Letting Go

Jordan left on Wednesday. Fred and I left on a belated anniversary retreat Thursday. We had wanted to go the weekend of our anniversary, but our calendars have been so full this month that this was as close as we could get. The timing was impeccable -- serendipitously. Instead of being home, feeling a void, Fred and I were strolling through the parks in downtown Boise, having hour long, uninterrupted conversations with no time lines, no responsibilities, no schedules. From Thursday evening through Saturday afternoon our little world slowed down enough to ponder and find peace. Every year that we haven't had a baby at home, we have tried to go on an overnight anniversary get-away where we leave after school and come home the next day before dinner, but this is the longest we have ever been gone together, without our children, in 18 years and that extra day made it euphoric! Away from the stresses of life, and with Fred by me every second, and without reminders of Jordan's absence surrounding me, letting him go emotionally, felt healthy and natural and uniting -- like a great accomplishment that Fred and I had achieved together. Wednesday was hard, but Thursday and Friday and Saturday were healing. As we headed home on Saturday, we turned on the radio in the middle of a country song and the lyrics at that exact moment just happened to be,

"...Remember when we said when we turned gray

When the children grow up and move away

We won't be sad, we'll be glad

For all the life we've had

And we'll remember when..."

And as we pulled into the gas station to fill up our little Geo and head home, the tears that hadn't been there for three days just started to flow. Sometimes you just have to have a good cry. Today we talked to Jordan on speaker phone, gathered on a blanket in the back yard and it was a happy, fun occasion--no tears! He is having a good experience and learning valuable lessons about life away from home, in a positive environment, and I am joyful that I have been blessed with this good son, who has contributed so greatly to the happiness of our home.

Mikayla and Eden just came upstairs and tried to talk me into taking a Sunday walk with them. The sky has turned gray and ominous, the wind is kicking up and rain looks minutes away so I turned them down (we got caught in a downpour last Sunday). I have no wish to go running through the rain again, with neighbors driving out in their minivans to rescue us. So, both girls tried to give me a guilt trip, using Elder Bednar's "Things As They Really Are" talk about my computer usage ;-) However, since I have spent all day with them and I am not "twittering" "social networking" or "gaming", but journaling and writing letters to my family they had to give in (though not easily--they love it when they can use the words of prophets to try and get their way;-) I love that they are trying--I'm glad that they are listening. Elder Bednars message was so profound. I've heard it three times now and every time I am transfixed. I don't care who you are or what technical habits you have, his talk will force personal inventory. "We thank thee O God for a prophet, to guide us in these latter days"!

Four more days of school and then we head off to Girls Camp and then....Aaaaahhh, sweet summer!

JORDAN'S GRADUATION:

"Pomp and Circumstance"

"Listening to the Speeches"

Walking toward "Freedom"

Happy Friends

Happier Friends

ANNIVERSARY RETREAT:

No Cooking Required

A pretty breakfast delivered in our hotel room

Lots of Walks:

Enjoying the goldfish pond at the Boise Train Depot

Exploring the stalagtite cave

Baby ducklings walking on the lily pads in Kathryn Albertsons Park

Watching the blue herron

Looking for frogs


One of three deer that literally crossed our path


A tiny turtle we spotted