Sister Mikayla: Hello Family!

---------- Forwarded message ----------

From: Mikayla
Date: Tue, May 28, 2013 at 11:33 AM

Hey Guys! Sorry I didn't email yesterday! It was memorial day, so the Library was closed! I was kinda bummed, but we wrote some random letters to people and since it was p-day we washed our car and then went over to this less active families house and helped them with their horses and made some dinner and played on the tramp with their kids (and let me tell you, playing on the tramp with kids is extremely difficult when they can't sit on your lap, and you can't tickle them or anything.) It was a great day! And we roasted some weird key lime pie marshmallows. (you should try them mom, I bet you would like them since you don't like regular ones, they are really good.)

Anyway, I'm trying to get my pictures to work, but they are being stubborn. Colorado is beautiful though! Growing up I didn't believe that Idaho was a desert, but now I do! I didn't realize that grass can grow other places than in peoples yards, and that dandelions can grow in beautiful yellow fields! I'm in a place called Meeker. Its up in the hills and has that back woods feel, in the people and in the things that they do. Everyone Hunts and fishes and stuff like that, I think they have a social class based on how enormous your stuffed elk or bear or mountain lions you have on your wall- the bigger and the more you have, the higher the rank you have. Haha, yes it is interesting, but I love the people. We have been teaching a few different people here, and in this mission we use something cool called the "prayer approach" that is when you go up and knock on someone's  door and then ask them if you can offer a blessing of peace and comfort on their home. We were driving up in the hills and decided to stop at a certain lady's house and she told us she wasn't interested in religion because she was Methodist and we asked her if we could offer a blessing of peace and comfort on her home and she told us that we could, so we knelt in the moist grass and offered a simple prayer to bless her and she seemed to be more open to talking afterward, we didn't teach a lesson, but maybe that will plant the seeds for missionaries later.

Eden! You are thinking about going on a mission! That is so amazing! It is a different experience than I expected, but almost in a better way. Its all about the people, almost nothing else matters, the purpose is to invite them to come unto Christ, and sometimes people don't want what you are giving them at first, but it is amazing to see them open up the second and third time you come around, after they have prayed, and are starting to have faith. If you decide you want to go I know you would be an amazing missionary!

Thank you for the pictures! I love it! You all look like you are having a wonderful beginning of the summer!

We are having a zone conference on Thursday, and president said it is okay for us and the Spanish sisters to sleep over and all go over to the conference in the morning, which will be pretty awesome. One of the Spanish sisters is named Sister Incarnacion (I don't know if she is from over the mountains). Type that into google and you will come up with a picture that looks just like her, its really funny, people make fun of her for it.

My trainer is named Sister Betts, I have a picture, but they don't look like they are going to work. She reminds me of Eden, but she is yellow-red instead of yellow-white (she took the test). She is awesome and we have had some great teaching experiences together!

Abe, you are going to explode one of these days because of sugar and butter overload =) haha, just kidding! Your Young! Maybe you will recover!

I love you all super muches,

love ya!

Kayla

Me and Sis. Collins (MTC companion)

Running up the wall

Beautiful Colorado

Me and Sis. Betts

With President and Sister Maynes in the mission home.

"But If Not..."

Isn't time a funny thing!? Mikayla was in the MTC for 12 days and it felt like a week--she's been in the mission field for a week and it feels like 12 days...and then some! =) Saturday, Fred and I were working in the yard all day and he had his garage stereo outside. An old John Denver song,"Rocky Mountain High" came on the air and I couldn't help but think of Mikayla and wonder what she was experiencing in Colorado. Everything, even an old country song, brings her to our minds.

Month's ago Mom left some of her old family videos with Fred so he could digitize them. He put most of them on the computer then, but I just never got around to watching them until Memorial Day morning, when I remembered and asked Fred to pull them up. I walked in the room and there was Grandpa Higginson talking and feeding his horses on the dry farm and not being able to make it through "The Last Fierce Charge". I didn't make it through 5 seconds before I started bawling. I had forgotten about some of those memories, but I now feel fairly confident that I can blame all of my sensitivities on him. =) I only saw about 15 minutes before we had to leave but what a treasure! I promise to work on those recordings this summer and see if I can edit them up nicely so everyone can have access to them. It was fun to see so many people who are now gone and it made visiting the family gravesites more meaningful. Star cemetery is always simple, because all of our family are together, but I always have trouble finding all of the headstones in Meridian. We found Grandma and Grandpa's easily and Christopher's and Baby Jonathon's, but we couldn't find Joyleen's baby girl or baby Susan. I also thought that Grandma's parents were there, but we couldn't find them either. I guess I need to get a map.

Jordan's best friend from high school is getting married on Saturday and invited us to the sealing. I LOVE watching these young kids start this part of their lives! It is such a sweet gift that they give us when we are able to be a part of that spiritual experience in the temple. It's especially memorable when that experience is in Boise, as it brings back such young memories.

We watched the recorded funeral services of Sis. Monson on Sunday evening. It was a powerful tribute to a quiet, cheerful, gracious lady. The camera only showed the prophet at the very end, but it was a sad and somber face that the world rarely sees and it was painful to witness. I was sitting by Fred on the couch and he reached over and took my hand and said, "I hope we never have to go through that. I hope that the millenium comes and we are both just twinkled." Oh, I hope so too, "but if not..." (one of my favorite conference talks of all time!) we still have eternity.

I took the kids to the library this afternoon and as I walked in, there was an entire wall of Elders on the computers, writing letters home. We still hadn't received our first letter from Mikayla in the field and I wanted to go up and hug them all, but I restrained myself.=) (Jordan said I shouldn't have) =) I did take my time looking through the movie shelves, which were directly in front of the computers, just because it made me happy to watch them, until two of them finished and came over and started looking through the movies on the opposite side, making immature comments to each other about different movies that they had seen and loved or hated. I'm sure they had no idea that I was watching them, or listening, but I was instantly disappointed. Why is that? I didn't even know these boys, and some of them seemed so very young, but I wanted them to be focused pillars. I wanted to look up to them, even at my age and with all my life experience. I still wanted that badge to change them. I wanted them to remember who they are representing at every moment. And it's funny because my badge isn't visible, but I wear one too and I am sure that people are watching me often, when I least expect it, and are disappointed that I am not always a focused pillar either. Because of the divinity within us, I think almost all of us want other people to be "good". We want them to be better than we are being. We want to look up. I guess I should stop putting that responsibility of lifting on other people's shoulders and spend more time reaching up instead.

Gathering flowers for Memorial Day

Abe's hairdo after hanging his head out the window like a dog

Star Cemetery at Jared's headstone

At Grandma/ Grandpa Higginson's headstone

At Grandma/ Grandpa Jones's headstones

Looking for headstones

Abe's beloved "Rabbit" (It's now a game for the twins to steal him and dress him up") =)

Fred and Abe working on a side yard path

Unfortunately it sank and spread after filling it in with sand, but it's still better than the mud and cinder blocks

Still one of Abe, Lily and Sophia's favorite "quiet" activities on Sunday

Wide Eyed Surprise

For months now I have been preparing emotional fortifications, trying to gear up for Mikayla's departure and the deep pangs of the "separation anxiety" that I struggled with as a first time missionary mom, and a fledgling college parent and when Jordan decided to leave this summer as well, I thought I might as well throw in the stability towel. But, to my joyful, wide eyed surprise, I have had an unexpected motherly experience these last 2 weeks with Mikayla being in the MTC and Jordan being in Pennsylvania. I even made it through the missionary curbside ordeal with only running tears, but not body racking sobs, and I was thinking that maybe I was getting better because of previous experience, but Fred proved the infallibility of that thought as he experienced letting his little girl go with unusual agony and confirmed, once again, that the binding father/daughter--mother/son relationships are unique and vulnerable and previous experience at "letting go" may never make those milestone partings easier. But, other than a burst of tears on my knees in the raspberry bushes, missing Mikayla's steady loyalty beside me and the lump in my throat that often seems to form when I journal and ponder, I have had such a glad and happy heart, with barely an emotional implosion to my discredit....until today.

Today, I had the odd, raw realization that I was missing me! When Jordan left on his mission I was instantly aware that I missed serving him because he was so appreciative of everything I did--even more than was deserved, which says more about Jordan than about me. He made me feel needed and then I wasn't--as much. That was hard. But, sadly and selfishly I have become aware that the tables have been turned and it is now the service I was rendered that I am pining for. The constant help with my daily technological troubles, long talks about deep emotions, gentle guidance to keep faith and hope in mothering, a friend to share the sometimes mundane tasks of housekeeping, while discussing the doctrines of the gospel or the characteristics of psychological theories. I feel a little floundering now, like my mind is becoming stagnant from the lack of sharing. The movie Shadowlands offered a profound thought: "We read to know we're not alone". I do...and I write, but it's not the same as that two-way interconnectedness. Jordan is a devoted son and calls his mother almost every day and I just feel this incredible peace that my missionary girl is quite literally in the arms of her Savior and I am truly so joyful for the paths they are both taking, but I guess, no matter how many times they leave, I will always miss my children.

There are however, some transformations here at home to occupy my happy attentions. Eden and I have made a deal. Well, actually I extended a kind of challenge dare and she bought into it quite nicely. I would get everything of Mikayla's out of her bedroom (a challenge in and of itself) by midnight if she would keep it "mother clean" for a month! The mother clause made her hesitate, but she was determined to make a conquest and I'm happy to declare her the victor, for a week. Fred took down Mikayla's bed and I took out everything else, which turned out to be quite a collection (and of course that didn't include any of her college boxes which are in the garage or any of the contents she took with her on her mission)! And now, my "Cinderelli" has returned and restored the cavern, that is sometimes her room, into a place of warmth and cleanliness and has been happily offering to help with her share of cleaning around the house before she heads off to her constant barrage of social engagements. It is such a nice change to walk by her room, without feeling an irritated knot in my stomach, and have it be the cleanest place in the house. I think it has been a win-win for both of us. Someone once said that it only takes 21 days to form a habit, so I was counting on her eventually getting 30 under her belt, hoping it would stick, but I just picked up a book today that claims the 21 day "magic" is unscientific balderdash...I'm still crossing my fingers. =)

My children are out of school for summer vacation! The weather isn't cooperating completely with the start of summer vacation, but I am so thrilled to have my children home and to be able to enjoy a less structured schedule. Libraries and parks are favorite go-to places to anticipate upcoming hours of enjoyment, but my all time favorite memories of summer are backyard moments in the hammock reading together, outdoor dinners, working in the yard while my children climb trees, bury each other in the sandbox, and run about immersed in imaginary games. And when the birds add their voices to my children's laughter, I imprint those moments on my heart as precious, fleeting memories!

We were able to attend Boise Music Week's production of "South Pacific" as a family last week and got to visit with Lori's family during intermission. What a great opportunity to experience that kind of cultural entertainment for free, that we can rarely afford under regular circumstances. The play wasn't spotless--there was some unsavory language--but other than that disappointment, which I was prepared for, I thought they did a honorable job of keeping it clean and modest and family friendly.

Hyrum called me the morning after I returned from dropping Mikayla off from the MTC and just hours after saying goodbye to Jordan. He wanted to see how committed I was to keeping my roots in Middleton as he had a friend getting ready to put some acreage with a larger home and a "red barn" on the market in Kuna. He has a nostalgic dreamer heart like mine but not my fears. I assured him that wild horses could not drag me from this town, even for that utopic scene, but he was determined to see me at least explore my dreams and wouldn't let me off the phone until he had put me through "the missionary commitment pattern" and I promised to call his real estate agent (who happens to be Sis. Walker from our farm home ward) within 15 minutes of hanging up with him and just talk to her. I mentioned before that I was feeling a bit fragile and vulnerable and so my stubborn, dig in my heels personality characteristics were in a sort of remission and I promised. I called her and we talked about Middleton and farm girl roots and the future and new generations...and fear... and I nearly "cried twice" (a little Sabrina reference there.) =) That conversation made me think progressively for the last two weeks. I am not sure what kind of time and sacrifices it will take to get us where we want to be in those kind of future goals, but she called back today and set up an appointment to talk next week. The worst she can tell us is that we're dreamers, and we already know that, so it should be no big deal, but I'm anxious all the same.

Saturday was Fred's 46th birthday and it felt packed from Sunup to sundown with food and festivities. It was so nice to have no other obligations and have our remaining family together enjoying whatever Fred wanted to do: visits to Powell's Sweet Shoppe, the Boise Public Library, Kathryn Albertson's Park, watching a movie and eating, which always involves hours of cooking. I could barely keep my eyes open when we shut everything down at midnight, but it was bonding and memorable, which makes all of the effort worth it to me.

Early Monday morning, Fred and I got a phone call from Mikayla! She was preparing to board the plane at 5:45 a.m., to Denver. She sounded happy and vulnerable and excited and nervous. It was so early and short that we didn't wake the kids and they were a little sad that they didn't get to hear her. She's a brave girl to do this hard thing! At her age I wasn't nearly so mature or full of faith. I'm still not.

A few days ago, our 3 youngest children learned about the divorce of our darling family friends and the looks of horror on their faces was wrenching. Each of our hearts have been so positively affected by the service of this couple as counselors in our Bishopric and Relief Society presidency, as beloved Primary teachers and as dedicated YM/YW leaders, not to mention mentor friends, so this disruption has been confusing and unfathomable. The devastation is swirling into a whirlpool of sadness as their missionary son, out only a year, came home yesterday due to the heartaches at home.The unexpected shock has left each of us feeling insecure in our own ways, but a few things I still know for sure. Agency is a gift, that is only personal, but never circumstantial. Learning to work through hard things and endure well to the end is a blessing that will always, though sometimes only eventually, reap abundantly what it sows. Exact obedience and pure love of God is the only way to learn true love for others, and will always bring eternal joy, though sometimes not until eternity. The world, ironically, wants us to continue believing in our juvenile delusions that marriage is a fairy tale. It's not. There is no fairy dust that suddenly transforms us into Kings and Queens. We have to work for it, and it's hard! It involves learning to lean on each other instead of blaming. It consists of lifting each other up instead of tearing each other down. It involves supporting each others dreams until they merge into joint ones. It's about selflessness and sacrifice and service. Because if we can't weather the stormy seas together we'll never mature and progress enough to truly appreciate the serenity of calm waters on our own. The only discrepancy with me spouting all of these euphemism's is that I'm still in the infancy of learning to apply them. What was it that the biblical father said? "I believe; help thou mine unbelief." In truth I guess all that I can really affirm is that in my own heart I have made an unalterable choice. And through the mortal mountains and valleys that have been these last 23 years and will hopefully continue to be the next 40-60 (because by then even I may have figured things out), that choice is Fred!

Favorite, Favorite, FAVORITES!

Boise Music Week--"South Pacific" at the Morrison Center

Last day of 3rd grade

An hour later--carving pencil's out of sticks--and missing school =)

Last day of Junior year

Celebrating summer vacation by burying Lily

Cleaning Mikayla out of her bedroom

Happy 46th Birthday Freddy!

His "just call me Duke" pose

 

Lily and Sophia won first place and second place for 3rd grade girls in their school's mile run--and so childlike passed their medals on to their father for his birthday!

Modeling his birthday gifts   Enjoying his two day chocolate cake. Yummm!   Fred wanted steak for his b-day dinner. I don't cook slabs of meat, except fish, EVER, so Fred was the B-B-Q chef and ALL of the girls  were squeamish. This was his and Abe's 4th and final attempt to convince  me that steak was palatable. "Well done" Fred--in every sense of the word! =)

Sister Mikayla: Hello All! Tuesday's P-day

---------- Forwarded message ----------

Date: Tue, May 14, 2013 at 1:02 PM

Dear Amazing Family!!!

Hey, sorry I am not as convinient as Jordan and my letters wont come on Monday for family home evening, but it is here all the same! The MTC is a lot different than I was expecting! I guess I always thought of it as some magical land in the clouds where knowledge flows into you and everybody is perfect =)... it's a little bit different than that haha. First of all its super hard! Its harder than I ever thought it would be! We get up in the mornings, pray personaly, get ready, pray together, go to class, pray as a companionship before studying, study alone for an hour, study together for an hour, pray to start class, study and workshop and roleplay and teach people who act like investigators (the teaching doesn't sound very intimidating but it really is.) they have little rooms upstairs as if we were meeting someone in their apartment, and have a few props to make it look like a house. Most of them are members, some of them aren't, and then they act exactly like an investigator. We had our first investigator lessons like that yesterday. (we've had lots of mini ones, and practice investigators which have been awesome too, but this one was set up more realisticly.)  Her name was Gabby, we had a lesson planned out but it was hard to get through to her.We started teaching her about the basic things about the gospel, and about the book of Mormon and Joseph smith, she checked her phone a few times, but a few times she talked about how god influenced her life. It just really made me think about what our gospel really has to offer, because she talked about how she prays, reads the bible, has church and knows about repentence so I started thinking like, why are we here if you know all about the things we are teaching you already? I think its really more than just the good feeling the gospel brings, its about reality and salvation. Anyway, I don't know if any of those thoughts made sense at all, but I just wanted to share them with you guys.

Thank you so much for the dear Elder letters! They have been fun! they are like birthday presents. Our district leader checks the mail durring dinnertime and passes them our to all of us. The food is good like you said mom =) Although I don't know why Jordan was just excited about the cerial haha... there are so many better choices! Oh well, to each his own.

Sophie! I'm so sad I left the necklace! There were so many things I was packing! but I'm glad you are going to send it to me, can you send it to my Colorodo adress? I'm leaving the MTC for Denver on Monday morning @ 3am =). They said we will be able to call at the airport, but I don't know what time it will be when we get there so I guess it depends on if I arrive in the middle of the night or not. I won't have another p-day until next tuesday, so if you need to tell me anything vitaly important make sure to do it through Dear Elder until then =)!

Dad I love you so much and miss you already! Its so great here, I guess because its so hard, I guess its like not knowing how to mountain climb and somone giving you the gear in a bag, throwing you down a mountain, telling you to grab on and shouting directions to you, ya slip and fall and bruse and grow so quickly though =) Its great, I love it! And thanks for the gum, we can't chew it anywhere else except for in the "residence" (apartment) but it is a stress reliever. I woke up in the middle of the night so worried about our investigator and what we could do to help her catch on. I'm so terrified and excited to meet with her again! I'm ready to get out and not at the same time its hard!

Hey and Happy mothers day mom! Lots of love I'm so glad that you have so many loving people to take care of you, thanks for taking care of me, you are wonderful, I'm sorry if my mothers day letter didn't come on time, I can name on one hand the times we have had 10 or 15 minutes of open time during the day, but I tried to get it out to the mailbox as soon as I could. I love you so soo much!

So Lily, I'm going to try to make a habit of answering your questions- I know how that is important =). My companion is great! Her name is Sister Collins she is awesome, she kinda looks like elizabeth (your cousin). We are with are companions all day all the time, so even though its only been a few days it feels like a month or something. You know how you have stomich aches all the time? Well she has this thing called Crohn's. So she can't eat dairy stuff or gluten or spicy foods or acidy foods (tomatos and oranges and stuff like that), or things with seeds (like strawberrys or rasberries) or things with a lot of fiber or nuts or popcorn ! Anyway, I just thought I'd tell you that she feels your pain =). I will send pictures next week because I guess we can't upload pictures from here.

Sorry this letter has grown enourmous! I don't remember all the things everyone said in their letters because I forgot to bring them, but I will remember next week! Abe I hope it doens't get to quiet for you with all the locos gone (that was a joke, you are all the locos) but with all the noise dying. Love you so much!

Eden! Where are you??? How are you? I didn't get a letter!

Okay one more quick thing. I promise its quick! Don't all pass out of boredom yet!

So on Sunday Sister Janice Kapp Perry came and spoke with us, she wrote as sisters in zion, a childs prayer, armies of helaman, love is spoken here, I belong to the church of Jesus Christ etc etc (Pretty cool,  those are some of my favorite songs). Anyway. She spoke to us and had us sing some of her songs, and sisters in zion which was amazing. Then she told us that she had writen more words to as sisters in zion and she wanted us to be the first to sing them. They were words for us as sister missionaries. As we stood there and opened up the second verse the auditorium of sisters sung out the words "We are enlisted with Helamans armies, in numbers much greater than ever before" and I could feel an emence power all around me, and could see tears glistening from all over the room. It was such an amazing experiance and such a beautiful addition to the song. If you ever get a change to, she is releasing a CD with songs about sister missionaries if you have a chance to listen to it.

I love you all a ton and a bunch!

(don't worry my letters won't all be this long, this one took 45 mins to write, and that was without reading any letters)

love you love you love you! Have an amazing week! Look out for each other! thats what you are there for!

Have an amazing week!

Sister B... (kay =)