Why am I ever disillusioned enough to think that in battle I can weary from the weight of the shield and not be immediately weakened. I'm disappointed with myself!
I sent out an e-mail inquiry a few days ago to all of my "sisters", wondering about a movie I had previously reviewed and decided not to bring into our home. That shows my first weakening (not that I would go to my sisters, but that I would try to gain alternate confirmation when I had already received guidance). A fun, young girl who cut Eden's hair last week, raved and raved about the movie and because it was rated PG, Eden asked about seeing it. It had been awhile since I had reviewed it and I couldn't remember what I had read, except that I had a bad taste in my mouth, so I went back and reviewed it again. My most trusted site, steered me away, but another family review site (that I know is more lenient) said it was fun family fare. In all honesty, I sometimes get tired of being so strict, and in weak moments, wonder if I am somehow depriving my family of enjoyments. It had been a week like that. I guess I was thinking that if I sent out a feeler to people that I love, who maybe aren't so prone to fanaticism, that I could somehow get balanced perspective on my decision. Renee and Camille answered quickly with their insight, which boiled down to the summation that neither of them felt I would appreciate this movie. We order movies through Netflix and I had put this particular movie in my queue (to send list) at number 4, while I was waiting for responses, so I logged in directly after reading these suggestions to delete it from the queue, but in the interim movies 2,and 3 on my list had been labeled "short wait" and they had completely skipped over movie number 1 and put this movie in my "being mailed today" box. I was incredulous, so I called the company and asked if they could please not send this movie, since it was sent out of order, but they said it was now in a pile with thousands of other movies, so they couldn't stop it. I told my family that is was coming and to just leave it in the mailbox, but that piqued curiosity and Jordan and Mikayla said they had seen parts of it and could probably edit it, and for some reason, a movie that I never would have ordered on purpose, all of the sudden became a temptation because it was new and it was there, and we watched it last night with remote in hand and in the end my trusted review site.... and Camille.... and Renee were all right; I didn't like it!
This afternoon, I checked my e-mail for letters from Mom and Dad and a message was waiting from Liz, who had just got back in town, and had responded to my movie inquiry late. Her simple, but adamant message to me was, "That's a big NO!" After the fact, it was like a huge slap in the face, and I felt immediate remorse that at almost 40, and with all the experience under my belt, I am still "giving in" to such obvious traps. Why can't I seem to act my age! There are so many characteristics that I need to work on that are truly a struggle and a challenge for me to even make baby steps at, but when I fail at something that is an easy choice it's so frustrating. It has been heartening to know that in times of need I have a supportive, caring, family network who will give me wise council and guidance, even if I am too blind to see. Thank-you for that reaffirmation. In my pride, I think I thought that I would be able to justify or rationalize watching something out of my initial comfort zone, because I expected to hear, from my sisters, that I was too prudish or fanatical or critical.... In the end I was too foolish to hear anything at all.
I sent out an e-mail inquiry a few days ago to all of my "sisters", wondering about a movie I had previously reviewed and decided not to bring into our home. That shows my first weakening (not that I would go to my sisters, but that I would try to gain alternate confirmation when I had already received guidance). A fun, young girl who cut Eden's hair last week, raved and raved about the movie and because it was rated PG, Eden asked about seeing it. It had been awhile since I had reviewed it and I couldn't remember what I had read, except that I had a bad taste in my mouth, so I went back and reviewed it again. My most trusted site, steered me away, but another family review site (that I know is more lenient) said it was fun family fare. In all honesty, I sometimes get tired of being so strict, and in weak moments, wonder if I am somehow depriving my family of enjoyments. It had been a week like that. I guess I was thinking that if I sent out a feeler to people that I love, who maybe aren't so prone to fanaticism, that I could somehow get balanced perspective on my decision. Renee and Camille answered quickly with their insight, which boiled down to the summation that neither of them felt I would appreciate this movie. We order movies through Netflix and I had put this particular movie in my queue (to send list) at number 4, while I was waiting for responses, so I logged in directly after reading these suggestions to delete it from the queue, but in the interim movies 2,and 3 on my list had been labeled "short wait" and they had completely skipped over movie number 1 and put this movie in my "being mailed today" box. I was incredulous, so I called the company and asked if they could please not send this movie, since it was sent out of order, but they said it was now in a pile with thousands of other movies, so they couldn't stop it. I told my family that is was coming and to just leave it in the mailbox, but that piqued curiosity and Jordan and Mikayla said they had seen parts of it and could probably edit it, and for some reason, a movie that I never would have ordered on purpose, all of the sudden became a temptation because it was new and it was there, and we watched it last night with remote in hand and in the end my trusted review site.... and Camille.... and Renee were all right; I didn't like it!
This afternoon, I checked my e-mail for letters from Mom and Dad and a message was waiting from Liz, who had just got back in town, and had responded to my movie inquiry late. Her simple, but adamant message to me was, "That's a big NO!" After the fact, it was like a huge slap in the face, and I felt immediate remorse that at almost 40, and with all the experience under my belt, I am still "giving in" to such obvious traps. Why can't I seem to act my age! There are so many characteristics that I need to work on that are truly a struggle and a challenge for me to even make baby steps at, but when I fail at something that is an easy choice it's so frustrating. It has been heartening to know that in times of need I have a supportive, caring, family network who will give me wise council and guidance, even if I am too blind to see. Thank-you for that reaffirmation. In my pride, I think I thought that I would be able to justify or rationalize watching something out of my initial comfort zone, because I expected to hear, from my sisters, that I was too prudish or fanatical or critical.... In the end I was too foolish to hear anything at all.
No comments:
Post a Comment
All comments are moderated on this blog which may mean a brief intermission before the comment shows up on the page.