putting together his Chemistry class, which he anxiouslystarts today.

Sunday
--Attended a missionary "homecoming" in our ward for our previous Bishop's son and the church was filled to the stage.  Fun to see so many familiar faces back in the building. 
--Received a wedding invitation from one of my YW.  Aaaaaaaaaaaagh--that's the second one!  Jordan, you just remember that you still have a good 3 years!
--Talked to Jordan on the web cam.  He has the flu--again!  I think this living on his own thing is taking his immune system for a ride (lots of stress).  We noticed a bruise on his head and found out he was in another car accident on Saturday.  He and his roomate and their dates were driving back from Yellowstone and his roomate quickly turned around to put something in the back seat and drove off a windy road.  His roomate had to get 4 stitches in his head and his date has some back pain.  Jordan hit the window with his head and has a bruise on his temple but his date was uninjured.  I am trying to have any location other than campus and any transportation other than his bike banned; two stikes is too close!  My immune system isn't doing so well while he's on his own either!
--Had Stake YW Standards Night.  With minor guidance, the YW from the stake YM/YW youth committe planned and conducted the meeting.  They chose youth who have taken the opportunity (since it became available this past summer) to attend the temple weekly, to bear thier testimonies.  The youth chose and assigned and performed the two musical numbers and then they asked our stake president to be the keynote speaker.  It was a powerful reminder to "the strength of youth".  Great turnout--great Spirit--great meeting!  Parents were invited, but because we have other children, Fred stayed home and made traditional Sunday cookies with them and put them to bed before we got home rather late.

Today
--I still need to make bread, clean the refridgerator, set some appointments, prepare the lesson for F.H.E., walk my dog, write up a menu and grocery list, Cook dinner for the missionaries ........oh, and get dressed!

Love all,
Rach

"Talk" and "Walk"

Jordan calls us every Sunday on the computer web cam and  fills us in on college life and often deep thoughts about what he's learning in class and in life.  He then asks us about our week to which we almost always look at each other with blank faces and shrug our shoulders.  What is it exactly that we are filling our lives with?  Jordan talks about thoughts and we try to think of happenings.  One of my favorite quotes is, "Great people talk about ideas. Average people talk about things. Small people talk about other people."  I'm grateful for conference this weekend to help elevate my mind to enlightenment.  I love conference weekend!  It is so full of light and truth and re-motivation.    It was so enjoyable to spend two full days with my family gathered around, focusing on eternity and undistracted by outside influences.  During the breaks on Sunday, we spent a lot of time going through the geneology that we found in the barn and looking through old journals and photographs.  We truly do feel tied back into those previous generations and have such a yearning to know those people.  Now Monday is here and the "talk" ends and the "walk" begins again. 

(Tradition Conference Strawberry Cream Waffles)

I looked out at my garden last Monday morning and it was gone!  It had turned from a lush, producing bounty to shriveled nothingness.  My children harvested what had not frozen, which was surprisingly significant and then I breathed a sad sigh of relief.  I will miss running out there every day to pick produce for after school snacks and dinner, but no more guilt for yellow squash I can't use or share fast enough and tomatoes that keep piling up even after boundless batches of fresh salsa, juice, sandwiches etc. because I am too scared to pressure cook.  I am not emotionally ready for cold and rain and cloudy days, but they are here nonetheless. I am rather bee-like when the cold comes; my body starts shutting down and I seem to move in slow motion.  There is something about sun and sweat that keeps me energized and busy and a heater doesn't have the same effect, but I am very grateful for it just the same.  Whether I like it or not, change is always healthy and so I am determined to be grateful for yardwork time that will now be shifted to housework time.  I might actually get my curtains hemmed, my home organized, Ivanho finished and my laundry folded....well, that last thought is rather optimistic. :)  I am now trying to keep the climate in the house adjusted for a family whose comfort ranges between 64-77, a fish who can't survive below 70, a chinchilla who can't survive above 80 and a cyclamen plant that needs to be between 50-75.  So if I set the thermostat for 72 and we all dress appropriately, we might all make it ;)  Of course there is still Olive to worry about.  When weather starts chaning, she spends a lot of time looking in our sliding glass door the guilt level of each of us climbs as the weather drops.  Yesterday, Mikayla and I dragged the calf shed onto the back cement pad (which almost emcompassed it), and put her plastic kennel inside with a blanket and she seemed content all day.  Of course that can't be permanent because we can't get out very easily, but it is savving us and her for the present.

Mikayla has started talking about ACT's and checking out the college campus and LEAVING, though she is only a junior.  Doesn't she know I can't do this twice?  I love watching Jordan stretch and grow--it is so fulfilling and rewarding, but they need to take turns; if one goes the others must come back.  It's only fair. 

I'm afraid that Jordan may have been bitten by the love bug, and honestly I'm not very excited about it.  In high school I knew all of his friendgirls, sometimes before he did, and now all I have is pictures and words.  I'm so proud of him for making it this far, without attachments, but he still has 6 months to "play the feild" and I hope he doesn't make it hard to leave.  He's a smart boy, but you know those red heads (the third one!) can be formidable. ;)  Apparently she's quite an impressive dancer (ballroom and ballet), but I'm hoping his focus won't be on footwork but on school work and mission work and he will continue to date a variety of girls.  The prophets counsel not to single date (in either context of the word) until after a boys mission is so wise.  It has served him well so far and if he continues I know he'll never regret it!  Now, I just have to continue to convince Jordan, while he's on his own, making his own rules ;) How strong is a mother's influence, 335 miles away?  Probably not that strong, but it's not my counsel, so I'm hoping it will hold enough weight.  Love you Georgie!!!

A month and a half until we let out the line a bit and allow Eden to go to Saturday night dances and boy/girl parties.  We are "reeling in" often and she's giving us a quite a run on the growing up issues, so I'm grateful for the chance to chaperone often :)  Mikayla and Fred insist that she's a lot like me--heaven help us all!  If we can just keep her from breaking the line I see great things from her on the horizon.  She is tenacious and has proven strength to swim upstream with gusto.  This next year will be all about her finding out who she is and me continuing to discover who I am.  Mothering children with similiar character traits can be very introspective and humbling, and because I tend to resist humility--hard!  I'm so grateful for a righteous, PATIENT husband who constantly reels me in, and for forgiving children who "just keep swimming."

(Waiting for "Mom" to come home from shopping--
It's nice to be joyfully "anticipated")

"I am blessed with work" and work is waiting.

Birthday, "Bugs" and BYU-I

BIRTHDAY PICNIC IN THE PARK:

Being silly on the teeter totter (Eden realizes that if she hooks her feet under the tire, I can't get down :)

Abe trying to even out the weight distribution

Trying to make their mother fly

The infamous "twirly slide" in Middleton

Monkeying around

Boundless energy

A race

Mikayla coming down with flu like symptoms in the Park

40 years old and still full of hot air

Gifts from my children

KINDERGARTEN ROAD RALLY:

Lily and Sophie showing off their "bugs".

Learning traffic rules

A classmates very cool semi

BRIEFS FROM BYU-I:

--Jordan finishes the Book of Mormon in two weeks (a lot of time in the library; a lot of time on his computer; some long walks back and forth to the temple (to stay awake) with an MP3 in the wee hours of the morning.

--Helps with the Special Olympics on campus--LOVES IT!

--Goes on a date to a personality impressionist show on campus with one of his Middleton friendgirls, who is going to school at U of I (1-1/2 hours away in Pocatello) and drives down just for the occasion. 

--So excited about the fun, relatively inexpensive entertainment on campus every week (Jim Brickman coming next week for $10 and he's an "expensive" show).

--He explores some huge sandunes with his roomate. 

--Get's called as the Elders Quorum secretary (his stake President is Pres. Eyring's son) which is a quick track to learn to know people in his ward.

--Is being very responsible on a student budget.

--He and his roomates find out that they can donate plasma for $50 a week and are so excited--his mother is not!

--Homework is getting intense--sooo much reading and he's never been a "reader"--minor difficulty that.

--Has a very enlightening "Personal Achievment" class that he fills us in on each week (part of his homework).  One of the quotes they discussed this week was about our perception of the world not being a reflection of what it truly is, but a reflection of who we truly are.  Deeply profound.  When I read Mom's letter this morning and her, "What a lot of flowers.  What a lot of sunshine" quote from Mr. Chips, I couldn't help but be moved by the impact and correlation between Jordan's quote and hers.  I certainly need to be looking out with  different eyes much of the time, which means I need to be working on me, not the world.

--He says he is looking so forward to General Conference.  Me too!

Homecoming Heaven?

I've been missing having a dating age boy in my household this past week.  The unfolding and bustle of these big dance date weeks are always so much fun to watch as a mother of boys.  The table planning sessions where they come up with the itinerary and try to budget is endearing.  I would have thought that things on the girls end would be more intense, but the dress shopping was such a breeze, that we were ready two days after Ajay asked Mikayla--well we thought we were.  As a mother of a girl there is a lot of waiting....waiting for the boys to tell you what you will be doing.....then waiting for them to tell you when you will be doing it.....then laughing when they tell you the interval time they have allowed between bringing you home from the morning date to get ready for the dance date ;)  However, Saturday proved to be the scale balancer of helping a teenage daughter versus a teenage son.

SATURDAY ITINERARY:

The boys have talked one of their Bishops into taking them boating at Black Canyon Resevoir. 

Ajay picks Mikayla up at 10:00 a.m.  I'm out mowing the lawn, so I bring him inside and Mikayla is immediatley at the front door, ready to go; I make them wait.  I find Fred and introduce him to a very polite, respectful and "so serious" Ajay (he's nervous, so of course I give him a hard time and a mother lecture on everyone wearing life jackets, then grill him on his plans).  He's all business and has all the right answers, so I have to let him go ;)  He says they will be back at 3:00 and then he will pick her back up at 4:45.  I just smile.

Mikayla and Ajay come walking back in the door at 4:00, tired, sore (Mikayla) and sunburned (Ajay--I lathered Mikayla with suncreen before she left ;) I laughingly ask if he is still planning on picking Mikayla back up at 4:45.  He says that the other girls told him they can't get ready that fast (mother smile) and so he's told Mikayla to just call him when she's ready (mother smile turns to laughter) and I inform him that he should never give a girl that leeway--just give her a time and Eden and I will both help her to try and get ready by that time, so he says to plan on 5:00 unless he calls back.  He leaves and Mikayla, who was planning on barrell rolling her hair, panics.  She rushes into the shower and Eden and I start gathering "supplies".

Mikayla is out and dressed by 4:15 and I start blow drying her hair, while she is putting on her makeup and Eden is painting her toenails.  At 4:20 Ajay calls and says that one of the girls said there is no way she can be ready by 5:00 ;) so he gives her until 5:45.  We all breathe a huge sigh of relief.  By 4:30 I am barrel rolling Mikayla's hair and Eden has moved on to her fingernails. 

At 5:00 I am still barrel rolling her hair and Eden is misting body sprays through the air.  At 5:30 I am still curling (and realizing that Mikayla has A LOT of hair) but now I am committed and there is no going back.  Eden has run out of things to do, so she is being my gopher and Mikayla's moral support.  By 5:38 Mikayla and I are both slightly panicking and Eden is being our minute by minute stopwatch, since my bathroom clock isn't working, and finding comedy in giving us false time readings.  At 5:45 Ajay calls and says he's running late (he's doubling with his younger sister and she's not ready yet--she has more hair than Mikayla) and he'll be here in another 10 minutes.  We are all grateful for his sister!  At 5:55 I still have about 6 more  curls to go and Mikayla is waiting to hear the car pull up any second.  At 6:00, as I'm lifting up the last peice of hair, to wrap around the curling iron, the doorbell rings and Mikayla screams!  She scares me to death (I'm wondering how Ajay feels--standing out there on the doorstep) and it's a miracle that I don't burn her.  We hear Fred go to the door and invite Ajay in.  Now their is very heightened whispering in the upstairs bathroom.  Fred is calling Mikayla down and I am trying to put in her beaded bobbypins.  We had planned on lightly dusting her hair with prisma glitter, but in all of the rush I accidentally dump it on her head and down her face.  The heightened whispering escalates and Fred is calling again.  I try my best to blow it off, but she is very sparkly ;)  I'm finished so I leave her to finish buckling her shoes and start to head downstairs but now she's nervous to make the long walk because all of a sudden she feels very conspicuous.  I assure her it will be okay.

I go talk to Ajay and get directions to the "picture site" and Mikayla gatheres the courage to come down.  It's fun to watch Ajay acknowledge her.  Mikayla fumbles with the corsage (Ajay isn't wearing a jacket, which makes it difficult not the stick him).

They finally get out the door and I panic because Fred and I are supposed to be at Stake Conference by 7:00 and I haven't gotten ready for anything beside Saturday work.  I throw on a dress,  try to tuck some hair and feeling a bit unclean and underprepared, hoping that Heavenly Father will understand my heart, I fly out the door telling Fred I will meet him at the Stake Center; it's 6:20.  I find the kids, who have now hooked up with more peers, so everyone will have a "double" and by 6:40 we are shooting pictures.  All of the kids are waiting to be "placed"; Ajay doesn't know what to do with his hands.

At 6:50 I wish them well and make it, sheepishly, into conference as Pres. Evans is standing to start the meeting.  As the first counselor begins his talk, he mentions that his wife is still with a group of teenagers, who were later than ours, and says that where he would usually hope that the Spirit be in our meeting, this time he's hoping that the Spirit will be with all the youth that are dating tonight (two of which are his sons) and we'll just have to do the best we can.;)

It was an incredible meeting and no one wanted to leave.  We stayed and visited and basked in the sociality of the saints, so many of who had children at Homecoming.  We were able to say goodbye to Pres. and Sis. Walker who were leaving for their mission (Ohio) on Sunday, and see Bishop Waltman who was back for the weekend from Virginia.  We got to talk with one of our Trek sons who's working to make money for his mission and one of Jordan's roomates from Spokane, back from BYU-I for the weekend, to be ordained as an Elder.  It was so rewarding to hear of his experiences with college and what he is realizing about himself and how much he is growing.  We hear the same things in Jordan's conversations.  When everyone had finally trickled out, we finally left and I stopped at Ridley's for some Monday lunch groceries and found the "second session" of conference in progress there ;)  The store was full of couples in their Sunday best, buying ice cream and groceries to get them through Sunday.  I love Middleton!

Fred (there's the real prince charming) helping Mikayla buckle her "Cinderella shoes" on Sunday morning (the curls stayed in ;)

Homecoming Week--Full Speed Ahead

Mikayla got asked to Homecoming on Thursday. All of the children and I were "debriefing" and having snacks at the bar after school and in true Mikayla fashion she just casually mentions, "Oh, Mom, I got asked to Homecoming today." This is her first date, her first formal dance and she's just mentioning it as a sideline. She's not prone to dramatically expressive communication (she used that all up as a baby I guess), unless she's coughing, sneezing or scared ;), so I'm used to those flat affect kinds of announcements, but this is a big one that she's really looked forward to, so I'm bracing myself thinking maybe she's disappointed with who asked her. Come to find out it is a young man that I worked with last year on the stake YM/YW committee and was very impressed with. He's spiritually mature, kind, respectful, cute and fun...and a senior. He's a mother's dream for a daughters first date............ Mikayla is pretty excited as well :), you just have to pry to find that out. In two years, when it's Eden's turn, there will be no prying, but lot's of screaming I'm sure;) Aren't the different personalities of our children so intriguing.

We had fun answering him Friday afternoon and then Fred and I did some preliminary dress scoping for our date that night, seeing if we could find anything with potential at the thrift stores. We did find a few possibilities at Goodwill. Saturday morning Mikayla and I headed to town. I showed her what we had found the night before and she thought there was some potential but nothing that seemed quite perfect, so we decided to see if we could find anything at Ross and we did--for only $25! Of course it was strapless, so we went to JoAnn's to find a shrug pattern and some cloth and found something we both thought was cute. We also found some Cinderella (glass looking) shoes at Savers for $6.99. They are Mikayla's first real heels and are 4" high. Watching her walk through the store on them was quite comedic (she just thinks I'm rude), but she fell in love with them and so will be 'practicing' all week in she can steal them back from Lily and Sophie who are bound to break their ankles before the week is up; so far, so good.

We were able to talk with Jordan today after his first week at BYU-I and got to meet his roommates on the web cam. They seem like very fun, nice young men and Jordan is really happy with them, which is a great start. He has only had classes for two days, but already has an assignment in his Mission Prep. class to read the entire Book of Mormon in 2 weeks. Welcome to college! He and Zoey auditioned for the campus talent show with 40 other applicants to perform their "Spamalot" duet and made it in with only 9other acts. They performed in the Hart Auditorium which seats over 3000, and though he said it wasn't filled to capacity, there was a huge number in attendance. He said performing that night to that huge crowd, which was very receptive, was one of the most exciting things he has ever done. What a fun opportunity--I wish we could have been there to see it! He has already had dinner at some girl's apartments and reciprocated the invitation the next day. What a fantastically fun, stressful, learning time of life. I would love to go back and 'revisit' brief moments of it but I most definitely want to 'live' in my time of life. I guess that is one of the great blessings of children and grandchildren--they provide all of the joy of those "visiting" moments without leaving the comfort of experience.

Because Abe won't be playing soccer this year, and because we are continually looking for that outlet that will help pull out his talent potential, I asked if he would be willing to audition for Young Artists. His immediate response to almost anything is that it will take away from his "free time". I promised him that I would not pressure him to actually join the choir, I just wanted to know what his singing potential is, because he is exuberant about it in Family Home Evening and during daily devotionals, and because choir was such a great instigation in giving Jordan the confidence he needed to take advantage of the musical opportunities that which give him so much joy now. With that promise he agreed, unenthusiastically, to go. Choir doesn't normally start until age 6, but because the 4th child + are tuition free, Aunt Linda said I might as well bring the twins along to auditions, if they were interested, and she would be willing to test them as well. It was fun to watch Abe's demeanor change as he went through auditions with Aunt Linda. He did very well and she is very good about making children feel great about themselves when they do things correctly. So the more she praised, the more he became engaged, and when he had done everything she had asked, she told him she was going to try and mess him up, which then became a challenge, and when he succeeded at overcoming that, he was beaming and she had gotten consent from him to join the choir before he even knew what hit him. She's very good at that too;) However, because I had made a promise to him, I told her we couldn't decide right then, I had to give him time to think and talk it over outside of that environment, which I did and he decided he would like to give it a try this semester. Lily and Sophie needed a bit more support to perform the skills tests, but they did well, while Aunt Linda was singing with them and she felt like they were mature enough so we enrolled them as well. Last week was their first week and they all seemed to enjoy it. My older children originally dubbed that day "Terrible Tuesday" because of the crazy rush from school and packing dinner for the car and the 3 hour stretch, but they have all loved the actual choir experience, so I hope that continues.

Forty is looming awfully close and "I feel great."

Long Walks Home

Tuesday was the first day of school for our children.  Lily and Sophie were so excited.  I walked them to school and promised I would stay with them until they were ready for me to go.  When their teacher came out to get them in their line on the playground, I could tell that she preferred for parents to leave at that time.  She made a big deal about the kids saying goodbye to their parents, but Lily wasn't ready and a promise is a promise, so three parents ended up going inside with the children.  Two of us stayed in the back of the room, so we would be out of the way, but one little girl was clinging to her mother and wouldn't look at or listen to the teacher or come out from behind her mother.  Sophie and Lily are lucky and have each other to hold onto (which they did).  After about 10 minutes with this little girl causing quite a bit of disturbance, the teacher kindly told the mother that it would be much easier for her if the mother would leave.  The mother seemed fine about that but the little girl went into a tirade, screaming and writhing in the teacher's arms and then I felt guilty for staying.  I got a reluctant thumbs up from both of the girls for me to go and I was feeling so proud of myself for being such a big girl and not getting emotional.  But, as I started walking across that empty schoolyard, the realization that I was walking toward an empty house and past a new milestone started to sink in and then the emotions kicked in with full force.  It was a long walk across that feild, and then Olive met me halfway home.  Olive, who has stayed in the yard all summer since the new fence, knew that it was the first day of school and that meant hundreds of kids on the playground and met me on her way there, so pleased with herself.  So, I redirected her path, picked up a leash on the way past the empty house and Olive and I went on a walk to sort things out.  And we did.  I came home and cleaned like crazy and accomplished much but was surprised to find how much I still had left to do when my time was through.  I stayed busy and the time went so quickly.  I set out a bar full of fresh fruit and vegetables out of our yard and was so excited to walk out my door in anticipation of seeing my children.  It was one of those time where you just feel the intense conviction of your worth as a mother seared into your souls.  It was a good first day, and I have had a week now to gear up for the true change, because Lily and Sophie only went to school one day last week.  This week they will go 3 days and then will alternate with 2 days every other week.  I was kicking against this Kindergarden change, but I think it will actually be a good chance to acclimate for all three of us.

Jordan came home a few days early and surprised us on Thursday morning.  We weren't expecting him until Saturday or Sunday night, but the boys were "done" and drove all night on Wednesday.  Fred was down doing some research on the computer and I was upstairs making the bed, when he walked in.  I didn't hear him, but Fred came flying upstairs and said, "come here, you've got to see this!"  Sometimes he gets excited about things that he discoveres and likes to share, but he was awfully animated, and because I was still in my exercize clothes and hairdo I became a little apprehensive about where he was taking me halfway down the stairs, but he assured me I would be excited.  When I came around the corner, the morning light from our picture window was backlighting two people.  The first person I saw was a large man with dark sunglasses and a marine haircut that I didn't recognize, so I looked next to him and when my eyes registered Braden, Jordan's roomate, standing there I realized who the big man must be.  I screamed and ran into his arms and just stayed there for awhile.  It is so good to have him back home for another week

Of course, Jordan brought Maunzy home with him and we have all fallen in love with him.  He is really the most charming little creature.  Mikayla and Eden have taken complete ownership and moved him, bag and baggage into their room.  Because he is nocturnal, he sleeps all day while we are all busy with work and school and becomes very active in the evening and remains active through the early morning, which has worked out quite nicely, since Mikayla usually gets up at 5:00 to study her scriptures.  He doesn't love being held because that would require him holding still but if you sit in the room he will run over and around you constantly.  He is very friendly, but makes a much better teenage pet.  The twins are constantly disappointed that they can't cuddle him like a baby and they would never be able to catch him.  I'm grateful that my older children are responsible enough to be attentive to his needs so I haven't had that guilt that usually accompanies owning a pet.  I'm sure my turn will come since the average chinchilla lifespan is 15-20 years.

We went to the most interesting fireside last Sunday.  Joseph's Smith's great great grandaughter, a convert of 10 years, spoke to us.  Her conversion story and her experiences growing up with that history (most of which she was not aware of until she did a lot of researching later in her life) were absolutely fascinating.  She is a member of the organization that was instrumental in making the Emma movie a few years ago and is proactive about trying to help "heal" the deep wounds of the "family".  She had such interesting insight in seeing the Lord's hand in Emma staying behind when the Saints moved out west.  It was heartbreaking to learn of the feelings and thoughts that have been passed down through the generations toward Brigham Young but enlightening to have your eyes opened to feelings you didn't know existed or why.  I know I often take too much for granted about the blessings and knowledge that I have in my daily life. 

Congradulations Marg and Rob!  We'll be excited to hear when you pick out a name for your little guy.  I can't wait to see him as soon as we get over these blasted colds.  I'll post a welcome entry as soon as I can get a photo.