Do you ever have one of those days where the weight of trying to keep your head above water against the beating of the worldly waves collides with the brutal forces of nature and outright warfare against your children? I know, they don't all usually happen at the same time and I can usually keep my wits about me, but yesterday........!
In the afternoon, I answered the phone and was greeted by the voice of a frantic mother who said, "I've felt impressed that I should call you." The last time that happened I had just been called to be in the stake YW and had not yet been sustained and was heartbroken and overwhelmed and couldn't talk about it with anyone outside my family. A friends inspired visit gave me the assurance that Heavenly Father is mindful of our hearts and cares about us through others, even when they don't know the reasons. So, I selfishly racked my brain for what could possibly be wrong with me that I needed that help. Aren't our minds funny; well, mine is (or maybe "warped, frustrated" would be more accurate). This lady was in my ward previously, before we split, but we were only casual acquaintances. She proceeded to tell me about some overtly disturbing curriculum that was being taught to her 6th grade son in middle school and she wanted to know what she should do. Unfortunately, my first thought was, "I barely even know you, how should I know what you should do", but the second that unkind thought, which I am afraid tells volumes about my true character, entered my mind, another thought, not my own, came into my mind; "you know exactly what to do, you've been down this road before". I got all the information that I could from her, gave her my opinion about what I would do for the remainder of the week, gave her some guidance where to take her concerns and reassured her that I would also go to administration and support her efforts all the way, and then immediately had this wave of intense self guilt come over me as I realized that Eden had been subjected to this curriculum the year before, and had given me all of the warning signs of needing to be rescued, and I had somehow overlooked her pleadings. For someone who fights more than my children are sometimes comfortable with, over things far less offensive, I felt so negligent and remorseful. Such a heavy burden! I kept thinking, "it was so obvious, how could I have let that slide?" and I realized that I had refused to listen and believe because I was trying to protect my personal,safe, sheltered shell.
I immediately called Fred to steady me, and though he tried to sauve my conscience, he was incensed and added fuel to the already stoked fire. When Eden came home I apologized profusely for my mother inattentiveness and found that she had definitely sustained some wounds and was pleased to see the warriors gearing up, though very tardy, and armed me with information and suggestions. I felt shaky all day-- Surely I am not the only one familiar with the physical consequences of unchecked mother furry, but I hope the "kindred spirits" are few and far between.
At 7:30 Jordan, up snowboarding at Bogus, called me from ski patrol to tell me that he had landed a jump with his face and was obligated by their legal guidelines to call because he was a minor. He assured me that he was fine and then ski patrol got on the line and said that his face was so swollen that they couldn't tell if his nose was broken, but "hey, it's better than him sitting home playing video games." He was up there with a large group of friends, and since he had fallen after only his 3rd run, there was a long interim, waiting for the rest of the guys to finish skiing, before he could come home. He showed up around 10PM and I don't know if it was just the shock of seeing his face, or the fact that it was Jordan and the emotions that are so on the surface about him lately, or the emotionally draining day previous, but I became so lightheaded and physically nauseous that I had to sit down with my head between my legs and then all of the emotions erupted like a damned waterfall prying loose and my son, who should have been the one being nurtured, sat beside me and rubbed my back while I sobbed my heart out. I just couldn't compose my emotions and it turned to hyperventilation and Fred had to step in so that I could breathe. It was humiliating. I'm glad that all of my younger children were in bed, and I wish that I could say that the rest of my family were in shock from my behavior, but they took it, much to my chagrin, quite in stride.
I'm better now. It's a new day, and rest, though fitful, has helped me focus and I am trading in the emotional oppression of yesterday for the weapons of Narnia today. Today I feel like Peter; "For Aslaaaan!"
So now, because someone, who doesn't know the ropes needs my help, and because I have younger children coming up through the system and because I feel duty bound to stand up where I was remiss before, I will add another "fight" to my war board. And with Fred screening out the emotional fanaticism and installing diplomacy, like he has in all of my battles, we will make a difference. I won't try--"I will go and do"!
Oh, and if anyone is still reading after all of that ranting, which I highly doubt since my writing isn't often reader worthy -- it's more organize-my-thoughts-therapy oriented, the curriculum is concerning very detailed study of the Mayan and pirate cultures, and you don't really want to know more than that. I certainly didn't! The objective? I have no idea, but I can assure you I will find out and there will be change. Does that sound haughty and conceited? I'm sure it does but these wars are never meant to be prideful, I just have to psyche myself up to be courageous enough to remember that one person can always make positive change with the right help and that people are just people, no matter what title we hold. And, most people want to do what is right, but get off course and need redirecting. Don't we all! Wish me luck!
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Merry-Go-Round
I worry about Abrahm a lot. He's always been such an independent child; happy to be on his own and always quietly wandering off. Because of that and because he's in the middle of two very boisterous, high maintenance groups of children he is often unintentionally neglected. I'm sure that often he thinks that is to his benefit as he is often playing outside with friends for awhile before I realize that he hasn't yet done his responsibilities. I most often worry about him in the evenings. I'm always so busy trying to get the twins down and then bouncing from teen to teen with concerns or plans or questions or their need to chat that by the time I make it up to Abe he has read himself a story and fallen asleep. He doesn't act like a neglected child but he is so lovingly expressive that I have that mother guilt about not being more attentive to the wheel that never squeaks. Thursday night my concerns came to a head. As is very common, I found a "love" note from Abe in my bedroom, when I finally made it there. The note was written at the bottom of a drawing of the fantasy blueprints for his future home. It was more like an enormous, modern castle with pool, game, and t.v. rooms, servants, 20 extra bedrooms etc., but what caught my eye most was the bedroom labeling. One for him, one for his friend next door, and at the opposite side of the house, two separate bedrooms which were labeled "wife #1", "wife #2". I questioned Abe about it in the morning, and he didn't see any reason for concern, so I said, "Abe, you know that having more than one wife is illegal, right?!" He was completely enlightened by that knowledge, so I went on, "Abe, you know that for now and unless specifically commanded, it is also against Heavenly Fathers law too, right?!" That also seemed to be a revelation to him, so I went ahead and explained, that it was also definitely against our family rules. Unfazed, as if he had just learned a fact out of an encyclopedia, he took the paper and erased the labels, leaving only wife #1. For an eight year old boy, who has more factual information in his head than all of the rest of us, excluding Fred, put together, he has missed picking up on a few important facts. Now I am worried about what else he has missed, and our born again Christian neighbors apprehensive behaviors toward us are all becoming clearer to me;-)
I am yearning for the sun! All these gray, cloudy skies, and this cold that burrows in, are draining my motivation for being "up and doing". It's only January and I want to be digging in the dirt, with the sun pelting my back, but I have to work up the courage just to open the sliding glass door to give Olive her breakfast in the morning;-) I think we're all feeling a little couped up, except Abe, of course. We're not much of a cold weather kind of family I guess, unless there is snow. That must be why we're going though books like water. Even Jordan, who has 102 other things to be doing is reading of his own accord, and Fred is reading "Song of Years"(my all time favorite book since I was 14). It's not a "Fred" kind of book, so I was surprised when he asked me where it was. He said he just wanted to see what it was that I've loved so much all these years. Is that sweet or what. We've seen "Fireproof" twice on the big screen now and I think he's putting thoughts into action. I need to follow his selfless example and do something just because Fred loves it, and not because I have something else personal to gain. He's a good husband.
Mikayla and Eden have spent the last month trying to slowly "grow up" their bedroom. Most of their "sweet, and innocent" decorations have been passed down to Lily and Sophie's bedroom, and their room has become a work in progress of bright colors and chrome accents. Because decorations are so expensive and their room was so suddenly too juvenile, it is going through one of those teen awkward stages. It's a rude awakening to me that Jordan isn't the only one who is getting older much too quickly. It is a rare Saturday that goes by that simultaneous giggling, shrieking and all manner of "bed crack stuffing" isn't heard through those teenage walls. I don't know where they learned to be so loud and unrefined!;-)
A sign for Kindergarten registration dates on the school board caught my eye yesterday. It made me sigh. Can't someone stop this merry-go-round from spinning so quickly; at least let me get a firmer hold, so I don't go flinging off and land on my face. It's a strange feeling to picture Lily and Sophie with back packs on that don't really fit. They are nervous...so am I.
Fred, my peacemaker, goes to work everyday trying to weigh out the scales between corporate politics, and ethics and the temptation to have a nervous breakdown and is still glad that he took this job!;-) I send him out the door everyday, with a "go get 'em champ!" and then tackle the laundry in my pajama's and feel like I am battling the same things in a different light and on a different scale. The funny thing is, we can't complain (I mean we do, but we have no cause to). We are blessed, and not deserving.
I am yearning for the sun! All these gray, cloudy skies, and this cold that burrows in, are draining my motivation for being "up and doing". It's only January and I want to be digging in the dirt, with the sun pelting my back, but I have to work up the courage just to open the sliding glass door to give Olive her breakfast in the morning;-) I think we're all feeling a little couped up, except Abe, of course. We're not much of a cold weather kind of family I guess, unless there is snow. That must be why we're going though books like water. Even Jordan, who has 102 other things to be doing is reading of his own accord, and Fred is reading "Song of Years"(my all time favorite book since I was 14). It's not a "Fred" kind of book, so I was surprised when he asked me where it was. He said he just wanted to see what it was that I've loved so much all these years. Is that sweet or what. We've seen "Fireproof" twice on the big screen now and I think he's putting thoughts into action. I need to follow his selfless example and do something just because Fred loves it, and not because I have something else personal to gain. He's a good husband.
Mikayla and Eden have spent the last month trying to slowly "grow up" their bedroom. Most of their "sweet, and innocent" decorations have been passed down to Lily and Sophie's bedroom, and their room has become a work in progress of bright colors and chrome accents. Because decorations are so expensive and their room was so suddenly too juvenile, it is going through one of those teen awkward stages. It's a rude awakening to me that Jordan isn't the only one who is getting older much too quickly. It is a rare Saturday that goes by that simultaneous giggling, shrieking and all manner of "bed crack stuffing" isn't heard through those teenage walls. I don't know where they learned to be so loud and unrefined!;-)
A sign for Kindergarten registration dates on the school board caught my eye yesterday. It made me sigh. Can't someone stop this merry-go-round from spinning so quickly; at least let me get a firmer hold, so I don't go flinging off and land on my face. It's a strange feeling to picture Lily and Sophie with back packs on that don't really fit. They are nervous...so am I.
Fred, my peacemaker, goes to work everyday trying to weigh out the scales between corporate politics, and ethics and the temptation to have a nervous breakdown and is still glad that he took this job!;-) I send him out the door everyday, with a "go get 'em champ!" and then tackle the laundry in my pajama's and feel like I am battling the same things in a different light and on a different scale. The funny thing is, we can't complain (I mean we do, but we have no cause to). We are blessed, and not deserving.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Puny Little Thought Processes
My dog has been contained in my yard for three glorious (for me, not her) months. Three days ago, she started escaping again. I have tried putting up a "white trash" barricade where I think she is getting out, but she is smart and secretive and she won't escape if she thinks I am watching. Various people have started bringing her back again, and I can only thank them and apologize for their troubles. People are always so kind. Olive has been an incredible instrument for me to meet my "neighbors". Come to think of it, she's been an incredible "tool" for a lot of positive things in my life. I am grateful for the "trials" that she has brought into our family's life.
Friday, Jordan and I broke ground on the Middleton Sign plot, for his Eagle project. It took us an hour, and this old farm girl held my own with my darling, strapping, seventeen year old son. Had it been a contest of strength, I would have been panting and begging for mercy, but because it was just good old fashioned work, and I've been taught by the best, I kept up the pace. It's kind of a fun thought to think that in 20 years, I'll be able to drive past the finished product and remember that that is where I spent a good hour, digging a hole with my son. I'm proud of him for all that he has taken on this year and the young man that is developing from the refining fire. Today Fred and I were invited in while he was being set apart to be the 1st Assistant in the Priest quorum, and like only a mother will, I started to worry about the intense load on his shoulders. He is actively involved in student council, has both a ward and stake calling, is trying to finish up his Eagle Scout Advancement and his Duty to God program, is applying to college, preparing for this summer job away from home and trying to prepare for his mission. As our church meetings let out and we met in the foyer, I asked him if he was going to be okay with all of this responsibility or if he felt like he was going to explode. He just smiled and said, "I'll be okay". I told him that I knew that he needed to grow up sometime and this was good training for adulthood, but it felt like it was a crash course in just one year. His reply, "That's what I get for laying around for 16 years!" In truth, he's an amazing young man and I think he's ready to fly; I'm just not ready to watch him.
I just finished reading "The Problem With Pain" and "A Grief Observed" by C.S. Lewis. I didn't mean to read them together, or in the order that I did, it was just a serendipitous chain of events that caused that, but the combination was so insightful and provocative. It is no secret that I am intrigued by the man; an intellect among men in the passionate pursuit of truth. Most of the previous works that I have read by him are analogous. These were more personal--more fraught with doctrines that he was "testing" and that I know he misunderstood, but so full of pieces of truth that he had uncovered, even in his wanderings. As with all of his writings, that are not for children, I am often "falling a little behind", but captivated enough to keep swimming in the deep waters. I am fascinated with what goes on in his head, maybe because intellectualism is such a foreign concept to my puny little thought processes. I found myself reading, and saying to Mr. Lewis in my mind, "Stop thinking so hard; you are making it so complex", and then in the same breath finding that his complexities had found a home. I think in my naivete, I am surprised by the idea of "finding" truth. My heart validates truth that has been found by others, and I know it more surely than if I had searched it out with my head; I don't wonder, I don't waver, but I am awed by someone who comes to those conclusions on their own, and then I remember about the light of Christ and how much Heavenly Father loves all of his children and I am awed again by how we each come to truth individually, through unique ways that are tapered to our personalities and characteristics. I feel so blessed to have the knowledge of the fullness of the gospel, and after reading "A Grief Observed" feel compelled and duty bound to share it, so others need not suffer so desperately. Eleanor Roosevelt said, "You must do the thing which you think you cannot do." ...And so I must.
Friday, Jordan and I broke ground on the Middleton Sign plot, for his Eagle project. It took us an hour, and this old farm girl held my own with my darling, strapping, seventeen year old son. Had it been a contest of strength, I would have been panting and begging for mercy, but because it was just good old fashioned work, and I've been taught by the best, I kept up the pace. It's kind of a fun thought to think that in 20 years, I'll be able to drive past the finished product and remember that that is where I spent a good hour, digging a hole with my son. I'm proud of him for all that he has taken on this year and the young man that is developing from the refining fire. Today Fred and I were invited in while he was being set apart to be the 1st Assistant in the Priest quorum, and like only a mother will, I started to worry about the intense load on his shoulders. He is actively involved in student council, has both a ward and stake calling, is trying to finish up his Eagle Scout Advancement and his Duty to God program, is applying to college, preparing for this summer job away from home and trying to prepare for his mission. As our church meetings let out and we met in the foyer, I asked him if he was going to be okay with all of this responsibility or if he felt like he was going to explode. He just smiled and said, "I'll be okay". I told him that I knew that he needed to grow up sometime and this was good training for adulthood, but it felt like it was a crash course in just one year. His reply, "That's what I get for laying around for 16 years!" In truth, he's an amazing young man and I think he's ready to fly; I'm just not ready to watch him.
I just finished reading "The Problem With Pain" and "A Grief Observed" by C.S. Lewis. I didn't mean to read them together, or in the order that I did, it was just a serendipitous chain of events that caused that, but the combination was so insightful and provocative. It is no secret that I am intrigued by the man; an intellect among men in the passionate pursuit of truth. Most of the previous works that I have read by him are analogous. These were more personal--more fraught with doctrines that he was "testing" and that I know he misunderstood, but so full of pieces of truth that he had uncovered, even in his wanderings. As with all of his writings, that are not for children, I am often "falling a little behind", but captivated enough to keep swimming in the deep waters. I am fascinated with what goes on in his head, maybe because intellectualism is such a foreign concept to my puny little thought processes. I found myself reading, and saying to Mr. Lewis in my mind, "Stop thinking so hard; you are making it so complex", and then in the same breath finding that his complexities had found a home. I think in my naivete, I am surprised by the idea of "finding" truth. My heart validates truth that has been found by others, and I know it more surely than if I had searched it out with my head; I don't wonder, I don't waver, but I am awed by someone who comes to those conclusions on their own, and then I remember about the light of Christ and how much Heavenly Father loves all of his children and I am awed again by how we each come to truth individually, through unique ways that are tapered to our personalities and characteristics. I feel so blessed to have the knowledge of the fullness of the gospel, and after reading "A Grief Observed" feel compelled and duty bound to share it, so others need not suffer so desperately. Eleanor Roosevelt said, "You must do the thing which you think you cannot do." ...And so I must.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
A Thought
One of the very silliest and most unproductive things we do as women is determine our worth by comparing our faults with everyone else's talents. But, in some way we all seem to be sucked into it. Guys get overly competitive in sports and we think they are being juvenile; "we would never act like that", we say; we just compete in life-- much more mature ;-)
I'm sure if if we showed up at any of our "hero's" homes some morning during the "get ready" hour or any evening, during the bedtime routine, without prior notice we would, at some point, walk into the chaos of normal, everyday life of very human people, and be enlightened, I'm sure.
I'm sure if if we showed up at any of our "hero's" homes some morning during the "get ready" hour or any evening, during the bedtime routine, without prior notice we would, at some point, walk into the chaos of normal, everyday life of very human people, and be enlightened, I'm sure.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Movies Worth Seeing
As I grow older I am learning that when art and virtue are at their pinnacles, magic happens. Magic can be profoundly dramatic and moving. However, I am also learning that as long as virtue is always at it's pinnacle, art can meet at a lower point and the merging can still be profound. The opposite is never true. Because of that, I am finding that I enjoy movies that may not be in the running for academy awards, in fact, that may not be in the "running" for anything, but that portray a good message delivered by mediocre performances. I have not yet learned to appreciate virtuous messages delivered by painful performances (and of course those classifications are the product of opinion).
There is a trend recently, of good people trying to have a positive effect in the media. I have felt that in Douglas Gresham's work, and with Walden Media's mission. I have seen it in lesser art forms in the productions of Michael Landon Jr. and the baptist pastor brothers, Stephen and Alex Kendrick. With my sister and brother-in-laws recommendation, Fred and I went to see this congregations latest film "Fireproof". The main actor is great, most are mediocre, a few bit parts are hard to swallow, but the message was positive and moving and virtuous and when the lights came up, Fred and I worth both crying and were surprised to find a whole slew of extended relatives behind us, doing the same.
If you are looking for a few uplifting movies, not incredible art, I recommend "Fireproof" for a date movie and "Saving Sarah Cain" for a family movie. If lesser art inhibits your enjoyment of a movie, don't bother with either. Hope you enjoy!
P.S. Just a neat side note that my cousin told us (and that I verified) is that in the scene in "Fireproof" where the husband and wife in the movie kiss, the main actor, who refuses to kiss anyone on stage or off besides his real wife, had the film crew shoot the scene in silhouette so his own wife could come into the shot and he could kiss her instead. That's virtue!
There is a trend recently, of good people trying to have a positive effect in the media. I have felt that in Douglas Gresham's work, and with Walden Media's mission. I have seen it in lesser art forms in the productions of Michael Landon Jr. and the baptist pastor brothers, Stephen and Alex Kendrick. With my sister and brother-in-laws recommendation, Fred and I went to see this congregations latest film "Fireproof". The main actor is great, most are mediocre, a few bit parts are hard to swallow, but the message was positive and moving and virtuous and when the lights came up, Fred and I worth both crying and were surprised to find a whole slew of extended relatives behind us, doing the same.
If you are looking for a few uplifting movies, not incredible art, I recommend "Fireproof" for a date movie and "Saving Sarah Cain" for a family movie. If lesser art inhibits your enjoyment of a movie, don't bother with either. Hope you enjoy!
P.S. Just a neat side note that my cousin told us (and that I verified) is that in the scene in "Fireproof" where the husband and wife in the movie kiss, the main actor, who refuses to kiss anyone on stage or off besides his real wife, had the film crew shoot the scene in silhouette so his own wife could come into the shot and he could kiss her instead. That's virtue!
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Looking Back-- Looking Forward
Fred and I were at a family party, visiting in segregated groups for a few minutes (the guys in the kitchen; the girls in the living room) before we started playing games, and as women do, we were sharing our frustrations with trying to meet the demands of motherhood. Marg was wondering how anyone had time to "blog" and Liz suggested it was all just a matter of priority. I related with both of their remarks. It is such a challenge to find time to sit still and write about something that has already happened and is not on the "pending" to do list, but I feel compelled to keep a journal entry and by doing it blogging style, I feel like I accomplish two things in one by trying to keep up communications with friends family.
I love being able to get up in the morning and check my e-mail and then go to my "Freinds and Family Blogs" bookmark see what everyone else is doing. It is so quick and I can keep in touch by just responding to something that they wrote. Of course I can't do it every morning and I don't record as often as I should, but I try to get updated at least once a week. I had friends who sent a family blog this year instead of Christmas cards and it was fun to be able to see all of the pictures and keep updated in a way that would just be too time consuming through the phone or with individualized letters. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing like getting a personal phone call and handwritten, personalized snail mail, but this adds to what I can accomplish with those things that are still special to me. It is so interesting how much more I have gotten to know those family and friends this past year who are actively communicating through the computer.
I am preparing for a landslide year. January through March are going to be so busy with Jordan trying to finish his Eagle project and His Duty to God requirements and apply to college. Then comes graduation and putting everything in order for this summer job in Washington. By this summer Mikayla will be turning 16 and getting her drivers license and by Fall the twins will head off to kindergarten and Eden will finally be released into the world of makeup (which she thinks is just as big of a landmark. Abe is the only one who does not have pre-determined milestones this year. I am trying not to acclimate in panic mode.
We went out to dinner with three other couples last night and spent a couple of hours in the restaurant just talking about our lives. We are the only ones with older children and it feels so surreal. These are some great times in our lives that we will always cherish and it makes me appreciate those who surround me who are paving the path. Others positive experience is so often a boon, when the path ahead looks so daunting and unfamiliar.
I am so grateful for the constancy of the gospel and the security that comes from knowing that one path will always seem familiar and unaltered, even as life presents its challenges and turbulence and unstoppable change. Lessons learned are so easy to see when you look back over 17 years of marriage. I was talking to my brother Thursday night and just feeling intense empathy for the challenges of supporting and raising a young family. We have experienced many years of circumstances that did not seem ideal at the time, but we have grown in so many ways from those struggles and we are now reaping some of the benefits of "enduring" and preparing to start a whole new set of challenges as our children start leaving home.
I know our future is bright. I feel hopeful as I look forward into this new year, and I am comforted with the thought that I am surrounded by family and friends who will help me to remember that, when the trials come, as they always do.
I love you all. May hope and light permeate each of our lives this year.
I love being able to get up in the morning and check my e-mail and then go to my "Freinds and Family Blogs" bookmark see what everyone else is doing. It is so quick and I can keep in touch by just responding to something that they wrote. Of course I can't do it every morning and I don't record as often as I should, but I try to get updated at least once a week. I had friends who sent a family blog this year instead of Christmas cards and it was fun to be able to see all of the pictures and keep updated in a way that would just be too time consuming through the phone or with individualized letters. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing like getting a personal phone call and handwritten, personalized snail mail, but this adds to what I can accomplish with those things that are still special to me. It is so interesting how much more I have gotten to know those family and friends this past year who are actively communicating through the computer.
I am preparing for a landslide year. January through March are going to be so busy with Jordan trying to finish his Eagle project and His Duty to God requirements and apply to college. Then comes graduation and putting everything in order for this summer job in Washington. By this summer Mikayla will be turning 16 and getting her drivers license and by Fall the twins will head off to kindergarten and Eden will finally be released into the world of makeup (which she thinks is just as big of a landmark. Abe is the only one who does not have pre-determined milestones this year. I am trying not to acclimate in panic mode.
We went out to dinner with three other couples last night and spent a couple of hours in the restaurant just talking about our lives. We are the only ones with older children and it feels so surreal. These are some great times in our lives that we will always cherish and it makes me appreciate those who surround me who are paving the path. Others positive experience is so often a boon, when the path ahead looks so daunting and unfamiliar.
I am so grateful for the constancy of the gospel and the security that comes from knowing that one path will always seem familiar and unaltered, even as life presents its challenges and turbulence and unstoppable change. Lessons learned are so easy to see when you look back over 17 years of marriage. I was talking to my brother Thursday night and just feeling intense empathy for the challenges of supporting and raising a young family. We have experienced many years of circumstances that did not seem ideal at the time, but we have grown in so many ways from those struggles and we are now reaping some of the benefits of "enduring" and preparing to start a whole new set of challenges as our children start leaving home.
I know our future is bright. I feel hopeful as I look forward into this new year, and I am comforted with the thought that I am surrounded by family and friends who will help me to remember that, when the trials come, as they always do.
I love you all. May hope and light permeate each of our lives this year.
Monday, December 29, 2008
A SUCCESS
It is a new day, a new week, soon to be a new year. We have emerged from our family hiatus reinvigorated and ready to resume our responsibilities, challenges and general mayhem that seems to take up such a large portion of our lives. I was so grateful for my children's friends respecting what I was trying to achieve this past week. None of them called with invitations that would distract them from this past week, but they all have plans waiting for this upcoming one, which is good and fun and how it should be. An entire week of shutting out the world is so therapeutic. We hardly even ventured out of our family with the computer or the telephone. That means we have some catching up to do with everyone else we love, but that seems to be "relatively" easy. ;-) Fred had to work Monday and Tuesday, so during the days, the children and I finished preparing for Christmas and in the evenings we celebrated together. I had enough food bought and prepared for buffet style eating for the most of the week, so I only cooked dinner Tuesday night and breakfast Saturday morning and we grazed the rest of the week. It was fantastic!
CHRISTMAS MORNING
PERFECT PRINCESSES
GAME CRAZY
We spent the days sledding, playing board games for hours, reading, watching movies, visiting, making treats etc. We even tried roasting chestnuts, though we didn't have an "open fire", and found them to be quite disgusting. I'm not sure why they would be romanticized in a song, but that is knowledge that can be chalked up to experience. We learned that the Farming Game is so much more fun when played "speed style"; it is also much more violent. We learned that when you play board games for too many hours, and too late at night, that you get very loud and silly and people not playing with you keep casting sidelong glances of concern. It was reminiscent of very long monopoly games with Mys and Lulu. Because we never went anywhere outside of our neighborhood, Lily and Sophie spent three full days in "princess" clothes and we didn't have one dramatic outburst about someone choosing the cute flower pants that Annalie gave them first or having to change into clothes that "match". We did have other dramatic outbursts but that is just par for the course with twins.
I did wake up this morning to a very full Inbox on my e-mail, which will take some time to sort, but that is okay as well, because I'm up before any of my children who will probably all get up late because we partied them too hard last week, so I have a few minutes before I have to head off to a planning mtg. for this big New Years Celebration that has come down from Salt Lake. More partying.........! I think Pres. Monson likes parties ;-) Our stake has chosen to hold it on New Years Eve, so half of our family will be at the stake center from 8:00 PM until 1:00 AM and Fred and the youngest three will be at home. Not an ideal celebration-- I am trying to talk Fred into coming up for the countdown and "breakfast", but I think he is thinking he may actually sneak into bed before midnight for once on a New Years Eve, so I don't know how sucessful that will be. It would be so much more fun as an entire family!
If the weather and every one's health holds out, we will probably end these two weeks of vacation by staying with Joseph and Camille on Friday and Saturday. We haven't been up to the ranch in a very long time and Fred has a sleep study to do in McCall so we thought it would be a good opportunity to all go up together and visit.
MAKING OUR GINGERBREAD HOUSE FOR F.H.E.
CHRISTMAS MORNING
PERFECT PRINCESSES
CASUALTIES OF TOO MUCH SUGAR AND TOO LITTLE SLEEP
(He ran straight into the door jam!)
GAME CRAZY
GONE CRAZY
(This is what happens when your mother forces you to spend an entire week together as a family! Mikayla was having too much fun. I was hoping some of Jordan's friend girls would show up for just a minute ;-)
SATURDAY MORNING BREAKFAST (Fred gave me a tablecloth and napkins and rings for Christmas-- I was feeling very refined)
Monday, December 22, 2008
One Week
As my children get older and we all get involved in more diversions and responsibilities, it becomes more difficult to find any time to be together as a family. I have been very firm about having everyone home for dinner, but it seems that someone is always running to and fro. We are trying something new this week. This children are out of school and I have calendared the whole week as "family time". No one splits off to do something without the rest of the family. I told them if their friends can't deal with that kind of separation, then they are welcome to come over and spend family time with us, but we will all stay together. We have made plans to play games, do some fun baking, get ready for Christmas, put together friend deliveries, make gingerbread houses, have a taffy pull, go sledding etc. Unfortunately that has also meant my girls are missing out on a cousin Christmas party, which makes me sad, but unless we schedule family time on the calendar, someone always wants a piece of somebody and this is so important to me. I hope it accomplishes the memory building that I desire and not end up being a sad experience for all of the things that we "miss out on". Next week of break the children are welcome to "go crazy" living it up with friends. I'm looking forward to the next two weeks immensely.
Of course I am not ready for Christmas, but I will be done with shopping this morning, if the roads cooperate, and hopefully will be ready by Christmas Eve with everything else. I did much of my shopping online this year, because shopping with the twins in town was so unproductive and draining. Three of my gifts are still not here. The postal tracking has their estimated arrival dates listed as today, tomorrow, and Wednesday. Mikayla suggested that I start praying for them. I will!
I love my big extended family. Merry Christmas to all of you.
Of course I am not ready for Christmas, but I will be done with shopping this morning, if the roads cooperate, and hopefully will be ready by Christmas Eve with everything else. I did much of my shopping online this year, because shopping with the twins in town was so unproductive and draining. Three of my gifts are still not here. The postal tracking has their estimated arrival dates listed as today, tomorrow, and Wednesday. Mikayla suggested that I start praying for them. I will!
I love my big extended family. Merry Christmas to all of you.
Friday, December 19, 2008
Redirected
I have been doing the CRAZY Christmas rush thing, since the day after Thanksgiving. This week it has gotten out of hand. I have been burning the candle at both ends, spending endless hours researching on google, driving, and chasing overactive twins all through the stores of town and by yesterday my home and my mind were both about to self implode from neglect. I came rushing in at 6:30 last night, on the verge of a nervous breakdown, to pick up Abe for Pack meeting and was met with a Jordan initiated intervention; my home was spotless. It was the sweetest gift of the season so far. Where before I had been dreading caroling with scouts in 17 degree weather, I now joined Abe and his friends at a senior citizen apartment complex with a repentant heart and was met at their doors by 12 lonely and appreciative people. Yesterday evening, as I read this years addition to our story advent, I was unprepared for the emotions that I felt and I finished weeping, redirected to the true spirit of Christmas. I am often stubborn and slow to remember. I am grateful for a family who isn't.
Monday, December 15, 2008
In the World
Fred comes home today from his training convention and I think will be very glad of it. He has been eating at the best restaurants with someone else picking up the bill, has wandered through Disneyland for the first time in his life, and has generally been "schmoozed" for the last 5 days, by every vendor who finds out that he is a R.T. director with a budget to spend. He walked to church Sunday on a beautiful sunny day, and was picked up by a kind Polynesian family. He said it was such a relief to walk through those doors and leave the "worldliness" of flowing money and "dressing for success" behind. We have not been accustomed to the corporate world and he will be happy to return to his small, shared office in a sane city. Of course we will all be happy to have his peaceful, calm influence back home and the twins can't wait for the Micky Mouse suckers they've been promised.
We attended our ward Christmas party on Saturday. We enjoyed dinner and a nice program and then "Santa" came to visit with each individual child. Because of the way that we were raised I have always loved the symbol of Santa and we enjoy "playing at the game", but when my children ask questions I have always been honest with them about his reality. I think at a young age this causes some confusion because they see his influence everywhere and most adults want to allude to the magic in their presence. Lily and Sophie are experiencing this confusion. They have asked many questions and I have answered by explaining the reality of St. Nicholas and the tradition that has been carried on since his death to symbolize a good spirit of Christmas. As our ward program finished, and it was announced over the microphone, that Santa was here, Lily gasped and turning to Mikayla said, "See, Santa's not dead!" I escorted her quickly to the bathroom to try and re-explain things. When I could see that she wasn't buying into my explanation, because she had gotten a visual of him walking across the gym, I decided not to push the issue, but told her we would talk about it more at home. She stubbornly said, "No, I want to talk about it here!" I did my best not to destroy the symbol, but be truthful and we went back out to sit on his lap. She and Sophie stood in line for quite some time and finally had their turn (of course together). A very kind, well dressed, convincing Santa talked to each of them and then asked them what they wanted. Lily looked toward me, standing back from the line and said, "I want a Barbie." Unnerved, Sophie meekly said that she wanted a "heart doll", upon which Lily announced that Sophie already had one of those. I have never had my children make wish lists for Christmas, have never asked them what they wanted Santa to bring and have tried very hard to help them not focus on "getting", but of course at 4 that is still a lesson that is being learned. As Lily climbed down from Santa's lap she triumphantly announced to me what she had asked Santa to bring her. Because I do not like Barbies or what they represent and because Lily is VERY aware of this, I expressed my disappointment with her request and explained that she would not receive that gift. She was sure that I was wrong because she had asked it of Santa, not me. Not wanting to get back into a confusing subject in the middle of the gym I told her that she had to ask Santa for appropriate gifts. She wanted to know if Santa knew that and if Sophie had "told him about Barbies". The conversation finally ended in a positive light, with her perfectly contented with the candy cane that she had been given. She is a driven child and I always have my hands full trying to calm her unruly spirit, but I know she will go far, if I can last, with that kind of confidence and self determination. Sophie has her fathers talents of peaceful serenity, meek obedience and the desire to please, and they make for a perfect, though emotionally draining duo.
I was talking with my visiting teacher this week about Christmas traditions and, of all things that I am not competent to talk about, simplifying. She was telling me how she had heard a women's conference talk one year on the subject that had "changed her life". She had been in a frenzied habit of buying tons of gifts and trying to make everything balance out (if her daughter had ten things, the rest of the children must have 10 things, etc.) That year she decided each child would get one gift from "Santa" and one gift from she and her husband. I sat there thinking that we had been getting our children only one gift for many of the past years and I was still stressed out, and I realized that it is because I have still put too much emphasis on the gift. Since I'm only buying one, it must be perfectly suited-- it must be magic! I wonder if I will ever have the courage to truly simplify and gain that peace that comes from putting into practice the "true meaning of Christmas". I have been a coward for so many years.
Yesterday, Jordan had to "break up" with a girl, that he was not aware he was "dating", after a Christmas gift was prematurely and symbolically thrown at his head. After I found him in the playroom, hurt by the vehemence and struggling to understand the female mind, we had to have a talk about kindness sometimes not being kind. He has grown into such a nice young man and this adult world he is entering, can be a bit rough and tumble sometimes, and hard to come to grips with. It's hard to watch him grow up and become independent.
I have great expectations and high hopes for this week to be "a new day". Wish me luck!
We attended our ward Christmas party on Saturday. We enjoyed dinner and a nice program and then "Santa" came to visit with each individual child. Because of the way that we were raised I have always loved the symbol of Santa and we enjoy "playing at the game", but when my children ask questions I have always been honest with them about his reality. I think at a young age this causes some confusion because they see his influence everywhere and most adults want to allude to the magic in their presence. Lily and Sophie are experiencing this confusion. They have asked many questions and I have answered by explaining the reality of St. Nicholas and the tradition that has been carried on since his death to symbolize a good spirit of Christmas. As our ward program finished, and it was announced over the microphone, that Santa was here, Lily gasped and turning to Mikayla said, "See, Santa's not dead!" I escorted her quickly to the bathroom to try and re-explain things. When I could see that she wasn't buying into my explanation, because she had gotten a visual of him walking across the gym, I decided not to push the issue, but told her we would talk about it more at home. She stubbornly said, "No, I want to talk about it here!" I did my best not to destroy the symbol, but be truthful and we went back out to sit on his lap. She and Sophie stood in line for quite some time and finally had their turn (of course together). A very kind, well dressed, convincing Santa talked to each of them and then asked them what they wanted. Lily looked toward me, standing back from the line and said, "I want a Barbie." Unnerved, Sophie meekly said that she wanted a "heart doll", upon which Lily announced that Sophie already had one of those. I have never had my children make wish lists for Christmas, have never asked them what they wanted Santa to bring and have tried very hard to help them not focus on "getting", but of course at 4 that is still a lesson that is being learned. As Lily climbed down from Santa's lap she triumphantly announced to me what she had asked Santa to bring her. Because I do not like Barbies or what they represent and because Lily is VERY aware of this, I expressed my disappointment with her request and explained that she would not receive that gift. She was sure that I was wrong because she had asked it of Santa, not me. Not wanting to get back into a confusing subject in the middle of the gym I told her that she had to ask Santa for appropriate gifts. She wanted to know if Santa knew that and if Sophie had "told him about Barbies". The conversation finally ended in a positive light, with her perfectly contented with the candy cane that she had been given. She is a driven child and I always have my hands full trying to calm her unruly spirit, but I know she will go far, if I can last, with that kind of confidence and self determination. Sophie has her fathers talents of peaceful serenity, meek obedience and the desire to please, and they make for a perfect, though emotionally draining duo.
I was talking with my visiting teacher this week about Christmas traditions and, of all things that I am not competent to talk about, simplifying. She was telling me how she had heard a women's conference talk one year on the subject that had "changed her life". She had been in a frenzied habit of buying tons of gifts and trying to make everything balance out (if her daughter had ten things, the rest of the children must have 10 things, etc.) That year she decided each child would get one gift from "Santa" and one gift from she and her husband. I sat there thinking that we had been getting our children only one gift for many of the past years and I was still stressed out, and I realized that it is because I have still put too much emphasis on the gift. Since I'm only buying one, it must be perfectly suited-- it must be magic! I wonder if I will ever have the courage to truly simplify and gain that peace that comes from putting into practice the "true meaning of Christmas". I have been a coward for so many years.
Yesterday, Jordan had to "break up" with a girl, that he was not aware he was "dating", after a Christmas gift was prematurely and symbolically thrown at his head. After I found him in the playroom, hurt by the vehemence and struggling to understand the female mind, we had to have a talk about kindness sometimes not being kind. He has grown into such a nice young man and this adult world he is entering, can be a bit rough and tumble sometimes, and hard to come to grips with. It's hard to watch him grow up and become independent.
I have great expectations and high hopes for this week to be "a new day". Wish me luck!
Friday, December 12, 2008
Busy December
Fred left for an R.T. conference yesterday near San Diego, so that all 3 of the R.T. directors (California, Utah, Boise) could be together and Fred could get some insight into how the other two are running things. He called last night and said that he could see Disneyland out of his hotel window. We all wish we could be there with him.
Lori invited us to her stake for their annual live nativity last night. Marg and Liz and her children also came. It is outdoors and the back field is lit by hundreds of candles covered with white bags. The youth dress up and put on a sweet and simple walking tour of the city of Bethlehem where you meet the roman soldiers, the innkeepers, the shepherds, angels and of course Joseph, Mary and baby Jesus. Each year there is a live camel near "the inn", which is so memorable for the little children. It was nice to be able to stop in Decembers rush and be reminded of the true meaning of Christmas and be able to visit with family. I'm looking forward to Lori's couples party where those of us in the valley can spend some adult time together before the holidays.
Our high school Christmas concert was last night and the FX show choir (which Jordan is in) peformed 3 dances at the end. It was so much fun to watch him--I wanted to be on stage with them (I'll post pictures when I get them developed). The choir did invite all of the audience members who knew the hallelujah chorus to come up and sing with them; I did and that was fun.
Lori invited us to her stake for their annual live nativity last night. Marg and Liz and her children also came. It is outdoors and the back field is lit by hundreds of candles covered with white bags. The youth dress up and put on a sweet and simple walking tour of the city of Bethlehem where you meet the roman soldiers, the innkeepers, the shepherds, angels and of course Joseph, Mary and baby Jesus. Each year there is a live camel near "the inn", which is so memorable for the little children. It was nice to be able to stop in Decembers rush and be reminded of the true meaning of Christmas and be able to visit with family. I'm looking forward to Lori's couples party where those of us in the valley can spend some adult time together before the holidays.
Our high school Christmas concert was last night and the FX show choir (which Jordan is in) peformed 3 dances at the end. It was so much fun to watch him--I wanted to be on stage with them (I'll post pictures when I get them developed). The choir did invite all of the audience members who knew the hallelujah chorus to come up and sing with them; I did and that was fun.
Thanksgiving With the Family
A lot of perfect children
Clean up
Nate in his prime....as usual.
(for those who live far away and are not used to this classic Nate pose, the belly isn't "real" ;-) Nate is still as "G.Q." as ever he was.)
Playing "Dippy-Dippy-Dip" after dinner.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Pretty Inside
There is a song entitled "The Call" from the "Prince Caspian" movie that my family hasn't stopped singing for the last week and a half. It is one of those highly addictive songs that you can't get out of your head, but it's pleasant and good and wholesome so it hasn't been annoying. The kids had it playing on YouTube while we were working on Saturday and the twins were dancing to it. Sophie danced into the kitchen and proclaimed to me, while still dancing, "I feel pretty inside when I listen to this song all the time!" I thought it was a profound thing for a 4 year old to say. It's a good measuring stick for so many other things besides music.
Our family is basking in "quality time with Dad" with the second week at Stevens-Heneger behind us. We are all getting ready for the day together in the mornings and then the older girls and Abe get a ride to school as Fred heads off to work (Jordan leaves first for a zero hour morning show choir class). Again, every evening, everyone is gathered around the table for dinner. It's surprising to realize how often we all just did our own thing for dinner, when Fred wasn't here. It's such a good thing for our family! As a couple, Fred and I are still having to make some adjustments to a schedule that we have never experienced before. Though our family is together more and at optimum times, Fred no longer has those scattered days off during the week where he and I were used to accomplishing projects and planning and dreaming. It has made Saturdays more precious and more guarded since it is the only day to accomplish time consuming things together. We are having to come up with different days and ways to get all of the deep cleaning done, so our Saturdays are not spent entirely in maintenance, as we have been so accustomed. Friday date nights are now imperative instead of optional because it is the only time alone as a couple.
One of the first adaptations that I have had to make was putting the Christmas lights on the tree myself. Traditionally I assemble the tree, Fred strings the lights (he was relegated the task after we were married, because it became obvious, very quickly, who had been blessed with the most abundant patience.) and then we all decorate it. But, since Fred didn't have any days off during the week, and because he was feeling a lot of pressure from work, I decided to be "noble" and string the lights. I did everything like Fred would have, testing every strand before stringing it, but I can tell you my mental state was not the same as Fred's always is. That quote I posted on the blog, weeks ago, about "Things I've Learned" was very accurate on this subject. Assembling and stringing took me from 6:30AM to 8:00 PM, with brief stops only to help the twins get ready for the day and help get a very quick dinner. The older children helped everyone get something to eat for the other two meals, helped me sporadically sort branches, and were otherwise, contentedly on their own. At 6:00 I realized that I would never make it to the top of the tree with the remaining functioning lights that I had, so Mikayla (as a emotional support) and I made a quick trip to Walmart to buy two more strands. When Fred walked in the door that night the tree was up but all of the twinkling lights had gone out after 30 minutes and was no longer merry and bright; neither was I! Within 10 minutes, Fred had located the blown fuse and fixed it, and me... mostly. Monday we decorated it for Family Home Evening and when we were putting on the last ornaments, the whole middle section of lights went out. Fred checked all of the fuses, but to no avail. He said he'd have to undecorate it and take off all of the lights to find the problem, but I couldn't emotionally deal with that unless I was gone shopping all day while he did it, and that has not happened yet so we have a very "special" tree right now. There have been so many other things taking up our Saturdays, which is now the only day where Fred has that kind of time that I don't know if it will get fixed this year or not. Margaret would find the problem herself, but I am learning to deal with it.
I am also trying to come to terms with the fact that I will now have to go grocery shopping on my own, with both of the twins. So far, I have made little jaunts to the store and been creative with making the groceries we have last, but it is getting to the point where creativity and bare shelves just don't complement each other. Pulling around two carts and keeping track of two overactive girls, who will not be confined to a basket seat and who constantly need to use the bathroom is not my idea of sane activities. Millions of moms do it; I have before, but I have yet to accept my place among those sorry ranks, as an indefinite task. Fred says I can do hard things; he keeps reminding me that I am a farm girl, which is exactly right-- and where I belong-- on the "farm"! Well, not to worry. My children used to pretend they were the "boxcar children" when they were little, in between my getting-up-the-courage-to-go-shopping-trips. Creativity pays off! I promise not to let anyone starve....too much.
These changes have come at the busiest time of year, so I am sure the adjustments attached to it will come more quickly with the start of the new year, but all adaptations considered, I feel so blessed to have traded the schedule of most of our married life for this one that is consistent and family oriented. I have stopped worrying so intently that my children are going to grow up without Fred, scarred by me, and am learning that peace has no price. Maybe, with his calming presence now here during the most stressful times of day, I will be reminded more often to work hard on me, so I can get to the point where I'm dancing through the house proclaiming that I feel pretty inside, all of the time, too.
Our family is basking in "quality time with Dad" with the second week at Stevens-Heneger behind us. We are all getting ready for the day together in the mornings and then the older girls and Abe get a ride to school as Fred heads off to work (Jordan leaves first for a zero hour morning show choir class). Again, every evening, everyone is gathered around the table for dinner. It's surprising to realize how often we all just did our own thing for dinner, when Fred wasn't here. It's such a good thing for our family! As a couple, Fred and I are still having to make some adjustments to a schedule that we have never experienced before. Though our family is together more and at optimum times, Fred no longer has those scattered days off during the week where he and I were used to accomplishing projects and planning and dreaming. It has made Saturdays more precious and more guarded since it is the only day to accomplish time consuming things together. We are having to come up with different days and ways to get all of the deep cleaning done, so our Saturdays are not spent entirely in maintenance, as we have been so accustomed. Friday date nights are now imperative instead of optional because it is the only time alone as a couple.
One of the first adaptations that I have had to make was putting the Christmas lights on the tree myself. Traditionally I assemble the tree, Fred strings the lights (he was relegated the task after we were married, because it became obvious, very quickly, who had been blessed with the most abundant patience.) and then we all decorate it. But, since Fred didn't have any days off during the week, and because he was feeling a lot of pressure from work, I decided to be "noble" and string the lights. I did everything like Fred would have, testing every strand before stringing it, but I can tell you my mental state was not the same as Fred's always is. That quote I posted on the blog, weeks ago, about "Things I've Learned" was very accurate on this subject. Assembling and stringing took me from 6:30AM to 8:00 PM, with brief stops only to help the twins get ready for the day and help get a very quick dinner. The older children helped everyone get something to eat for the other two meals, helped me sporadically sort branches, and were otherwise, contentedly on their own. At 6:00 I realized that I would never make it to the top of the tree with the remaining functioning lights that I had, so Mikayla (as a emotional support) and I made a quick trip to Walmart to buy two more strands. When Fred walked in the door that night the tree was up but all of the twinkling lights had gone out after 30 minutes and was no longer merry and bright; neither was I! Within 10 minutes, Fred had located the blown fuse and fixed it, and me... mostly. Monday we decorated it for Family Home Evening and when we were putting on the last ornaments, the whole middle section of lights went out. Fred checked all of the fuses, but to no avail. He said he'd have to undecorate it and take off all of the lights to find the problem, but I couldn't emotionally deal with that unless I was gone shopping all day while he did it, and that has not happened yet so we have a very "special" tree right now. There have been so many other things taking up our Saturdays, which is now the only day where Fred has that kind of time that I don't know if it will get fixed this year or not. Margaret would find the problem herself, but I am learning to deal with it.
I am also trying to come to terms with the fact that I will now have to go grocery shopping on my own, with both of the twins. So far, I have made little jaunts to the store and been creative with making the groceries we have last, but it is getting to the point where creativity and bare shelves just don't complement each other. Pulling around two carts and keeping track of two overactive girls, who will not be confined to a basket seat and who constantly need to use the bathroom is not my idea of sane activities. Millions of moms do it; I have before, but I have yet to accept my place among those sorry ranks, as an indefinite task. Fred says I can do hard things; he keeps reminding me that I am a farm girl, which is exactly right-- and where I belong-- on the "farm"! Well, not to worry. My children used to pretend they were the "boxcar children" when they were little, in between my getting-up-the-courage-to-go-shopping-trips. Creativity pays off! I promise not to let anyone starve....too much.
These changes have come at the busiest time of year, so I am sure the adjustments attached to it will come more quickly with the start of the new year, but all adaptations considered, I feel so blessed to have traded the schedule of most of our married life for this one that is consistent and family oriented. I have stopped worrying so intently that my children are going to grow up without Fred, scarred by me, and am learning that peace has no price. Maybe, with his calming presence now here during the most stressful times of day, I will be reminded more often to work hard on me, so I can get to the point where I'm dancing through the house proclaiming that I feel pretty inside, all of the time, too.
Monday, November 24, 2008
TIS THE SEASON
I went to another ward last Wednesday for a stake assignment and was talking to the Y.W. president who commented that she couldn't wait until Christmas was over. It was November 19th! Come to find out that her husband had just volunteered their home for his works Christmas party and she was feeling a little overwhelmed. I told her she should probably reword her thoughts to, "I can't wait until my husband's work Christmas party is over", so everyone didn't think the Grinch had already been unleashed. As for me, I am so excited about the season. I am itching to put up decorations and play Christmas music. I have my Netflix queue full of old Christmas movies starting next week.
Every year, I plan to be done with shopping before Thanksgiving, so I can spend December doing meaningful things, but it never happens; it's not that I'm unorganized, though that is also true, but I'm just not very creative with coming up with gift ideas. It's especially hard when I have this anti-technology phobia. There have been some years where Fred talked me into buying something with batteries, but almost always the gift is broken before the next year, which is very frustrating. I like gifts that encourage wise use of time, talent building, unity etc. and something that is affordable, which is a hard mix. It happens sometimes. Last year we bought Mikayla a camera and she spent all kinds of time learning to be creative with photography, but like everything else it broke and we couldn't find the receipt that I had so carefully saved and it was another $140 down the drain, not to mention the very disappointed daughter. Young children are simple. You sew or build things for them, they love it, and it lasts forever. We still have wooden barns, playhouses, dress-ups, easels, stools, puppet theatres etc. from when Jordan and Mikayla were little that are still used continuously. Why can't I think of anything like that for people over 12?
Well, be that what it may, I am looking forward to my traditional date with Fred right after Thanksgiving where we choose a Christmas picture book for our story advent. Sometimes we even find a good Christmas CD. Maybe we'll come into Cookies and Cream for some hot chocolate if we're over that way. I'm hoping to re-make some of my dough nativity and add to it with my children this year. We've already broken out the board games, with the end of daylight savings and the cold weather, and we're preparing for all of the upcoming Christmas concerts. Mikayla and Eden will be singing with Young Artists and Jordan will be singing and dancing with the FX Show Choir. It's definitely getting festive. I LOVE TRADITIONS!
Every year, I plan to be done with shopping before Thanksgiving, so I can spend December doing meaningful things, but it never happens; it's not that I'm unorganized, though that is also true, but I'm just not very creative with coming up with gift ideas. It's especially hard when I have this anti-technology phobia. There have been some years where Fred talked me into buying something with batteries, but almost always the gift is broken before the next year, which is very frustrating. I like gifts that encourage wise use of time, talent building, unity etc. and something that is affordable, which is a hard mix. It happens sometimes. Last year we bought Mikayla a camera and she spent all kinds of time learning to be creative with photography, but like everything else it broke and we couldn't find the receipt that I had so carefully saved and it was another $140 down the drain, not to mention the very disappointed daughter. Young children are simple. You sew or build things for them, they love it, and it lasts forever. We still have wooden barns, playhouses, dress-ups, easels, stools, puppet theatres etc. from when Jordan and Mikayla were little that are still used continuously. Why can't I think of anything like that for people over 12?
Well, be that what it may, I am looking forward to my traditional date with Fred right after Thanksgiving where we choose a Christmas picture book for our story advent. Sometimes we even find a good Christmas CD. Maybe we'll come into Cookies and Cream for some hot chocolate if we're over that way. I'm hoping to re-make some of my dough nativity and add to it with my children this year. We've already broken out the board games, with the end of daylight savings and the cold weather, and we're preparing for all of the upcoming Christmas concerts. Mikayla and Eden will be singing with Young Artists and Jordan will be singing and dancing with the FX Show Choir. It's definitely getting festive. I LOVE TRADITIONS!
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Georgie Porgie Madness
HELP! How do you balance being a personable, sincere leader of 200+ young women and a strict, protective, traditionally minded mother of a 17 year old boy, all at the same time. As a mother, "girls" have been "the enemy" since the last day of 5th grade, when a girl who was moving asked Jordan to close his eyes, then promptly kissed him and fled. They have remained the enemy, for me, through middle school. But now they are no longer faceless names; I know these girls, I'm involved in their lives. I can feel the lack or strength of their testimonies. I can see their frustrations with "16" not meeting expectations. And as a mother it has been an advantage. I have encouraged them, in safe settings, to build up these boys by giving them the opportunity to be men and take the lead. For the most part they try hard, but there are a few who, I think, have decided that "Jordan pursuing" is a full time job. In all fairness they are cute, fun, nice girls and have paid attention to Jordan for quite some time, without him caring ;-)(I can't say the same for me), but recently it's even starting to get to my very laid back, be-kind-to-everyone son. In the last two weeks he has received phone calls, visits, date offers, brownies, homemade chicken noodle soup (he had a cold), personalized music CD's, piano sheet music (so he could learn to play and sing it) and the list goes on. It has started to become a joke here, which is akin to talking behind some one's back and makes me feel two faced, but isn't there a point where enough is enough?
I have very vivid memories of baby chicks on the farm and the terror of having a mother hen come after you when she thought you were a danger. I tend to react much like a mother hen sometimes and I don't want to strike terror into any hearts. How do you kindly convince these Y.W. that disciplined restraint will pay off in the end. I guess I just keep enforcing strict guidelines, recognize that our female trait to nurture is propelling these actions, and grin and bear it. I'm sure my outlook will be tested with Mikayla in a few months when I have to deal with an entirely different problem as the mother of a 16 year old girl. We have put such emphasis on reaching this age that young women in general have built up grand "dillusions" of what it will bring, and self confidence hinges tightly on this one thing during high school. I won't be worrying about the tender feelings of her "suitors"-- boys deal well with straight talk from another mother; (another father is a whole different story) it will be her tender feelings that will be cause for concern. I hope she's been watching and learning. I hope I have.
I have very vivid memories of baby chicks on the farm and the terror of having a mother hen come after you when she thought you were a danger. I tend to react much like a mother hen sometimes and I don't want to strike terror into any hearts. How do you kindly convince these Y.W. that disciplined restraint will pay off in the end. I guess I just keep enforcing strict guidelines, recognize that our female trait to nurture is propelling these actions, and grin and bear it. I'm sure my outlook will be tested with Mikayla in a few months when I have to deal with an entirely different problem as the mother of a 16 year old girl. We have put such emphasis on reaching this age that young women in general have built up grand "dillusions" of what it will bring, and self confidence hinges tightly on this one thing during high school. I won't be worrying about the tender feelings of her "suitors"-- boys deal well with straight talk from another mother; (another father is a whole different story) it will be her tender feelings that will be cause for concern. I hope she's been watching and learning. I hope I have.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Family Fun
We finally got everyone settled down for the evening, which seems to be quite a feat in our family. The twins are always a challenge, just trying to get them both in the same place at the same time, but they are nothing compared to the other four, the oldest two of whose energy levels spike at 10:00p.m. and who usually drag Abe and Eden into the fray. As the noise ordinance goes into effect out in the community, the Bloomquist household is booming! Fred, who seems to be the only one who has established a healthy "Word of Wisdom" sleep pattern, usually just gives up after Lily and Sophie are down and tucks himself into bed while I try to wrangle the wild herd. Mission accomplished!
Two months ago, Lily and Sophie started noticing that they didn't have an official F.H.E. assignment on Monday nights, like everyone else did, so we put our heads together to see if we could come up with 2 more assignments that we could rotate through the family. We came up with "Hero Award" and "Challenge". Whoever has the latter assignment challenges the rest of the family to do something for the week that will improve us . We just got through experiencing one of the nightly rituals that has been created from that. On Sophie's week she challenged all of us to keep our rooms clean and made a big smiley face that passes from room to room. If you discover it in your room, you can't pass it on until your room is clean. If you get caught with it in your room at family scripture time then the family gets to choose a silly song for you to sing. If you have it two nights in a row you have to sing and dance. Jordan and Abrahm just finished singing and dancing "Once There was a Snowman/Once There was a Baby". There were very good sports and we all had a good laugh watching Jordan curl up on the floor like a baby. Some of us have sung, "I'm A Little Teapot" and "Popcorn Popping", but our favorite by far is "Skida marink A Dink A Dink". Every once in a while, Jordan will have a friend over when F.H.E. starts and it's always fun to see their reactions to the crazy side of the Bloomquist family. We have such fun!
It is once again that short season for finding a good book and curling up with it. Abrahm is finished with soccer, and Jordan is done with cross country and we have a reprieve until Track in the spring when Jordan, Mikaya and Eden will all be gone. It is November and so it is time to read the Hiding Place again. This year I think I will read it aloud to my children, and then I will try to find a good Dickens book that I haven't read, unless anyone has any great suggestions for me in good adult or juvenile literature.
We continue to be blessed in so many ways. We went out to the church orchard on Saturday because it had been announced that they would be selling apples for $8 a bushel. We had enough money in our budget for a bushel and a half. When we got there they were completely sold out. They didn't open until 9:00, but by 7a.m. they had people lined up in their cars clear out to the main road. We didn't get out there until noon. The man apologized and said all that he had left were a few bins they were going to feed to the horses, but we could have as many of those as we wanted free of charge. They were nice apples, just small, and we filled 3 orange crates that he said would last through the winter if we kept them in the garage. I thought of Becky and her "the earth is full..." scripture. Jordan is going to make us apple pie for his F.H.E. dessert tomorrow night.
I am looking forward to spending Thanksgiving with some of the family. I loved what Logan said on the Cousin Connection blog about Thanksgiving making him think of long tables and pickles. Those are farm memories. It will be fun to be celebrating there again this year.
Abe and a team mate watching from the soccer sidelines.
Abe pondering deep thoughts on the soccer field. Sometimes those deep thoughts were interspersed with dandelion picking, or winding himself up in the goal net.
Abe in action.
Two months ago, Lily and Sophie started noticing that they didn't have an official F.H.E. assignment on Monday nights, like everyone else did, so we put our heads together to see if we could come up with 2 more assignments that we could rotate through the family. We came up with "Hero Award" and "Challenge". Whoever has the latter assignment challenges the rest of the family to do something for the week that will improve us . We just got through experiencing one of the nightly rituals that has been created from that. On Sophie's week she challenged all of us to keep our rooms clean and made a big smiley face that passes from room to room. If you discover it in your room, you can't pass it on until your room is clean. If you get caught with it in your room at family scripture time then the family gets to choose a silly song for you to sing. If you have it two nights in a row you have to sing and dance. Jordan and Abrahm just finished singing and dancing "Once There was a Snowman/Once There was a Baby". There were very good sports and we all had a good laugh watching Jordan curl up on the floor like a baby. Some of us have sung, "I'm A Little Teapot" and "Popcorn Popping", but our favorite by far is "Skida marink A Dink A Dink". Every once in a while, Jordan will have a friend over when F.H.E. starts and it's always fun to see their reactions to the crazy side of the Bloomquist family. We have such fun!
It is once again that short season for finding a good book and curling up with it. Abrahm is finished with soccer, and Jordan is done with cross country and we have a reprieve until Track in the spring when Jordan, Mikaya and Eden will all be gone. It is November and so it is time to read the Hiding Place again. This year I think I will read it aloud to my children, and then I will try to find a good Dickens book that I haven't read, unless anyone has any great suggestions for me in good adult or juvenile literature.
We continue to be blessed in so many ways. We went out to the church orchard on Saturday because it had been announced that they would be selling apples for $8 a bushel. We had enough money in our budget for a bushel and a half. When we got there they were completely sold out. They didn't open until 9:00, but by 7a.m. they had people lined up in their cars clear out to the main road. We didn't get out there until noon. The man apologized and said all that he had left were a few bins they were going to feed to the horses, but we could have as many of those as we wanted free of charge. They were nice apples, just small, and we filled 3 orange crates that he said would last through the winter if we kept them in the garage. I thought of Becky and her "the earth is full..." scripture. Jordan is going to make us apple pie for his F.H.E. dessert tomorrow night.
I am looking forward to spending Thanksgiving with some of the family. I loved what Logan said on the Cousin Connection blog about Thanksgiving making him think of long tables and pickles. Those are farm memories. It will be fun to be celebrating there again this year.
Abe and a team mate watching from the soccer sidelines.
Abe pondering deep thoughts on the soccer field. Sometimes those deep thoughts were interspersed with dandelion picking, or winding himself up in the goal net.
Abe in action.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Faith In The Future
I've had one of those endless colds this week and haven't accomplished much of tangible worth. Me and my house are a wreck, but I have hugged my children more and done a lot of pondering.
Fred came home on Monday with all of the benefits paperwork to fill out for Stevens-Henager, and we quickly realized that they were lacking. Because we have never really been in the professional job market before, we were only looking at the salary when we considered this new opportunity and had never really thought insurance could make that significant of a difference. We became concerned and spent the entire day crunching numbers and came to the horrifying conclusion that with the raise Fred received from the hospital only 3 days before and the semi-annual bonus that came with it, and the difference we would be paying in health insurance, Fred would actually be bringing in significantly less, not minimally more as we had previously thought.
We had enjoyed such good, peaceful affirmation to move forward with this decision and now we were feeling much confusion. We were starting to doubt our answers to prayer and then began wondering if the confusion we were feeling was the real answer to prayer and we had just wanted our previous feelings to be right. We still felt like the opportunity was enormous, but Fred couldn't see how he could shoulder the additional responsibility load and be worrying about our financial obligations even more than before. From conversations that Fred had with the director, we knew that Stevens-Henagar couldn't offer him more, but in these few short weeks Fred had gained such a respect for the staff that he felt he needed to call and express his concerns and see if they could help get some concrete information on advancement time lines and potential for the future. They did, but more than that they expressed their confidence in his abilities and in his character and when he came out of that room I saw a more humbled man, once again at peace with a decision that we had already made, and just looking at his face I instantly felt peace again as well.
Sometimes I let immediate worldy concerns overshadow my faith in the future. I know these first few months are going to be difficult for us. I think Fred will be pushed to stretch capacities he doesn't even know he has and we may feel like we are once again on a student budget, two things which are never fun to pair together, but because we had great dreams to go on a family vacation to New York we do have some money saved up to see us through. And though that vacation may have to wait longer than we wanted, I know the sacrifices we made to save will still be a blessing to us. It will be a good lesson for our family in frugality, a thing which we haven't been as good at as I know we can be. I always enjoy a good challenge, especially when I can see a light at the end of the tunnel :-). It's the pitch dark tunnels I'm terrified of.
I know Heavenly Father cares about our smallest concerns and he is holding our hands. Sometimes I forget to be humble and think that I am too mature to hold hands with a parent, but my "independant" plans are always embarrasingly juvenile and motivate me to cling once more to someone who knows me better than I know myself.
Fred came home on Monday with all of the benefits paperwork to fill out for Stevens-Henager, and we quickly realized that they were lacking. Because we have never really been in the professional job market before, we were only looking at the salary when we considered this new opportunity and had never really thought insurance could make that significant of a difference. We became concerned and spent the entire day crunching numbers and came to the horrifying conclusion that with the raise Fred received from the hospital only 3 days before and the semi-annual bonus that came with it, and the difference we would be paying in health insurance, Fred would actually be bringing in significantly less, not minimally more as we had previously thought.
We had enjoyed such good, peaceful affirmation to move forward with this decision and now we were feeling much confusion. We were starting to doubt our answers to prayer and then began wondering if the confusion we were feeling was the real answer to prayer and we had just wanted our previous feelings to be right. We still felt like the opportunity was enormous, but Fred couldn't see how he could shoulder the additional responsibility load and be worrying about our financial obligations even more than before. From conversations that Fred had with the director, we knew that Stevens-Henagar couldn't offer him more, but in these few short weeks Fred had gained such a respect for the staff that he felt he needed to call and express his concerns and see if they could help get some concrete information on advancement time lines and potential for the future. They did, but more than that they expressed their confidence in his abilities and in his character and when he came out of that room I saw a more humbled man, once again at peace with a decision that we had already made, and just looking at his face I instantly felt peace again as well.
Sometimes I let immediate worldy concerns overshadow my faith in the future. I know these first few months are going to be difficult for us. I think Fred will be pushed to stretch capacities he doesn't even know he has and we may feel like we are once again on a student budget, two things which are never fun to pair together, but because we had great dreams to go on a family vacation to New York we do have some money saved up to see us through. And though that vacation may have to wait longer than we wanted, I know the sacrifices we made to save will still be a blessing to us. It will be a good lesson for our family in frugality, a thing which we haven't been as good at as I know we can be. I always enjoy a good challenge, especially when I can see a light at the end of the tunnel :-). It's the pitch dark tunnels I'm terrified of.
I know Heavenly Father cares about our smallest concerns and he is holding our hands. Sometimes I forget to be humble and think that I am too mature to hold hands with a parent, but my "independant" plans are always embarrasingly juvenile and motivate me to cling once more to someone who knows me better than I know myself.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
"I've Learned"
INSPIRING THOUGHTS -- AUTHOR UNKNOWN
I've learned that, no matter what happens, how bad it seems today,
life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.
I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way they
handle four things:
a rainy day, the elderly, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.
I've learned that, regardless of your relationship with your parents,
you'll miss them when they're gone from your life.
I've learned that making a 'living' is not the same thing as making a life.
I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.
I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt
on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back.
I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you.
But, if you focus on your family, your friends, the needs of others,
your work and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you.
I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart,
I usually make the right decision.
I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.
I've learned that every day, you should reach out and touch someone.
People love that human touch -- holding hands, a warm hug,
or just a friendly pat on the back.
I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.
I've learned that, no matter what happens, how bad it seems today,
life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.
I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way they
handle four things:
a rainy day, the elderly, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.
I've learned that, regardless of your relationship with your parents,
you'll miss them when they're gone from your life.
I've learned that making a 'living' is not the same thing as making a life.
I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.
I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt
on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back.
I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you.
But, if you focus on your family, your friends, the needs of others,
your work and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you.
I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart,
I usually make the right decision.
I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.
I've learned that every day, you should reach out and touch someone.
People love that human touch -- holding hands, a warm hug,
or just a friendly pat on the back.
I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.
Friday, October 31, 2008
HAPPY HARVEST!
The children are out of school today and we are all up early preparing for Harvest festivities this evening. The older girls are preparing the prize board for Fred's annual jeopardy game and Mikayla is making a list of pumpkin pie ingredients so we can get them ready for Abe, Lily and Sophie to deliver to family friends as harvest gifts. Last night Jordan and his friends went to a haybale maze at a members home and ended up at Pres. Walkers home for ice cream. Mikayla and her friends had a group party with good old fashioned games, bobbing for apples and pumpkin juice drinking contests. The extended family Harvest party last weekend was a perfect beginning to the holiday season and really got us in the spirit.
For Mom and Dad's benefit I included a few pictures, but my camera batteries ran out early that night so I only got a handful.
This was the first activity, which ended almost before we got there, because it was almost as tall as Ben and Renee's house and there were casualties early on. Eventually a safer slide was put up with the kids enjoyed all night long!
When the evening was ending the adults sat around listening to Jordan play his guitar while the younger children enjoyed their own musical talents.
Isaac after enjoying the treats from room to room "trick or treating".
We also enjoyed good food, strobe light fun, hay rides, and most especially family!
For Mom and Dad's benefit I included a few pictures, but my camera batteries ran out early that night so I only got a handful.
This was the first activity, which ended almost before we got there, because it was almost as tall as Ben and Renee's house and there were casualties early on. Eventually a safer slide was put up with the kids enjoyed all night long!
When the evening was ending the adults sat around listening to Jordan play his guitar while the younger children enjoyed their own musical talents.
Isaac after enjoying the treats from room to room "trick or treating".
We also enjoyed good food, strobe light fun, hay rides, and most especially family!
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