It has felt like a festive summer week with Independence Day and Mikayla turning 20 and children swimming everyday! Monday we spent hours setting up the pool and were still heavily into the process when Jet came over at 3:30. He had walked over from his house and didn't want anything more to do with the heat so we put he and Eden on dinner duty together, which probably wasn't the most effective decision since his culinary skills are more limited than my 9 year olds =) and Eden is more concerned with having a good time than managing it. Under normal circumstances it could have been more problematic, but even though they didn't follow the directions precisely =S and it took almost 2-1/2 hours for them to get a pasta salad on the table, and the presentation needed a little help, the pool had us occupied until they called us in and by then we were grateful diners, so it all worked out and everyone was happy. The pool took almost 24 hours to fill completely, but my young children were crawling around in inchless water at the bottom of it within minutes. "Opposition in all things" can make you grateful for the smallest of things.
I love the 4th of July in Middleton--it's such a community day. We missed a lot of the public events this year because the kids wanted to cool off after the parade in the pool, but we did ride our bikes downtown for a snow cone and saw the mayor in the dunk tank (looking like a happy, drowned rat) and friends and acquaintances all around. It just felt like one big, extended reunion. Even the "strangers" seemed to feel like family for a day. This year even the parade was even more "exciting" than usual. We always sit a block from the beginning, so some of the kinks get worked out in front of us and this year one of those kinks was a young colt who got spooked, dropped it's 3 year old rider, and went galloping full speed (well as full speed as a horse can go with shoes on asphalt--slipping and sliding) down the street in front of us, sending people jumping up and scurrying from the roadway. Another rider finally got ahold of the reigns a couple of blocks later and back in the owners hands, but not before another child was knocked over. Fortunately, neither of the children were seriously hurt, but their was some crying, which made us all sad. And then, just as we were all getting over that shock and re-settled, a firetruck drove by and sprung a leak from one of the hoses that they use to spray the crowd. Within seconds the street was filled with water and several teenagers dropped and tried to "swim" in it. That was also fixed quickly, but it made for a "never a dull moment" experience.
We were prepared to spend the day with just us, which isn't bad because I love "us" =) but we were so excited that Renee's family ended up being able to come again, in the evening, this year. It has become almost traditional to have our two families together for this holiday and we love their company. They had plans to go up to Cascade and unfortunately, for them, there weren't any camping spots open, but it worked out in our favor, which I know won't always be the case. We did miss Ben, who had a lot on his mind and more things to accomplish than time to accomplish it in (a state which I'm sure we can all relate to =), but it was still so much fun to visit and try to keep all our little pyro's safe. =)
I was talking to Renee about trying to figure out what direction to head our family in physically, and as is usual, she had insight that made me think--unknowingly so did Jake (which I'll come to in a bit). Renee said she loved the privacy of her 10 acres, but it was also a constant pressure, especially for Ben, to keep it up. It's that old irony of with more freedom comes more responsibility...or is it the other way around? Maybe it's actually a symbiotic relationship, but whatever it is, my "dream" of largesse and freedom has increasingly felt more confusing, stressful, expensive and out of reach at every turn. Then Saturday, as our family rode our bikes into town to browse at the new thrift shop's open house, I was reflecting on how much I loved being so close to everything. How lucky we are to be able to ride bikes or walk to the grocery store, library and parks. How we can walk a couple of blocks to my little girls school in the Fall and the city fireworks show in the summer. How Eden has access to free transportation, riding her bike to work. How, though I'd prefer solitude, we have ideal neighbors in every direction. And I started wondering if the timing to move on wasn't just yet.
On Fast Sunday, I decided I was going to mentally take all the worrisome, current frustrations in my head, which are many, and just lay them all out emotionally and study and ponder until some kind of clarity emerged. At 12:30, I gathered books and paper and pen and went into my backyard. I didn't request solitude, but because I have a house full of nappers on Fast Sunday, there were hours of that serendipitous gift available. Eventually people would drift in and out, but never breaking the peace and quiet. However, I guess Lily was counting, because at dusk, Fred informed me that in amazement, she announced to the family that, "Mom has been outside for over 9 hours!" It didn't feel like that, but eventually answers did start coming and then they started flowing in succession and my hand couldn't keep up with my head and my heart. They just started as many little fragments--a piece here, a piece there--but by days end I started to feel an accumulated feeling that seemed to be, "Get your house in order"--in all senses of the phrase. Monday more answers came and by Tuesday, I had a big answer and contentment for the present. It's not a light at the end of the tunnel that I've been pleading for kind of answer, it's just an immediately right now answer, but it's a next step and none of us can move forward faster than a step at a time and I feel content with one inspired foot in front of the other. Maybe each step will come individually as I master the one previous. Maybe this is going to be a very slow process and I am being taught to be patient for a heavenly timetable or maybe Heavenly Father is just trying to show me that it's up to me how quickly I want to learn to walk. That lesson I'm still not sure of. I have felt rushed to see the end goal in sight--rushed by rising interest rates, by lots that won't be forever available in this small town, by the dynamics of my family that seem to be bringing us to an uncomfortable and inevitable crossroads, by wants that have started to seem like needs. And this is where Jacob's insight comes in. Come to find out, in the course of normal conversation, that he is "living in a closet"...technically. It's of his own doing. Ben and Renee's house inhabits thousands of square feet, but his little sister wanted her own room and he had been sleeping outside for months, even in the winter, and apparently doesn't care that much about ownership of personal space so he handed it over and stashed his belonging in a closet. We had a good laugh when the situation came to light and made good sport of it, but it got me thinking... Maybe Jacob doesn't feel the need to own a particular space because he has so much space around him, but just maybe the truth of the matter is that we all have the opportunity to "live" in the same amount of space because living can't be about what surrounds us but what flows through us. If that isn't true then so many of us would be symbolically paralyzed, forever, inside of our circumstances, which is how I have been feeling. But, the unintended perspective, from a kind and bright 18 year old boy, has helped me gain some movement in my almost petrified, spiritual limbs, and the irony of that is, I have found that when my stillness is voluntary, it makes all of the listening and learning difference in the world. I just never realized, with such understanding, that "Be still and know that I am God" was a promise preceded by two action verbs.
One other important lesson that I learned this week is that if we are diligently searching, Heavenly Father can answer our questions using just about any resource. Though I did study my scriptures and my patriarchal blessing, though I was spending time on my knees, my most insightful answers came this week from excerpts from a book on being single (written by Elder Oaks second wife) and a tiny little passage in my Dave Ramsey (the only man my husband is jealous of) =) book. And if I shared them with anyone else, except Fred, who is having to experience all of this soul searching with me, they wouldn't mean anything significant by themselves. It is the individual pondering--the quiet reflection--that allows personal revelation, which is different for each of us. It is so difficult, sometimes, to be still long enough to listen.
So, for at least the next year we will put our efforts into making this home a haven and reinforcing the "closeness" of our family without any of the added stresses of something new. We will allow gratitude to seep into our souls for the things that we have been blessed with. I will work at regaining that inner personal peace that I have lacked. We will keep planning and preparing--studying and learning. We will even keep dreaming, but in the magical, uncoveting way that is progressive and purposeful. In short, we will work on getting "our house in order" and keeping "our eye single to the glory of God".
Quotes of the Week:
"Some of our long-held dreams may need closer scrutiny. I have learned that I can 'rewrite my dreams' to be in better alignment with the blessings that Heavenly Father wants me to have. Blessings are better than dreams. too many dreams are based on wishes and romantic illusions. The more I live, the more I recognize that some dreams really are foolish or unnecessary. Even righteous desires may need to be realigned into an eternal perspective and timeline. The delivery schedule may not be of my own making."
"What I dream of and desire often has little to do with the blessings Heavenly Father ahas in store for me. Our dreams may be of our own making: how we expect our future mate to look, the homes we will live in, and the children we will have. These dreams have little root in reality; in fact, the dreams I've conjured up for myself actually have prevented me from seeing the blessings I do have, the ones the Lord has extended me."
(Quoted by Kristen M. Oaks, from two close friends in, "A Single Voice")
"We must go forward. God expects you to have enough faith, determination, and trust in HIm to keep moving, keep living, and keep rejoicing. He expects you not simply to face the future; He expects you to embrace and shape the future--to love it, rejoice in it, and delight in your opportunities." (Jeffrey R. Holland)
I love the 4th of July in Middleton--it's such a community day. We missed a lot of the public events this year because the kids wanted to cool off after the parade in the pool, but we did ride our bikes downtown for a snow cone and saw the mayor in the dunk tank (looking like a happy, drowned rat) and friends and acquaintances all around. It just felt like one big, extended reunion. Even the "strangers" seemed to feel like family for a day. This year even the parade was even more "exciting" than usual. We always sit a block from the beginning, so some of the kinks get worked out in front of us and this year one of those kinks was a young colt who got spooked, dropped it's 3 year old rider, and went galloping full speed (well as full speed as a horse can go with shoes on asphalt--slipping and sliding) down the street in front of us, sending people jumping up and scurrying from the roadway. Another rider finally got ahold of the reigns a couple of blocks later and back in the owners hands, but not before another child was knocked over. Fortunately, neither of the children were seriously hurt, but their was some crying, which made us all sad. And then, just as we were all getting over that shock and re-settled, a firetruck drove by and sprung a leak from one of the hoses that they use to spray the crowd. Within seconds the street was filled with water and several teenagers dropped and tried to "swim" in it. That was also fixed quickly, but it made for a "never a dull moment" experience.
We were prepared to spend the day with just us, which isn't bad because I love "us" =) but we were so excited that Renee's family ended up being able to come again, in the evening, this year. It has become almost traditional to have our two families together for this holiday and we love their company. They had plans to go up to Cascade and unfortunately, for them, there weren't any camping spots open, but it worked out in our favor, which I know won't always be the case. We did miss Ben, who had a lot on his mind and more things to accomplish than time to accomplish it in (a state which I'm sure we can all relate to =), but it was still so much fun to visit and try to keep all our little pyro's safe. =)
I was talking to Renee about trying to figure out what direction to head our family in physically, and as is usual, she had insight that made me think--unknowingly so did Jake (which I'll come to in a bit). Renee said she loved the privacy of her 10 acres, but it was also a constant pressure, especially for Ben, to keep it up. It's that old irony of with more freedom comes more responsibility...or is it the other way around? Maybe it's actually a symbiotic relationship, but whatever it is, my "dream" of largesse and freedom has increasingly felt more confusing, stressful, expensive and out of reach at every turn. Then Saturday, as our family rode our bikes into town to browse at the new thrift shop's open house, I was reflecting on how much I loved being so close to everything. How lucky we are to be able to ride bikes or walk to the grocery store, library and parks. How we can walk a couple of blocks to my little girls school in the Fall and the city fireworks show in the summer. How Eden has access to free transportation, riding her bike to work. How, though I'd prefer solitude, we have ideal neighbors in every direction. And I started wondering if the timing to move on wasn't just yet.
On Fast Sunday, I decided I was going to mentally take all the worrisome, current frustrations in my head, which are many, and just lay them all out emotionally and study and ponder until some kind of clarity emerged. At 12:30, I gathered books and paper and pen and went into my backyard. I didn't request solitude, but because I have a house full of nappers on Fast Sunday, there were hours of that serendipitous gift available. Eventually people would drift in and out, but never breaking the peace and quiet. However, I guess Lily was counting, because at dusk, Fred informed me that in amazement, she announced to the family that, "Mom has been outside for over 9 hours!" It didn't feel like that, but eventually answers did start coming and then they started flowing in succession and my hand couldn't keep up with my head and my heart. They just started as many little fragments--a piece here, a piece there--but by days end I started to feel an accumulated feeling that seemed to be, "Get your house in order"--in all senses of the phrase. Monday more answers came and by Tuesday, I had a big answer and contentment for the present. It's not a light at the end of the tunnel that I've been pleading for kind of answer, it's just an immediately right now answer, but it's a next step and none of us can move forward faster than a step at a time and I feel content with one inspired foot in front of the other. Maybe each step will come individually as I master the one previous. Maybe this is going to be a very slow process and I am being taught to be patient for a heavenly timetable or maybe Heavenly Father is just trying to show me that it's up to me how quickly I want to learn to walk. That lesson I'm still not sure of. I have felt rushed to see the end goal in sight--rushed by rising interest rates, by lots that won't be forever available in this small town, by the dynamics of my family that seem to be bringing us to an uncomfortable and inevitable crossroads, by wants that have started to seem like needs. And this is where Jacob's insight comes in. Come to find out, in the course of normal conversation, that he is "living in a closet"...technically. It's of his own doing. Ben and Renee's house inhabits thousands of square feet, but his little sister wanted her own room and he had been sleeping outside for months, even in the winter, and apparently doesn't care that much about ownership of personal space so he handed it over and stashed his belonging in a closet. We had a good laugh when the situation came to light and made good sport of it, but it got me thinking... Maybe Jacob doesn't feel the need to own a particular space because he has so much space around him, but just maybe the truth of the matter is that we all have the opportunity to "live" in the same amount of space because living can't be about what surrounds us but what flows through us. If that isn't true then so many of us would be symbolically paralyzed, forever, inside of our circumstances, which is how I have been feeling. But, the unintended perspective, from a kind and bright 18 year old boy, has helped me gain some movement in my almost petrified, spiritual limbs, and the irony of that is, I have found that when my stillness is voluntary, it makes all of the listening and learning difference in the world. I just never realized, with such understanding, that "Be still and know that I am God" was a promise preceded by two action verbs.
One other important lesson that I learned this week is that if we are diligently searching, Heavenly Father can answer our questions using just about any resource. Though I did study my scriptures and my patriarchal blessing, though I was spending time on my knees, my most insightful answers came this week from excerpts from a book on being single (written by Elder Oaks second wife) and a tiny little passage in my Dave Ramsey (the only man my husband is jealous of) =) book. And if I shared them with anyone else, except Fred, who is having to experience all of this soul searching with me, they wouldn't mean anything significant by themselves. It is the individual pondering--the quiet reflection--that allows personal revelation, which is different for each of us. It is so difficult, sometimes, to be still long enough to listen.
So, for at least the next year we will put our efforts into making this home a haven and reinforcing the "closeness" of our family without any of the added stresses of something new. We will allow gratitude to seep into our souls for the things that we have been blessed with. I will work at regaining that inner personal peace that I have lacked. We will keep planning and preparing--studying and learning. We will even keep dreaming, but in the magical, uncoveting way that is progressive and purposeful. In short, we will work on getting "our house in order" and keeping "our eye single to the glory of God".
Quotes of the Week:
"Some of our long-held dreams may need closer scrutiny. I have learned that I can 'rewrite my dreams' to be in better alignment with the blessings that Heavenly Father wants me to have. Blessings are better than dreams. too many dreams are based on wishes and romantic illusions. The more I live, the more I recognize that some dreams really are foolish or unnecessary. Even righteous desires may need to be realigned into an eternal perspective and timeline. The delivery schedule may not be of my own making."
"What I dream of and desire often has little to do with the blessings Heavenly Father ahas in store for me. Our dreams may be of our own making: how we expect our future mate to look, the homes we will live in, and the children we will have. These dreams have little root in reality; in fact, the dreams I've conjured up for myself actually have prevented me from seeing the blessings I do have, the ones the Lord has extended me."
(Quoted by Kristen M. Oaks, from two close friends in, "A Single Voice")
"We must go forward. God expects you to have enough faith, determination, and trust in HIm to keep moving, keep living, and keep rejoicing. He expects you not simply to face the future; He expects you to embrace and shape the future--to love it, rejoice in it, and delight in your opportunities." (Jeffrey R. Holland)
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| Walking to the Parade |
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| Waiting for the Parade |
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| Watching the Parade |
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| Visiting with the Jones's--Daytime Fireworks |
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| Nightime Fireworks after the Big Show |
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| "Lovely" Cousins--They're Keepers!' |
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