Celebrations

By far, the most important event being anticipated at the Bloomquist household is the upcoming 5th birthday of Lily and Sophie. They have been anxious for months and now that it is close enough to be visual, they are counting down days on the calendar. I get frequent drawings and explanations of what their cakes are to look like and be made of (not my idea of gourmet or even appealing) and they have daily conversations and compromises with each other about where they will go on there birthday date and what sacrifices they will make for each other on that day (trading beds for example) and verbally worry about what they will wear because all they have is "four year old clothes." I love celebrations; I go out of my way to create traditions that require partying, but this is the second year that I have been intimidated by expectations that aren't really voiced but are ethereally wished and I find it hard to fulfill phantom desires. I have tried to get them to be descriptive with their visions, but I'm not sure it's solidified enough in their minds, they just know it is supposed to be magic. Fairy Godmother I am not, but wish me luck.

Jordan also has a birthday coming soon. How is it possible that he is turning 18!? Fred and I went on a date Friday and ended by purchasing some birthday pants for the twins. The checker, who was probably in her late 50's commented on our buying two pair of the same pants, so I explained that we had twins and every time I tried to get them different things they always ended up wanting what the other one had. She mentioned how it must be nice to get a sitter and have a night out together. I explained that we had older children so the sitter part was easy. She seemed surprised that we had older children, but when I told her we had 6 and the oldest was almost 18, she was speechless. She finished up our purchase and finally said, "Well.....congratulations, you two look great!" I'm not sure what she expected a couple with 6 children to look like, (she mentioned that she only had one grown daughter) but it made me feel young and happy. I turn 40 this year, and unlike 30(which is the only birthday that made me want to cry), I feel empowered! I have some life experience under my belt, and no longer mourn the passing of youth or feel the need to prove anything to anybody but myself, and the next half of life appears brimming with unexplored opportunity and endless learning and .....to be honest, lots of mother tears. But, even that feels heart-wrenchingly fulfilling.

Fred and I are planning a trek family reunion sometime around Spring Break and I am excited to have our "family" back together for a fun evening. I'm trying to write up a small memoir from our experience to give as a gift to my trek children, and will post it here when I finish so that I can have a written history of that life changing week. I wish that I had recorded my feelings at the time, when they were so powerfully tangible, but I have enough pictures and journaling that it comes back vividly when I start pondering those days.

JORDAN'S EAGLE PROJECT IN PROGRESS

Whistle while you work

Building the structure

Almost finished covering the backside.

Gazelle Intense

It's tangible; I can almost breath it in. Spring! It's only mid-February, but I find myself watching for faint signs of emerging crocus under the Aspen trees, and I have that pent up feeling that anytime soon something inside is going to burst wide open. I've been drinking down books all winter; my eyes glued to the pages, and now my eyes are wandering over the paper to windows everywhere. Yesterday teased us with barefoot temptations that my children succumbed to immediately.

Change feels right and natural with the seasons and for the first time in 19 years, Fred and I are on exactly the same financial page. When we married, I would have been "happy" to save every penny (spare or not) and never do anything "fun"--I guess to me, "security and sacrifice at all costs" was my motto. Fred wanted to enjoy life, with money as the gateway. His young mantra was, "It'll be gone soon anyway, and in a year we won't know where it went so we might as well enjoy it while we have it." We have both moved a little closer to the middle, though, as seems constant in our relationship, he seems to do more growing and moving than do I, and just as we were poised to make some dramatic (for us) changes to feel prepared and in control, in these unstable times, Liz loaned me a book called, "The Total Money Makeover" and I have not stopped salivating since (I know... it's disgusting). It has given a detailed face to what the prophets have been telling us our whole lives about getting out of debt and being prepared and in control and you know how I love detailed checklists. And finally, Fred and I have the same vision (though I have always been more prone to fanaticism) because there is a face for security instead of an endless black hole and there is a goal for fun. I just keep pulling hook line and sinker and Fred keeps reeling me in and it is creating it's own momentum, with both of us very much connected. It is invigorating! We are cutting every single expense, which means no more date money, so date planning is unraveling back to "single" mindedness and we find ourselves back in Jordan's shoes, with no money and the pressure to be creative staring us in the face. I watch Fred researching the Internet at night for ideas and see how much it matters to him and I feel courted again; sometimes sacrifice brings its own reward! Most years we would have gone out to dinner on Valentines, but this year we did sealings in the temple, which was much more memorable, and last week we got together with a big group of friends and just talked and laughed. I remember how much fun it was to do dry pack canning with my sister and brother-in-law last year, so that might go on the date calendar. The momentum and blessings, direct and indirect, have started pouring in, just like the author (who is not LDS) said they would, and the future is starting to look very disciplined and rigorous, but oh so bright. We are determined to leap out from under these car payments and student loans which have been monkeys on our back way too long, but our vision seems clear and the efforts seem worth it now. I have never understood the marathon trainer mentality, I have different friends every year who try to convince me to train with them for a 5K or a half marathon, but I can't ever validate the pain. One friend told me this year, that it's not so much about the race as that there has to be a motivator to force the daily workouts, and when the daily workouts prove that you are fit enough to run the race, it just feels so good. I still don't want to run a marathon, maybe I haven't felt the need to be that fit yet, but financially I'm ready to hit that brick wall, "gazelle intense", and push on through. I am convinced that if I want to be completely fulfilled in life, that I have to learn to master every aspect of ME, physically, spiritually, and mentally, but I can handle only one INTENSE focus at a time. C'mon, I am still struggling with 30 sit-ups!

Speaking of physical motivators, Olive has found an escape route, AGAIN! Only, this time she has been smart enough not to ever escape while we are watching and we are completely stumped. We have built barricades where we feel like there is any possibility that she might be getting out, but she continues to bolt, sometimes 3 times a day, and we are meeting new neighbors all over again. This morning, my neighbor across the street called and said Olive had just walked past the front of my house. I grabbed my shoes, which I had just taken off and bolted out the door, but by the time I found her she was clear down at the school yard. I love that dog and I can't help but admire her ingenuity, and I can't blame her for wanting her freedom, but in this one instance, she gives me a pain!

Middleton is sponsoring a community initiative called "March Unplugged". A calendar came out in the city newspaper with encouragement to unplug all electronic media at home for the entire month and "plug" back into our families. Many different organizations and churches have taken a different evening to plan community events on the weekends and suggested ideas are given for individual families all through the week. Our stake is really pushing us to be involved and I'm excited. We will all use the things we need at school and work, but when we come together at home, the movies, computer, cell phones, and personal music devices go off. It will be interesting to see how much of the community becomes involved. Only good can come of it. I'll let you know how it turns out. Life is great!

SUNDAY PICTURES:

JORDAN STARTING HIS EAGLE PROJECT;

A Fun Weekend

What a fun weekend! On Friday we had neices come to stay with us while their parents were in Salt Lake for a relatives funeral. We all went to a Middleton community Special Olympics Welcome Gala that was put together for an Eagle project by a young man in our stake that is deaf and mildly autistic. The first 30 minutes a mother/daughter/ daughter in-law group sang, fiddled and played the guitar, while the athletes and any children who wanted roped hay bale steers and played sponge toss. It was fun to people watch and be entertained. An hour long program followed with various talents performed by groups in Middleton. Jordan sang the national anthem with an a capella quintet that he is in and danced and sang two numbers with his FX show choir. It's so much fun to watch him be involved. He is making the most of this year. The mayor recognized the athletes and then awarded them flags that had been designed in a grade school contest by a 4th grader who was honored. The evening ended with the choreographer of the show choir inviting the athletes and coaches to learn some line dances and then invited the community to participate. Most of the kids were brave enough to go and dance. I have humiliated myself plenty of times at the Saturday night dances when the youth pull me into those line dances and try to teach me the complicated steps, so the rest of us just enjoyed watching the participants have fun. The athletes LOVED it! They were pretty fired up and one of them gave an extended, highly animated tribute and thank-you to the audience in Italian afterwards. Avery was hot and hungry when it finally got over, but the rest of us enjoyed it. Our community was feeling the Olympic spirit last week.

Saturday Fred, Jordan and a few friends spent some good hours attaching rock to the outside of the Middleton sign. It is actually starting to feel hopeful that he will finish this project before his birthday. This has been such an incredibly fantastic thing for him to be involved in. It has certainly made him stretch and it will be something to be proud of.

Mikayla is starting to work on her value experiences in Personal Progress. I have been impressed at how she chooses things that are demanding and which recquire real personal investment. Currently she is taking a Book of Mormon Independent Study course from B.Y.U. and spends hours after school and on Sundays with her nose in the Book of Mormon and a computer on her lap. Today she approved another project for a different value and will start working on her personal history, which will be insightful because she is wired "deep"................ and loud...and quirky....and fairly violent;-)

Saturday evening Fred and I went to a stake adult Sadie Hawkins dance. Because Pres. Walkers (the 2nd couselor in our stake presidency) wife set a precedent of asking her husband out in a creative way and because he gloated about it in our ward's priesthood opening exercises, I had to give into peer pressure and I made an artificial GPS, and put it in Fred's car. The girls helped me with ideas and when I got home that night my bed was covered with heart candies and chocolates and standing atop the pile was Buz Lightyear with an acceptance card in his hands. In your "old age" you get kind of lazy about dating, but it was fun to put forth that extra effort. Some of our friends taught us how to swing dance and we exhausted ourselves twirling around the room and occasionally crashing into things. The music was poorly chosen and much too loud, which was disappointing, but the food and friends and dancing was so much fun. Fred and I are going to get a group of fun couples together and have a date night at the church and re-learn how to dance. It really was a blast!

My concerns at the middle school are being addressed in small, but positive steps and I am encouraged by the cooperation of the principle. There is still more that needs to be done, but at least things are heading in the right direction. Parents will now have to be contacted before two of the 6th grade documentaries are shown. At registration parents will now have all documentaries or unrated films on the parent permission slips that already contains choices for rated films, and all students who are uncomfortable with the curriculum now must be provided with an alternate activity, but each family will have to initiate that at a parental level. It is not the huge change I had hoped for but we are still in a very embryonic stage of diplomacy and things take time. I do feel that I have regained control of at least my own children's education and have been pleased with the responses as I try to get other parents in the community involved. Be aware that this broad curriculum is state driven, so make sure if you have 6th graders that you know what is being taught in your schools. I would specifically ask about the documentaries that they are showing. I think Charter schools will be less likely to have problems of this magnitude, because parents are generally more involved and proactive but better safe than sorry.

I AM READY FOR SPRING! I was ready a month ago. I'm feel like a prisoner to this inversion and cold. Mikayla wants to plant something so bad that she is itchy. Maybe we'll have to grow alfalfa sprouts in the windowsill.

Fred, Mikayla and I are now exercising on weekday mornings at 6:00AM. We are using Fred's old missionary routine, which is just a short 20 minutes, and isn't too much of a strain on my heart, but my muscles are OUT OF SHAPE and the sit-ups are just plain embarrassing. I am not too proud to tell you that I can not do even one traditional sit-up. I can drag myself across the 30 count finish line by using my arms as hoists, but with them clasped under my head--zippo. Since we literally roll out of bed and put on our sweats and start exercising within 5 minutes, Fred does half of the routine with his eyes shut, and without proper equilibrium. For the first week, I whined the entire 20 minutes and was no kind of farm girl. For three days my calves were so sore that just walking up and down the stairs was a calculated effort. Sad, but true, and last year I was running two miles every day without batting an eye. Those who currently workout regularly will not be able to commiserate, but can share an incredulous laugh at my pitiful condition. The rest of you can probably put your hands behind your head in the morning and sit up out of bed and feel very good about yourselves and maybe in 3 months, when I say, in the middle of leg lifts, "I love this!", I won't be lying anymore.

Common Perches

Nothing Like A Boy and His Dog

Ski Crash Profile From the Good Side

Aaaaauuuuuuggggggghhhhhhh!!!!! VENTING...Sorry!

Do you ever have one of those days where the weight of trying to keep your head above water against the beating of the worldly waves collides with the brutal forces of nature and outright warfare against your children? I know, they don't all usually happen at the same time and I can usually keep my wits about me, but yesterday........!

In the afternoon, I answered the phone and was greeted by the voice of a frantic mother who said, "I've felt impressed that I should call you." The last time that happened I had just been called to be in the stake YW and had not yet been sustained and was heartbroken and overwhelmed and couldn't talk about it with anyone outside my family. A friends inspired visit gave me the assurance that Heavenly Father is mindful of our hearts and cares about us through others, even when they don't know the reasons. So, I selfishly racked my brain for what could possibly be wrong with me that I needed that help. Aren't our minds funny; well, mine is (or maybe "warped, frustrated" would be more accurate). This lady was in my ward previously, before we split, but we were only casual acquaintances. She proceeded to tell me about some overtly disturbing curriculum that was being taught to her 6th grade son in middle school and she wanted to know what she should do. Unfortunately, my first thought was, "I barely even know you, how should I know what you should do", but the second that unkind thought, which I am afraid tells volumes about my true character, entered my mind, another thought, not my own, came into my mind; "you know exactly what to do, you've been down this road before". I got all the information that I could from her, gave her my opinion about what I would do for the remainder of the week, gave her some guidance where to take her concerns and reassured her that I would also go to administration and support her efforts all the way, and then immediately had this wave of intense self guilt come over me as I realized that Eden had been subjected to this curriculum the year before, and had given me all of the warning signs of needing to be rescued, and I had somehow overlooked her pleadings. For someone who fights more than my children are sometimes comfortable with, over things far less offensive, I felt so negligent and remorseful. Such a heavy burden! I kept thinking, "it was so obvious, how could I have let that slide?" and I realized that I had refused to listen and believe because I was trying to protect my personal,safe, sheltered shell.

I immediately called Fred to steady me, and though he tried to sauve my conscience, he was incensed and added fuel to the already stoked fire. When Eden came home I apologized profusely for my mother inattentiveness and found that she had definitely sustained some wounds and was pleased to see the warriors gearing up, though very tardy, and armed me with information and suggestions. I felt shaky all day-- Surely I am not the only one familiar with the physical consequences of unchecked mother furry, but I hope the "kindred spirits" are few and far between.

At 7:30 Jordan, up snowboarding at Bogus, called me from ski patrol to tell me that he had landed a jump with his face and was obligated by their legal guidelines to call because he was a minor. He assured me that he was fine and then ski patrol got on the line and said that his face was so swollen that they couldn't tell if his nose was broken, but "hey, it's better than him sitting home playing video games." He was up there with a large group of friends, and since he had fallen after only his 3rd run, there was a long interim, waiting for the rest of the guys to finish skiing, before he could come home. He showed up around 10PM and I don't know if it was just the shock of seeing his face, or the fact that it was Jordan and the emotions that are so on the surface about him lately, or the emotionally draining day previous, but I became so lightheaded and physically nauseous that I had to sit down with my head between my legs and then all of the emotions erupted like a damned waterfall prying loose and my son, who should have been the one being nurtured, sat beside me and rubbed my back while I sobbed my heart out. I just couldn't compose my emotions and it turned to hyperventilation and Fred had to step in so that I could breathe. It was humiliating. I'm glad that all of my younger children were in bed, and I wish that I could say that the rest of my family were in shock from my behavior, but they took it, much to my chagrin, quite in stride.

I'm better now. It's a new day, and rest, though fitful, has helped me focus and I am trading in the emotional oppression of yesterday for the weapons of Narnia today. Today I feel like Peter; "For Aslaaaan!"

So now, because someone, who doesn't know the ropes needs my help, and because I have younger children coming up through the system and because I feel duty bound to stand up where I was remiss before, I will add another "fight" to my war board. And with Fred screening out the emotional fanaticism and installing diplomacy, like he has in all of my battles, we will make a difference. I won't try--"I will go and do"!

Oh, and if anyone is still reading after all of that ranting, which I highly doubt since my writing isn't often reader worthy -- it's more organize-my-thoughts-therapy oriented, the curriculum is concerning very detailed study of the Mayan and pirate cultures, and you don't really want to know more than that. I certainly didn't! The objective? I have no idea, but I can assure you I will find out and there will be change. Does that sound haughty and conceited? I'm sure it does but these wars are never meant to be prideful, I just have to psyche myself up to be courageous enough to remember that one person can always make positive change with the right help and that people are just people, no matter what title we hold. And, most people want to do what is right, but get off course and need redirecting. Don't we all! Wish me luck!

Merry-Go-Round

I worry about Abrahm a lot. He's always been such an independent child; happy to be on his own and always quietly wandering off. Because of that and because he's in the middle of two very boisterous, high maintenance groups of children he is often unintentionally neglected. I'm sure that often he thinks that is to his benefit as he is often playing outside with friends for awhile before I realize that he hasn't yet done his responsibilities. I most often worry about him in the evenings. I'm always so busy trying to get the twins down and then bouncing from teen to teen with concerns or plans or questions or their need to chat that by the time I make it up to Abe he has read himself a story and fallen asleep. He doesn't act like a neglected child but he is so lovingly expressive that I have that mother guilt about not being more attentive to the wheel that never squeaks. Thursday night my concerns came to a head. As is very common, I found a "love" note from Abe in my bedroom, when I finally made it there. The note was written at the bottom of a drawing of the fantasy blueprints for his future home. It was more like an enormous, modern castle with pool, game, and t.v. rooms, servants, 20 extra bedrooms etc., but what caught my eye most was the bedroom labeling. One for him, one for his friend next door, and at the opposite side of the house, two separate bedrooms which were labeled "wife #1", "wife #2". I questioned Abe about it in the morning, and he didn't see any reason for concern, so I said, "Abe, you know that having more than one wife is illegal, right?!" He was completely enlightened by that knowledge, so I went on, "Abe, you know that for now and unless specifically commanded, it is also against Heavenly Fathers law too, right?!" That also seemed to be a revelation to him, so I went ahead and explained, that it was also definitely against our family rules. Unfazed, as if he had just learned a fact out of an encyclopedia, he took the paper and erased the labels, leaving only wife #1. For an eight year old boy, who has more factual information in his head than all of the rest of us, excluding Fred, put together, he has missed picking up on a few important facts. Now I am worried about what else he has missed, and our born again Christian neighbors apprehensive behaviors toward us are all becoming clearer to me;-)

I am yearning for the sun! All these gray, cloudy skies, and this cold that burrows in, are draining my motivation for being "up and doing". It's only January and I want to be digging in the dirt, with the sun pelting my back, but I have to work up the courage just to open the sliding glass door to give Olive her breakfast in the morning;-) I think we're all feeling a little couped up, except Abe, of course. We're not much of a cold weather kind of family I guess, unless there is snow. That must be why we're going though books like water. Even Jordan, who has 102 other things to be doing is reading of his own accord, and Fred is reading "Song of Years"(my all time favorite book since I was 14). It's not a "Fred" kind of book, so I was surprised when he asked me where it was. He said he just wanted to see what it was that I've loved so much all these years. Is that sweet or what. We've seen "Fireproof" twice on the big screen now and I think he's putting thoughts into action. I need to follow his selfless example and do something just because Fred loves it, and not because I have something else personal to gain. He's a good husband.

Mikayla and Eden have spent the last month trying to slowly "grow up" their bedroom. Most of their "sweet, and innocent" decorations have been passed down to Lily and Sophie's bedroom, and their room has become a work in progress of bright colors and chrome accents. Because decorations are so expensive and their room was so suddenly too juvenile, it is going through one of those teen awkward stages. It's a rude awakening to me that Jordan isn't the only one who is getting older much too quickly. It is a rare Saturday that goes by that simultaneous giggling, shrieking and all manner of "bed crack stuffing" isn't heard through those teenage walls. I don't know where they learned to be so loud and unrefined!;-)

A sign for Kindergarten registration dates on the school board caught my eye yesterday. It made me sigh. Can't someone stop this merry-go-round from spinning so quickly; at least let me get a firmer hold, so I don't go flinging off and land on my face. It's a strange feeling to picture Lily and Sophie with back packs on that don't really fit. They are nervous...so am I.

Fred, my peacemaker, goes to work everyday trying to weigh out the scales between corporate politics, and ethics and the temptation to have a nervous breakdown and is still glad that he took this job!;-) I send him out the door everyday, with a "go get 'em champ!" and then tackle the laundry in my pajama's and feel like I am battling the same things in a different light and on a different scale. The funny thing is, we can't complain (I mean we do, but we have no cause to). We are blessed, and not deserving.

Puny Little Thought Processes

My dog has been contained in my yard for three glorious (for me, not her) months. Three days ago, she started escaping again. I have tried putting up a "white trash" barricade where I think she is getting out, but she is smart and secretive and she won't escape if she thinks I am watching. Various people have started bringing her back again, and I can only thank them and apologize for their troubles. People are always so kind. Olive has been an incredible instrument for me to meet my "neighbors". Come to think of it, she's been an incredible "tool" for a lot of positive things in my life. I am grateful for the "trials" that she has brought into our family's life.

Friday, Jordan and I broke ground on the Middleton Sign plot, for his Eagle project. It took us an hour, and this old farm girl held my own with my darling, strapping, seventeen year old son. Had it been a contest of strength, I would have been panting and begging for mercy, but because it was just good old fashioned work, and I've been taught by the best, I kept up the pace. It's kind of a fun thought to think that in 20 years, I'll be able to drive past the finished product and remember that that is where I spent a good hour, digging a hole with my son. I'm proud of him for all that he has taken on this year and the young man that is developing from the refining fire. Today Fred and I were invited in while he was being set apart to be the 1st Assistant in the Priest quorum, and like only a mother will, I started to worry about the intense load on his shoulders. He is actively involved in student council, has both a ward and stake calling, is trying to finish up his Eagle Scout Advancement and his Duty to God program, is applying to college, preparing for this summer job away from home and trying to prepare for his mission. As our church meetings let out and we met in the foyer, I asked him if he was going to be okay with all of this responsibility or if he felt like he was going to explode. He just smiled and said, "I'll be okay". I told him that I knew that he needed to grow up sometime and this was good training for adulthood, but it felt like it was a crash course in just one year. His reply, "That's what I get for laying around for 16 years!" In truth, he's an amazing young man and I think he's ready to fly; I'm just not ready to watch him.

I just finished reading "The Problem With Pain" and "A Grief Observed" by C.S. Lewis. I didn't mean to read them together, or in the order that I did, it was just a serendipitous chain of events that caused that, but the combination was so insightful and provocative. It is no secret that I am intrigued by the man; an intellect among men in the passionate pursuit of truth. Most of the previous works that I have read by him are analogous. These were more personal--more fraught with doctrines that he was "testing" and that I know he misunderstood, but so full of pieces of truth that he had uncovered, even in his wanderings. As with all of his writings, that are not for children, I am often "falling a little behind", but captivated enough to keep swimming in the deep waters. I am fascinated with what goes on in his head, maybe because intellectualism is such a foreign concept to my puny little thought processes. I found myself reading, and saying to Mr. Lewis in my mind, "Stop thinking so hard; you are making it so complex", and then in the same breath finding that his complexities had found a home. I think in my naivete, I am surprised by the idea of "finding" truth. My heart validates truth that has been found by others, and I know it more surely than if I had searched it out with my head; I don't wonder, I don't waver, but I am awed by someone who comes to those conclusions on their own, and then I remember about the light of Christ and how much Heavenly Father loves all of his children and I am awed again by how we each come to truth individually, through unique ways that are tapered to our personalities and characteristics. I feel so blessed to have the knowledge of the fullness of the gospel, and after reading "A Grief Observed" feel compelled and duty bound to share it, so others need not suffer so desperately. Eleanor Roosevelt said, "You must do the thing which you think you cannot do." ...And so I must.

A Thought

One of the very silliest and most unproductive things we do as women is determine our worth by comparing our faults with everyone else's talents. But, in some way we all seem to be sucked into it. Guys get overly competitive in sports and we think they are being juvenile; "we would never act like that", we say; we just compete in life-- much more mature ;-)

I'm sure if if we showed up at any of our "hero's" homes some morning during the "get ready" hour or any evening, during the bedtime routine, without prior notice we would, at some point, walk into the chaos of normal, everyday life of very human people, and be enlightened, I'm sure.

Movies Worth Seeing

As I grow older I am learning that when art and virtue are at their pinnacles, magic happens. Magic can be profoundly dramatic and moving. However, I am also learning that as long as virtue is always at it's pinnacle, art can meet at a lower point and the merging can still be profound. The opposite is never true. Because of that, I am finding that I enjoy movies that may not be in the running for academy awards, in fact, that may not be in the "running" for anything, but that portray a good message delivered by mediocre performances. I have not yet learned to appreciate virtuous messages delivered by painful performances (and of course those classifications are the product of opinion).

There is a trend recently, of good people trying to have a positive effect in the media. I have felt that in Douglas Gresham's work, and with Walden Media's mission. I have seen it in lesser art forms in the productions of Michael Landon Jr. and the baptist pastor brothers, Stephen and Alex Kendrick. With my sister and brother-in-laws recommendation, Fred and I went to see this congregations latest film "Fireproof". The main actor is great, most are mediocre, a few bit parts are hard to swallow, but the message was positive and moving and virtuous and when the lights came up, Fred and I worth both crying and were surprised to find a whole slew of extended relatives behind us, doing the same.

If you are looking for a few uplifting movies, not incredible art, I recommend "Fireproof" for a date movie and "Saving Sarah Cain" for a family movie. If lesser art inhibits your enjoyment of a movie, don't bother with either. Hope you enjoy!

P.S. Just a neat side note that my cousin told us (and that I verified) is that in the scene in "Fireproof" where the husband and wife in the movie kiss, the main actor, who refuses to kiss anyone on stage or off besides his real wife, had the film crew shoot the scene in silhouette so his own wife could come into the shot and he could kiss her instead. That's virtue!

Snow Days

Lily, Olive, Sophie


Sophie




Lily

Looking Back-- Looking Forward

Fred and I were at a family party, visiting in segregated groups for a few minutes (the guys in the kitchen; the girls in the living room) before we started playing games, and as women do, we were sharing our frustrations with trying to meet the demands of motherhood. Marg was wondering how anyone had time to "blog" and Liz suggested it was all just a matter of priority. I related with both of their remarks. It is such a challenge to find time to sit still and write about something that has already happened and is not on the "pending" to do list, but I feel compelled to keep a journal entry and by doing it blogging style, I feel like I accomplish two things in one by trying to keep up communications with friends family.

I love being able to get up in the morning and check my e-mail and then go to my "Freinds and Family Blogs" bookmark see what everyone else is doing. It is so quick and I can keep in touch by just responding to something that they wrote. Of course I can't do it every morning and I don't record as often as I should, but I try to get updated at least once a week. I had friends who sent a family blog this year instead of Christmas cards and it was fun to be able to see all of the pictures and keep updated in a way that would just be too time consuming through the phone or with individualized letters. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing like getting a personal phone call and handwritten, personalized snail mail, but this adds to what I can accomplish with those things that are still special to me. It is so interesting how much more I have gotten to know those family and friends this past year who are actively communicating through the computer.

I am preparing for a landslide year. January through March are going to be so busy with Jordan trying to finish his Eagle project and His Duty to God requirements and apply to college. Then comes graduation and putting everything in order for this summer job in Washington. By this summer Mikayla will be turning 16 and getting her drivers license and by Fall the twins will head off to kindergarten and Eden will finally be released into the world of makeup (which she thinks is just as big of a landmark. Abe is the only one who does not have pre-determined milestones this year. I am trying not to acclimate in panic mode.

We went out to dinner with three other couples last night and spent a couple of hours in the restaurant just talking about our lives. We are the only ones with older children and it feels so surreal. These are some great times in our lives that we will always cherish and it makes me appreciate those who surround me who are paving the path. Others positive experience is so often a boon, when the path ahead looks so daunting and unfamiliar.

I am so grateful for the constancy of the gospel and the security that comes from knowing that one path will always seem familiar and unaltered, even as life presents its challenges and turbulence and unstoppable change. Lessons learned are so easy to see when you look back over 17 years of marriage. I was talking to my brother Thursday night and just feeling intense empathy for the challenges of supporting and raising a young family. We have experienced many years of circumstances that did not seem ideal at the time, but we have grown in so many ways from those struggles and we are now reaping some of the benefits of "enduring" and preparing to start a whole new set of challenges as our children start leaving home.

I know our future is bright. I feel hopeful as I look forward into this new year, and I am comforted with the thought that I am surrounded by family and friends who will help me to remember that, when the trials come, as they always do.

I love you all. May hope and light permeate each of our lives this year.

A SUCCESS

It is a new day, a new week, soon to be a new year. We have emerged from our family hiatus reinvigorated and ready to resume our responsibilities, challenges and general mayhem that seems to take up such a large portion of our lives. I was so grateful for my children's friends respecting what I was trying to achieve this past week. None of them called with invitations that would distract them from this past week, but they all have plans waiting for this upcoming one, which is good and fun and how it should be. An entire week of shutting out the world is so therapeutic. We hardly even ventured out of our family with the computer or the telephone. That means we have some catching up to do with everyone else we love, but that seems to be "relatively" easy. ;-) Fred had to work Monday and Tuesday, so during the days, the children and I finished preparing for Christmas and in the evenings we celebrated together. I had enough food bought and prepared for buffet style eating for the most of the week, so I only cooked dinner Tuesday night and breakfast Saturday morning and we grazed the rest of the week. It was fantastic!

We spent the days sledding, playing board games for hours, reading, watching movies, visiting, making treats etc. We even tried roasting chestnuts, though we didn't have an "open fire", and found them to be quite disgusting. I'm not sure why they would be romanticized in a song, but that is knowledge that can be chalked up to experience. We learned that the Farming Game is so much more fun when played "speed style"; it is also much more violent. We learned that when you play board games for too many hours, and too late at night, that you get very loud and silly and people not playing with you keep casting sidelong glances of concern. It was reminiscent of very long monopoly games with Mys and Lulu. Because we never went anywhere outside of our neighborhood, Lily and Sophie spent three full days in "princess" clothes and we didn't have one dramatic outburst about someone choosing the cute flower pants that Annalie gave them first or having to change into clothes that "match". We did have other dramatic outbursts but that is just par for the course with twins.

I did wake up this morning to a very full Inbox on my e-mail, which will take some time to sort, but that is okay as well, because I'm up before any of my children who will probably all get up late because we partied them too hard last week, so I have a few minutes before I have to head off to a planning mtg. for this big New Years Celebration that has come down from Salt Lake. More partying.........! I think Pres. Monson likes parties ;-) Our stake has chosen to hold it on New Years Eve, so half of our family will be at the stake center from 8:00 PM until 1:00 AM and Fred and the youngest three will be at home. Not an ideal celebration-- I am trying to talk Fred into coming up for the countdown and "breakfast", but I think he is thinking he may actually sneak into bed before midnight for once on a New Years Eve, so I don't know how sucessful that will be. It would be so much more fun as an entire family!

If the weather and every one's health holds out, we will probably end these two weeks of vacation by staying with Joseph and Camille on Friday and Saturday. We haven't been up to the ranch in a very long time and Fred has a sleep study to do in McCall so we thought it would be a good opportunity to all go up together and visit.

MAKING OUR GINGERBREAD HOUSE FOR F.H.E.

CHRISTMAS MORNING

PERFECT PRINCESSES

CASUALTIES OF TOO MUCH SUGAR AND TOO LITTLE SLEEP

(He ran straight into the door jam!)

GAME CRAZY

GONE CRAZY

(This is what happens when your mother forces you to spend an entire week together as a family! Mikayla was having too much fun. I was hoping some of Jordan's friend girls would show up for just a minute ;-)

SATURDAY MORNING BREAKFAST (Fred gave me a tablecloth and napkins and rings for Christmas-- I was feeling very refined)

One Week

As my children get older and we all get involved in more diversions and responsibilities, it becomes more difficult to find any time to be together as a family. I have been very firm about having everyone home for dinner, but it seems that someone is always running to and fro. We are trying something new this week. This children are out of school and I have calendared the whole week as "family time". No one splits off to do something without the rest of the family. I told them if their friends can't deal with that kind of separation, then they are welcome to come over and spend family time with us, but we will all stay together. We have made plans to play games, do some fun baking, get ready for Christmas, put together friend deliveries, make gingerbread houses, have a taffy pull, go sledding etc. Unfortunately that has also meant my girls are missing out on a cousin Christmas party, which makes me sad, but unless we schedule family time on the calendar, someone always wants a piece of somebody and this is so important to me. I hope it accomplishes the memory building that I desire and not end up being a sad experience for all of the things that we "miss out on". Next week of break the children are welcome to "go crazy" living it up with friends. I'm looking forward to the next two weeks immensely.

Of course I am not ready for Christmas, but I will be done with shopping this morning, if the roads cooperate, and hopefully will be ready by Christmas Eve with everything else. I did much of my shopping online this year, because shopping with the twins in town was so unproductive and draining. Three of my gifts are still not here. The postal tracking has their estimated arrival dates listed as today, tomorrow, and Wednesday. Mikayla suggested that I start praying for them. I will!

I love my big extended family. Merry Christmas to all of you.

Redirected

I have been doing the CRAZY Christmas rush thing, since the day after Thanksgiving. This week it has gotten out of hand. I have been burning the candle at both ends, spending endless hours researching on google, driving, and chasing overactive twins all through the stores of town and by yesterday my home and my mind were both about to self implode from neglect. I came rushing in at 6:30 last night, on the verge of a nervous breakdown, to pick up Abe for Pack meeting and was met with a Jordan initiated intervention; my home was spotless. It was the sweetest gift of the season so far. Where before I had been dreading caroling with scouts in 17 degree weather, I now joined Abe and his friends at a senior citizen apartment complex with a repentant heart and was met at their doors by 12 lonely and appreciative people. Yesterday evening, as I read this years addition to our story advent, I was unprepared for the emotions that I felt and I finished weeping, redirected to the true spirit of Christmas. I am often stubborn and slow to remember. I am grateful for a family who isn't.

In the World

Fred comes home today from his training convention and I think will be very glad of it. He has been eating at the best restaurants with someone else picking up the bill, has wandered through Disneyland for the first time in his life, and has generally been "schmoozed" for the last 5 days, by every vendor who finds out that he is a R.T. director with a budget to spend. He walked to church Sunday on a beautiful sunny day, and was picked up by a kind Polynesian family. He said it was such a relief to walk through those doors and leave the "worldliness" of flowing money and "dressing for success" behind. We have not been accustomed to the corporate world and he will be happy to return to his small, shared office in a sane city. Of course we will all be happy to have his peaceful, calm influence back home and the twins can't wait for the Micky Mouse suckers they've been promised.

We attended our ward Christmas party on Saturday. We enjoyed dinner and a nice program and then "Santa" came to visit with each individual child. Because of the way that we were raised I have always loved the symbol of Santa and we enjoy "playing at the game", but when my children ask questions I have always been honest with them about his reality. I think at a young age this causes some confusion because they see his influence everywhere and most adults want to allude to the magic in their presence. Lily and Sophie are experiencing this confusion. They have asked many questions and I have answered by explaining the reality of St. Nicholas and the tradition that has been carried on since his death to symbolize a good spirit of Christmas. As our ward program finished, and it was announced over the microphone, that Santa was here, Lily gasped and turning to Mikayla said, "See, Santa's not dead!" I escorted her quickly to the bathroom to try and re-explain things. When I could see that she wasn't buying into my explanation, because she had gotten a visual of him walking across the gym, I decided not to push the issue, but told her we would talk about it more at home. She stubbornly said, "No, I want to talk about it here!" I did my best not to destroy the symbol, but be truthful and we went back out to sit on his lap. She and Sophie stood in line for quite some time and finally had their turn (of course together). A very kind, well dressed, convincing Santa talked to each of them and then asked them what they wanted. Lily looked toward me, standing back from the line and said, "I want a Barbie." Unnerved, Sophie meekly said that she wanted a "heart doll", upon which Lily announced that Sophie already had one of those. I have never had my children make wish lists for Christmas, have never asked them what they wanted Santa to bring and have tried very hard to help them not focus on "getting", but of course at 4 that is still a lesson that is being learned. As Lily climbed down from Santa's lap she triumphantly announced to me what she had asked Santa to bring her. Because I do not like Barbies or what they represent and because Lily is VERY aware of this, I expressed my disappointment with her request and explained that she would not receive that gift. She was sure that I was wrong because she had asked it of Santa, not me. Not wanting to get back into a confusing subject in the middle of the gym I told her that she had to ask Santa for appropriate gifts. She wanted to know if Santa knew that and if Sophie had "told him about Barbies". The conversation finally ended in a positive light, with her perfectly contented with the candy cane that she had been given. She is a driven child and I always have my hands full trying to calm her unruly spirit, but I know she will go far, if I can last, with that kind of confidence and self determination. Sophie has her fathers talents of peaceful serenity, meek obedience and the desire to please, and they make for a perfect, though emotionally draining duo.

I was talking with my visiting teacher this week about Christmas traditions and, of all things that I am not competent to talk about, simplifying. She was telling me how she had heard a women's conference talk one year on the subject that had "changed her life". She had been in a frenzied habit of buying tons of gifts and trying to make everything balance out (if her daughter had ten things, the rest of the children must have 10 things, etc.) That year she decided each child would get one gift from "Santa" and one gift from she and her husband. I sat there thinking that we had been getting our children only one gift for many of the past years and I was still stressed out, and I realized that it is because I have still put too much emphasis on the gift. Since I'm only buying one, it must be perfectly suited-- it must be magic! I wonder if I will ever have the courage to truly simplify and gain that peace that comes from putting into practice the "true meaning of Christmas". I have been a coward for so many years.

Yesterday, Jordan had to "break up" with a girl, that he was not aware he was "dating", after a Christmas gift was prematurely and symbolically thrown at his head. After I found him in the playroom, hurt by the vehemence and struggling to understand the female mind, we had to have a talk about kindness sometimes not being kind. He has grown into such a nice young man and this adult world he is entering, can be a bit rough and tumble sometimes, and hard to come to grips with. It's hard to watch him grow up and become independent.

I have great expectations and high hopes for this week to be "a new day". Wish me luck!

Busy December

Fred left for an R.T. conference yesterday near San Diego, so that all 3 of the R.T. directors (California, Utah, Boise) could be together and Fred could get some insight into how the other two are running things. He called last night and said that he could see Disneyland out of his hotel window. We all wish we could be there with him.

Lori invited us to her stake for their annual live nativity last night. Marg and Liz and her children also came. It is outdoors and the back field is lit by hundreds of candles covered with white bags. The youth dress up and put on a sweet and simple walking tour of the city of Bethlehem where you meet the roman soldiers, the innkeepers, the shepherds, angels and of course Joseph, Mary and baby Jesus. Each year there is a live camel near "the inn", which is so memorable for the little children. It was nice to be able to stop in Decembers rush and be reminded of the true meaning of Christmas and be able to visit with family. I'm looking forward to Lori's couples party where those of us in the valley can spend some adult time together before the holidays.

Our high school Christmas concert was last night and the FX show choir (which Jordan is in) peformed 3 dances at the end. It was so much fun to watch him--I wanted to be on stage with them (I'll post pictures when I get them developed). The choir did invite all of the audience members who knew the hallelujah chorus to come up and sing with them; I did and that was fun.

Thanksgiving With the Family

Back at the farm; preparing for dinner at the Olsen's.

A lot of perfect children

Clean up

Nate in his prime....as usual.

(for those who live far away and are not used to this classic Nate pose, the belly isn't "real" ;-) Nate is still as "G.Q." as ever he was.)

Playing "Dippy-Dippy-Dip" after dinner.

Pretty Inside

There is a song entitled "The Call" from the "Prince Caspian" movie that my family hasn't stopped singing for the last week and a half. It is one of those highly addictive songs that you can't get out of your head, but it's pleasant and good and wholesome so it hasn't been annoying. The kids had it playing on YouTube while we were working on Saturday and the twins were dancing to it. Sophie danced into the kitchen and proclaimed to me, while still dancing, "I feel pretty inside when I listen to this song all the time!" I thought it was a profound thing for a 4 year old to say. It's a good measuring stick for so many other things besides music.

Our family is basking in "quality time with Dad" with the second week at Stevens-Heneger behind us. We are all getting ready for the day together in the mornings and then the older girls and Abe get a ride to school as Fred heads off to work (Jordan leaves first for a zero hour morning show choir class). Again, every evening, everyone is gathered around the table for dinner. It's surprising to realize how often we all just did our own thing for dinner, when Fred wasn't here. It's such a good thing for our family! As a couple, Fred and I are still having to make some adjustments to a schedule that we have never experienced before. Though our family is together more and at optimum times, Fred no longer has those scattered days off during the week where he and I were used to accomplishing projects and planning and dreaming. It has made Saturdays more precious and more guarded since it is the only day to accomplish time consuming things together. We are having to come up with different days and ways to get all of the deep cleaning done, so our Saturdays are not spent entirely in maintenance, as we have been so accustomed. Friday date nights are now imperative instead of optional because it is the only time alone as a couple.

One of the first adaptations that I have had to make was putting the Christmas lights on the tree myself. Traditionally I assemble the tree, Fred strings the lights (he was relegated the task after we were married, because it became obvious, very quickly, who had been blessed with the most abundant patience.) and then we all decorate it. But, since Fred didn't have any days off during the week, and because he was feeling a lot of pressure from work, I decided to be "noble" and string the lights. I did everything like Fred would have, testing every strand before stringing it, but I can tell you my mental state was not the same as Fred's always is. That quote I posted on the blog, weeks ago, about "Things I've Learned" was very accurate on this subject. Assembling and stringing took me from 6:30AM to 8:00 PM, with brief stops only to help the twins get ready for the day and help get a very quick dinner. The older children helped everyone get something to eat for the other two meals, helped me sporadically sort branches, and were otherwise, contentedly on their own. At 6:00 I realized that I would never make it to the top of the tree with the remaining functioning lights that I had, so Mikayla (as a emotional support) and I made a quick trip to Walmart to buy two more strands. When Fred walked in the door that night the tree was up but all of the twinkling lights had gone out after 30 minutes and was no longer merry and bright; neither was I! Within 10 minutes, Fred had located the blown fuse and fixed it, and me... mostly. Monday we decorated it for Family Home Evening and when we were putting on the last ornaments, the whole middle section of lights went out. Fred checked all of the fuses, but to no avail. He said he'd have to undecorate it and take off all of the lights to find the problem, but I couldn't emotionally deal with that unless I was gone shopping all day while he did it, and that has not happened yet so we have a very "special" tree right now. There have been so many other things taking up our Saturdays, which is now the only day where Fred has that kind of time that I don't know if it will get fixed this year or not. Margaret would find the problem herself, but I am learning to deal with it.

I am also trying to come to terms with the fact that I will now have to go grocery shopping on my own, with both of the twins. So far, I have made little jaunts to the store and been creative with making the groceries we have last, but it is getting to the point where creativity and bare shelves just don't complement each other. Pulling around two carts and keeping track of two overactive girls, who will not be confined to a basket seat and who constantly need to use the bathroom is not my idea of sane activities. Millions of moms do it; I have before, but I have yet to accept my place among those sorry ranks, as an indefinite task. Fred says I can do hard things; he keeps reminding me that I am a farm girl, which is exactly right-- and where I belong-- on the "farm"! Well, not to worry. My children used to pretend they were the "boxcar children" when they were little, in between my getting-up-the-courage-to-go-shopping-trips. Creativity pays off! I promise not to let anyone starve....too much.

These changes have come at the busiest time of year, so I am sure the adjustments attached to it will come more quickly with the start of the new year, but all adaptations considered, I feel so blessed to have traded the schedule of most of our married life for this one that is consistent and family oriented. I have stopped worrying so intently that my children are going to grow up without Fred, scarred by me, and am learning that peace has no price. Maybe, with his calming presence now here during the most stressful times of day, I will be reminded more often to work hard on me, so I can get to the point where I'm dancing through the house proclaiming that I feel pretty inside, all of the time, too.