Sending Her Off on the Lord's Errand

Last complete family prayer for 18 months

Starting the goodbye's...

...never complete without tackling at the Bloomers

We are just so awkward...always!

Starting the tears

More tackling...

...and tenderness

Katie wakes up from all the commotion

Mikayla playing her song for the last time...making me cry!

We're a touchy feely family, we are...

...awkward...

...but very touchy, feely!

Miss Katie...so dear already.

Can't ever have too many goodbye's

Wednesday morning on Temple Square

"Looking towards the temple"

An interesting perspective

Our feelings exactly!

Beautiful inside and out

"If I have to take one more picture..." (I only took 189)

This always takes my breath away

"Touching the temple"

A daddy and his girl--no words

I wonder where my children got their peculiarities from...

Driving to Provo

At the Provo Temple grounds

Only a Bloomer, set apart as a Sister missionary, would try to climb a baby tree on the temple grounds...

How do you "reprove betimes with sharpness", laughing through your shock? Very ineffectively.

Driving into the MTC--Lines of Elders and Sisters waving.

A lovely sister missionary meeting Mikayla at the curb

...and sweetly offering to take pictures even though we didn't ask  and knew we weren't supposed to linger

Excited, anxious, proud, sorrowful tears (only on the parents side)

On the Lord's errand...and in good hands!

The final goodbye

A father's love

Visiting Mindy afterwards--who made it all feel better...

...with love and the Spirit in her home and chocolate...

I want to be just like her when I grow up...if I ever grow up.

"Be Still and Know That I am God"

When Mikayla received her mission call, she was asked to read the Book of Mormon again, starting and finishing within the interim between her call and her entrance into the MTC. Prior to that she had made a personal goal to finish the New Testament, so she spent her scripture study time on that book during this past college semester and hadn't re-started the Book of Mormon when she got back home on the 13th. She set a goal on the 15th and started reading on the 16th. Every high expectation needs backup so I climbed on board the 22 day blitz, which I knew was going to be pretty intense, due to all of the things we still needed to accomplish to get her prepared to leave. We both accomplished the First Presidency's Book of Mormon challenge in 2005, which was a 5 month goal. In 2006 I accepted another challenge by one of the YW organizations in our stake to read the book in 100 days. At the time, I thought both of those challenges were pretty lofty, which is kind of pitiful because I can read a novel in much less time. Granted, studying and reading are different things, with different results, but there are pro's to both experiences and this has been a powerful experience to read the Book of Mormon like I would read a novel...almost. We read for approx. 1-1/2 to 2 hours a day, out loud, depending on how often we stop to discuss something. There are such great lessons to be learned by studying the scriptures every day, but there is also an amazingly significant story that emerges when it's read quickly and all of the actions and consequences and relationships are all tied together. It hasn't been all spiritual. At times it has become tedious, when we are both falling asleep or humorous when we get tongue tied and are feeling illiterate or bonding when we have gotten distracted by a tangent and realize it 15 minutes later, but all of it has added to the poignancy. We will finish the book on our drive down to the MTC next Tuesday. I can't think of a better parent/child experience to part on for 18 months. I am grateful for challenges that seem overwhelming at the beginning and then become blessings in the end.

Jordan skyped a family in Chile last Sunday, something he often does on Sundays, but the family gathered other friends and converts into their home and surprised him with a group . Among them was a 12 year old boy that Jordan taught and loves. It was fun and rewarding to see how much joy  that gave him. When people are good and kind and lifting to my children I can't help but love them. Of course I couldn't understand any of the words that were being exchanged and I only just caught glimpses of the people and I would pass in and out of the room, but you can feel love and joy and goodness--you don't have to hear it. Afterwards, Jordan skyped Katie and we all sat around listening (and watching) their conversation. It's fun that they don't care about that. Their relationship has been open and family oriented right from the beginning. They are both such happy, positive people that it just feels compelling to want to be self inclusive. Lily and Sophie are at the age where they want to be in the forefront. They were both wrapped around Jordan as he tried to talk, interjecting their whims and wishes into the conversation. I sat in the background listening to them talk about mission experiences and people who have touched their lives and making plans to touch other people's lives. I admit that I listened with a mother detector as they talked about personal goals and self progress and even trivial chatter. I was scrutinizing their reactions to each other and what they were radiating personally because of the interaction. I'm always gauging the balance of uplift because I have come to find that there are many people that I really like, but that aren't necessarily fitted for my children. I like to pretend that I have some control in these relationships. Of course I don't, but that never stops me from encouraging or discouraging--from trying to wield some semblance of persuasion still. Once a mother, always a mother. Katie is here visiting us again this week. It has been a joy. So far, I have only seen good things. They will be apart for 4 months this summer. I think it will be a good thing--not fun, but good. I will keep watching from afar.

Fred and I went to see the movie Lincoln last Friday for date night. We watched it again with Mikayla last night. It was heavy and there were parts that I could not watch, but I left that movie both times in tears and with a deep admiration and appreciation for the man and for all people who stand alone for what is right. I am glad that I read the book previous to the movie as both Fred and Mikayla were both a little confused by some of what was going on. The book was incredible and gave such richness to the movie. I was only sad that the movie producers chose not to listen to the historical advisers about the misplacement of the unfounded language. In that way they were not true or respectful of the man, but I felt the character that they did capture accurately was an incredible tribute to a man of integrity. I loved him. And for the first time in my life I saw what I have always thought of as a premature and tragic death as a tender mercy from a Heavenly Father to a man that fulfilled his purpose with honor and was allowed to come Home to rest. The book and the movie and the man have left a mark on my soul.

A couple that Fred and I love announced their divorce this past week. I have been devastated. I had no idea that they were struggling with their marriage, so it came as a complete shock and has rocked my world. I have a heavy heart but I am so grateful for the example of Mom and Dad for teaching us to work out our problems--that divorce is not an answer. I know that in rare cases of chronic abuse or compulsive infidelity it may sometimes be a necessity, but those are the exceptions, not the standard. Of all of the things in my life that have caused the most positive personal growth, working through problems in marriage and other relationships top the list. They are the most difficult and painful challenges that I or many people ever experience, but pushing through has brought me joy and peace and progression. My heart aches for the inevitable pain that I know will follow my dear friends. I believe the sealing powers are more binding than we realize and I have never seen anything but devastation from the purposeful breaking of those bonds. It has made me more aware of my own weaknesses in meaningful relationships. Differences and selfishness can be an overwhelming struggle, but we can't ever give up on each other. Strengthening our family relationships and learning to temper ourselves are our life's work and more often than not those things take our whole lives. I am more determined than ever to be "more diligent and concerned at home". None of us are immune  to these kinds of trials. All of us are vulnerable. I just keep reminding myself to follow the example of Captain Moroni and keep fortifying and preparing when the enemy is not yet on the horizon. I am such a weak person--and so often I have no idea what I am doing so I need constant and extraordinary protection, "at all times and in all places."

Eden, Lily and Sophia had their Spring concert last night. It was BEAUTIFUL! What a blessing to have an outlet for our children to experience uplifting music, enrich their talents, and learn life lessons and what a blessing for us to appreciate their efforts. This was Eden's 9th year in choir and it has been an anchor for her. She respects Aunt Linda so much and is loved right back in return. She has a beautiful voice and seems to always have a song in her heart. I love it when the song is bright and lovely and she spreads it through our home. I sometimes complain about the busyness of it all, but I can't imagine it not being a part of our lives or hers. 

Mikayla was set apart as a full time missionary this morning. It was a sweet and sacred experience to share with our family. After her blessing she went around the room and embraced each of us and ending up standing next to a large picture of Christ in the stake presidents office. I don't think that was a conscious placement, but it was a comforting symbolism to me--that she would be standing next to Christ and he would be watching over her. She does not know exactly what to expect, but she is ready and worthy. Jordan and Katie have given her great insights and it's a blessing to have their examples and encouragement here, right now. I feel both fragile and strong as we prepare to send her off to serve. She is such a blessing in our home and I believe our home will be compensated with an equal and even overabundance of the Spirit during her absence. I am grateful for what I know she...and we, will learn during these next 18 months. In a few days our home dynamics will drastically change...again, but I have to believe it will just be another opportunity for growth and strengthening of my testimony and character. I just keep feeling the gentle reminder to "be still and know that I am God."

All Together Again...For 13 Days

Journaling should be done every day, but there are so many things that should be done every day...and so many things that happen everyday, I always seem to be behind.

So, summary snapshots, here we go:

Fred and I drove down two weeks ago to Rexburg with a rented Suburban and U haul trailer to pick up Jordan, Mikayla and a plethysmograph. Outside of Idaho Falls the pin to the trailer broke right as we pulled off the freeway and the U haul barely missed slamming into the back of the car. Stopped in the middle of traffic, I prayed and Fred played MacGyver by jumping over the overpass bridge railing and finding a scrap piece of aluminum which he wrapped through the pin slot just long enough to get us off the road, unhook our load and drive into town to find a replacement pin at 8:00 at night.

That next day, Fred and Jordan drove to the Rexburg hospital, loaded the R.T. machinery into the trailer, loaded all of the kids belongings in around it and we (I) reluctantly left Jordan to drive back with his girlfriend and started home with Mikayla. The dust and wind gusts were pretty intense and had Fred on the edge of his seat, but there was a 27 car pile-up a little later and the road was closed before Jordan and Katie made it through. They ended up stranded at a gas station from 6:30-10 PM and didn't make it here until 2 AM. Needless to say we felt blessed that we and they had been protected, but staying awake in church the next morning was a challenge. For 13 more days we are all together again.

Katie stayed with us for 6 days--in the playroom--stuffed next to Eden (whose bed was being repaired) and Mikayla (whose bed was being reassembled). It was chaotic here, trying to move two children back into this little space but it was the most enjoyable bit of vacation for me. Fred and the other children all had work and school, but Jordan, Katie, Mikayla and I just visited and cleaned and laughed and cleaned and lounged and cleaned all week long. We all like Katie very much and are glad that she left seemingly unscarred, in spite of the sister in our ward who leaned up to me during Primary last Sunday wanting to know who was with Jordan and if she was intimidated...I wasn't sure how to take that, but I found it a little awkwardly humorous. I seem to have a "intimidating" aura that hovers around me. My Sunbeams haven't seemed to pick up on that presence yet,,,luckily. =)

Renee called before we left to pick up the college kids to tell us that the father of a girl in her ward had just been called to be the president of Mikayla's mission. His wife happened to be in town, visiting from Utah. Renee told her friend about Mikayla and the mission president's wife wanted to meet her. Mikayla called and both she and I were able to go visit for almost 2 hours. It was such a special privilege for me as a mother to meet the woman who will be providing some surrogacy for 18 months. It was a spiritually rewarding and purely enjoyable opportunity. She will be in good hands. Sister Murdoch was a beautiful, tiny, warm and feisty delight The new mission president takes over in July, so Mikayla will beat them, but it will be nice for her to have a familiar face so soon after entering the feild. The Lord is truly watching over us in the smallest details of our lives.

Last week I was able to attend the temple with Jordan, Katie, and Mikayla on Thursday. Fred was able to go that evening with Abrahm to help with baptism's and then Fred and I were able to do family sealings with a small family group. It was a precious experience. I'd love to do that much more often. I'd love to have Jordan and Mikayla in there with us. What a peaceful place!

This week has been marathon shopping to get Mikayla ready to leave on her mission next week. A few more things to pick up, some sewing alterations and she'll be there. I feel like she is poised to learn some great personal lessons and bless some people's lives. I know she is going to bless ours by the Spirit that will be added to in our home. We felt that so strongly with Jordan in Chile. Eternity just seems a little bit closer, probably because our perspective is more focused. I feel like my emotions are just waiting to erupt, but I am holding on fairly well, just trying to remember all of the good that is happening in our lives from sacrificing the company of someone who you so enjoy and love.

Eden headed off to Seattle for the Young Artist's choir tour early this morning. Singing is a love and an outlet for her and she was so excited. I never worry sending my children off with Aunt Linda--I know they are in such good hands. My children love, respect and obey her. The house is quiet and less "fun" without our Eden--leaving a great big hole, even though she's not here much even when she's here. I miss her. I'm sure she is winding down a party wherever she is right now and I can count on Aunt Linda to sing to her and tuck her in tonight, just like she always does each night of tour.

Lily and Sophie both got Flat Stanley packages from Mys and Camille for a school project this week and have been floating in heaven to have that interaction with extended family and the excitement of focused attention and new experiences. What thoughtful and gracious family we have. Thank-you Mys and Camille for making the experience so enjoyable for them and for their classmates. The kids were playing Skaneopolis for hours the day it came and can't wait to share "Happy Hippo" treats with their friends tomorrow. I will be interested to see the photos when they are finally sent home. I'm indebted to you both. If you ever need our help, please just ask.

Jordan is working hard trying to earn money for a plane ticket to New Jersey so he can work even harder, but in an adventurous place. In two weeks this is going to be a melancholy place. It will be temporary--we'll all press forward and fill the missing with each other and communication, but I don't look forward to the inevitable feelings of loss. It will be a blessing that school will be out soon and the emptiness of this house will be vanquished with bits of freedom and chaos, until I grow weary of that and try to implement some structure and order...or just go outside and dig in the dirt. =)

Katie's B-day Picnic at BYU-I

The Rain forest Room at BYU-I

Never ending smiles

Crashing at home after a LONG semester

After our temple session

My darling children...for eternity

Sweet Katie and Kayla

"Reading their scriptures" in the hammock

Playing "Ha-Ha" with friends (and headaches all around afterward). Silly kids!

Eden's picture window shot: Saying Goodbye in the pouring rain.  (never a private moment at the Bloomquist's =)

"A Sheltering Angel so Nothing Can Harm You"

I was up most of Monday night, sparring with some nasty intestinal bug. It hasn't given up the fight and I'm not ready to take up the sword again, so I am curled up in this quiet house, trying to accomplish productive things with my mind. High expectations, I know, and not likely, but for catching up my journaling, it may be a blessing in disguise.

I have been reveling in the after conference aura, wishing it was ever long enough to be one of those rare experiences where you reach spiritual exhaustion  Trek, Academy, some long Sundays of YW meetings have each provided those wearied, but uplifting contentments, where you just can't take in any more and you are momentarily, spiritually content. Each conference I long for my spirit to hit overload--to have that same feeling that you get when you've put in a full day of manual labor and you sink happy and overwhelmingly weary into bed. But with me still eager, it is over before I am ever ready. I know it used to be longer. I wish it still felt as ongoing as it used to in my childhood days. I guess it's not meant to make us "content"; it's meant to make us driven. Even so, the present trumps the past. This morning, with the click of my fingers, I could start it all over again. At least today, technology is a gift.

Friday, Fred and I leave to gather my optimistically adventurous boy and my deeply quiet hearted girl into our arms and bring them home for good! Well...it's a transitory good, but will actually only be for 3 weeks and then Mikayla leaves for her mission in Colorado and Jordan flies to work in New Jersey. They will be brief and precious moments. The younger children will still be in school when they come and when they go, so for them the moments will seem even more fleeting. It's a varied time of life with children on so many different stages and me running to and fro between the wings and the auditorium, trying to get used to the fact that it isn't my role to be always "blocking", never quite sure if I'm supposed to be directing, acting, sitting in the audience or the temporary makeup artist. I love my children. I love mothering them. As they grow older I feel like I should be nurturing them differently, but somehow, even at 22 and 19 I often see a small, tow-headed boy, and  ruby lipped little girl and my heart slips between rocking and cooing, to bracing and chalk talk. At times it must be frustrating for them, but I usually just see tender eyes and understanding. Home will feel different without them popping back and forth on so many weekends.

It is still a journey, but Eden is finally starting to fill out her lead spot in the children's line-up. The younger three are beginning to gravitate towards her energy and enthusiasm, though her presence, fully engaged, is still a transient thing. We are in constant competition with the bathtub's running stream, the clamoring of friends, and the quiet hum of text messages going in and out, but the moment's when she chooses family connection are like ringing in a new year--noise poppers, celebration and fireworks. It's loud, it's festive and it can be awe inspiring. How is it that this feisty, miniature, bundle of joy can have almost reached the age of Senior pictures and college planning? I'm sure she was just 12 a couple of years ago. I can't even imagine life without her flourishes and swaths of emotional color, streaming out behind her wherever she goes. She has been the spark to so much of my positive and personal, fiery furnaces. She has motivated me to dig deeper, to study harder, to find compassion--in short to YIELD to the whisperings of the Spirit She has motivated me to GROW. Heavenly Father knew what he was doing when he sent her to me--He always does.

A few days ago Abrahm signed up to remove pruned branches from a long ditch bank for a ward member offering the job to any boy wanting to earn money for scout camp. We rarely send our boys, because it is so ridiculously expensive, but we have some highly motivated leaders who are helping to make it alluring to the boys and possible for the parents. Two young men signed up, but the man wanted the job done before it rained and couldn't get a hold of the other boy. I want my children to learn to do hard work. I enjoy it, but have an aversion to doing it alone and so I told him I'd go with him. I assured him that my work would be donated. I'm not sure if he felt bad about me doing "his" work or if it's not cool to show up at a job with your Mom, or a little bit of both, but he was a little hesitant. However, he's not easily embarrassed and I'm not easily swayed and so he agreed with the plan. Of course then I had to decide what to do with Lily and Sophie. I told them I'd have to take them along, but they weren't required to work if they didn't want to, as our labor would be volunteer. They came and they worked like champions. All three of them did--for two straight hours. Dad would have been proud! In fact, the job was for Bro. and Sis. Miner (Sally Murry's parents). He's 83 and was out there with his tractor the entire time, she in her garden bed. It would have taken them longer, but I have no doubt, even with a bad back and arthritis that he (and especially she) could and would have done the work themselves, if a young man didn't need a job and they were't so very generous. It felt rewarding to work alongside my "farm kids" and to get better acquainted with ward members. I hope at 83 that I'll have a tractor and will still be working the land! =)

Another treat this week was the opportunity to take care of one of my Sunbeams and her little brother while her mother was out of town for a wedding and her Dad was teaching seminary. Abe also happened to have school off that day and it was warming to watch him with these tiny, charming people. It reminded me of Joseph when my oldest kids were just little.  Keturah is 3. Her younger brother is probably not quite 2. The morning didn't start out optimally because I turned on the vacuum first thing and Grayson was terrified. We have never met, but he was in my arms and clinging to my neck so fast that we formed an immediate bond--literally. He wanted held for the next 45 minutes and kept calling me Mom. His mother had been gone for a few days and I could tell that he was missing her enormously. Abe finally got him interested in some toys so that I could do my housework and Keturah followed me continuously, talking non-stop. Every sentence (and she was here for over 7 hours) she began with "Teacher" for the first two hours and then suddenly changed to "Sister Bloomquist". She didn't start most sentences that way--EVERY sentence. It grabbed my heartstrings so tightly I couldn't stop smiling all day. Abe stopped counting, but assured the rest of the family that her addresses to me were in the high hundreds. He was their indentured servant (as most sweet boys of his age usually become to little children) and I got to spend the day taking turns rocking them in the hammock and reading to them and watching Abe swing them and dig in the sand for them and put them on and off and on and off the trampoline while I took pictures. It feels like eternity since I was the mom of toddlers and I LOVED every minute of it. I wouldn't feel that way about watching every toddler for seven hours, but she is mine and they both were angelic. My heart gets all mushy when I even think of being a Grandma. Last night our family went to a Middleton Unplugged event (yes, it's here again) and I turned around in the huge group of people and saw a fragile, little thing staring at me through the crowd. I opened my arms up wide and she came, a little warily through the masses, but bright eyed. I finally returned her to her parents and as my family got ready to leave and walked across the school gym and out the doors, I turned--and then we all did--to see my little Keturah Sunbeam still staring after us. Every person in the church should be so blessed, just once, to have this calling.

This week I had two different Sunbeam birthdays. I visited Isaac on Monday. He was so excited about his tiny gift and our visit that when his Mother prompted him with, "What do you say?" He yelled, Happy Birthday!" and ran out the back door to show his siblings. I could hear him yelling to them as I walked back home. Maybe I will learn some of that wide, eyed optimism just rubbing shoulders with these little examples. On Friday I showed up at Kinsley's house. She's my shy little girl. She came up behind her mother at the door, sparkles in her eyes, twirling a new umbrella and wearing a princess dress. She took her Sunshine cookie from my hands and pinched it right in half, she was holding on so tight. And as I walked back to my car I heard a tiny thank-you from behind the door.

I also ran into a Sunbeam at the library and at the grocery store. Both times I waved and I could hear him shouting to his mother, "I saw my teacher!" They don't care who you are or what you look like or how much you know, if you love them, and they can tell, that word "Teacher" comes close after "Mother" in importance in their eyes. I've watched that loyalty and love with my own children and teachers who love them. Melt my heart.

I ran across this quote the other day. It's an Irish blessing perfect for my season of life: "May God grant you always...A sunbeam to warm you, a moonbeam to charm you, a sheltering Angel so nothing can harm you. Laughter to cheer you. Faithful friends near you. And whenever you pray, Heaven to hear you."

My back lawn needs mowed--it's looking like bright green, meadow grass--but the allurement of the bright skies can't compete with my aversion to strong, cold winds and so I look out at it rippling and waving day after day. Soon, I know, the stars are going to align again and beckon me outdoors, but not today. Today, I'm just trying to convince myself that walking up my short flight of stairs to take a shower, is going to be worth the effort. =)

Pre-Easter Cupcakes

Easter Picnic

Fun with Keturah and Grayson

Yield: To Give Way to Influence, Entreaty; to Move or Bend

Fred and I watched "Enchanted April" last week--one of our favorite movies--and I've been contemplating minds "slipping sideways" and thinking of my mind in particular. It has been one of those months for paradigm shifting. It started out with a desire to help a young friend with modesty and has turned into hours of researching and studying and sharing of minds with dear friends and has instilled in me a desire to strengthen myself and my family in many areas. It has given me a passion to understand the core of honor and integrity and self worth. At the same time, I started a book called "Bonds that Make Us Free" and that has opened my mind, with unusual clarity, to some aha moments about choice and responsibility and joy. And as usually happens when we start looking for answers for someone else, I have found many more of my own, which just reinforces the behavioral certainties that we can't change anyone else and that the best advocate for change is desire.

The most important thing that I have been reminded of, over and over again, by the church leaders I have studied, and also by the most spiritually beautiful mentors in my life (part family, part friend) is that the root of every struggle and every strength can be measured by the depth of our testimonies and the intimacy of our relationships with our Heavenly Father and Savior. Even after all of the hours and insights it always boils down to something simple--not necessarily easy--but always simple. Focus on the one, most important thing and all of the other struggles merge into their proper perspective places. Another thing that I was reminded of this last month, and which I really do often forget, is how much we need each other to learn life's lessons. Family is the nucleus of the gospel and we are ALL tied with that title. So, for your strength, support and sacrifices on my spiritual behalf this month I want to thank my family and friends who shared their hearts and insights. You raise me up.

Fun things this month--Jet, our friend who took the discussions in our home in high school, came back on leave from the military and it happened to fall on the weekend of Lily and Sophie's birthday. Then Jordan and Mikayla planned a surprise visit home from BYU-I so the twins were in heaven, feeling so doted upon. The most thrilling moment was when Jordan and Mikayla sneaked into the back yard and started jumping on the trampoline and Abrahm, Lily and Sophia looked out the kitchen and shrieked with pure delight. That was worth all of the trouble to keep that secret for weeks.

The following week, Jordan came home again, with a missionary companion, to attend a homecoming. Elder Weaver lived in Australia until he was 10 and still has a charming accent. He and our Jordan were kindred spirits in the mission field and I can see why. I think our family may have overwhelmed him a bit--we have a tendency to do that to new friends--but he seemed content and we liked him very much. Some people are so easy to like.

Sunbeams were a bright spot as usual this week. Because of Spring Break, I only had 4 children but they were all ones with "lots of flavor". I spent the first hour just trying to keep them facing forward and watching the Primary Presidency. It didn't look like anything was going "in". But at one point during Sharing Time, the Primary counselor was talking about people in the military protecting our country and one of my 3 year olds, who wasn't paying any attention (I thought), whirls around in his chair and says, "yes, they protect us from drones!" Every adult jaw in the room dropped 3 inches. These children are taking it all in.

Trying to plan uniting family activities for Spring Break, under inside only weather conditions. It's a challenge.
Looking so forward to this week of contemplating the events leading up to Easter. I so wish it was warm here, so I could more fully appreciate the symbolism of Spring. It takes more imagination when the tulips are growing in 20 degree weather! =) Nature doesn't seem to be hindered by it, but I am programmed with an internal heat seeking missile and it is finding no targets.

Jet home on Leave--sparring with Eden and "cooking".

Happy 9th Birthday our lovely twineroo's

Lily Lu

Sophronia

Decorations--compliments of their siblings

Celebrating with a full family (Jordan and Mikayla came down as a surprise present!)

  

Jordan and Jordan (Meeting Elder Weaver--our Jordan's mission "brother")

  

Darling Boys

We all loved him too!

Playing with Lily and Sophia's birthday face paints

Our little sunshine.

My Vantage Point

It is Fast Sunday today--such a sweet pondering time for me because the house is quiet and still. Fred taught the lesson in Gospel Principles on prophets. Of course I was wiggling with my Sunbeams, so I didn't hear that classroom discussion, but he shared a few prophetic quotes, some class member thoughts and a couple of video segments that he had prepared with me that were bright spots in my ponderings. The lesson was good timing as I have been thinking quite a bit about prophets these last few weeks and feeling an enormous amount of peace and gratitude for the blessing of knowledge that the living mouthpiece of the Lord is on the earth at this time guiding the church through His direction. 

I have been reflecting on this specifically, not just because it is true, but because I have felt my heart go out to brothers and sisters (an estimated 1.2 billion of them) who must be feeling incredible anxiety right now with the retirement of the Pope and the process that has to play out before they know who will be leading their church and what effects that will have on doctrine and I imagine so many other things. I've tried to educate myself a little bit on the procedure, which is actually quite fascinating--not simple, not smoothly transitory, not, in my belief, divinely appointed, but fascinating just the same--and while I am sure that some good men will do the best they can and hopefully they will try to use the light of Christ to help guide their paths, ultimately a man will be chosen to lead that church and some part of that choice will be politically influenced. Some things will change--possibly core things. I can't imagine that can offer peace. I have seen some comparisons floating around the internet between prophets and popes that are sadly, but almost certainly created by LDS members, and which are meant to be comical and self-righteous. I am offended by them. There is security in truth but so inappropriate to laud it's weight by making light of someone else's belief. Why do we do that to each other, in politics and religion and life? I have gained a deeper appreciation for the beliefs of different societies and nations through Mikayla and Jordan's sharing of their world religions class over the past two months--I have seen how we share so many pieces of truth. I have seen good people, dedicated and committed to trying to do what is right. Of course will that knowledge comes the introduction to what is also misleading, contaminated and destructive, but for the most part I have been filled with admiration and respect for the people of all races and creeds and that has instilled within me profound understanding of the absolute need to have all truth combined into one whole and how necessary that is to seeing the full picture and making sense of our roles. It has helped my understanding of the importance of sharing the fullness of the gospel and the saving ordinances. It has strengthened my testimony significantly where I thought my foundation was already firm. I feel so incredibly anchored knowing that even though people are fallible, the gospel isn't, though human nature is prone to popular persuasion, God's nature is unchangeable. There is such power in knowing that truth is eternal and never negotiable. Fred says that's my "blue" personality showing it's true colors--the fact that rules and rigidity are a comfort--but I believe that God is no respecter of persons, which confirms to me that His plan is set up for all people, no matter what tendencies are inherent or learned in each of our characters and it is set up to bring peace to us individually in a personally unique and intimate way and that includes the whites, and yellows and reds alike. =) There are so many times in my life that peace has been fleeting, but never because of the gospel of Jesus Christ--it is always because of something exterior that I allow to pull me away momentarily. The gospel is what roots my soul. Friends have invited us over to break our fast with their family in an hour. From my vantage point I can see lifeless bodies curled up in various rooms, half slumbering and struggling, and I wonder if our friends are prepared for this picture, or if we can pull out of it in an hour =) Fred is the only one moving about, seemingly unencumbered, making a cake to take, which will hopefully be a distraction from our sad picture. =) It brings to my mind images of sackcloth and ashes. We've tried to teach our children what a true fast consists of, and that it is a commandment with a promise. We've tried hard to be very careful and make it clear that fasting is a personal decision. At the age of eight and even occasionally earlier, of their own accord, my children have seemed to be impressively committed to the full 24 hours. The letter of the law seems to have sunk in, but obviously we need to focus significantly more on the spirit of the law, which is where the light of the blessings and power behind the obedience shines through. We still struggle with that--that's the more difficult part. Sitting here pondering this, with the twins on the couches around me, I felt like it might be helpful if we studied the Gospel Principles lesson on fasting. We have now spent the last 30 minutes doing just that and it seems to have been a boon to Lily and a great reminder for me to dig deeper than I have been. I feel like Sophie was internalizing, but having a bit more trouble externalizing. I think it's easier for some of us physically because it doesn't affect our bodies all the same, but I am convinced that it can bless our spirits equally. I need to be a better mother in spiritually nurturing my children, especially through example. Sunbeams was abnormally energetic today. I am thinking that maybe the parents load my 3 and 4 year old's up with extra sugar to compensate for what they aren't feeding themselves. =) I was still loaded with all kinds of hugs and kisses and fond gazes but I didn't seem to have enough arms in Sharing Time or class. I had children under their chairs on the floor and some with their seats in their seats but heads on the floor. I had one literally climbing the wall and several sitting cross-legged backwards in their chairs. The entire time I had one sitting on my lap and occasionally I also had one with her head in my lap. For a few minutes I had a little boy trying to put his arm around my back, but my chair is taller than his and his arm would get tired and slide down so it was resting on my seat. =) You just really can't be a person who needs a lot of personal space and enjoy being in Sunbeams. Luckily I don't need personal space. =). I spent two hours that were remarkably reminiscent of the old BYU video "Out of the Mouths of Babes." It's one of my absolute favorites because it is such an accurate portrayal. Ahhh, fun times! =) Well, on to another week--a fun one. Lily and Sophie turn 9 on Saturday and Jordan and Mikayla are trying to make a quick and surprise trip home for that. Shhhhh! Our young friend Jet has a military pass to come visit Middleton for a few days during that same weekend, so if the timing is right he and Jordan will finally get to meet, which is exciting for me. Then it seems like Spring Break and Jordan's birthday and conference are all just around the corner and because the joy of anticipation is half the fun, I feel happy.

Our Valentines this year. Fun times in the kitchen.

Valentines Day morning. A nice diversion from our normal hectic and CASUAL breakfasts.

All dressed up in Valentine colors

Eden's Invitation to her prospective date for MORP--Napolean style

What are the odd's of your date having the same name as your Dad?

Dr. Suess Day at school

The Good End

Abe gave his first sacrament meeting talk yesterday. The preparation was a little overwhelming and stressful for him even after I directed him to the lds.org page on preparing Sacrament meeting talks, which is such a fabulous training. He finally embraced the process after Fred sat down to give him moral support and keep him focused. We encouraged him to use gospel references but to speak from his own experience and he prepared and shared a brief and beautiful 3+ minute talk. It just doesn't take long to invite the Spirit! Abrahm is such an odd, on purpose, duck oftentimes, but he sure has a pure and deep heart. I love the age of 12!

Sunday was also another grand day for being a Sunbeam teacher! Right off the bat, before Sacrament meeting even started, Eden nudged me and pointed sideways, where one of my tiny girls was making a beeline in my direction. I held out my arms and she climbed right into my lap and smiled like she was the Queen of Sheba--I probably did too. =) It is amazing what one bag of fruit snacks, two personal visits and a Valentine can do for a 4 year old!  I talked to her for a few minutes during which time she just beamed and fluttered her eyelashes, wanting to know if I saw that she was "blinking [her] eyes fast". I assured her that I did and finally had to let her go back to her mother because the meeting was about to start. In Sharing Time I had this little girl sitting next to me, kissing my elbow every so often, literally, and twice one of my little boys came out of his seat and took hold of my face more boldly than I have every experienced, to loudly whisper something untranslatable into my ear. His aggression was not at all unkind, but exceptionally fervent and was a force to be reckoned with. I felt badly that I hadn't the foggiest notion what he was so desperately trying to relate to me, but it was very apparent that he wanted my undivided attention and so I smiled like anything and gave it. The abruptness gave me (and the song leader directly in front of me) the giggles, but so much does in primary--there is never a dull moment. Yesterday we learned about the sun, moon and stars in class and in two weeks I get to take my little ducklings on a field trip around the church yard looking for examples of trees and flowers. Isn't primary FANTASTIC! I feel full to brimming for those two hours and it lasts me all week long. I suppose if I could transfer those same feelings and efforts to adults I would be a better missionary because this is so easy.

March is fast approaching which means birthdays in our family and dreaming and Spring! Even though it was snowing yesterday, I heard geese flying overhead and so I know that renewed life is trying to come back to Middleton. We are all desperately craving the sun. The symbolisms around me every minute of the day are such great object lessons. I am grateful for the master teacher, whose lessons are continuous and pertinent always.

I talked to Mom and Dad yesterday for their anniversary and Dad expressed concern about my blog posts, which make him sometimes wonder, as a parent, if life is hard for me. He doesn't want it to be so hard. He is a gentle man with a lion's heart and I love him dearly, so this paragraph is for him. My life, for the most part, and up until a few years ago, has been a dream. What has remained with me from my childhood and teen years are happy and simple memories, without much trial or discomfort. There was a jolt here and there in college, but even my young married and mother life was quite Utopic. I count those years as tremendous blessings--as rich soil to plant deep roots, but somehow along the way, I'm afraid that I grew into a 6 foot current shade tree, as Elder Cristofferson recounts in the powerful Mormon Message: "The Will of God". A decade ago (which sounds like eternity, but doesn't feel that long ago) "The Gardener" cut me back to "small stumps" and the pruning has been painful. However, I do see the process for what it is and I feel that the slow growth is filling me out and I have hope will eventually produce fruit. So, in answer to the question. Is life hard for me? The answer is yes--right now it is often hard for me, but that doesn't mean I am sad or hopeless or deserving of pity. It just means that every day I have to work at finding the joy--and it is ALWAYS there! I enjoy hard, constructive work, so it's a good thing really. Dad, you taught me that! Mikayla and I sometimes have these long talks where she acts as counselor and I talk through my thoughts. When she's not around, I work through my thoughts by writing--it's like therapy--except it's free and the "counselor" is always truth. Mikayla has a myriad of little journals in which she writes her thoughts and keeps them personal. I have wondered if maybe I shouldn't do the same, you know--protect friends and family from the "messy bits", but somehow, for me, the sharing is part of the therapy. It's the circle of strength and support that makes it all work for me and it never matters who is reading. However, the most important thing that I have discovered during this process is this. Life does not have to be simple or easy (though sometimes it is and we should be so grateful for those times) to be joyful or meaningful or full of promise. And the harder I strive, with those goals in mind, my head toward the sun, the closer I come to experiencing pure joy and the more frequent the opportunities for growth. Because of that, I wake up every morning with the knowledge that at some point the Gardener may open up His tool shed and I need to be ready to bend to his training. That's the deal, and I still feel like I have the good end.

Jordan saying goodbye to his girlfriend Jami (Mikayla likes her!) who just went home to prepare for her mission to Jamaica in April. So... we'll just wait and see what happens in the next 19+ months.

Happy 47th Anniversary to my Parents Today!

"ONLY YOU" Video Tribute

"Why Do All These Stupid Things Keep Happening To Me?"

My cousin Kevin once told me that he thought he could make a living at following us around with a camera for a reality show. I used to just think that was just circumstantial because of our ranch adventure, but lately I'm starting to think that maybe it's just us. "Adventure" seems to find us wherever we go. This weekend was no exception...and I don't even like adventures!

This is the only school holiday remaining for BYU-I before the semester ends, so Mikayla planned to go through the temple and receive her endowments. She prepared and went through the process of getting her recommends early and secured a ride. I got all of her temple clothing ready here. Everything seemed under control until we received a stressful phone call from Jordan, a few days prior to the weekend, with the realization his temple recommend was expired. The Bishop was booked and the stake president lives in Idaho Falls and only comes down once a week. Jordan ended up having to skip classes, go plead his cause to the Bishop between interviews instead of going through the executive secretary and then make it to the stake president in time, but he got it taken care of so I could relax until Jordan showed up here late Friday night and realized that he had forgotten his temple clothes in Rexburg. I thought of throttling him, but as that wouldn't have really added to the temple experience I panicked instead. =)

The temple no longer rents clothing, of course the distribution center was closed, it was too late to call friends and neighbors and we were supposed to be at the temple at 8:00 AM. By a miraculous "coincidence" Fred had purchased new temple pants just the day before, so between Fred's closet and driving to Jordan's roommate's house, he finally rummaged up the necessary clothing and I relaxed again...kinda...until Mikayla called (riding in a different car) for me to come pick her up at her ride's house. I relayed the previous story to her and ended with the comment, Well at least he didn't forget his temple recommend" and Mikayla gasped. It took her 2 or 3 minutes to convince me that she was not just pulling my leg. Of course both of our hearts sank. I couldn't see any way out of that scenario. I forgot my recommend at the temple once and Bro. Watson took me into a room and talked to me and then let me in. Fred forgot his recommend once and the temple called his Bishop for verification, but because her session was so early and because this was a living ordinance which requires an additional recommend, I was almost positive that this was a problem that I couldn't fix.

Our family has had what seems to be the flu for over a week. All the younger kids had gone to bed before Jordan and Mikayla even arrived and for anyone who knows how celebratory it feels in our home to be anticipating siblings coming home, that act alone speaks volumes about how sick they really were. Fred had finally caught it as well and stayed up just to greet them and then went to bed himself. The rest of us were so heartsick that we did the only thing that came naturally--we stayed up until 2:00 AM visiting and trying to make the best of a bad situation. Before I went to bed, I set my alarm for 7:30 so I could call the temple when it opened and cancel our appointment. In the morning I called but the temple staff was heartsick too, and instead of canceling they put me on hold and went to the temple presidency to see if anything could be done.  They eventually came back with special permission to have the documents faxed to the temple. Now it was getting really tricky. We had thought it was a lost cause and so no one but me was even up and on the other end, only one of Mikayla's roommates had stayed in Rexburg. I woke Mikayla up and explained the situation so she tried to get a hold of her roommate but she didn't answer her phone and even if she had we were still in our pajama's, so we went through let down all over again thing. Then the temple called back and said that they would accommodate us later in the day if we could get the documentation that we needed. Just so you can understand just how gracious that offer was, you need to know that 22 living ordinances were scheduled for Saturday. Eventually, Mikayla's roommate woke up and returned her text. She didn't have access to a fax, so we called the temple back and got permission to have her take a picture with her phone and e-mail it, but by then Mom and Dad, whom Mikayla had invited, were already headed back home. I definitely had flashbacks of Mikayla's mission call opening and all of the inconvenience we put extended family through and felt guilt and sad and grateful that we hadn't put everyone else through that ordeal again!--definitely a, "why do all these stupid things keep happening to me!" moment.

At 5:00, that evening, Mikayla and I finally walked through the temple doors with grateful hearts. I have never seen the temple that busy. The front desk didn't know anything about our situation so I left Mikayla there and went up to the office to find someone who did. A man in charge came down with us and gave the front desk permission to let Mikayla into the temple, just as Brother and Sister Miller were leaving. They went straight to Mikayla making the very first step inside very personal. At the top of the stairs, a sister was waiting to greet us by name who happened to be a mother of an old friend. She was kind and protective and took such good care of us. It was a sweet wait sitting in initiatory waiting for Mikayla, and when she came out the sisters were wiping their eyes. It was a picture seeing Mikayla standing there all in white with her beautiful dark hair and chocolate eyes sparkling. Because of the volume of people in the dressing room, they took Mikayla and I into the Bride's room to let her get dressed for her endowment session. It was gorgeous. She was gorgeous! Because of her tag--and because of her glow--many patrons approached her to ask about her mission call and to congratulate her on her special day. As a mother it was so fulfilling--I felt such gratitude for who this little girl has become--for her worthiness to be there receiving those saving ordinances. The Celestial room was such a peaceful culmination and the four of us squeezed together onto one of the couches to take it all in. We aren't all petite people, so it was very cozy. It was perfect. I will write the temple and thank them for a beautiful experience.

Tomorrow, Jordan and Mikayla will go back to Rexburg. Jordan's girlfriend will leave for home on Friday to prepare for leaving on her mission in April. I think he'll cry. We probably won't see Jordan and Mikayla again until April and then Mikayla will be home for three weeks before she leaves on her mission. I am sure that I will cry. Jordan is talking about working on the East coast this summer. I cried just hearing him talk about it. I hope he won't go, but those days of child permanency are gone. Oh, but the visits are cherished! 

Occasional, Beautiful Vistas

There is a sister in our ward, whom I visit teach, that had a rare and complicated childbirth in mid December. It ended up being life threatening and she initially went through 80 units of blood. She has been in and out of the hospital ever since for complications from surgery and is in again this week because of a blood clot in her lung. Including the newborn, two of the eleven children, are still pre-school age and have been passed around between ward members and family for weeks. The 4 year old happens to also be one of my Sunbeams. His personality is usually assertive to the extreme--I've never seen any stranger shyness or separation anxiety, but for the last 3 weeks (all the weeks that I have held this calling) he has come to primary crying (no wise cracks here) and it takes quite an effort to convince him to let go of a sibling or  his father and happily stay in the primary room. This week, he was especially beside himself and though he was on the opposite side of the row from me and sitting next to a teacher already, I looked over at that little carrot top--pudgy fists rubbing those big red rimmed blue eyes and I felt a rush of the love of the Savior for that little boy... and something soft happened inside of me and this morning, on that front row in primary, I was compelled to my knees, literally, with the true desire to comfort up close and personal, to sincerely love him (because loving from afar isn't really love). I know he felt that connection--I saw something pass over his face as he looked into mine--only inches away--and he was content for the next two hours... I am grateful for little moments of divine intuition that crack through the mortar of my soul and let in glimpses of the pure love of a perfect brother.

Today in class we were learning about Heavenly Father and Jesus's love for us. I brought in the short video clip from the church about Christ's visit in 3rd Nephi. I had it downloaded on my computer and had all of the children gather around it to watch. I explained what they would see and things I wanted them to look for. I told them to look at the faces of the people and of Christ to see if they could see expressions of love. I told them to watch for angels. As they watched the video, I watched their faces. For 4 minutes they were breathlessly quiet and the Spirit was so strong in that room, I was struggling to control my emotions (crying in front of Sunbeams is confusing and disconcerting to them). These little children are precious--I feel precious when I am with them.

The YSA branch was reorganized last week. Pres. Walker--"the whirlwind of love"--is going on another mission with his wife and they've barely been back for two years. Bishop Lewis, who was a previous counselor and a man I admire with the young people, was called to be the President and Shelly's (my previous Y.W. pres.) husband and the father of one of my trek son's were called to be counselor's. Such a special group of people who love the youth! But, how Pres. Walker will be missed! What a Christlike man he is. I sure would love it if he was called to serve in Denver, Colorado! =)

I am so looking forward to a memorable week. It's Valentines Day, which I love, and my Jordan and Mikayla are coming down for the long weekend, during which time Mikayla will be going through the temple. What a special experience that will be. I vividly remember the sweet, sweet Spirit we felt standing in the celestial room with Jordan and I can't wait to share that feeling again with Freddy and Georgie and now my Angel Maid. I love Pres. Hinckley's famous quote about life's old rail journey and the example of our family is certainly a testament to the truth of undropped puts, tough meat, dull jobs and all the rest, but it is also a testament to the occasional beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed that help us be grateful for it all. I think this weekend will be one of those.