"Be Still and Know That I am God"

When Mikayla received her mission call, she was asked to read the Book of Mormon again, starting and finishing within the interim between her call and her entrance into the MTC. Prior to that she had made a personal goal to finish the New Testament, so she spent her scripture study time on that book during this past college semester and hadn't re-started the Book of Mormon when she got back home on the 13th. She set a goal on the 15th and started reading on the 16th. Every high expectation needs backup so I climbed on board the 22 day blitz, which I knew was going to be pretty intense, due to all of the things we still needed to accomplish to get her prepared to leave. We both accomplished the First Presidency's Book of Mormon challenge in 2005, which was a 5 month goal. In 2006 I accepted another challenge by one of the YW organizations in our stake to read the book in 100 days. At the time, I thought both of those challenges were pretty lofty, which is kind of pitiful because I can read a novel in much less time. Granted, studying and reading are different things, with different results, but there are pro's to both experiences and this has been a powerful experience to read the Book of Mormon like I would read a novel...almost. We read for approx. 1-1/2 to 2 hours a day, out loud, depending on how often we stop to discuss something. There are such great lessons to be learned by studying the scriptures every day, but there is also an amazingly significant story that emerges when it's read quickly and all of the actions and consequences and relationships are all tied together. It hasn't been all spiritual. At times it has become tedious, when we are both falling asleep or humorous when we get tongue tied and are feeling illiterate or bonding when we have gotten distracted by a tangent and realize it 15 minutes later, but all of it has added to the poignancy. We will finish the book on our drive down to the MTC next Tuesday. I can't think of a better parent/child experience to part on for 18 months. I am grateful for challenges that seem overwhelming at the beginning and then become blessings in the end.

Jordan skyped a family in Chile last Sunday, something he often does on Sundays, but the family gathered other friends and converts into their home and surprised him with a group . Among them was a 12 year old boy that Jordan taught and loves. It was fun and rewarding to see how much joy  that gave him. When people are good and kind and lifting to my children I can't help but love them. Of course I couldn't understand any of the words that were being exchanged and I only just caught glimpses of the people and I would pass in and out of the room, but you can feel love and joy and goodness--you don't have to hear it. Afterwards, Jordan skyped Katie and we all sat around listening (and watching) their conversation. It's fun that they don't care about that. Their relationship has been open and family oriented right from the beginning. They are both such happy, positive people that it just feels compelling to want to be self inclusive. Lily and Sophie are at the age where they want to be in the forefront. They were both wrapped around Jordan as he tried to talk, interjecting their whims and wishes into the conversation. I sat in the background listening to them talk about mission experiences and people who have touched their lives and making plans to touch other people's lives. I admit that I listened with a mother detector as they talked about personal goals and self progress and even trivial chatter. I was scrutinizing their reactions to each other and what they were radiating personally because of the interaction. I'm always gauging the balance of uplift because I have come to find that there are many people that I really like, but that aren't necessarily fitted for my children. I like to pretend that I have some control in these relationships. Of course I don't, but that never stops me from encouraging or discouraging--from trying to wield some semblance of persuasion still. Once a mother, always a mother. Katie is here visiting us again this week. It has been a joy. So far, I have only seen good things. They will be apart for 4 months this summer. I think it will be a good thing--not fun, but good. I will keep watching from afar.

Fred and I went to see the movie Lincoln last Friday for date night. We watched it again with Mikayla last night. It was heavy and there were parts that I could not watch, but I left that movie both times in tears and with a deep admiration and appreciation for the man and for all people who stand alone for what is right. I am glad that I read the book previous to the movie as both Fred and Mikayla were both a little confused by some of what was going on. The book was incredible and gave such richness to the movie. I was only sad that the movie producers chose not to listen to the historical advisers about the misplacement of the unfounded language. In that way they were not true or respectful of the man, but I felt the character that they did capture accurately was an incredible tribute to a man of integrity. I loved him. And for the first time in my life I saw what I have always thought of as a premature and tragic death as a tender mercy from a Heavenly Father to a man that fulfilled his purpose with honor and was allowed to come Home to rest. The book and the movie and the man have left a mark on my soul.

A couple that Fred and I love announced their divorce this past week. I have been devastated. I had no idea that they were struggling with their marriage, so it came as a complete shock and has rocked my world. I have a heavy heart but I am so grateful for the example of Mom and Dad for teaching us to work out our problems--that divorce is not an answer. I know that in rare cases of chronic abuse or compulsive infidelity it may sometimes be a necessity, but those are the exceptions, not the standard. Of all of the things in my life that have caused the most positive personal growth, working through problems in marriage and other relationships top the list. They are the most difficult and painful challenges that I or many people ever experience, but pushing through has brought me joy and peace and progression. My heart aches for the inevitable pain that I know will follow my dear friends. I believe the sealing powers are more binding than we realize and I have never seen anything but devastation from the purposeful breaking of those bonds. It has made me more aware of my own weaknesses in meaningful relationships. Differences and selfishness can be an overwhelming struggle, but we can't ever give up on each other. Strengthening our family relationships and learning to temper ourselves are our life's work and more often than not those things take our whole lives. I am more determined than ever to be "more diligent and concerned at home". None of us are immune  to these kinds of trials. All of us are vulnerable. I just keep reminding myself to follow the example of Captain Moroni and keep fortifying and preparing when the enemy is not yet on the horizon. I am such a weak person--and so often I have no idea what I am doing so I need constant and extraordinary protection, "at all times and in all places."

Eden, Lily and Sophia had their Spring concert last night. It was BEAUTIFUL! What a blessing to have an outlet for our children to experience uplifting music, enrich their talents, and learn life lessons and what a blessing for us to appreciate their efforts. This was Eden's 9th year in choir and it has been an anchor for her. She respects Aunt Linda so much and is loved right back in return. She has a beautiful voice and seems to always have a song in her heart. I love it when the song is bright and lovely and she spreads it through our home. I sometimes complain about the busyness of it all, but I can't imagine it not being a part of our lives or hers. 

Mikayla was set apart as a full time missionary this morning. It was a sweet and sacred experience to share with our family. After her blessing she went around the room and embraced each of us and ending up standing next to a large picture of Christ in the stake presidents office. I don't think that was a conscious placement, but it was a comforting symbolism to me--that she would be standing next to Christ and he would be watching over her. She does not know exactly what to expect, but she is ready and worthy. Jordan and Katie have given her great insights and it's a blessing to have their examples and encouragement here, right now. I feel both fragile and strong as we prepare to send her off to serve. She is such a blessing in our home and I believe our home will be compensated with an equal and even overabundance of the Spirit during her absence. I am grateful for what I know she...and we, will learn during these next 18 months. In a few days our home dynamics will drastically change...again, but I have to believe it will just be another opportunity for growth and strengthening of my testimony and character. I just keep feeling the gentle reminder to "be still and know that I am God."